Member Since: May 3, 2011
Answers: 1053
Last Update: December 12, 2012
Visitors: 30805
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I am a member of a shoe club and I LOVE the shoes on the site but, most of the shoes on the site (at least the ones that I like) are 5 inches or higher with a large incline. Sometimes the platform might be 1.5 inches so that makes the incline less steep but when it's a 5.5 in shoe, it can still be very straining on the ball of the foot. Yet, I see women wear these shoes out to the club, out to the mall, etc. I don't know what they are doing to be able to wear these shoes for so long without causing blisters. Is there like an insole or something that they are putting in there or are they just wearing the shoes until the bottom of their feet callous over and there is just no pain anymore? I would love to wear these shoes but I really don't want to sacrifice the health of my feet to do it. (link)
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One way to look at this question is:
who are you living for that you are willing to resort to an instrument of torture to please them? You are one special life. All human beings are. While I am a leg man and definitely like seeing women in a pair of flattering (which can be any height) heels, the hottest legs for me are bare legs with no shoes. But that's me. Nonetheless, who sent you the message that you're ugly if you don't put these things on? It's like the modern version of foot binding.
Please ladies, like yourselves and stop being so competitive with each other or so needy that you screw up or change a perfectly nice body part. It makes you look desperate and like you're trying too hard and that's pathetic.
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I'm about to turn 17 and i've been dealing with an extreme case of depression and several eating disorders I was prescribe medication but my siblings see it as ridiculous and think I'm attention seeking and have currently stopped treatment do to persistence from my family but I'm terrified of how I've been feeling and think I'm eating worse but no one will listen. How do i get them to believe me before it gets to late! (link)
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I don't know if this helps, but sometimes kids find themselves in situations where those around them are a bunch of freaking jackasses. And when people are jackasses they should be treated as such and their words given all the credibility that jackasses deserve: none. Stop listening to voices that you know are bad for you and do what you have to do to stay well.
Your parents may also be in a state of denial. Having someone with mental health issues in a family is embarrassing for some folks. It's not your fault, so you shouldn't view it that way. So to cope with what they see as an embarrassing mark on the family, they deny the person in question has a TREATABLE problem. The brain works through chemical and electrical processes and sometimes things get a little out of balance. There are millions of folks like you. You aren't weird or odd.
You seek the treatment you need and then make plans about how you can get yourself into a healthier environment (going away to college perhaps?). Good luck.
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My sister and I always argue. I recently got engaged and she didnt seem to care, congratulated me two weeks later by text. She always seems to find excuses for her actions, never apologize for her actions, says hurtful things and really does not care about anyone but herself. I have approached her numerous times to try and fix the tension between her and I, tell her how I feel about things but never works, we will be ok for a couple of days then argue about something. She is always right and thats it, it never goes anywhere, even when shes wrong. I'm not sure at this point what to do but have given up and just fed up with her actions towards me. (link)
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At some point, you just have to admit that you're not going to get along with someone and such antipathy doesn't even necessarily need a rational basis in fact. Women have this thing about wanting everybody to play nice (even to the extent of greatly annoying their boyfriends or husbands by arranging playdates if they think that their SO isn't being social enough with his buddies or people you want him to be buddies with).
But you just can't control people like that. Everyone, even those in the same families, are ultimately individuals. And really, your needy attempts to reconcile with your sister only lend her greater power in your relationship ("the person who cares the least about the relationship wields the most power in it," one wise man said). So write your relationship with your sister off. If she feels the need to make nice with you she will.
