cloudy_conscience's advice column

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Q: ok, so i watched a tv commercial for a yeast infection thing and i think it got me kinda paranoid. but i am 13 by the way and i used a coat hanger (once)as a dildo for like only a minute and just found out i can get an infection but how do i know if i do??? then when i stck my finger in there it kinda hurts a little bit, not sure if it's "burning" but is that normal? i don't have any wierd discharge or really bad smelling vagina, but it was a little itchy for like a couple minutes but it would probably have to itch more than a couple minutes for an infection.
i just want to know if it is normal to have some pain when i stick my finger in me??? and if it sounds like i have an infection or if im just paranoid???

I do NOT think that you have an infection, but of course I am also NOT a doctor. Please Please PLEASE do not use foreign objects that are not meant to be inserted inside your vagina for masterbation. It is very dangerous, not only because of infection, but you could damage yourself by using them. Use your finger or figure out a way to get a dildo or vibrator, or the water pressure from a shower head. But do NOT stick anything else up inside you that is NOT meant to be there, please.

Hope I Helped :)

Q: I want to start using Mirena, which is a small insert that your doctor puts in. But i dont know if theres any horror storys about it.

Does anyone use this type of birth control, and if so what are the pro's and cons?

There are risks with any sort of birth control, I suggest sitting down with your doctor and discussing what is best for you because everyone is different. Your doctor can tell you about all the different types of birth control, along with the risks that are associated with each different method. Now that being said, my mother used Mirena and had no difficulties with it. Here is a link to a website with more information on it(its the official Mirena site):

http://www.mirena-us.com/index.jsp?WT.mc_id=MIS119493&WT.srch=1

It has different sections that say "Is Mirena right for me?," 'What is Mirena?', etc.
Good Luck & Hope I Helped :)

Q: 17/male im a virgin ive been with my girlfriend over 7 months shes also 17 and weve talked about having sex shes also a virgin she keeps talking about having sex shes keen im really nervous about it my penis is really small its 3.5 inches erect im worried i wont be able to please her
i dont want it to be bad our first time im worried im too small will i be able to satisfy her?

I wouldn't worry about it too much, afterall you are both virgins. As they say its not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. Focus on foreplay, the more worked up you get her before actual intercourse the better. Also use positions that give better penetration like doggie style, missionary, etc. Don't stress yourself out about it too much, the more nervous you get about the worse its going to be. Be confident, girls like confidence, act like you know what you are doing even when you don't.
I hope that I helped you :)
Good Luck.

Q: My boyfriend & I are starting college this fall. But, (we haven't picked schools yet) chances are our colleges are going to be hundreds of miles apart.

My dilemma: I have no idea what the hell we're going to do when we have to live in different states. I don't know if i'm going to be able to put up with a long distance relationship. It's not that I don't want us to be together, I just don't think I'll take the time apart well. What can I do? Do long-distance relationships EVER work out? How much more work are they?

Also, how can I talk to my boyfriend about this without it sounding like a sugarcoated version of "i dont' think we'll last past high school"?

Long distance relationships are very very difficult to maintain, but it is totally possible. It really takes lots of dedication and effort from both parties that are involved. I think that the best thing for you to do is to sit down with your boyfriend and voice your concerns, let him know that you care about him deeply but that the thought of a long-distance relationship makes you nervous. Then you guys can talk about what you will both do to make it work, like how many phone calls a day, take photos together to put up in your rooms, emails, text frequently, visits, etc. If you just sit him down and tell him straight up what you are worried about, then work through how you guys can make it work, it will not only bring you closer as a couple but make you both feel more secure about the long distance relationship. They can work, not very often, but it is possible if you both really WANT it to work :)

Q: What books made you cry? Anywhere from one tear to full out sobbing.
Please, nothing that has been made into a movie within the last 5years. (i.e The Lovely Bones, My sister's Keeper).
Please, have it writen in first person and have the main charecter be a girl.

