about

Hey kids! My name is Amanda, but call me Manders. I'm a psychology/neuroscience/biology student. Throw me questions and I'll throw you an answer. :)

advice

Ok, um...there was this guy that i liked and i really liked him, and i thought he liked me, so i had his friend Alex( a girl) to tell him, and it turned out i was wrong, but how was i supposed to know, he was always flirting with me. Anyways, he isnt interested in me like that, and i was ok with that, but there is only one problem. WHY CANT I GET OVER HIM! I like him evem more, can you tell me why i cant get over him, because i mean shudnt i be like upset? I am so confused. Please help me!

So many of us have been where you are now: Liking someone, finding out they don't feel the same way, and end up liking them even more.
This just backs up the theory that we all want what we can't have. You really, really want this guy, but now you know that you can't have him, and that just makes you want and like him even more.
There isn't really a magical solution for getting over somebody. It just... happens. But I'll see if I can help you speed up the process a little.

Number one: Don't hang around him so much. Realize that you can live for a day without seeing him. Tell yourself that you don't need him to be happy and to have a good day. Repeat this until you believe it.
Number two: Don't keep trying to get him to like you. I know, you like this guy a lot, but you're missing out on opportunities with other guys by being hung up on one guy who doesn't like you back. Which leads us to number three...
Number three: Don't shut other guys. Realize that there are better guys out there that will like you as much as you like them. Just give it time.
Number four: Don't mope around the house. Hang out with friends, take up a new hobby, exercise, read... basically, occupy yourself. Do what you love.
You'll get over him with time and find someone who is so much better for you than this guy is... I promise.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

ok, so, for christmas, i'm giving my close friends a silver bracelet. i'm putting it in a kinda small box-ish thing and putting a ribbon around it and a flower on it. i was gonna put other things in it cuz the box is pretty big for just a bracelet. what else should i put in it?

also, i like my guy best friend, and i was just thinking of maybe buying him something for christmas. is that a good idea? if so, what should i buy him? i was thinking of maybe asking him of what he wants for christmas and make it sound like a fun-tease kind of thing. but i'm not sure if i should do that. so any help for these would be very great!

For the bracelet boxes, you could put in candy, confetti, pins, guitar picks (if one of them is a musician), earrings, little pom-pom balls (available at any craft store), keychains, mini candy canes... the possibilities are endless, really. It just depends on how big the box is. If the box is a little bigger, you could give them a CD with a lot of good songs on it, cards, or something like that.

As for your best guy friend, I think you should buy him something! Why not? You two are friends, so there's no problem! I wouldn't get him anything big, though (like an iPod or something) because that's a little too over the top. Get something that's subtle, but still shows that you care. Depending on what he's interested in, you could get him a CD (or burn him one!), a shirt, a DVD, a video game, a card, a gift card, jewelry, a book, a gag gift... You have a lot of choices there. If you need more help, send me a question to my inbox and tell me what he's interested in.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

I found out that my brother smoked pot and I saw that he kept doing it so I told my mom (who doesn't believe me) but now my brother is being a jerk when all I wanted to do was help him what should I do?

You can't ignore the problem and hope that it goes away. If your brother keeps using drugs, it could seriously hurt him, or worse. But you knew that already.

Anyway, it's good that you want to help your brother. But you can't do it alone. You need to talk to your mom again. Tell her that you're completely serious, that you aren't lying, and that you would never lie to her about something like that. Let her know that you care about your brother, don't want to see him hurt, and genuinely want to get him help.

As for your brother acting like a jerk... I don't really like saying this, but there's not much you can do about that. Drugs are addictive. For some, if not most, drug users, the drug becomes their life. They don't like things to come between them and their drugs.

Later on in life, he'll thank you. It takes time, but he'll appreciate the fact that you care for him so much.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

The more I know my boyfriend, the more I feel he and I aren't compatible at all. I don't think this relationship will work out, so I want to end it. The problem is, my boyfriend is still passionately in love with me. I don't want to hurt him. Although I no longer have romantic feelings for him, I still regard him as my close friend. What can I do? How to dump someone without hurting him?