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My boyfriend cheated on me several times, i forgave him, i got pregnant and he asked me to abort saying that we are not ready, i refused and he broke up with me.he went back dating one of the girls he was 2 timing me with.later on he said that he can't be with me but that he will be there for the child eventhough he can't provide financially. I was devastated, depressed, and so hurt. i didn't know what to do and i didn't want the child to suffer, so out of fustration i had an abortion, but i told my him that i had a misscaraige. he felt for me and asked me back out again. i accepeted and we started dating later to find out that he was still involve with other women. i broke up with him and ever since now we have being on and off. he says he loves me, that am the love of his life and that we should be exclusive. recently i discovered that he is still involve with one girl and is chasing after other gilrs. i confronted him and he told me that he will set things straight with other girls an let them know that the past is the past and that he wants to concentrate on his future which is me. i don't know what to do,i love him so much,but i can't trust him,i have tried several to move on but its hard, i feel miserable without him. should i give him another chance?i am 23 and i want to be in a stable relationship with someone that i love so that i might end up marrying the person and carrying his childreen. A part of me wants to be in a relationship with him again, but the other part is afraid of getting hurt again. what can i do? (link)
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Here's exactly what's going on: You're easy. You have such bad self esteem that the guy knows he can come back anytime he wants and get his rocks off with you because you don't think you are attractive enough to get someone else.
Or you have such a neurotic sense of competition with other women that you think you can somehow, someday tame him and keep him when others couldn't.
Look, usually, when women complain about guys like him it is merely because they want to vent and don't want others to solve their problems for them. So you're probably wasting our time and won't implement any of the proposed solutions here because that is how women operate. So you can either do the sensible thing (86 the guy out of your life) or you can continue to be a rent-a-vagina. Your call.
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This is a serious question. Please only answer if you can truly give input. I have alway been very religious. My family is Catholic and I was raised Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, had my first communion, did confirmation, etc. Somewhere along the lines, I strayed. I always believed in God and continued to love Jesus. But, I was living my life my way. When I started college, around my first and second year, I was working full time and going to school. With all this extra money, I did not invest into a savings account, move out, or even help out with bills. i did something absolutely terrible. All I would do was talk to psychics and get involved in spells and witchcraft. One of the worse parts about all of this is that my mother supported me. This isn't her fault and I am in no way saying it is. But, it just made things worse because she would help me find spell-casters and all this nonsense. She took me to this one guy that owned a feng-shui shop (i apologize for the spelling). He claimed he knew spells and magic and was psychic. He told me that he needed to put a spell one me and had to touch me down there. I thought he meant with my clothes on. He asked me to close my eyes and put his hands inside my pants. Then, he told me that for the spell to work, I needed to come to his store and masturbate in the back room. I felt so dirty. I knew right, then, and there, that all I had been doing with these people was WRONG and NOT with the Lord. I prayed so hard. I feel so guilty. This has been by far one of the worse sins I have ever committed. I feel so absolutely guilty about it. This was a couple of years ago. I am about to graduate college now and I have made a complete turn around in following my Christian faith. I read the Bible. I pray to God daily. I seek the Lord and understand that to follow Him, one must be disciplined in some way. We are only human, and to try to remotely resemble God, we must have some sort of discipline over our actions.
As a result of reading the Bible, I have a complete new view of life itself and of my faith. I would consider myself more of a Christian then necessarily being part of a denomination. I am seriously starting to question the Catholic Church. I don't understand why I have to confess my sins to a priest. I don't understand why only a priest could bless water, bless a person, or turn the host in the body of Christ. Is he a magician? He's a sinner, just like I am! Why does he get those special "powers?" The Bible says that you are to call no other man Father (except your biological father). They seem to treat the pope as if he's God, himself. The Bible explicitly says that Jesus is our only mediator to God, the Father. Why then, do we pray to Saints? It just all hit me. I have really considered converting to another Christian denomination, like maybe Episcopalian.
My cousin has chosen me to be the godmother of her daughter, who will be baptized soon (into the Catholic Church). I can't just tell her no. Catholics also believe that if you don't get married through their Church, you are not truly married, so you are living in sin by "acting" like a married couple. This is the only thing that really scares me about leaving the Church. Can anyone offer me some advice?