I know this is a lot to ask and very specific, but please help me out. Thanks!

Anything by Jodi Picoult are marvelous emotional novels, like The Pact(love story). You said nothing that has been made into a movie in the last 5 years, but Dear John is an amazing book, & supposibly different from the movie, which I heard sucked haven't seen it. Nicolas Sparks in general also tend to be a great author and has very emotional novels.
Tuesday's With Morrie & 5 People You Meet In Heaven(both by Mitch Albom) is a pretty good book, 19 Minutes(by Jodi Picoult)amazing about a school shooting, Go Ask Alice is great, Speak also amazing(by Laurie Halse Anderson), A Child Called It and the other books that follow it are so very very sad, P.S. I Love You is the greatest book in the univers and so uber sad, Lucky is by the same person who wrote Lovely Bones its pretty good.
Thats all I can think of right off the top of my head, but my mother is a highschool librarian and I am always reading so when I think of some more I will come back or you can email me for some more titles :)
Hope I Helped.
bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com

Q: I was molested when I was between 6-8 years old. It's funny in a sick way because I can't even remember how old I actually way, I can't remember the names of the two boys, I can hardly even remember the sex. I remember the fear so vividly that my heart's racing as Im'm typing this. It's also funny because a decade passed where I didn't feel anything about what happened. I never cried about it, talked about it, I barely entertained the thought of it, not because it was painful but because it was like an errant thought. It was like losing your tooth, just a part of life. I actually feel immensely stupid now when I think of all the effects of that incident that I never recognized to have been caused by that. Until a couple days ago, I never even associated the word 'molested,' with what happened. It was just a thing. Recently, this scrawny, awkward, pathetic boy decided to 'stalk,' me. I could've broken him in two if I wanted, but he scared the life out of me and I didn't understand why. The next day I found myself on the bathroom floor crying like I'd never thought I would over something that seemed so unimportant. I wanted to cut myself and I wanted to bleed and feel pain like I'd never felt it before- that was the first time in months I ever got the urge to cut. I wanted every vice I could lay my hands on to drown myself in the ridiculious nature of my problems. I never realized that my molestation was the reason I'd be afraid of a room of men, or that I was afraid when my boyfriend (at the time) tried to hold on to me or kiss me aggresively, that I hated intimacy with people of any sort, that I hated any man who'd disrespect my body in any way. It's like someone telling you that you were asleep for 10 years and you've been woken up to a world u don't want to be in. I've been through hell and back...but molestation....can that, something I barely remember yet so vividly feel, could have really been controlling my life for so long? It hurts me in the pit of my stomach and at the back of my throat when I think about it, and now I have to deal with this thing that I've let control me for so long. I cud've dealt with it if it happened recently, but a decade ago..I don't know where to begin. I feel stupid and helpless and I don't even know what i'm trying to ask.

I think that you should go and talk to someone about your feelings, this is a very tramatic situation. Yes, something that you don't THINK you remember well can very much control your life. When you're body or mind goes through a tramatic physical or emotional trama it will often times repress the memories to protect itself from relieving the pain again. But subconsciously you remember everything that you felt, although you don't realize it.
You can either go to a counselor or therapist, or even just go to someone that you really trust, maybe you just need someone to listen without judgement. I think that a counselor may be a your best bet because you really seem like you are struggling with this emotionally and because it IS effecting your life so much. You should not feel ashamed of any of your feelings, you just need to sort through them, accept them, acknowledge them, and then move on. Also since you don't know how to begin sorting through your feelings a counselor would be able to help you figure out everything that you are feeling and how you can overcome those feelings.
I am truly sorry that this happened to you, but I hope that you learn from it and that it can empower you and maybe you can reach out to others and help them.
Hope I Helped :)
PS. If you have any other questions, or just want to talk you can email me at bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com.