I know that this is probably not what you want to hear, but there isn't really a way to break up with him that won't hurt him. There are ways to break up with someone that are better than other ways, though. I'll explain the dos and don'ts. You probably know them already, but I'll say them anyway.

DO NOT stay with him. If you keep having a relationship with someone you don't have feelings for, it will only hurt them more in the end.
DO NOT cheat on him. That's just inconsiderate.
DO NOT make someone else break up with him for you. If you want to break up with him, do it yourself. You owe him that much. Also, it's best to do it in person, rather than on the phone or over the computer.

When you break up with him, it's best that no one else is around and that he isn't in a bad mood. (angry, sad, stressed, etc.) You could say something like this:
"______, (his name) I really don't think this can work out. I just don't feel the same way about you as you feel about me. You deserve someone who loves (or likes) you as much as you love (or like) her. I'm sorry, and I hope that we can still be friends."

I'll be honest; Yes, he will probably be hurt. But now that he knows how you feel about him, he can move on and find someone who really loves him, and you can do the same.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

me and two of my friends were talking a couple of days ago about which guy would we rather go out with - a guy best friend or an acquaintance. my friends said acquaintance because you don't know each other so much which makes the relationship more interesting. also because there's "spark" between them. i said guy best friend, cuz even though you might know a lot about each other, a greater relationship than friendship can make the couple become closer together. it's also an advantage because your partner knows what you like and don't like, and so he won't go do something you would hate or he would always do what you love. and just because the two people already knows each other doesn't mean there can't be "spark" between them. i was wondering what you guys think. i would love both males and females to answer so it's not all biased.

Personally, I think that it's best to go out with a guy friend. First of all, you already know each other, so it won't be so awkward when it comes to dates, meeting the parents... you know, boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. The relationship isn't starting from scratch. Instead, it's growing.
I disagree with your friend. It can still be exciting; Being a guy's friend is completely different than being his girlfriend. When you're someone's girlfriend, you get to know them on a completely different level. It's more personal (in most cases) and more affectionate. There can still be a "spark" between two friends, but it doesn't always come immediately. Some people are friends for years before they ever realize that they have stronger feelings for each other.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

Is there any way to get rid of racism? I have a little bit of ethnic prejudice......I feel awful, and I'm trying to get rid of it as much as I can..........this feeling is horrible. Is it possible to get rid of an ethnic prejudice?

Since you're willing to actually get rid of the negative feeling (racism), you're already doing better than most people. A lot of people have no shame in being racist; Just take a look at the alarmingly high amounts of hate crimes and groups out there.

I think that everyone is prejudiced against someone or a certain group of people (not just race).

If I were you, I'd get to know different kinds of people. Break those stereotypes! Like I said, I'm not just talking about race. For instance, if you're more into sports, try talking to someone who's an artist. The same thing goes for race, too; Get to know someone who is of a different race than you are. Take up a new hobby. Join a club that you wouldn't usually join, but that seems interesting. Getting to know different kinds of people and doing new things makes you a more well-rounded person, which gives you confidence. As confidence grows, hate and prejudice die.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

I was wondering what peoples opinions are on telling a guy you like him. If you like a guy that you're fairly close to, do you tell him or not?

I think you should tell him. Think about it: You constantly wonder how he feels about you, right? Well, if you tell him, at least you'll know. If he likes you, that's great! But if he doesn't, at least you know so you can move on. I mean, I don't think you should tell him if you aren't at least somewhat friends with him, but since you said that you are fairly close to this guy, it would probably be okay.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

i think that im depressed .. hardly anything makes me happy anymore. i hate school my friends my family life .. everything seems to be going wrong all at once im only happy sometimes and thats when im with my boyfriend and thats not even all the time. please help

I think that you could possibly be depressed. One of the signs of depression is losing interest in things you once loved. Don't lose hope; Depression is treatable.

Talk to your parents about getting a counselor. I'm not a doctor, so I'm not diagnosing anything, but it sounds like there is a possibility that you have depression.

For more symptoms and information, go here:
http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/Depression_Information/symptoms.htm

Have faith that things will get better. They will, I promise. As the Beatles once said in their song "Getting Better" (It's a great song, you should listen to it if you haven't!):

"I've got to admit it's getting better,
A little better all the time.
I have to admit it's getting better."

