cloudy_conscience's advice column

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Q: ok i'm a female, 18 years old..so theirs this guy, and he is asian. He is kinda short and i'm taller then him. i know that relationships shouldn't matter on physical elements but i just don't know if that is weird or wrong.. i mean i don't know if i like him..but would it be wrong not to like him because of the fact he is shorter then me. He is also one year older then me . i just don't know what to think. Please give me your opinion! thx

My husband in about a half inch to an inch shorter than me & no one thinks its weird. In fact most of my friends & family think it makes us cuter, they think we are the perfect couple. My husband is also one year older than me, so again not a big deal. Love is love, doesn't matter what people think you gotta do what you feel happy with :)
Hope I Helped.

Q: today was my first day of track practice. i did pretty good i was towards the front when last year i was the last one but i was on a few antipsychotics that make people not even wana get up so i was sooo proud that i could even run. im off them now and now my only real problem is my lungs, i even dropped out of the middle of a race because my air cut off which scared the crap out of me. i know it gets harder to breathe while running but not this bad. last year i just physically couldnt move my legs fast at all. im just getting over a concussion and i shouldnt really be running but shh, i also started smoking shisha but stopped the past month. so right now im doing great health wise im proud. im determined though i wana do a sport idc if im the best. 16/f
is there anything i could do to help my breatheing get easier? because today i only focused on getting air as i ran and not actual speed. also any other advice that would apply to me?

Start out with shorter distances(like a mile), breath through your nose & out your nose this will help to control your breathing, or you can breath through your nose out your mouth(most people do this). Once the short distance becomes easy & you can breath fine, move up to a longer distances, this helps your with endurance.
Also what helps is when running around a track sprint the straights, jog the curves, this helps with your breathing because you run really hard, then slow down helping you to get your breath back while still building up endurance.
Hope I Helped :)

ETA: I also ran the 100, 200, & 4X1 & this helped me tremendously, it doesnt take as much out of you when you sprint. I would go over 2 miles though, but it really does help promise :)

Q: Hi-
So, i have not been fingered that many times (like 3, and it was barely- like the boys who did it did not really no what they were doing) but the other night i got fingered by an older guy who knew what he was doing. he fingered me SO HARD all over my vaginia and in the period hole. like literally jabbing the hole with his fingeres.
HOWEVER-
it did not feel good whatsoever. it never does. it just really hurts like really really hurts. and i hate it.
my hymen is still intact, im a virgin but my friends who r just like me claim it feels AAAMMMAAZZZINNG.

how do i fix my problem?
y doesnt it feel good for me!
i kind of feel like im not a sexual person.

No wonder it doesn't feel good, just jamming his finger in there doesnt do anything. You need to be into start my making out, then stimulating your clitoris, then slowly move to fingering. You gotta heat the oven before you put the turkey in, yes stupid phrase but true. Lubricant is also a very good idea, this way there is no friction which can cause lots of discomfort. Keeping the nails short is also a good idea, that way you don't get an cuts or abrasions during it.
Everyone is different, some girls simply do not like being fingered, I know lots of them. Just like some girls do not like getting eaten out, its all your preference so don't listen to your friends.
Let your guy know what you like & what you don't like, it needs to be pleasurably for the both of you, not just him.
Hope I Helped. :)

Q: If the person is away and not at their current address for a while and you sent something out anyways, is their mail held til they get back? or is it returned to you as a RTS and you try again later after you know they are back at that address? thanks!

Im pretty sure that the Post Office will hold packages/letters for a certain period of time before they send the package back. If they have a PO Box then the letters will be stuck in there & a notice for the package will be stuck in there also. Same goes for mailboxes at their homes, if said package is not picked up within a certain time frame it is sent back. Letters are not sent back, simply stuck in the box.
Hope I Helped.

Q: My ex bf 21 and I 20 were together for a yr and a half on and off. we finally broke up for good. but i just found out im pregnant! yes, it is his kid. i have not dated or had sex with anyone since our breakup. how do i talk to him about it. i know i should do it in person, but ive never been pregnant so what do i say? Thank you!

