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Kind of Long... very important
This is a serious question. Please only answer if you can truly give input. I have alway been very religious. My family is Catholic and I was raised Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, had my first communion, did confirmation, etc. Somewhere along the lines, I strayed. I always believed in God and continued to love Jesus. But, I was living my life my way. When I started college, around my first and second year, I was working full time and going to school. With all this extra money, I did not invest into a savings account, move out, or even help out with bills. i did something absolutely terrible. All I would do was talk to psychics and get involved in spells and witchcraft. One of the worse parts about all of this is that my mother supported me. This isn't her fault and I am in no way saying it is. But, it just made things worse because she would help me find spell-casters and all this nonsense. She took me to this one guy that owned a feng-shui shop (i apologize for the spelling). He claimed he knew spells and magic and was psychic. He told me that he needed to put a spell one me and had to touch me down there. I thought he meant with my clothes on. He asked me to close my eyes and put his hands inside my pants. Then, he told me that for the spell to work, I needed to come to his store and masturbate in the back room. I felt so dirty. I knew right, then, and there, that all I had been doing with these people was WRONG and NOT with the Lord. I prayed so hard. I feel so guilty. This has been by far one of the worse sins I have ever committed. I feel so absolutely guilty about it. This was a couple of years ago. I am about to graduate college now and I have made a complete turn around in following my Christian faith. I read the Bible. I pray to God daily. I seek the Lord and understand that to follow Him, one must be disciplined in some way. We are only human, and to try to remotely resemble God, we must have some sort of discipline over our actions.
As a result of reading the Bible, I have a complete new view of life itself and of my faith. I would consider myself more of a Christian then necessarily being part of a denomination. I am seriously starting to question the Catholic Church. I don't understand why I have to confess my sins to a priest. I don't understand why only a priest could bless water, bless a person, or turn the host in the body of Christ. Is he a magician? He's a sinner, just like I am! Why does he get those special "powers?" The Bible says that you are to call no other man Father (except your biological father). They seem to treat the pope as if he's God, himself. The Bible explicitly says that Jesus is our only mediator to God, the Father. Why then, do we pray to Saints? It just all hit me. I have really considered converting to another Christian denomination, like maybe Episcopalian.
My cousin has chosen me to be the godmother of her daughter, who will be baptized soon (into the Catholic Church). I can't just tell her no. Catholics also believe that if you don't get married through their Church, you are not truly married, so you are living in sin by "acting" like a married couple. This is the only thing that really scares me about leaving the Church. Can anyone offer me some advice?
Last question. I know that this is a lot of information... but, masturbation feels REALLY wrong. Pleasuring myself does not make me feel very good about myself afterward, although I have never believed it to be a sin. I always thought that we were created as sexual beings, and this was just a way to release sexual tension. It's something natural, like going to the bathroom or eating. But, it feels absolutely wrong. The Bible does not mention it at all. So, it's very much a topic to pray upon and decide if it's wrong to you. But, it feels very wrong. It feels even more wrong then sex. Now, I do have another thing to ask about sex. When I met my boyfriend, we were close friends for a while. I was head over heels for him already :). I prayed SO hard that God would help our relationship grow because I loved him. And he did. My boyfriend is also a follower of Christ. But, like anybody else, we've let our physical desires get the best of us. I know that I want him to the person I look at as I'm walking down that aisle. I think the best way to head in that direction is delay sexual intercourse till marriage. I want to talk to him about not having sex without sounding creepy. I want to sound like a respectable lady, not creepy, you get me? Something along the lines of "I've always wanted to wait... maybe we should." I just need someone to word it properly for me.
So, to recap:
1) converting to a Christian denomination, but, becoming a godmother and getting married through the Catholic Church?
2) talking to my boyfriend about waiting till marriage to have sex?
Thanks!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Spirituality?
It seems like there are a lot of different things going on:
First, it appears you were sexually molested and you were traumatized enough to discuss it here. You also reacted to it in what is perhaps a predictable way for people who have been raped or bullied, you tend to backtrack and put your life in a kind of holding pattern so that your thought process remains in an immature, sometimes anal retentively so, state. The trauma of the sexual molestation drove you back to an obsession with Catholicism that seems to be counterproductive. You're kind of doing the "out damned spot" of Lady Macbeth instead of dealing with the fundamental trauma. My advice would be to see a therapist to get at the molestation-religious reaction dynamic. You may even be a little obsessive compulsive about it now or maybe you always have been. Again, a therapist can help you sort that out.