Last question. I know that this is a lot of information... but, masturbation feels REALLY wrong. Pleasuring myself does not make me feel very good about myself afterward, although I have never believed it to be a sin. I always thought that we were created as sexual beings, and this was just a way to release sexual tension. It's something natural, like going to the bathroom or eating. But, it feels absolutely wrong. The Bible does not mention it at all. So, it's very much a topic to pray upon and decide if it's wrong to you. But, it feels very wrong. It feels even more wrong then sex. Now, I do have another thing to ask about sex. When I met my boyfriend, we were close friends for a while. I was head over heels for him already :). I prayed SO hard that God would help our relationship grow because I loved him. And he did. My boyfriend is also a follower of Christ. But, like anybody else, we've let our physical desires get the best of us. I know that I want him to the person I look at as I'm walking down that aisle. I think the best way to head in that direction is delay sexual intercourse till marriage. I want to talk to him about not having sex without sounding creepy. I want to sound like a respectable lady, not creepy, you get me? Something along the lines of "I've always wanted to wait... maybe we should." I just need someone to word it properly for me.
So, to recap:
1) converting to a Christian denomination, but, becoming a godmother and getting married through the Catholic Church?
2) talking to my boyfriend about waiting till marriage to have sex?
Thanks! (link)
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It seems like there are a lot of different things going on:
First, it appears you were sexually molested and you were traumatized enough to discuss it here. You also reacted to it in what is perhaps a predictable way for people who have been raped or bullied, you tend to backtrack and put your life in a kind of holding pattern so that your thought process remains in an immature, sometimes anal retentively so, state. The trauma of the sexual molestation drove you back to an obsession with Catholicism that seems to be counterproductive. You're kind of doing the "out damned spot" of Lady Macbeth instead of dealing with the fundamental trauma. My advice would be to see a therapist to get at the molestation-religious reaction dynamic. You may even be a little obsessive compulsive about it now or maybe you always have been. Again, a therapist can help you sort that out.
Okay, now for point two: women overthink EVERYTHING. They like to pick at themselves and inject a lot of "shoulds" into their life, like, "I should look like...." "I should be having my boyfriend do this for me...." I should have kids after I get married," etc and so on and so forth. Women have a very hard time liking themselves and accepting who they are as people and so what you have done is obsessively seek approval from a non-existent cloud being to the point to where it interferes with your sex life. So let's visit point three now:
There is NOTHING wrong with masturbation and nothing wrong with sex. Like all things in life, you have to be responsible about it. You don't want to masturbate to the point where you're not going to work because of it or you favor masturbation over intercourse with your wife or girlfriend or husband or boyfriend, whatever the case may be. Sex is not dirty and you aren't dirty if you engage in it even before marriage.
Now for point four: the Bible was NOT written by God. It was assembled by the Catholic hierarchy from a panoply of different purported scriptures and was edited to reflect the world views and institutional needs of the Church of that time. It has since been revised by others (such as the so-called King James version, re-edited by the court of King James of England a few hundred years ago). So God did not just one dad say to John the Baptist, "hey dude, here's a book I've written, why don't you disseminate around the planet for me?" The Catholic Church and modern televangelists also teach many things that are non-scriptural. For example, the so-called seven deadly sins was a list created by a fourth century monk and aren't outlined in the Bible. They only came to be taught by the Church with the imprimatur of Pope Gregory the Great, who edited that monk's writings down further and promulgated them into Catholic teaching. And Catholic church history is full of pederasty, warmongering, genocide, antisemitism, greed and even imperialism. The Church is not a godly institution, it is an institution of men (and that is literally true; no women allowed to preach the word there) and thus is imbued with both the best and worst mankind can do.
People often cling to religion, studies have shown, when they feel powerless or they are in deep fear for their future. So they resort to philosophical or ritual narcotics that make them feel better like heroin does some people even when those narcotics not only have no real useful purpose, but even suppress empirical reality. So what I want to know is, what were you afraid of that caused you to so strongly want to cling to religion? The exploration of the occult (which has about as much credibility as religion) was a symptom that the usual organized religion wasn't all that to you and you needed something more. The occult, like mainstream religion, also is predicated on easy bake solutions to man's poverty (oh, how about the prosperity branch of religion these days? What a joke!) or privation or even insecurity.