You really don't have to go in person, if you & he are no longer together & you arent comfortable with it then give him a call. This also depends on what role you want him to play in your childs life, if so then you may want to meet in person that way you can begin trying to have a civil relationship.
When you meet him, just tell him. Dont beat around the bush, say "I know we are broken up, but I'm pregnant. Its your baby, I know this because I have not been with anyone else since we broke up. I would like you to be(or not to be) involved in this childs life(or you can let him make that decision). I just wanted you to hear it from me, rather than from some random person."
Now he will probably freak out at first, I mean being a dad is a big deal & guys are as calm as women usually are so give him his space so he can think about it & process it. Tell him to contact you when he is ready & go from there.
Congratulations & Good Luck.

Q: I want to have sex and i have had planty of girlfriends and gone all the way until where we are about to have sex then i cant get a boner this has happened multiple times, what can i do to get a boner and have sex?

Well first of all dont think about it soo much, the more you stress out about it the harder it will be for you to get hard.
Have you tried letting the girl give you head/blow jobs? Also you could try dry humping?

It could be something more serious such as erectile dysfunction, I do not know much about this, but if you think this is the case then you should probably go see your doctor.

http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/erectile-dysfunction-symptoms-types
Here is a link that lists the symptoms^
Hope I Helped.

Q: Soo my friendd is on birth control && she keeps tellingg me I shouldd get it too. Yes, I am sexuallyy active so I thinkk it wouldd be goodd forr me, but the onlyy problem is how cann I get birthh control withoutt my parents knowingg? Theyy wouldd FREAK !

Im pretty sure that if you go to your local planned parenthood or clinic then you can get birth control without your parents permission. I know that you can at my local clinic, what you should do is to either just sit down and talk to your parents about it or call your clinic and see what their policy is on the whole thing.
Talking to your parents is probably the best idea, because if your parents find out that you are taking birth control and did not talk to them about it they may not be very happy. Just sit them down and let them know that you are THINKING of having sex, but would like to do that in a responsible way, by getting put on birth control. You do NOT have to tell them that you are already sexually active, just tell them that you would rather be safe than sorry.
Hope I Helped.

Q: 15 /f

im a freshman and this boy ... hes either a junior or senior . i noticed him about two weeks ago . i think hes really cute and he seems nice . should i just attempt to get to know him more ? i finally got passed the whole getting him to notice me part cause hes been looking at me in the halls and at lunch .

Yes, I think you should just walk up to him & strike up a conversation. Guys love it when a girl takes the lead & gets to know him. Walk up to him and introduce yourself and go from there, it will pay off.
Hope I Helped. :)

Q: Never been on birth control before. I've been on nuvaring for about 5 weeks, and been spotting EVERY DAY. Will this stop soon?

http://www.nuvaring.com/Consumer/aboutNuvaRing/possibleSideEffects/index.asp

The above link lists the side effects of Nuvaring and spotting is listed, so I wouldnt worry too much about it. I would think that it would subside within a couple weeks/months, if you are still uncomfortable about the spotting or it continues for a long period of time, then I would contact your gynecologist.
Hope I Helped. :)

Q: 18/Female

I am a freshman at my local community college, and in my second semester. Right now I am just taking my general education reqirements, so picking a major hasn't been that big of a deal. Now however, I have to pick a major before my next semester. I have no idea what I want to do or what I want to major in! It's driving me crazy, and the pressure is really starting to get to me. It's all so confusing; normally when I give advice I always tell confused students to see an advisor, but I don't even know who to see or what to ask. There are general ed. advisors, transfer advisors, course advisors, etc. I feel completely lost. I don't even know what school I am going to transfer to, or if I am even going to transfer.

I have been back and forth between going to law school, elementary teaching, counceling, ultrasound/radiology technician, journalism/writing, opening a business, and plenty more! I have no idea what I am going to do, and I am terrified I am going to make the wrong choice.

Some general information:

- I live in a small town, so I don't know if opening a business would be a good choice. I have no intentions on moving to far away.

- I am shy. It sucks as far as getting a job goes, but it is what it is.

- Making a good amount of money is important, but so is enjoying what I do. That's what makes the choice the most difficult.

- I have a boyfriend that I have been seeing for five years, so I want to start a family sooner rather than later. Going to school for ten years is not something I would particulary want to do.

