asksunshine
advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: OK.. heres the deal..

I am 14 years old i weigh 225 lbs..*damn right * and i really need 2 loose weight! i know i can loose 10 lbs a month.. i want to loose 80 lbs. by the end of may.. i have been trying over the summer and that.. its been working good i lost 20 lbs.. but all of a sudden i started gaining weight!! i have been eatting better and excirsing more and everything.. does anyone know what 2 do?
I went on the Atkins diet and lost 50 lbs in 3 months. It's kinda strict but you don't have to count calories or fat grams. The only exercise I did was walking 3o minutes a day at least 3 times a week. You can find all the info you need about the Atkins diet at www.atkins.com

Good luck!

Q: My ex-boyfriend cheated on me, twice. When we broke up, I had no idea he had done this and when we got into a huge fight he told me. I feel so hurt, worthless and betrayed. He was the only boy I ever truly loved and he had told me he felt the same. We've been talking now, and he says he still loves me and wants me back. His sorry's aren't taking away the heartache but I still love him more than anything. I don't know if I can trust him yet and he's cheated on other girfriends. Do you think he could really mean it this time? I can never seem to move on from him and he regrets cheating completely. What am I supposed to do or say?
I guess I'm a bit cynical when it comes to cheating. I'm a firm believer in once a cheater always a cheater. There are two things that I absolutely do not tolerate in a relationship and that's abuse and cheating. When you look at it cheating is really a form of abuse...emotional abuse.

Q: i have a problem with my ex boyfriend.... when i was going out with him he hit me a few times.... twisted my arm and hurt my side and i have bruses from him.... but lately i have been with him more and more and then last nite he kissed me and he told me that he loved me still... i don't know what to do?
If he's done it once he'll do it again. If you go back to him after he hit you, then you're giving him permission to do it again. If he really loved you, he would have never hit you in the first place.

I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but this comes from personal experience. My ex-boyfriend yelled at me alot and one day he pushed me against the wall. He apologized and said he loved me, and I forgave him because he hadn't technically hit me. About a month later, we got into an argument and he slapped me across the face. I lost it, and I punched him as hard as I could, and broke his nose.

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that you should hit him, but you shouldn't allow yourself to be abused. I should have recognized the potential for abuse the first time he shoved me, but I didn't. I chose not to allow myself to remain a victim, and you can make that choice too.
You deserve someone who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

Q: I have a really really sore throat, what are some home remedies to cure it?
Take a cup of warm water and dissolve an aspirin and 4 tablespoons of salt in the water. Use it to gargle. It tastes bad, but it really helps.

Q: I heard what you said about the piece of gum thing and it really touched me! i have slept with 3 guys.. but not really if you can hear me out. The each guy put in in for about max of 1 min but it hurt so bad and i realized i didnt want to so i made them take it out. My cherry didnt pop or anything. Please tell me if i can still be concederd a virgin!! Also does oral count? Much Luv,
Oral sex doesn't necessarily count towards losing your virginity, but it counts towards sexual experience. (Does that make sense?) I'm sorry to say, because there was penetration, you can no longer be considered a virgin.

But it's not to late to start over. You can become a "re-virgin". You can make the decision now to not have sex until your wedding night or at least until you're in a loving commited relationship.

Sex has become to casual. Sex should be treated as an ultimate expression of love and nothing less.

As I've said before, follow your heart and everything else will fall into place.

Sorry I took so long to answer your question, but I hope I helped, and if you have any other questions please drop them in my inbox.

Q: okay well i've always told myself that i'm going to wait until marriage before i have sex... but now that i'm older and in highschool i've faced reality. and i'm not gonna kid myself. if i'm ready to have sex, i'm going to. of course i'm gonna wait for the guy i love, but still. everyone always says "wait til marriage" but in reality WHO REALLY DOES? and even if i have sex with a guy and we break up and regret it, that doesnt mean i'm gonna be depressed for the rest of my life would it? so whats the big deal? who agrees.
While having this same discussion with a couple of guy friends, one of them said something that I'll never forget.