Listen, you have to break the cycle of craziness because you're driving yourself nuts with this stuff. Step back to square one, acknowledge the things and phenomena that are provably real and don't get get hustled by attractively packaged bs that is nothing more than the products of wackjobs and hustlers.
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i get so hollow whenever a big event I'm so into ends, like a trip, Euro, NBA and Olympics.. Especially, now that Michael Phelps is retiring..
How can i overcome this feeling.. i feel so meaningless now (link)
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You like the juice that gets riled up in your brain when you follow those things. A lot of performers and pro athletes experience the same thing when they are off the road or it is the offseason.
You may have an addictive personality since crack addicts, for example, are always trying to revisit the rush of that first hit. Shopaholics the same thing. They get a buzz from the act. Your buzz comes from being a spectator. There's nothing wrong with that per se unless it interferes with your ability to carry on your daily life in a reasonable way. If you get to a point you feel depressed for extended periods because an event has passed you should see a psychologist or some kind of therapist.
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Why do men love blowjobs and what happens if you dont give them one (link)
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The reasons men like it is fivefold:
1. It is a different sort of stimulation than the hand or the vagina on the penis and feels amazing.
2. It is very direct stimulation of the penis.
3. There is a visual factor. Men are very visually driven and seeing a girl on her knees in a seemingly submissive posture turns guys on.
4. Christianity says that oral sex is sodomy and therefore a bozo no no, which thus imbues it with the air of the forbidden fruit. As the drug trade proves, forbidden fruit is a big seller with Americans.
5. The whole madonna-whore thing. The bj is something that is often perceived that only bad girls do and so when you have someone who appears to others as a so-called "nice girl" and she has her yapper on your pipe that's hot to a lot of guys.
As for what will happen if you don't do it, you won't have a penis in your mouth and that is about it in a general sense. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do unless those actions are required by law. If giving head isn't your thing then don't do it. There are going to be guys who will reject you because of that, though. Everything we do has consequences and if a guy says he can't stand being with a chick who won't orally milk his root then you just gotta find someone who doesn't care if you do that or not.
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is it advisable to have sex with another girl if your virgin girlfriend is not ready.
(link)
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It depends on what the grounds of your relationship with the virgin girl are. If she is fine with an open relationship where either of you can do it with anyone else on a whim then go for it, as long as you utilize the usual precautions. But if not, you're going to have to just relax and wait for your virgin girl to finally get horny enough to want to do it. If you can't wait that long, then break it off with her and go find someone with a freer sexual attitude.
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I'm 19 male and looking for a gf. I know there's dating sites out there but it seems like only older people use them. Are there any dating websites that younger people tend to use that are around 20 and under? Thanks (link)
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Go to college? You can meet tons of people there and it's pretty easy to just start up a chat with someone before or after class or ask them to go have coffee with you. Plus you're more likely to meet folks with similar interests or goals there than just using dating sites, which are, these days, more spam traps than anything else.
The best thing to do, if you just gotta use the net, is patronize bulletin boards, forums, discussion sites, etc that concern themselves with subjects congruent to your interests. The trouble with the general dating site is that it's hard for folks to write about themselves without either relying on vague cliches (because they don't want to expose THAT much of themselves in a public forum) or they just don't write well or they are so afraid of sounding like douchebags if they brag about themselves that again, their profile ends up not giving a true summation of everything that someone looking for a prospective mate would want to actually know.
As for Facebook, it is every identity thief's best friend, in my opinion. It is also the leading edge of corporate surveillance of the average American. Avoid it at all costs.
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13/female
Hi my boobs are already a size 36 D and all the boys in my skwl (link)
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Guys are very visually driven and the ones you have around you also don't really have much, if any, concrete experience with women.
In addition, you have to keep in mind that the willful ignorance of sexuality and the abhorrence of the naked human body pushed by Christianity as well as the fifth grade level of sexual interactions on television lends the more salient parts of a girl's anatomy the air of forbidden fruit and sex itself is never talked about in a frank, adult way, but rather hemmed and hawed around, the tension broken by schoolyard level jokes.