- I love children

- I love giving advice and helping people.

I guess I am just looking for some guidance, options, advice? I don't know. HELP!!

What about something like Children Psychologist, or a child counselor. You could be like a clinical psychologist, that specializes in children? Or you could be an elementary school teacher? You could open a daycare, if you wanted to go that route, that way you could open your own business & still care for children, or work in your local daycare.
Hope I gave you some good options.

Q: okay, so my friend isnt eating much. she's at home by herself all the time. her boyfriend doesnt get to see her much so all she really has is her pets. her mum also goes on expencive holidays when they need the money for food. how can i help her and what could i suggest to her? she's just started cutting herself and i dont know what to do to help. ive already done the usual; talk to her, tell her to go see someone about it. she looks so unhappy whenever i see her. what can she do?

Maybe you could invite her over to your place for dinner a couple of nights a week, go out together, do things to take her mind off of it. As for the cutting thing, this can be a very very serious issue, you may want to speak with her about it & if that doesnt help I seriously suggest talking to an adult about it. Cutting can turn into some other much worse conditions, & the cause is often psychological problems such as depression, which needs to be taken care of early on.
Hope I Helped.

Q: Im 15/f. (:
Im with a guy i like for a long time. He is NOT a virgin, i however, am. I just had some question's. 1st- how bad is it going to hurt? I have been fingered, does that change anything?
2nd--is there anything i can do during sex that'll pleasure him too? Any tips to make me seem better? am i going to bleed bad?
Thanks in advancee

First of all, make sure that you & your partner are ready to take all the responsibilities that come along with having sex. & like the below poster said, you can NOT get your virginity back, once its gone, its gone. Make sure you really care about one another, and it will be better for the both of you.
"How bad is it going to hurt?" Everyone is different, it really didnt hurt me that much my first time but it didnt really feel good either. Use lots of foreplay to get yourself going(wet), use lube that way it will be easier for him to enter and there wont be as much friction whihc will hurt you both, relax the more tension in your body the more difficult it makes things.
"Any tips?" Be confident, although you may not know what you are doing, fake it guys like a confident partner, let him know what feels good, take control, clawing & moaning are good ways to let him know that you like whatever he's doing.
I really doubt that he is going to be thinking about how good you are, he is, afterall, a guy. They do not think the way girls do, he is probably just happy to be getting some, so I wouldnt worry about it too much(dont stress out about it).
Be sure you want this BEFORE you do it, & good luck.
Hope I Helped.

Q: Okay So Me And This Guyy Have Hadd Sexx A Couple Times And We NEVER Use A Condom. But Theres No Need Forr A Condom If He NEVER Cums, Righhtt?

I Askked Him Why He Neverr Cums And He Saidd "I Cann Handle Mines" ;
Is That Evenn Possible? Cann Youu Reallyy Stopp Yourselff From Cumingg?

His Friendd Toldd Me It's Because He Doesn't Have Balls. But I Thinkk He's Just Sayingg That To Mess Aroundd. But At The Same Time I Kindaa Believe It. But I'm Not Sure If It's Possible For A Guyy Not To Have Balls.
Andd I Know I Shouldd Knoww If I Hadd Sexx Withh Him Like More Thenn 10 Times But I've Neverr Actaullyy Payedd Attentionn.

Some guys can control themselves when it comes to having a full blown orgasm, but precum is something that they do not feel and thay cannot control.
Now, although I think the below poster could have said things a bit nicer, he is right. You really should NOT be having sex without protection, whether he ejaculates or not. & the first answer you go it total bogus, every guy has sperm, now his sperm may not be fertile, & it is very very unlikely that he doesnt have balls.
Seriously, if you don't know if he has both testicles, & you really dont think that you can get pregnant just because he doesnt fully ejaculate then you probably shouldnt be having sex. Sex is a very very serious thing and should not be taken lightly, use a condomn, get some birth control, but STOP having unprotected sex with this boy.
Hope I Helped.