Okay, now for point two: women overthink EVERYTHING. They like to pick at themselves and inject a lot of "shoulds" into their life, like, "I should look like...." "I should be having my boyfriend do this for me...." I should have kids after I get married," etc and so on and so forth. Women have a very hard time liking themselves and accepting who they are as people and so what you have done is obsessively seek approval from a non-existent cloud being to the point to where it interferes with your sex life. So let's visit point three now:
There is NOTHING wrong with masturbation and nothing wrong with sex. Like all things in life, you have to be responsible about it. You don't want to masturbate to the point where you're not going to work because of it or you favor masturbation over intercourse with your wife or girlfriend or husband or boyfriend, whatever the case may be. Sex is not dirty and you aren't dirty if you engage in it even before marriage.
Now for point four: the Bible was NOT written by God. It was assembled by the Catholic hierarchy from a panoply of different purported scriptures and was edited to reflect the world views and institutional needs of the Church of that time. It has since been revised by others (such as the so-called King James version, re-edited by the court of King James of England a few hundred years ago). So God did not just one dad say to John the Baptist, "hey dude, here's a book I've written, why don't you disseminate around the planet for me?" The Catholic Church and modern televangelists also teach many things that are non-scriptural. For example, the so-called seven deadly sins was a list created by a fourth century monk and aren't outlined in the Bible. They only came to be taught by the Church with the imprimatur of Pope Gregory the Great, who edited that monk's writings down further and promulgated them into Catholic teaching. And Catholic church history is full of pederasty, warmongering, genocide, antisemitism, greed and even imperialism. The Church is not a godly institution, it is an institution of men (and that is literally true; no women allowed to preach the word there) and thus is imbued with both the best and worst mankind can do.
People often cling to religion, studies have shown, when they feel powerless or they are in deep fear for their future. So they resort to philosophical or ritual narcotics that make them feel better like heroin does some people even when those narcotics not only have no real useful purpose, but even suppress empirical reality. So what I want to know is, what were you afraid of that caused you to so strongly want to cling to religion? The exploration of the occult (which has about as much credibility as religion) was a symptom that the usual organized religion wasn't all that to you and you needed something more. The occult, like mainstream religion, also is predicated on easy bake solutions to man's poverty (oh, how about the prosperity branch of religion these days? What a joke!) or privation or even insecurity.
Listen, you have to break the cycle of craziness because you're driving yourself nuts with this stuff. Step back to square one, acknowledge the things and phenomena that are provably real and don't get get hustled by attractively packaged bs that is nothing more than the products of wackjobs and hustlers.
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Wow, I really feel for you.
I don't know a whole lot about Catholics. I dated a guy for a few months and we've talked about it but I've never been to a Catholic church or anything.
I'm a Christian as well, Baptist, and I think it's really good that you are praying and reading the Bible.
The whole thing about the priest, I've had a conversation with my boyfriend about that. In my own opinion, I don't see why you need to confess to a priest. What I believe is that you should pray to God. I pray to God like He's someone I can regularly talk to. There is no other reason to confess to other people because it's between you and God. I also like that you actually look into the Bible yourself. There are lots of people who just go to church and believe whatever they hear but don't read the Bible to see what it actually says.
I think you can still be a godmother. If you have any doubts about whether you should do it, just talk to your cousin and let her know how you've been feeling and if she is still ok with you being the godmother.
I know lots of Christians say masturbation is wrong. I think it's all in preferences. I can't see it as a sin either, if it feels wrong for you then you know it's not the thing for you.
It was never really hard to bring up the topic of waiting with my boyfriends. Just when you're hanging out with him, just tell him that you've been thinking about sex and all that and you wanted to let him know before your relationship takes the next step that you want to wait till you are married to have sex. I'm sure he'll be respectable of your decision.