The only answer I can tell you to give the boys is, "yes, girls have boobs. And that's a news bulletin to you?"
As for your breast size, they'll stop growing soon. Some girls just develop sooner than others and the same is true of boys. You're just in that early developing group. There is nothing wrong with your breasts unless their size causes you back pain, as it does for some women due to the weight of them.
Finally, as another poster emphasized, many women agonize over having A or B cups because they see the more buxom ladies getting more male attention or they perceive them as being able to fill their clothes out in a more attractive way. So there are perceived virtues for larger breasted women.
The main things you need to concern yourself with then, isn't the size of your breasts (human variation, isn't it wonderful?), but staying in ownership of your body while not allowing anyone else to affect how you feel about it or what you do with it. It is yours and yous alone. There is a breed of human being who can't mind their own business (you meet these types a lot at church) and it's just one of those things we all deal with. So relax, like yourself because you are indeed a good person and see people's infatuation with your boobs as THEIR PROBLEM (because it is) and not your's.
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I'm a 20 year old girl and I've found myself in what seems to be a fairly unique situation... I've recently made a guy friend, who was limited to being a friend since day one because he made it very clear he was interested in one of my friends(very much my opposite).Our friendship got really strong really quickly.But I'm not sure where the boundaries are, I find myself attracted to him, and its not helping that we sometimes sleep in the same bed. If he didn't constantly remind me of how much he likes this friend of mine, I would have though he was flirting... We talk all day, most days, and I spend every free hour with him... There's a constant sexual tention, but that might just be from my side.Really hoping there's someone who understands this situation. Thanks :/ (link)
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USUALLY, though I'm not saying that this applies in this case, guys who hang around a particular girl a lot want that girl in an intimate way. Guys are all about the destination while girls are more about the journey, so, ordinarily, every guy does things geared to reaching an end as soon as possible, which, in this case, SHOULD be and NORMALLY is, getting in your pants.
Nonetheless, it could be that he's playing you off against your friend, perhaps trying to make the friend jealous so that she'll make the big move on him and he won't have to risk rejection by going for her on his own initiative. The guy can, after all, truthfully say that you and he have "slept together" in a literal sense even though no sex has occurred. And in my experience, when a guy is perceived as already being hooked up he tends to get hit on more by girls due to factors of a perceived lack of availability, competition between females, etc.
You also have to look at it this way,too: guys and girls often hide parts of their real selves in the early stages of dating because of fear that the other person will find those things distasteful, unusual or not a match or whatever. That you and he have communicated to such a degree that you feel that close to him that early on tells me that he has ZERO fear of turning you off. So yes, I don't think he has any interest in you at all and you're just using up emotional energy and precious time in your short life with someone who is ultimately a dead end. In the grand scheme of things, you owe this guy NOTHING and so you should begin easing him out of your life. But never underestimate the attraction that being involved in drama has for women.
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Well I wana know if I coulda got any disses if I fingered my girlfriend a day after she had a period and if I had lil bite of skin pilled of close to my nails and a lil lil cut on my finger and blood from her period and my blood touched would I get HIV or anything but we both healty no disses in are blood (link)
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Even if she or you were infected before you fingered her, it would be pretty unlikely that one could get an STD this way unless it was something like herpes perhaps and you had it on your finger externally. So don't sweat it.
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18 f.
sso i masturbate... and i wanna orgasm like girls in porn where it squirts like everywhere... also, when i do masturbate.. i get close to orgasm or do orgasm and then im done. my body gives up. not just being tired, but my mind is totally somewhere else and i my body doesnt care to continue. why is this?
thanks (link)
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How you feel after you orgasm is normal. Guys tend to be the same way.
As for squirting, that is one of those things you almost have to be born to do. I've been with lots of women and never had one squirt, even during multiple orgasms.
You gotta remember, there is a lot of visual trickery in porn like any other cinematic industry and most of what they do is fakey anyway. So don't worry over stuff other people are doing. Just do what makes you happy.