Q: Im a female, and I'm 15 years old. Ok so there's this guy I've known since like 2nd grade and we've always been like best friends (He's about a year younger than me)- I've had a crush on him for as long as I can remember, but I never said anything. Well last year around Christmas, I told him how I felt (that I liked him etc.) He said that he liked me back. Then we started making out. Then on Christmas night I spent the night at his house and it was about 1:00am and we were watching tv and we were talking about doing "stuff". Then he fingered me. The next morning it wasn't awkward or anything it was just like things were before. We had previously dry humped.(practically had sex with our clothes on- but it seems like he may have just been messing around.) he's so hard to read. I don't think he knows it but I want to "be with him" (have sex) SO BAD!!! I don't know how he feels, so i don't know what to do, and i don't just want to come out and say hey i want to have sex with you, but i really want to. It seems like everytime I'm around him I just want to jump on top of him, and when we're not together, he's all I think about. I think I'm in love with him. What do you think I should do, and how do I tell him the things I want to do with him without sounding stupid. Please help me.

Well for one, you are very very young and I know you don't want to hear it, but sex is a HUGE responsibility for the both of you. You need to go get on birth control if you are serious about becoming sexually active and still use condoms as neither are 100%. The only thing that is 100% is abstinence. Also if you don't know how this guy feels about you, then definatly don't sleep with him. You're first time should be with someone that you truly care about & that truly cares about you, not just because you think they are hot or want them to like you.
Sit down with him and let him know that you are attracted to him, but don't just throw yourself at him. You dont want to make yourself look easy, nor should you be easy. Wait until you guys have been going out for a while and then you can TALK about having sex. It isnt to be taken lightly, there are lots of responsiblities that go along with having sex and you shouldnt just have sex with anyone. It needs to be special, just be careful, talk about it with him, use protection, and be SURE that you are ready for a huge commitement.
Hope I Helped :)

Q: I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and he really, really loves me a lot. We lost our virginities together, we went to his prom last year together, and I was with him when his mom and dad divorced. I understand that he loves me a whole lot. The problem is that I don't love him and I haven't for awhile now.

I use to love him just like he loved me. As time passes I notice I don't have much feelings toward him. It's not that I wouldn't care if he died or something but I don't have any emotional pull toward him. I don't have that bond like we use to share. I don't feel butterflies when I see him or when we kiss. To be honest, I don't even want to talk to him or see him so often. I would be happy and satisfied if we only talked once every two weeks and "went out" once a month tops.

I stopped having sex with him two months ago but I didn't tell him it was because I felt guilty about doing it with him and not being in love. I told him that we really couldn't have a kid right now and I had had this realization of it. He bought it but I feel bad for lying to him about that sort of thing.

How do I break up with him? I know it's time to get it over with and tell him that we aren't meant to be together and that our relationship is not working out. He is crazy about me though. I don't want to hurt his feelings. His parents love me and I'm sure they're going to be upset about this too. How do you break-up with somebody who loves you when you clearly don't love them back?

I know exactly how you are feeling, I was with my exboyfriend for 3 years, but towards the end things just werent the same for me. I still cared about him, but wasn't really in love wtih him anymore. It took me a very long time to figure out how to tell him and to realize that I had to do what was best for me and what would make me happy.
Now it isnt going to be easy for either of you, the best thing to do is to just let him know how you are feeling. Be truthful with him, he deserves that. My ex and I didnt talk for a couple months, while we were both getting used to life apart, now we are best friends. I am married and he is doing well and dating around, he still misses me sometimes and wishes he had done some things differently. But we found what works for us, & you guys will too.
If you have any other questions or would like to speak to me more, you can email me at bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com or send me a question in my inbox.
Hang in there.

Q: My little sister was born yesterday and my mom was showing me the umbilical cord and how it is going to fall off and there will be a belly button there. I, of course, knew all of this already but I had never actually seen this happen in person. I think that it's pretty fascinating though.

Do animals have navels too? I've never seen something like a cat with a belly button but maybe the scar is smaller for them? Just curious...

I do not think that animals actually have a belly button like we do, but they are born with umbilical cords & on some dogs & cats you can see a small scar or place where their umbilical cord was.
Hope I Helped.