He said, "Choosing a wife is like choosing a pack of gum. Would you prefer a nice fresh pack all to yourself, or a pack that everyone's already had a piece of?"

Another guy said. "The greatest gift that a wife can give to her husband is herself, and knowing that I would be the only one to receive that gift would make it so much more special."

If you choose to not wait until you are married and end up regretting it, you won't be depressed for the rest of your life. But sex is a very big deal. You should respect yourself enough not to do anything that you'll regret.

I guess all you can do is follow your heart and everything else will fall into place.

Q: How do you delete a question you have already asked? Thanks
You can't.

Q: my dog sheds like a mofo! i mean all i do is touch him and then my hand looks like a gorillas its so hairy...hes only a beagle what can i do?
Brush him ofter to remove all the loose hair. Also make sure that you are feding him a good quality dog food that's high in protein.

Q: i just burned myself on the oven rack in my oven. its blistering now, will i have a scar? it was 450 degrees to let you know...any advice?
I burned my arm on the oven rack of a 350 degre oven about 4 years ago and I still have a scar. It's not that noticable though, because once it was healed I rubbed it at least 3 times a day with cocoa butter lotion. Cocoa butter helps to reduced the redness of a scar. Hope I helped!

Q: Ok, I just started becoming closer friends with this girl this year, and now she WON'T STOP CALLING ME!! Like, every single day, twice a day! I don't wanna talk on the phone with her every day. How do I get her to stop calling without hurting her feelings?
Blame it on your parents. Tell her that your parents don't like for you to talk on the phone much, so she shouldn't call to often.

Q: ok this might sound really weird but...

What is the difference between acne, pimples, and zits?

thanx if u answer me i will rate you a 5!
Pimples and zits are the same thing. Acne is what you have when you break out regularly.

Q: im 13 and never had a boyfriend. How old were you when you got your first boyfriend??
I was 13 when I got my first boyfriend. I had lots of guy friends and eventually one of them became my boyfriend.

Q: ok so this guy is always messing with my head it seems...
1st time- he told me he did and completely acted like it and held hands with me and all that stuff then he goes off and likes this other really pretty girl & he said he didnt like me nemore

2nd time- after he learns he has no chance with Kim (really pretty girl) he says he likes me again and we hugged for like ever and acted like it once more

hes always calling me whipped but its kinda his way of flirting...joking like that.. before he started liking Kim he told this guy he wasnt gonna ask me out....im so confused about what hes doing here...
someone help?
and hes older than me and i dont get to do all the stuff that the school does for his grade and the girls that also like him get to go so i feel kinda left out and not knowing what hes doing with them
:-/
It sounds to me like he's settling for second best, and you shouldn't stand for it. It seems like he likes you only when he thinks he has no chance with Kim. Don't put up with it. You deserve someone who will like you and only you.

Q: what should you use to ease the itching/stinging/swelling of a bee sting?
rubbing alcohol or toothpaste--My brother ran into a bee hive while riding a 4-wheeler. He got stung at least 50 times. He rubbed himself down with rubbing alcohol, then put a little dab of toothpaste on each sting.

Q: my cousin is really overweight she was over earlier this night and she was telling me about how she wants to kill herself because ever one teases her about how fat she is. its really hard for her to find clothes and she feels like she shouldnt be alive i guess. shes only 14 in 9th grade and weighs im guessin 230. she hates bein around people cause they always pick on her, and she hardly goes out of the house and last year she hardly went to school because of it. can you guys help me out by giving me some excercizes she can do or what not to eat? and should she see a doctor? because they think she might have thighroids or something. thanks. also how long would it take her to lose like 35 pounds?
I went on the atkins diet and lost 50 lbs in 3 months. The main exercise that I did was walking for at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week. She can find all the info that she needs at atkins.com. Hope I helped.

