|
Husband's female friends
So I've been married for a year and a half now. My marriage has been soo very difficult but has gotten a lot better. I have ALWAYS had insecurities with my husband and his female friends. I know this sounds wrong but I just didnt like it when he gave them too much attention, like I didnt wanna share him. The first year of our marriage he pampered my insecurities. He just flat out stopped talking to them, I never told him to but he just decided to do it himself. So for the whole year I was obviously happy with this desicion but as assumed he wasnt cause he says I treated him like he still did. He doesnt do this anymore, he talks to them now and i told him i didnt have a problem with it. But deep down it still bothers me. I never bring it up because I dont wanna start a fight and be so immature but I cant help but to be bothered about it every day. Please dont judge me, I know this sounds ridiculous and immature especially for a married woman.
What can I do to get over this? I'm starting to think I need professional help (but I dont have that option right now, please dont suggest it) because I think I'm just dealing with it and ignoring it rather than just accepting it. Accepting it is something I have tried, Ive even tried asking him if I could get their number to talk to them (since we never see them around) and get to know them, just be friendly. But at one time he said I couldnt have anyones number, but now he says I can. When he said I couldnt the first time it really made me sad, here I am trying my hardest but it felt like he didnt care anymore. I just need to know how to get over this so we BOTH can be happy. I HaTE being so insecure about this. I wish I wasnt like this. Please help.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
for one thing never hide your feelings that does no good at all. You are a women and you dersever to be treated like one. Tell him how you feel no matter how is looks at you or what he says to you.
Show him that you are not going to take his crap at all. If he loves you than he will accept what you have to say. and when you asked for the girl or girls number and he said that you don't need it. No no that does not sound good at all. sounds like he was doing something. i have been married twice my first marriage lasted me 4 years. thank god that is over with. and now i'm married again and been married for 11 years this july. and my husband now did things to me that made me mad really mad and 5 years in our marriage i just stood up one day and put my foot down and told him how i felt and the way that he was treating me was not a good thing. and now he sees that he hurt me all those years. so stand up and so your man what you are made of. let him know how it feels to be hurt.
]
I think what you should do is meet them. Ask your husband if you all can get together and just hang out, see how your husband interacts with them so you can relax and realize they're nothing BUT friends. Also asking for their numbers, then calling or texting them is kind of weird unless they've met you before. If you have met them before, you can always talk to them and tell them how you're feeling, they're girls, TRUST me .. they get it. I'm sure they understand that feeling girls get when their men have friends who are girls, everyone gets jealous.
I know how you feel ~ you get that weird feeling inside like you don't want him to talk to them because something bad could happen, or you think he could possibly be flirting with them, or like them, or talk to them the way he talks to you, etc. The one thing you need to know is he married you for a reason, you'll always be his number 1. You do however, have a right to know the way in which he speaks to them. If he flirts with them, then you 100% have the right to be angry and ask him not to talk to them, he's your husband.
A long time ago when I was in a relationship, I used to constantly aggravate him asking about other girls and if he flirts, even asked him not to talk to other girls too. Eventually I realized that he put up with me for a reason, because he loved me. You just need to be confident enough in yourself and realize you're the one he comes home to everyday, you're the one he asked to marry.
Like I said before, go out with them get to know them. If you want, you can even ask THEM if your husband has ever said anything inappropriate to them (if you suspect he has). Like boys, girls have a code, we tell each other when a guy is hitting on other women and cheating.
I also don't think that you need professional help. That's running away from the problem. Someone else can't tell you how to fix this issue, you need to go to the girls head on and fix it. The only thing that is going to help is getting to know them and figuring out that they pose no threat, otherwise you'll constantly be questioning in your mind what they talk about and HOW they talk (flirting, etc).
Good luck <3
]
I just recently got married about 5 months ago & my husband sometimes has issues with me having male friends. I totally understand where he is coming from, especially since my ex is one of my best friends. He does his best not to let it bother him, but he lets me know that it bothers him & we have set up some rules that we both agree on. For instance, I can text and talk on the phone with my male friends but am not to go out with them alone, I think that is fair. Maybe you & your husband can sit down & talk it through & set up some rules that you both agree on.
Also remind yourself, that you husband CHOSE you, he MARRIED you, not those other women. Marriage is about trust & love, you need to trust & know that your husband loves you & wants to be with you. This can be very difficult, I know that, when you have doubts talk to him. Communication is key to a happy, healthy marriage :)
If you have any questions for me you can email me at bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com or send me a question to my inbox.
Hope I Helped :)
]
So, you seem to understand that it's not right to put those kinds of restrictions on your husband. He's married, not dead! It's not at all ridiculous and immature, though. Your marriage is new, you're young, and he's got these mystery women hanging around. You just need to get rid of the mystery.
You do need to get to know these female friends, but not over the phone or just by bumping into them.
Tell your husband that he has these friends, and if they're important to him that you want to get to know them. Try having one of them and their husband/boyfriend if they have one over for dinner or drinks. Just a low-key thing to help you get to know the girl and see her dynamics with your husband. Then you'll know that she has no bad intentions towards him and that she's not a threat. You'll feel a million times better.
]
More Questions: |