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

So I like this kid.
He has a girlfriend now, but we used to have a thing during the summer.
We are friends and all but like in front of his friends he's mean to me.. etc.
But I noticed that on days that i look pretty , he is less mean to me and tries to be around more
and he'll talk to me on online that day and try and find reasons to talk to me [online].
I dont mind this because i love talking to him but why is this?

ps. one time he even sat with me on the bus, and that was a day where i probably looked the best.

pss, im not trying to sound stuckup , im not very pretty lol.

This guy isn't worth your time at all, no matter how much you love talking to him, or how nice he may seem. A real friend, or a great guy, will like you for who you are, good or bad, pretty or not. Be honest: When you think about how mean he is, do you REALLY think that he's such a great guy? Probably not.
But, sometimes, when a girl likes a guy who treats her badly (or vice versa), she can be blind to all of his bad traits, or doesn't want to believe that he has a bad side, or that he isn't as nice as he seems.

I think that you should stop talking to this guy. You'll find someone who is worth your time and affection, I promise. Just give it time.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

So theres this guy I really like named Adrian.
Hes wicked funny and nice.
We talk all the time and share some of the same intrest.
But anyway..
yesterday he told me that we could only be friends and we will never be more.
That I shouldn't like him anyway cause
I need someone who is nice,happy, and cool.
But even though he says he doesnt like me
he still acts like he does.
Like in Chorus he looks over at me all the time
&& he flirts with me and ughh
I dont know what to think,
im so confuseedd.
HELP PLEASE!
Thanksss :]

Well, first of all, he told you that he just wanted to be friends. If he said that, he more than likely means it. So, either way, you're going to have to repect that. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's true.

Have you seen him around other girls? He could just have a flirtatious personality. Some guys are like that; I know a few who are.

I think that you should move on. I know rejection is hard (believe me, I've experienced it many times), but you pull through it and find someone even better.

Don't dwell on it to much. Talk to people you trust about it, to vent or get advice. Take up a new hobby. Spend time with loved ones.

I'm sorry that he doesn't feel the same way about you. But, it means you'll find someone even better. I promise. :oD

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave another one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

HEY. WELL i NEED A REALLY G00D LIKE PH0T0 SH0P KiNDA THiNG WHERE i CAN EDit AND MAKE B0RDERS 0N MY PiCTURES, AND MAKE WEiRD C00L DESiGNS 0N THEM D0 Y0U KN0W A FEW?

Honestly, I don't know of many. I've heard that Adobe Photoshop was good. Paint Shop Pro is pretty good, too, but it's pretty expensive.

I looked up "Photo Editing Programs" on Google and here's the link: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=Photo+Editing+programs

Sorry I couldn't help you more, but I really am not an expert on this kind of thing! I hope I helped a little bit, though. If you have any more questions, feel free to leave another one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

Does anyone know any songs about wanting somebody to love, or something like that? Not rap or hip hop or R&B !! Eweyy

"Somebody to Love" by Jefferson Airplane
"I Want You to Want Me" by Cheap Trick
"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey (Yeah, it's a Christmas song, but it IS about wanting somebody!)
"All For You" by Sister Hazel
"My Cherie Amour" by Stevie Wonder
"It's Gonna Be Me" by *NSYNC
"Show Me a Sign" by Breaking Point
"If You're Not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield
"Everybody Loves Somebody" by Dean Martin
"I Could Not Ask for More" by Edwin McCain
"Can't Help Falling in Love" by Elvis Presley

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

Earlier I posed on Advicenators a question about whether I should get a second gift for my brother's baby shower (I got a pair of socks for start). I have since purchased a second gift but I'm hesitant to give it at the shower (which is two weeks away). It's a baby t-shirt from T-Shirt Hell and says "I can kick your baby's ass." I think it's funny and would make a nice change from all the cutesey baby shirts they're sure to get. (It's certainly less offensive than most of the other T-Shirt Hell baby shirts, if you check their website.) But what if someone (namely my brother or his wife) becomes offended? I doubt my brother will but I don't know his wife very well and I don't know if she's sensitive or not.