Q: OK here's the deal. I smoke cigarettes .. yes I know all the bad stuff about it already and I know I shouldn't do it, blah blah blah. My best friend doesn't know tho. Shes my best friend in the entire world and I hate keeping this from her. A couple of people who she doesnt like know I smoke. She doesnt even know i talk to them. I hate keeping it from her. I dont want to quit. She thinks smoking is really stupid. How can I tell her about it ?
She probably already knows and she's just waiting for you to be honest with her. Since she's a non-smoker she can smell the cigarettes on you, even if you can't smell it on yourself. So just come clean with her.

Q: [Sorry about the lengh, but I need some advice=)}About a year and a half ago, I met a guy who changed my life. When one of my best friends introduced us, I didn't really think anything of it. We hardly ever saw eachother, but talked often and had the most deep, intriguing conversations that would last for hours on end. We had a connection, somthing I had never felt before...but there, of course, was a problem...He lived an hour away. We were 14 at the time, and, me , being an only child, continued to be extremley protected by my parents when it came to dating. I saw him literally once every 6 months, and it would always be someplace public, with each one of our friends involved. A year later, and a year older, my parents agreed to take me out there for a few hours so we could finnaly be together. After that visit, we started seeing eachother more and more often, and our love grew stronger and stronger. My parents started allowing me to spend the night, and I have made so many new, interesting friends. The summer, amazing, every weekend me and him would spend together. Now that school started again, it came to realization that we have different lives, and a lot of things are going to interfere with our relationship. I am in love, and every minute i spend thinking about him...but I'm afraid that our distance, even if it is only an hour away, is going to damage our connecton. I see couples in the hallway at school, around town, and other places, and it makes me so depressed, I never take any time spent with him for granite. Some people really don't know how lucky they are to have such a great person becasue they're always with them. So I guess my question is, how do I keep this relationship strong, despite the fact that I am not around to see his actions. I mean, I trust him, and he trusts me, but all the girls I know from his town love him. He's a ladies man and I am so very jelous. I wish i could do somthing, but he always brings up how far away i am, thats why we held off going steady until the summer....please i really need some intelligent advice.

Thank you for reading this...
If he cares about you as much as you seem to care for him, then you should have nothing to worry about. If he cares for you, he won't do anything to hurt you. Just keep making time for you to spend together as often as possible.

Q: this is going to be long...

I have this gut feeling that my brother is gay. I really believe that he is. I don't have a problem with it or anything because I love gay people. His best friend is bisexual even though he won't admit it. He's kissed guys in the back of school and I've seen him and he also kisses girls. So I pretty much know he's bi. So getting back to my brother, I just really think that he's gay! I swear it's like i have gay-dar or something like that, he's always staring at my boyfriend when he comes over, when he has his friends over, they are in his room for like 2 freakin hours WITH THE DOOR LOCKED and if he hears me walking up to the door he yells at me. I mean come on, he's never had a girlfriend and he always says he doesn't want one and that he'd never get married. He says, and I will quote, "Girls are a waste of my time." When I told some of my friends that I thought he was gay, they all responded with "I always knew something was up with your brother." Or something along those lines. Even guys that barely know my brother say that he's gay. My only worry is that my dad is homophobic, and my mom said that she'd be really upset if she found out that he was gay even though she has gay friends. How do I tell my mom of my suspicions? If it's true how would my dad react in the future when he comes out? How can I deal with this??
Before you do anything you need to try to find out for sure if your suspicions are right. Try to talk to your brother, and let him know that you accept him for who he is. I don't think you should tell your mom of your suspicions, because it's really not your place. Your brother may not be ready to admit it to anyone, especially if he hasn't accepted it himself. Just be there for him when he's ready to come out, if he is in fact gay.