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First of all by your concerns and how you thought everything through is great. It shows maturity. It's awesome that you are a god-fearing person and are religious because there aren't many people who actually care now a days. I for one am religious myself. You're reading the bible which is good and your realizing that there are some things that is being taught by priests that don't seem to be in harmony with what the bible has to say. I can tell you care about creating a relationship with God and if you contact local Jehovah's Witnesses in your area they can answer any questions you have and will help show you how to come to your own thoughts and options on things found in the bible.
Also I am a Jehovah's Witness, we are students of the bible and we carry through what Jesus commanded us to do which is to go "preaching to all the nations"
Jehovah's Witness try to help all those they can to understand the bible and it's message
So even if you want to ask me any questions I'll be happy to help and will do my best to answer them.
Also you're right about masturbation. Although many do it it is not scriptural and isn't something that God agrees with.
God is loving and forgives all those who are truly relented and it's clear that you ate which is a very good thing.
With your boyfriend just tell him how you feel and if he loves you and is also God-fearing then he will be understanding about it. After all waiting until married will plead God because he does not agree with premarital sex
Remember to pray to God for guidance and strength and he will help you.
I hope I helped
P.S if you ever want to make your prayers even more personal then try addressing God by is name (Psalms 83:18 it shows that God's name is Jehovah)
And like I said if you even have further questions about God and the Bible then inbox me and let me know and if it's easier for you too then I'll give you my number, whatever is more convenient for you I'm flexible.
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First, you sound like a really cool and good person. I'm sure that whatever you decide to do, it will be the right decision. You clearly live your life and make decisions with a lot of thought and a lot of care. I am not Catholic, but I've gone to church all my life so I have a decent understanding of these things.
I do not see a problem with becoming a Godparent for your cousin's child. A Godparent is there to take care of the child if anything happens to the real parents. You promise to raise the child to know God and all that jazz. Even though you're questioning the Catholic church, you're obviously a good Christian and a good candidate for a Godparent. You'd do a great job. If you're worried, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to your cousin. Tell your cousin that you're maybe, kinda, sorta questioning the Catholic church. Leave it up to your cousin whether or not they still want you to fill this role.
The whole thing about not really being married is kind of a sham. To an outsider, Catholicism is filled with little things meant to make you stay. Where do they get that from anyway? I see it as similar to the other things that you are questioning. If you were to be married by a pastor that was not Catholic, then you wouldn't have the blessing of the Pope and the Catholic church. I'm not a Catholic, so I'm not sure exactly how a Catholic would explain it, but I think it has something to do with that. You should ask. My guess is that it's a little strange. Look at all the people around you that are married. They're not all Catholic. Most of them probably have great relationships. How could this be a sin? They're not acting married, they're married. They have both the paperwork and (hopefully) God's blessing, that's all you need.
Talking to your boyfriend about waiting should be easier than you think. Just bring it up - you'll know what to say. It's best to be specific instead of trying to sound classy with euphemisms. Make sure he knows exactly what you're proposing. Unfortunately, you'll have to be direct and specific. You want to wait until you get married to have sex. You don't want to give him the idea that you want to stop everything else. Make sure you fully explain want you want and let him talk about what he wants too. My husband and I waited. I remember having the conversation. It was actually his idea and he had to convince me. We talked about exactly what we could and couldn't do and, most importantly, we talked about why. He did a great job because he just spoke from his heart. He told me that it was something he wanted to do because he thought that it was right. He felt that sex was something that should only be shared between husband and wife - two people that were 100% committed. We connected sexually in other ways besides intercourse and it wasn't difficult to wait. I used to believe that you should try it out beforehand to see if you were compatible sexually, but he helped change my mind. I realized that it didn't really matter if the sex was terrible because I would still want to be with him anyway. It's a big commitment for some, though so don't be surprised if he isn't all that excited about the idea right away. Sorry I'm not telling you what to say, but it's best that you come up with the words because it is based upon your personal beliefs and only you can express that in the right way.
I wish you the best of luck and no matter what you decide to do, you'll always be alright because you've got a wonderful ally in God. :)
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for nuber one im not sure whatthe question is but i am a christian also and do not believe in sex befor marriage im 15 though for the second question which ive had to talk about a lot to previous boys just tell him that you dont want to have sextill your married and if he really truly cares and is christian he will be okay with that
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