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If I'm so self concious about my body and vagina and stuff how will I ever have sex...
I'm 17 btw (link)
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I'm in my 50's and have yet to see an ugly vagina. So you can wipe that worry off the list.
As for body image, this is common among women your age. Unless you are grossly overweight (I'm thinking 50 pounds or more) or anorexic, your body is probably fine.
Stop picking at yourself. Nobody's perfect. Just be honest, ethical and nice and you'll be doing fine.
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i rubbed my boyfriend's penis on my clitoris..i was wearing my clothes..(three layers of clothing)..r ther any chances for me to get any STDs?? m scared.. (link)
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Barring any of the semen entering the vagina, unlikely except for herpes.
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Ok, I already got all his other presents, and I'm trying to figure out some stock stuffers! He's 18; and he doesn't like any type of candy.
I already got him a shaving kit, and a cologne kit, so I can't stick those in there, becauase they are already wrapped up.
I'm just in a tough spot. I am clueless.
I got him a toothbrush, 3 lottery tickets, and some gloves since he works outside, but I need a few more ideas.
ANYTHING WOULD BE HELPFULL!
Thanks! (link)
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If he plays guitar or bass get him some picks and/or strings. Picks seem to just runaway of their own accord. :p You're going to need to find out, though, what brand and size of picks and or strings he uses, though. Also, if he doesn't run his effects pedals off of adapters or a powered pedal board, he will need batteries for them.
Also, if he has to write a lot for his job, get him a bundle of pens. Those are another thing that just seem to disappear.
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me & my boyfriend brian have been dating for a month. My parents met him, and i've met his parents, and everything is good and well. before we started dating, i was a new friend of his, sense quite frankly he almost kinda scared me in his appearence. Soon i grew attracted to him as the beautiful person he really is.
anyway, as we were getting to know each other, he told me he was a virgin. And for some reason i found that totally adorable and cute and it made me blush.
And although is till find it so cute, i;m starting to worry the tiniest bit. Because i want to keep him a virgin for as long as i possibly can, when and if the moment comes to having sex, would i be in charge of that? i was mever a dominant person, im actually quite shy. so what am i supposed to do in this situation??
16/f 17/m
im not a virgin. (link)
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Relax. You guys are still young. So take every day as it comes. Unless you guys have kind of underlying D/s (Dominance and submission) thing going on, stop thinking of how you're going to control whether he is a virgin or not. Instead, just love him as best you can and let the chips fall where they may. If you wake up one day and decide you want to jump his bones and he's on board with it then go for it as long as you have taken the proper precautions to prevent an adverse outcome from the experience.
I would also suggest that you sort out why you so badly want to keep him a virgin. Now again, if this is part of a kind of D/s denial play, you can resort to things like chastity belts (though sometimes you have to have them custom fitted) for him. But if it's done to make yourself feel better about your own status as a sexual woman then that perhaps bears some introspection.
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19/f and my brother is 7.
For Christmas my parents usually spend the same amount on both of us. My parents told me that as long as I'm living under their roof, I'll have a Christmas, which I appreciate greatly; even though Christmas isn't about gifts. It's still good to recieve stuff when you don't have the money to afford it for yourself.
Well anyways; my brother wants junk. Every year he askes for stuff and he either breaks it after a week, or doesn't play with it after a couple of days. They spent $560 dollars on him this Christmas.
Well, for my Christmas, I wanted a Yorkie, A laptop, a Camera, and a stocking (those are my favorite)
and my boyfriend and my parents split the yorkie (150 a piece) and my mom and dad said thats all I'm getting for Christmas. Which is cool, I love my puppy; but I don't see thats fair; or maybe I'm over reacting. I'm a college student, and I don't have my own computer; its my parents and I'm limited to 30 minutes a day; including when I have to do homework; so I'd really like a laptop to help me with school work; so I don't have to rush to write papers, ect. I told my mom, I'd be happy with a 320 dollar laptop from Walmart, and thats it for christmas; and the laptop along with the dog, doesn't even cost more than my brothers. This is something I could use for many years, not just a couple of weeks.