Q: Hey! Okay, well I am 14 female.. about 5'7 235lbs! I know... FATTY! but still... So, i wanted to go to this weightloss school but it was almost 6,000$ and across the U.S. for me so my mom was like NO WAY! but first I wanted to get homeschooled. and then again No! so I was like Private school.. Too much money she said.. I have 4 sisters n she is seperated from my dad!! So yeah, I have to go to a public school (freshman) n alot of ppl make fun of me.. I cant run fat or anything.. n i wanna start losing weight now, pick up my speed, and then just be a whole new me next yr.. i used to play softball, and i was well good at it.. but got too old to play slow pitch!! I mean im not saying i have no friends or anything.. but my thighs, but, stomach, arms, n etc... I know.. drink water n blah blah! but nothing works for me.. im probably gonna get Slim in 6 (www.beachbody.com) but I dunno if it will work or not.. im thinking i wanna lose 100lbs or so n sorta fat but like not too fast! i just wanna be left alone n not singled out everytime i go somewhere with a bunch "skinny" ppl, and this sumemr i was gonna change everything but stayed n side n was lazy!! n now 2days b4 school starts i wanna chnage everything!! i know its gonna take time but i wanna try sommin n see if it works.. i need lots of ideas, help, motivation, and support!! I seriously want a whole new me. i mean the "stretch marks" are ugly n never gonna go away so ill always remember being fat, i just want it to stop!! i wanna be the one not scared to speak up, and express what i think, i wanna be the one telling the person not to be making fun of someone, not the one being made fun of!! I want to change me!! have a high self esteem n just have fun!! so yeah u think u can help??? I'd rlly appreciate it!!! Any advice will help me .. i mean have any of u ever been n the same position or anything?? I was thinking baout even killing myself once, and i wanna "throw up" wut i eat but i dunno if thats smart, its like i cant stick to anything.. all i know is i wanna look good ... fast... not for boys... but for me.. n for all the teasing to stop!! I ask u all hoping for help!! Thanks alot, xOxOxO
I went on the atkins diet and lost 50 pounds in 3 months. I walked for 30 minutes a day at least 3 times a week. I drink green tea every morning and at least a gallon of water a day. The atkins diet is tough, but it really works. You find out all the info at www.atkins.com

Good luck...Hope I helped...If you have any other questions feel free to drop them in my inbox.

Q: Hey, I'm 21 years old and female. I have a problem. My boyfriend of 4 years (5 October 3rd!) and I havent had sex yet. He is really not that kindof guy to ask for sex or anything. He's really patient and all we have do is makeout. We were best friends for 2 years before going out and he really respects me. I am ready to lose my virginity to him, because after 5 years of going out shouldent it be time to have some fun? lol I have been on birth control for 2 months just incase when I do ask him if he wants to have sex, he will say yes. I want to tell him I want to lose it on our anniversary but I'm really scared because how am I gonna start the conversation of sex? And since he really respects me and cares for me I think he wouldent want to. But I'm not 16 anymore, I'm a woman and I want to do this. I love him a lot and I just dont know how to ask if he wants to do this! We are talking about marriage so should we just wait till were married? Help!
I don't see any reason why you should have to have a conversation before hand. You can set up a really romantic evening to celebrate your anniversary. Maybe a candlelight dinner, or something like that. Then just let nature take it's course. When ya'll start making out, you can just whisper in his ear that you don't want him to stop or that you want to make love to him. Then if the time is truly right, it'll happen.

But on the other hand, what would be more special than making love to the man of your dreams for the first time ever, on your wedding night.

Follow your heart and everything else will fall into place.

bio
sunshine
I can give advice to anyone of any age, because I'm still young enough to be able to relate to the problems that teens face, but I'm not so young that I haven't had to deal with adult issues. So if you have any questions, just drop them in my inbox, and I'll answer them as soon as I can.


Info
Gender:
Female

Location:
Southern Louisiana

Occupation:
Freelance Artist

Age:
32

Member Since:
August 16, 2004

Answers:
330

Last Update:
May 3, 2014

Visitors:
29916

Main Categories:







layout by Adam Particka

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker