I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172977
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I am from Shelby Township.
Very close to Utica Michigan..
What small town are you from? (link)
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I don't care to share exactly where I'm from, but I do know Utica. I'm not from there, though.
Why are you curious?
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Well im 15 and i have a WONDERFUL boyfriend. we've been together for 3 years!! and u have to admit thats pretty long..anyways, he gets horny a lot, and he tries to get me to have sex with him sometimes, and im just NOT ready!!! He understands tho of course since hes a real understanding person, but last night, he tried to have sex again!! and of course, (as always) i stopped him. And this morning he came over, and gave me a letter, and then left..here's whut it said..
Dear Nicole,
This no - sex thing just isnt working for me. Im sorry, its just that i get sooo HORNY whenever i see you..i jack off, and i just cum and stuff. I dont have a very strong will, so i think u should rethink about the no-sex thing. you know that i love you either way tho..and i cude never break up with you..but ur a fantastic person, and i neeeeeeeed you..
Love,
Chris
should i just have sex with him and get it over with? or should i stick with my first answer? PLEZE HELLLLLLLPP ME!!!!!!!! (link)
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No. Don't have sex with him.
Making the choice to have sex just to satisfy the other person will always be a choice you regret. Sex has to be something you fully want and are ready for.
You need to be perfectly clear with your boyfriend about this. It sounds like he isn't getting the message - or maybe he's just choosing to not respect it.
You need to plan for your future and do what is best for you, and from a more experienced & distanced perspective, I'd say you are making the ABSOLUTELY right choice. Of course, this is going to continue to be an issue in your relationship.
Your boyfriend needs to understand where you are, and if he is really okay with it then he will stop pressuring you. If he continues and coherces you into sex, you WILL regret it. Perhaps you need to rethink the relationship.
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Hey okay i am pretty young ot be having sex and all but im sure its not wrong to be thinking about it. especially since i have a boifriend whom i really think i LOVE ALOT. ive never even liked any of my boifriends n have never said i love you too them unless im sure i really do. n i really think i do. but at my age if i really think i love them that much do u think giving it a try would even be okay? im 13 n yes i deffinitly want to but i never knew if even then that much would make it acceptable..do u think its okay? because we have talked about it before
xOx HaNa (link)
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Well, I think you are perfectly normal to be thinking about sex at your age. As to whether or not I think you should be having sex, that's another matter. I think if you have to ask another person's opinion, then you probably aren't ready.
I don't like passing judgements on people, but you asked directly, so here goes:
I understand that you feel love for your boyfriend, but I can GUARANTEE you that each person you fall in love with will deepen the experience. What you feel as love now is right for you in this time and relationship, but there will come a time when you can't believe that you thought you were in love now. As you get older, you bring more of your experience and knowledge to love and relationships, and they get bigger and better.
I don't think sex is smart at your age. The younger you have sex, the higher your chances for cervical cancer. Also, you are letting yourself in for extra years of worry about pregnancy, diseases, and heartbreak.
Sex can totally change a relationship, and it often does not change it for the better when you are this young. Pressures you would not have dreamed of will arise, and unless you are completely confident in your ability to, say, deal with an unwanted pregnancy or a life-altering disease, I think it's best to stay away from sex.
Nothing will ever be as sweet as your first kissses and experiences with love and sexuality - why rush them?
Hope I helped.
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y r u a lez. and were from michigan did u come from? (link)
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I was born a lesbian, and thankfully recognized that fact while in college. A lot of people take longer to understand their sexualities, but people are getting comfortable with themselves younger and younger, which is great.
I came from a tiny town in southwest Michigan, about an hour outside of Detroit.
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This is a bit of a hot-button topic and I want everyone to know that I understand extreme responses, but I am asking here in the spirit of recieving support and suggestions. I'm interested in the practicalities of your opinions, here, not simply upon recieving judgement. PLEASE show some compassion and kindness.
So here's the deal: Next week I'm taking a plane flight to Scotland to marry my partner of 6 years. We have a very strong relationship. However, I feel I have very little on the level of practical support to offer in the relationship -- such as a finished education, a job, general income, etc. This relationship is my priority at all times and I will not compromise it for anything.
Recently, I was looking through job offers in a local paper and found an ad for escorts, offering daily cash, a safe environment, and training. According to the person running this service, an escort can make $10,000 a week -- with such an income, I could not only prepare MYSELF for travel, but I could help my incapacitated father a $1000 root canal on his last working tooth (his densures don't work for chewing), I could pay off ALL my college debts, and I could move on with my life.
However, I know that there are many negative aspects to consider in the world of escorting: disease, stigma, relationship integrity, and legality, as well as personal spiritual health & self-image.
If I lived in a world that had none of the above negative factors, I'd be all over the opportunity! Unfortunately, such a world doesn't exist, and I'm here asking you for alternate ideas, suggestions, anything really.
I'm stuck between my debts, my desire to contribute & not be dependent, my sense of responsibility, my feelings of inadequacy and desperation, and a general feeling that escorting is not something I should do, due to the risks. Help? (link)
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I moved to London to marry my partner, and I faced many of the same issues you do. My partner funded my Master's Degree, our rent, our food, and all the bills. I had very little money to offer.
I let her know how concerned I was, and she assured me that she didn't think my contributions had to be fiscal; she wanted my love, support, humour, and presence in her life.
No matter where you are in the world, you can't help the stage you are at. I'd talk to your partner and make sure you'll be able to make things swing financially; if so, I'd look at the next steps.
Do you want a college degree? Do you want to just find a job?
Britain has great resources for job hunters, which I'm sure your partner can tell you about. They also have structured training programmes which the US does not have; including job apprenticeships, professional qualifications you get on the job, etc.
I'm sure your partner would rather have a poor you than no you at all; if you choose a career which could lead to the dissolving of your relationship, which I reasonably think escorting could do, you're worse off than when you started.
Let me know if you have more specific questions about Britain, job hunting, or the like. Good luck.
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hey well i'm really nervous about the first time i have sex. im nervous about becoming pregnant, like if the condom breaks. so i was wondering if its wrong/weird for the guy to wear 2 condoms (one on top of the other)... is that really pathetic? i know im supposed to use lube but i'm still scared so could i make him wear 2 just in case? (link)
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No. Two condoms won't make the sex any safer; in fact, the risk of the condom tearing is even greater. You're smart to be concerned and planning ahead, and the next step is making an appointment with Planned Parenthood or your gyno. If you don't HAVE a gyno, you'll need to get one as soon as you start having sex.
Condoms are a safer way to have sex with regards to disease, but the fail rail in relation to pregnancy is higher than most people would think. You'll want to get on a secondary form of birth control such as the pill, a shot, etc. This way you are protected against diseases AND have double protection against pregnancy.
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16/f
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 mothes and im in love with him tremendously. We have sex all the time 24/7. But im just wondering what does an orgasm feel like i dont know what it means, if i had one i wouldnt know. I just wanna know what does it feel like for both male and female. (link)
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The best way for you to figure out what an orgasm feels like is to masturbate. I can't tell you how your orgasms will feel - women have varied responses. Some have one big orgasm, some have several smaller ones, some need clit stiumlation, some don't. Women are wonderfully different, and it's your responsibility to get to know yourself.
Maturbate when you feel excited and are alone. Start by just doing whatever feels good - this usually means rubbing your clitoris. Once you know the things which make you feel good, then you'll need to talk to your boyfriend.
It's not fair to you to be in a relationship where you are not acheiving orgasm.
I'll also point out that you've got a guy you can ask about what the male orgasm is like - if you can't talk openly about sex with your boyfriend, then you shouldn't be doing it.
Also - remember to protect yourself from STDs and pregnancy; sex without orgasms can be depressing, but not as bad as putting yourself into a life-altering situation. Happily, you can fix the orgasm thing. Good luck.
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There is this boy that i love oh so much and we've been dating for a long time and we both go to different schools. there's this other girl though, that flirts with him alot and im scared of him liking her. what should i do?? (link)
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There's nothing you can do except trust your boyfriend. Of couse, you could also have a conversation with him about your worries - and hopefully he would respond by reassuring you.
If he says he wants to be with only you and you care for him, then the only thing to do is suck it up and trust him.
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Ok, here's my first question.
Sometimes I notice when someone asks a question, someone will reply with "I don't know and I can't help you." Well if you don't know, why did you reply? Skip it and go on.
The second is more of a philosophical question...if you clone yourself, and then have sex with your clone, are you gay, or just masturbating? Cause, you are having sex with someone of the same sex, but it IS yourself. (link)
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You know, a clone starts out as a baby. So if you are, say, 20 years old...then by the time that clone is 18, you'll be 38. I think that means you have to worry less about being gay or a rampant masturbator, and more about being a craddle snatcher.
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Me and my Boyfriend (are in our early 20's) have been together for 2 years now. We are complete opposites. (in everyway) But I cant be more the 50 miles from my mother and he wants to move back to Philly. (I live in Nevada) We love eachother but I am lost as to what to do. I will not be happy so far from family and he isnt happy here. We just want to be happy! What do I do?