I tried to ask my brother (before I bought the shirt) if the shirt would be an all right gift, but I don't think he understood my question because he said if I didn't know what to get I should check the gift registry.

If you're really worried, you could get something else that you think is more appropriate, and give the shirt to them later on, after you get to know his wife better. Then you can judge if she will get offended by it or not.

Or, you could show your brother the shirt and simply ask him if she will get offended. But if you do this, you probably should get something else, so when the baby shower comes along, he'll be surprised (because he thought you were just getting them the shirt).

You could also (casually) say to his wife, "Hey, look at this website with these hilarious baby shirts!" and then show her the shirt you got (but don't tell her you got it), and ask her what she thinks. If she likes it, then you can probably give it to her. If she doesn't, then you shouldn't.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

My friend has a problem ...she cuts herself and nobody can seem to help her ne advise that i could give her to make her stop?

Well, okay, first of all, have you talked to her about it? If not, that's what you should do. Talk to her when you're alone, and when she's not in a bad mood.

You need to tell her something like, "____ (her name), I want to talk to you. I know that you cut, and it worries me. You don't need to cut to release your pain. I'm here for you if you need to talk about anything. You have people who care about you. I care about you. We can get help. You're not alone."

Now, she might not take your advice. You can't change anybody. You can try, but people, in any situation, will only change if they are willing to.

So, you will have to tell your parents, her parents, and/or the school guidance counselor. Cutting is a sign of depression, and if she's depressed, she needs professional help. You can't do this alone.

You're a good friend to this girl, for caring about her and wanting to help her.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

Ok I know this is a really stupid question but I can't seem to remember,what hand and what finger is the engagement ring supposed to go on?

It goes on your left hand, on the finger closest to your pinkie (the second finger from the left).

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

how can you make yourself happy? because I can't seem to do it. I'm completely miserable, and I dont think its healthy for me toi be so negative.

Well, the number one secret to happiness would have to be optimism. You said that negativity isn't healthy, and you're right.
Life isn't going to be perfect all the time. You're going to go through hard times. There will be times when you feel alone, scared, and unloved. Everyone feels those painful emotions sometimes; it's a part of life.

Have you ever noticed that there are happy, optimistic people and there are also the people who seem sad and negative? Well, you may think, "Oh, those people who smile all the time have better lives." That's not exactly true. Everyone feels pain, at some point. The optimists just make the best of what they have, rather than dwelling on how bad things are.

If you're going through a bad time, you can't just mope around thinking, "Wow, my life sucks." That doesn't get you anywhere. You need to have hope. Have faith in yourself, faith that you will get through whatever life throws at you. Have faith that you will find happiness. Instead of saying, "Oh, this sucks," think something like, "I know it's hard right now, but things will get better for me!"

But, if you think that you have depression, you need to talk to your mom or dad about seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist who can help you.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

hi. im at a high skool right now and i like a guy thats in a couple of my classes. ive never talked to him but i want him to notice me and c that im nice and stuff. but im not exactl skinny or pretty so i doubt he'll like me anyway. what should i do?

First of all, you need to talk to him. Get to know him a little better, to see if he's really worth liking. It's not too hard to do, either. You could simply introduce yourself, and start a conversation with him. Or, while you're in class, you could ask him a question about homework. I've noticed that doing something like that seems to break the ice.

Once you get to know him more, you could invite him to hang out with your (and maybe his) friends. The movies are a good choice.

Also.. you need to drop that negative attitude. You need to have confidence in yourself. Be happy! You sound like a very nice person, and I'm sure that you have many friends who love you.
So, think to yourself, "I love who I am. My friends love me for who I am. If he doesn't like me for who I am, he isn't worth liking anyway." It may sounds cheesy, but it's true. If he doesn't realize how great of a person you are, he isn't worth it.

Good luck!

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

I really like this girl but am to afrain to ask her out or talk to her from fear of rejection. I really like her and want a relationship but i dunno what to do. Any advice?

I think you should ask her out. Believe me, not all girls are obvious when they like someone. So, even if you don't think she likes you, she actually might. You never know until you ask.
The worst she can do is say no. If she says yes, great! You have your girlfriend. If she says no, you know how she feels and you can move on.