Q: So I've been married for a year and a half now. My marriage has been soo very difficult but has gotten a lot better. I have ALWAYS had insecurities with my husband and his female friends. I know this sounds wrong but I just didnt like it when he gave them too much attention, like I didnt wanna share him. The first year of our marriage he pampered my insecurities. He just flat out stopped talking to them, I never told him to but he just decided to do it himself. So for the whole year I was obviously happy with this desicion but as assumed he wasnt cause he says I treated him like he still did. He doesnt do this anymore, he talks to them now and i told him i didnt have a problem with it. But deep down it still bothers me. I never bring it up because I dont wanna start a fight and be so immature but I cant help but to be bothered about it every day. Please dont judge me, I know this sounds ridiculous and immature especially for a married woman.

What can I do to get over this? I'm starting to think I need professional help (but I dont have that option right now, please dont suggest it) because I think I'm just dealing with it and ignoring it rather than just accepting it. Accepting it is something I have tried, Ive even tried asking him if I could get their number to talk to them (since we never see them around) and get to know them, just be friendly. But at one time he said I couldnt have anyones number, but now he says I can. When he said I couldnt the first time it really made me sad, here I am trying my hardest but it felt like he didnt care anymore. I just need to know how to get over this so we BOTH can be happy. I HaTE being so insecure about this. I wish I wasnt like this. Please help.

I just recently got married about 5 months ago & my husband sometimes has issues with me having male friends. I totally understand where he is coming from, especially since my ex is one of my best friends. He does his best not to let it bother him, but he lets me know that it bothers him & we have set up some rules that we both agree on. For instance, I can text and talk on the phone with my male friends but am not to go out with them alone, I think that is fair. Maybe you & your husband can sit down & talk it through & set up some rules that you both agree on.
Also remind yourself, that you husband CHOSE you, he MARRIED you, not those other women. Marriage is about trust & love, you need to trust & know that your husband loves you & wants to be with you. This can be very difficult, I know that, when you have doubts talk to him. Communication is key to a happy, healthy marriage :)
If you have any questions for me you can email me at bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com or send me a question to my inbox.

Hope I Helped :)

Q: During the sex (wether normal or oral sex) I find my penis going soft and ... bendable, this is unpleasant for both me and my girlfriend because we can't go on...

Is this a physical or a psychological problem and what can I do about it? I really am uncomfortable with the fact that it might grow weak before we have sex.

Is it because I'm not horny enough or I don't find my girlfriend attractive? I'm 18, please help me... thanks!

Maybe you are stressing about it too much, or maybe you & your girlfriend need to try some new things that may turn you on more. Maybe focus more on foreplay, or different postions? Really only you know if its because you aren't attracted to your girlfriend, but if you are still attracted to her, I would sit down and talk to her about it. Then you guys can try some different things and figure out what works for the both of you.
Do not stress about it, the more you worry about it the more pressure you put on yourself & that will not help the problem. Hope I Helped :)

Q: A long time ago I watched a movie with my mom. It was set in medieval times I believe. A brother and sister were separated when they were young, grew up, then were tricked into having sex with each other. The brother was heir to a thrown and they ended up having a baby but they never knew they were brother and sister. Any idea what the title is of this movie?

That happens in Merlin also :)
I love that movie, even though it is very old.

Q: Have any ideas of why my boyfriend has this fetish over fingering my bum?

This isn't that odd actually, lots of guys enjoy this, maybe because they think that one day it will lead up to you being comfortable with anal? I really have no idea, but it isn't odd & lots of guys do it :)
Hope I Helped.

bio

I am a 19 year old female. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet. I am funny. I am free-willed. I am a lover. I am a friend. I have been through alot & many people call me their guru. & I will try to give you the healthiest advice possible. I may be young but I have a lot of life experiences in many areas, and since my career will be giving advice I figured I'd give a head start. I can be blunt and will give you my honest opinion, although I will do it in a nice way.
I am married to an amazing guy, we have been together since my Junior year & we can't be happier. I have 2 dogs & they are my babies, life wouldnt be the same without them. I am going into my 2nd year of college, I plan to get a degree in Radiology.

I am currently really busy in my life but I will answer any and all questions that are sent to my inbox. I do my best to get on & answer as many questions as possible whenever I am on. If you wish for me to answer one of your questions please submit them. Thanks.