The girl with the short embilicalcord! (link)
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Okay. First, you are complete opposites. Regardless of what the cute phrases about opposites may say, they aren't going to help you out in the longterm. You need to be with someone who is compatible - someone who wants to live where you want to live, someone who has the same goals in life as you, etc. Of course, this requires a bit of compromise.
If this guy was The One, I think you'd be more willing to move t be with him. At some point, you will build your own family, and your adult role in that will be more central to your life than your child role in relation to your mother.
So, what do I think you should do? Realistically evaluate your relationship. Is it GENUINELY worth investing more time in it? Are one or both or you willing to compromise about a living situation?
Do some hard thinking on your own - figure out where your priorities and boundaries are - and then speak with your boyfriend.
Good luck.
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I saw you say something about cotton underwear reducing odor. Do you mean ALL cotton? I wear satin-y type ones, they are silky, but the part that touches "there" is cotton. Should I switch to cotton to control odor? (link)
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Yes...switch for a month and see the difference. Most silk panties DO have cotton right in the crotch; that's pretty standard for any underwear.
But the silk can also trap heat, sweat, and smells. Pure cotton underwear lets the air travel freely.
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Well the other day one of my very close friends told me that she was a lezbo i mean lyk i totally support that n all but i feel wierd what should i do? (link)
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Well, she used to be someone who would date people other than you, and she's still that person now. What does it matter if she dates guys or girls?
You should be flattered that she told you; it can be very difficult for people to come out of the closet, particularly to close friends. It's often easier to tell strangers than people who have known them for years.
It'll take you time to adjust, but if you truly support her you WILL adjust. Let her know you're okay with the situation, but you just need to get used to it. It probably took her YEARS to adjust to her sexuality.
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Ever since I was a small child, I have always wanted to be a pilot. However, my vision is terrible and 20/20 vision is a strict requirement of US Air Force aviators. There is the possibility of Lasic surgery, but that is expensive and sometiems unreliable, and it has risks and side effects involved. And it can sometimes be a disqualifier from the flight program of the USAF.
Now, when I was a Senior in High School, I was originally going to sign up for the US Army Warrant Officer program. My counselor managed to persuade me not to. I applied to and got accepted to Saint Joseph's University because of their Air Force ROTC program. Then came something I was not prepared for. As always, there is a lady involved. I found, or actually, a lady found me. We have been dating for the past 4 months and I know I sound like some puppy-eyed immature teenager when say this but I love this woman, and I plan on marrying her when we get out of college. It sounds stupid, but I know what I feel and I know she feels the same way. Now here is my problem. Do I join Air Force ROTC and waste 4 years of my life as an Air Force Officer only to be rejected for my vision to the pilot program when I could be living a nice steady life with my lady? Or is there a small chance that I could possibly get accepted to the pilot program and fulfill my dream? Is that small chance worth it? It pains us both to go to separate colleges, and my lady fears having to wait for me to return from year long tours of duty. And she fears the current war going on as well. What do I do? (link)
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The first thing you need to do is speak to someone in the Air Force. My uncle was a pilot for them, and I've heard from him how rigourous the eye tests are.
You need to speak with someone in a position to know, and then you'll know whether or not your lifelong dream can come true.
Everything else follows from that.
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How long does a girl have her period? like how many days? (link)
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The average is 5-7 days. You could have heavy bleeding the entire time, light bleeding, or a mixture.
You could have bad cramps, no cramps, or some cramps. Seeing the pattern?
It's different for every female. A good idea would be to buy a calender for your room. Every time you get your period, circle the day. Continue to circle every day that you have it - you can also use this calender to write down any PMS symptoms or patterns in your bleeding.
This will help you get to know what is normal for you, as well as providing you excellent background info for when you start having gyno appointments. Once a girl starts her period, the doctor - no matter WHY you are at the doctor - will ask when the first day of your last period was.
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Alright im a guy (16)
Homecoming dance is in two weeks, but this year the girls are suposed to ask the guys.. Soooo this girl who i like a lot hadn't asked me yet, so i said yes to a good friend of mine who didnt have a date. Then the next night on the phone the girl who I really liked asked me, and i had to say no because i didnt want to ditch my friend. What can i do??? (link)
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Well, you can be a good friend and keep the date with your pal. Be sure to explain to the girl you liked that you are interested in her, but that you made a committment already.
That will show you her a trustworthy guy.
So really, you keep your friend AND know the other girl likes you. Best of both worlds, hey?
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OK...i noticed this horrible odor and after awhile i discovered it was coming from my vagina! Ughh its disgusting. I know "they say" it smells down there if you eat certain foods like meat...i had a turkey sandwhich for dinner..could that be it? or could i have some kind of infection? I really dont wanna be in school and have people notice the odor ...wat can i do to conceal it / get rid of it? Any help is good help..thanks (link)
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Yes, food can affect your vagina - but more how it tastes as opposed to smells. There are some basic steps that you, meat eater or not, should take to ensure your vagina is happy and fresh:
First, wash it daily with a non-scented soap, such as Johnson's baby soap. Make sure to get in all the crevices - they can harbour bacteria and that can lead to smells.
Next, wear vagina-friendly cotton panties. They won't allow sweat to build up as much as, say, silk or satin. Pantyhose also aren't the most friendly thing for non-smelling vaginas.
Third, if you already do these things daily and have this problem anyway, head over to a gyno. Strong smelling vagina is not normal - uninformed people will say vagina is 'supposed' to smell like fish, but this is patently untrue. A person with good hygiene WILL NOT smell strongly. Odour could be a sign of an infection. Only a gyno can diagnose you correctly.
A final note: Using sprays/perfume to 'hide' the smell won't help you. It could irritate your skin/vagina and lead to further problems; you want to make sure you treat the actual problem, not just the symptoms.
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Im in the army, been with my girlfriend 5 years. Im leaving again for iraq for the 2nd, should i ask her to marry me before i ago, just incase i dont come back. i love her with all my heart, i would give my life for her. but do you guys ever have the feeling how do you know if they are the one. its just so mind boggling to me. and advice would help.
thanks
josh (link)
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I'm married, and I just knew. I know that's not a real answer, but it's the only honest one I can give. I felt no doubts, no questions, and no hesitations. I knew the situation was right in every way - emotionally, financially, etc.
If you think you might not come back, I wouldn't ask her. You need to ask her for the RIGHT reasons, not because you feel worried about heading overseas. It's not fair to either of you, and if something DID happen to you, it would only make it harder for her.
If you are hesitant about her being 'the one', there are plenty of ways to let her know you love her. Marriage is a lifelong committment and should only be entered when you KNOW you are ready. In the meantime, make sure she knows how much you care.
Write a bunch of letters or cards and ask a family member to deliver them to her every week or so. Hide little post-it notes around her room. Spend some nice quality time with her before you leave, and call her as much as you can once you are overseas.
I wish you the best of luck, both in Iraq and with your love life. I'm sure both will be fine.
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I have this really bad problem with acne. Its weird and i never heard of anybody else having it. I like to pop my zits. I know thats gross, but i just cant help myself. its like an addiction, i love the way it feels. Its almost like how a cutter feels when they cut themselves. Its a type of release. Im not being covered with scars, because ive been popping them for several years. I want to stop but i cant seem to stop. When i tell people they think its a joke. I'm afraid to take off my shirt in public now. What should i do before i become one big crater!!! (link)
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Well, there's nothing wrong with popping your zits. You're obviously doing it in an alright way if you are not leaving scars - the only problem is that picking at your acne can often make it worse. You don't give things a chance to heal.
The best thing would be to try to stop for two weeks - wash your face with a product containing salycilic acid at least once a day (but no more than twice), keep hydrated, and in two weeks time you might not have any zits left to pop!
I don't think this is something you should worry about. Plenty of people pop their zits, and I imagine most get a certain satisfaction about it. I wouldn't obsess over this - you are normal mentally, and now you just have to try to help your skin out!
Good luck.
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my boyfriend and i have been having troubles. He's a great guy, dont get me wrong, and i love him... but we have been together a long time and the cracks are starting to show. To top it off there is another guy i am interested in, and it has been heating up slowly for a while now with him. I am really attracted to him. I dont know whether to risk it and get with the new guy, or stay with what i know...what do i do? (link)
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I'd think about where things stand with your boyfriend. 'Cracks' start to show with ANY relationship - after a significant amount of time together, you leave the honeymoon phase and enter the reality of loving another flawed human.
If your boyfriend is worth it to you, you will stay. If he is not, then you should leave.
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this my sound kinda dumb but on that naughty by nature song "o.p.p." what does o.p.p. stand for?
i know its something sexual but i am not quite sure (link)
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'Other People's Persons.' You know, their pee-pees and weenises.
The whole OPP thing bugged me when the song first came out, but consequently, I remember 10 years later what top secret initials mean. Go me!
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