Anyway, one day, when it's just the two of you, you could go up to her and simply ask, "Hey, ______ (her name), do you want to go out with me?" or you could even ask her something like, "Hey, what are you doing this Friday? I know this great movie that came out and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me."

I really do think that you should ask her out. Love, or even like, isn't meant to be kept to yourself.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

I really need to know about high school. i am soooooo scared about it. in the movies, they make high school seem like hell. i know it won't be like the movies but i think it will be bad. i go to high school in one year for the first time. is it bad? or am i making it seem this bad? thanks!

Don't worry! It really isn't as bad as it seems in the movies and on television. As long as you make good friends (who don't go around doing drugs, breaking the law, or anything like that) and don't misbehave in class, you should be fine.

As far as the classes go, you might want to go to school a little early on the first day and see where your classes are, if your school allows you to do that.
The classes aren't much harder than in middle school, unless you're in honors classes. Those are a bit tougher than standard classes, but it's good to take them.

STUDY. Don't slack off. Even in middle school, you should stay on top of things. But in high school, you definitely have to. Listen to your teachers, too.

The people aren't that bad, either. Just be nice to everyone, and you should be fine. There are more people in high school than in middle school, so some of them will be mean, but just do your own thing and don't let their words get to you. If someone is being mean, it shows that they're insecure.

Stay open to other people. Stay with old friends, but make some new ones, too.

You say you're going to high school in a year, so you just started 8th grade, am I right?
Don't worry about high school now. Enjoy your last year of middle school. 8th grade was a great year, at least for me.

After the first week, everything will fall right into place, I promise.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

This girl named Leah lives in my neighborhood and goes to my school.

We used to be best friends sadly, until I kind of tried to keep my distance from her. The reason why I wanted to keep my distance from her is because she acted like total jerk to me for no reason (I'm not gonna list what all she did to me) and then went and cried to me telling her to forgive her. All of my friends were attacking me, so I forgave her and I really wish I didn't do that.

She's is an effing stalker and I'm not kidding. She copies EVERYTHING my friend and I do (Yeah, it's supossed to flattery. Well, it's driving me crazy) All she does is talk about my other friends and when I'm not around all she does is talk about ME behind MY back. She wrote my friend a note today and my friend showed it to me.
This is what it said:
You probably are wondering why I was upset this morning. (I talked to my friend who she wrote the note to and my friend said that she didn't even notice and plus she didn't really care. ) Well I was confused, annoyed, mad, and upset. Katie (Me) has a problem. Dayna (one of my other friends) yelling at me for copying you two didn't help either. I'm already upset enough and plus I'm on my period (I'm on mine too so wtf.) She wont even get within a bazillion feet of me (She's obsessed with me and my friend. I was a foot away from her today so I guess she's blind.)
God, she goes crying to her everytime she has some stupid problem with me and says all this crap about me.

ALL she does is talk about how she hates all of my friends. She started cussing at me when I tell her to stop and I stand up for them. She will sit there and talk and talk and every word she says is a lie. She has seriously changed so much since I first met her. I know she isn't going to go back to who she was. I honestly think she forgot who that actually IS!

She's been a jerk to me lately and I want her to leave me alone. I don't want to be her friend anymore and she can't get that through her head! I know this kind of sounds mean, but if I told you what all she's done to me you would know she's the one who is mean...not me.

I have her screen name if that helps.

How do I just slowly let our friendship fade or just plain out tell her I don't want to be friends with her anymore?

I think you should flat out tell her how you feel. You already tried to keep your distance from her, but that failed.
Plus, you don't need to be hanging around someone who causes drama and is just plain mean.

When you tell her, make sure that you two are alone, that she's not in a bad mood, and that you don't yell. Yelling will only make her defensive and less likely to listen to what you really have to say. Try to avoid arguing, too.

Say something along the lines of this, "_____ (her name), you've been really mean to me lately and I don't like it. I don't deserve to be treated like that. If you're going to keep being mean, I'd prefer that we not be friends anymore."

Forgive her. Don't be mean to her, but don't become friends with her again.

If she continues to follow you and be mean, you probably want to get help from an adult.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker