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Should i stay with him just cause he is a good guy and we have a 1 year old together?
i am with a very very good guy. perfect in most peoples eyes. For me there is alot missing. emotionally we dont connect for. for him everything is perfect. i dont feel he is the one. but every adult ( i am 22 he is 28) in my life is teling me u can learn to fall in love. is it true? should i stay with him just cause he is a good guy and we have a 1 year old together? am i crazy for feeling that it just isnt enough?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sartre once wrote a play, No Exit, where hell is a place where you're forced to socialize constantly with people you can't stand.
As for Hitler the Goat's assertions, he is writing rather wistfully of days when women were either literally chattel or given such a confined status in society that you could literally beat them on a regular basis and people thought that was normal and it was her fault.
But he is right in one thing: it is indeed better if a child is raised in a household with stable parents. That means that they have an amicable relationship, the kid isn't being passed around like a hot potato and isn't being used as a bargaining chip in the relationship or as a human shield for some nonsensical agenda.
You also have to keep in mind that a female child will tend to repeat in her intimate life that which she experiences at home with her parents. For example, girls who grew up in a household where the father was absent either emotionally or physically or both will tend to gravitate to men who are the same as her father.
Now there are three options in how you handle this:
1. You guys stay together in the same household as mother and father, but you sleep in separate bedrooms (if you want to do that) and you can have a perfectly amicable relationship while raising your child together. It is important you don't denigrate the other person in front of the child and you don't use terms of passive aggressive anger such as, "your father" and "your mother," but just "mommy" and "daddy."
2. Have the father live very nearby (and the closer the better) and so the child can have immediate access to him when he/she needs it.
3. You remarry to a stable individual. This requires kind of a special guy, though, because not all the guys you may find yourself attracted to possess temperments suited to stepping in and becoming a competent instant parent. Bringing in the wrong guy into you and your child's life can be disastrous to the emotional development of your kid.
Whatever you decide, the essential elements are an amicable relationship between the two birth parents, a financially and emotionally stable household and close proximity. I recommend that the father be allowed to see the child everyday (barring, of course, if the father becomes a threat to the well being of the child) and that you never lie to your kid. If your kid seems to be sensing something is wrong or uncomfortable, tell the truth. Dishonesty will merely become another casus belli for acting out.
Good luck.
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follow the advice of those below if you want, but from a sociological standpoint, theis whole "Love" thing is a recent development. go back a few centuries, and everybody would think you were out of your mind. this "marry for love" notion is a creation of victorian literature and hollywood. hell, even shakespeare thought the notion was batty, and you can tell if you actually understand "Romeo and Juliet". either way, don't let people driven by newfangled emotional notions like those below convince you(ever notice how the divorce rate went up like a rocket after families stopped arranging marriages?). Nor should you let my cold-ass logic decide. this is your choice.
statistically speaking, your kid has a much better chance of being "normal" if you stay.
but I'm betting thats not your first thought in this matter.
Too bad nobody gives oaths or responsibilities first priority anymore.
yes, you are crazy. it's part of being an emotional, illogical thing called a human being.
-Gunner
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Do you love him? Are you happy?
These are the main questions you need to ask yourself, If you don't feel like you love this person then you should move on. I honestly don't believe one can "learn" to fall in love especially seeing your baby is already a year old and you've had plenty of time to seek out how you feel. If you stay in a relationship that you don't feel is right for you then you will drag and become overwhelmed in time. You aren't entitled to stay in a relationship for the sake of your baby, Your job is to do what is best for you too and take care of your child not sacrifice your happiness. If you feel you should move on, Then do so.
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If there's no emotion, you should move on, specially if you have a 1 year old baby, because, the child will grow up used to the fact that he/she doesn't have a dad.... but if you stay with him, and your child grows up, and then you two separate, the kid is going to suffer a lot. remember your choice doesn't affect only you, it affects your child too, and you don't want your child to go through hard times when they are older. just because you have a child together doesn't mean you are obliged to stay together.... there are other nice guys out there, and you're 22, you should be able to somewhat raise a child specially because you brought it to life. if you feel like you can find another guy and fall for some other guy, you should break up, but if you don't then you stay together... and if you do stay together, you might end up cheating, because you don't know how much you would be hurting your partner... yes, you can learn how to "love" a person, but if a baby didn't do it, then it is going to be hard to learn.... I'm not telling you to break up with him, nor to stay with him, I'm just telling you what would be better if you do break up...
hope this helped, and remember Im not a professional, I am some one on the outside giving my opinion...
Ms. Nancy <3
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