Any suggestions? If I'm over reacting, please let me know. (link)
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At 19, you're an adult. So you got a dog out of it, which is great (dogs rule!). Anything else you can work for and buy yourself.
Look, you have to have a sense of proportion. You have a roof over your head with hot and cold running water, you eat regularly and your parents sound like good people. That's a pretty good deal compared to what half the planet wakes up to every day. So relax and keep things as simple as you can.
Christmas is mostly for little kids anyway. That your sibling treats his toys the way you describe is pretty common. He's seven and boys are pretty rambunctious anyway. They haven't learned to channel their natural aggression yet at that age.
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So i met tis guy and i never thought i would like him..but as i got to know him i reeaallyy like him(: so i told him i did and turns out, he feels the same way..yestarday he told me he loves me for the first time!! I was so happy. We started talking about a relationship but he told me he isnt sure because he dosent want to "f up" the friendship we have :( i was sooo upset. U cant tell someone u love them and not want to atleast try a relationship. I was heartbroken and ow i dont know what to do.. i only like him and i dont want to just act like friends wih benefits. I want to be with him...its just to weird saying "i love you too" when we r just friends. (link)
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Guys don't say crap like, "I don't want to get with you because I don't want to screw up the friendship we have." There is always some ulterior motive when you hear that garbage. That can include:
1. He loves you as a friend but isn't "in love" with you. In other words, you're on the friend list.
2. He's gay but in the closet. Yes, he loves you as a friend, but prefers guys.
3. Is playing you.
So if you're asking if there is a chance you two will get into a relationship the answer is yes, but only as his sexual play toy to be used when he finds it convenient.
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i am with a very very good guy. perfect in most peoples eyes. For me there is alot missing. emotionally we dont connect for. for him everything is perfect. i dont feel he is the one. but every adult ( i am 22 he is 28) in my life is teling me u can learn to fall in love. is it true? should i stay with him just cause he is a good guy and we have a 1 year old together? am i crazy for feeling that it just isnt enough? (link)
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Sartre once wrote a play, No Exit, where hell is a place where you're forced to socialize constantly with people you can't stand.
As for Hitler the Goat's assertions, he is writing rather wistfully of days when women were either literally chattel or given such a confined status in society that you could literally beat them on a regular basis and people thought that was normal and it was her fault.
But he is right in one thing: it is indeed better if a child is raised in a household with stable parents. That means that they have an amicable relationship, the kid isn't being passed around like a hot potato and isn't being used as a bargaining chip in the relationship or as a human shield for some nonsensical agenda.
You also have to keep in mind that a female child will tend to repeat in her intimate life that which she experiences at home with her parents. For example, girls who grew up in a household where the father was absent either emotionally or physically or both will tend to gravitate to men who are the same as her father.
Now there are three options in how you handle this:
1. You guys stay together in the same household as mother and father, but you sleep in separate bedrooms (if you want to do that) and you can have a perfectly amicable relationship while raising your child together. It is important you don't denigrate the other person in front of the child and you don't use terms of passive aggressive anger such as, "your father" and "your mother," but just "mommy" and "daddy."
2. Have the father live very nearby (and the closer the better) and so the child can have immediate access to him when he/she needs it.
3. You remarry to a stable individual. This requires kind of a special guy, though, because not all the guys you may find yourself attracted to possess temperments suited to stepping in and becoming a competent instant parent. Bringing in the wrong guy into you and your child's life can be disastrous to the emotional development of your kid.
Whatever you decide, the essential elements are an amicable relationship between the two birth parents, a financially and emotionally stable household and close proximity. I recommend that the father be allowed to see the child everyday (barring, of course, if the father becomes a threat to the well being of the child) and that you never lie to your kid. If your kid seems to be sensing something is wrong or uncomfortable, tell the truth. Dishonesty will merely become another casus belli for acting out.
Good luck.
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