Q: Most guys don't want you to come crawling back to them right? because my boyfriend just VERY recently broke up with me and hasn't talked to me.I plan on not contacting him,changing my relationship status,changing my facebook picture,and making my status's look like im moving on because I know he will see them.I want him back more than anything.Am I doing the right thing by pretty much not acknowledging him? Usually I end up begging and repeatedly contacting and it has NEVER EVER worked.advice?

Guys hate hate hate clingy girls that beg for their forgiveness and frankly it is very pathetic and degrading to the woman and women everywhere if you ask me. As for advice, I would do evrything you said, go out have fun, meet some guys, and just be single. If he can't realize what he has lost then he really seriously isn't worth the time of day :)
Hope I Helped.

Q: 17/f

well i sorta have a hairy stomach and back. like you can see the hairs up close, but from far away its not noticable. like the hairs are light brown. anyways.. i'm wondering if i should shave the hairs off? or leave them on? Waxing is not an option.

If i shave it, will the hairs grow back darker and faster? like leg hair?

thanks!

Yes Yes they will, I had a good friend that did this and those hairs grew back thicker, blacker, and faster than before, do not do it. What I would recommend using something like veet, that ways its not waxing but its better than shaving.
Hope I Helped :)

Q: i need some help with this dream.. can someone tell me what it means or anything? thank you. 17/f junior in highschool. [sorry if its long]

in my dream i was sleeping, when my dad walked into my room and told me that i got a 20 out of 150% on the math part of the HSPA [its a test that tells you if you pass junior year or not, and if you dont pass, then you take a class for the entire year of senior year and you take the test again, if you fail again, then you dont graduate] and then my dad walked out of my room. i felt really upset, went into my shower and cried. then some lady appeared sitting on my toilet and was trying to help me with math problems. and i kept crying and stomping my feet. then my boyfriend was in the bathroom trying to comfort me and telling me that it was going to be okay. but i kept crying and i sat in the bathtub with the shower still on, and cried saying, this cant be happening to me. then i got back up and stomped my right foot in the shower again and spots of blood appeared on the bottom of the tub whenever i put my foot down, but it kept getting washed away by the water. so then i looked at the bottom of my right foot, andf there were too small dots of blood, in the middle of my foot. one spot right by my toes [entered] and one like 1 inch down and away from it [centered] i told the lady i was bleeding and that i needed to go get it fixed. she looked at me dissapointed and sighed then said i could go. so when i was getting out of the shower, my boyfriend was trying to rap me up in a towel, but i didnt want him to see my vagina, so i kept covering it up. and then finally i got a robe on and he walked with me downstairs, but i was hopping so i didnt have to walk on my foot. we got all the way to the basement, where my friend was and she was doing laundry. i showed her what happened and she lectured me then took some sauce out of a jar that you would put on spagehtti and smeared it over the cuts on my foot. then put the rest on a piece of bread and gave it to me, then sent me on my way. i didnt want my boyfriend to see the bread because i thought it was gross, and then we went back upstairs, no while we were going up the second set of stairs, i saw my sister being taught math and she was smiling and happy, and my boyfriend was trying to lift me up the stairs since i could not walk on my foot. and i said, "you dont have to help me." and he said, "but i want to." and i said, "its okay, i dont need your help." but he proceeded to lift me up by my elbows and i was like, "im a very independent person." and he was like, "i want to help you."

... thats all i can remember though, sorry it was so long, but can anyone help me?! please! thank you!

Now I am no dream expert, but I think more often than not our dreams are just a mix of random things that we are either worried about, were thinking about right before we went to sleep, etc. So I would think that you are worried about either that test, or something else big like that. As for the boyfriend thing maybe you are trying to tell yourself to let people help you out more and maybe you are insecure about your body with him haha, I really don't know. As for the rest of it it seems like just some random things stuck in there :)
You can probably search for a book about dream interpretation somewhere that might be able to help you figure out some more things.
Hope I Helped :)

Q: so I have thus really good friend and we talk a lot and he always brings up the one time we kissed, but it was nothing, and he always talks about how he wants to hook up with me and he always ask me if I want to hook up with him, and a couple days ago we were talking about how far we would ever go with each other..so do most guys just want to hook up or do they really like the girl?
we are both 16

It really depends on the guy, now in my experience the ones who just want to hook up with you are the ones who try way too hard and talk about it ALL the time, and it is really hard to find a really good guy although it is possible. You have to realize that they are 16 year old boys, their hormones are raging, and it is pretty much proven that they always think about sex haha, the good ones are the ones who at least try and pretend that they aren't pigs.
Not all men are pigs though, there are some good ones out there, but they are few and far between. It sounds like this guy is just looking to hook up with you, don't ever hook up with a guy because they pressure you. It needs to be your choice and because you want to do it. You'll figure out soon enough how to determine who wants in your pants and who actually wants a part in your life :)
Hope I Helped.

Q: so ive been dating this guy for coming on 6 months not we are really close and we get along perfect.unfortunetly we dont go to the same school... at his school he has a friend that is a girl. lets call her...kim. anyways so kim has told him that he finds him cute and that his girlfriend (me) is the luckiest girl in the world.. also she is constantly wrighting in his face book wall and texting him.. she claims that she really wants to meet me and hangout with me but for some reason it really bothers me.
am i just being over protective? what should i do?

You're just being a girl, there is no girl in the entire universe that doesn't get intimidated by a girl friend that he boyfriend has. What you have to do is trust your boyfriend, if you know he loves/cares about you then be secure enough to let him be friends with her. Guys love it when their girl trusts them and doesn't panic just because he has a girl that is his friend.
& I also want to add that guys and girls CAN be JUST friends, my best friend just happens to a guy and also my exboyfriend, yes my husband had difficulties with it at first but once he got to know him he was fine with it. We are all best friends and hang out all the time together.
I advise hanging out with her and getting to know her, you will be able to tell if she is one of those girls would steal your man or is too nice for it :)
Hope I Helped.

Q: Hi! I am in high school and am struggling a lot this year. I have always done so well in school but I don't know what has happened this year. We got a report from our teacher's last week and I am failing two classes, actually. I'm not sure what to do and I'm very ashamed of this. I know I'm going to have to tell my parents because I seriously need some help. How do I tell them in a way that they won't be so upset with me? I've lied to them for the past few weeks about how well school is going so this is going to be a shock that I'm not failing just one class but TWO. Like I said, this is the first time I've really had a hard time in school...

So Lost

Its not your fault and its nothing to be ashamed of, everyone struggles. I was always a straight A student, but when I was a freshman I had to get tutored in Geometry because I was failing, luckily I got it in time and managed a B in the class, I never really struggled after that and went on to graduate with honors and in the top 10 of my class. Everyone needs help sometimes and you must know how to ask for it.
Simply sit your parents down and tell them the truth. That although you have been trying your best you have been struggling in 2 classes and are not doing so well in either of them, tell them that you believe that you need a tutor or some other help in these areas. Im sure that they will not be made, in fact they will probably find it very mature that you came to them and let them know that you were having problems and want help. Asking for help is the bravest thing to do :)
Things will work out just fine.
Hope I Helped.

Q: I saw your response to a question about breaking up with your boyfriend, and I saw that you said you were together with your ex for three years.. here is my story...

I'm in need of help, I'm so confused. I'm dating this wonderful guy. He is honestly great, when i picture myself married, i see me married to him and no one else. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 17. Young. I never thought I would be with him three and a half years later. Well I graduated in 2009 and this past summer we broke up before my grad party, got back together, broke up and I dated someone else. I missed him a lot, and was jealous bc he went on a date with another girl. We got back together, not right away, but we 'talked" and got back together in Nov. Well recently I have been feeling that I was never a normal teenager, that it was taken away from me bc I was with one guy for so long.
I love him more than anything, but I still wanna be 18.
My worries, i'm worried that if we take a break again that I will release I was wrong and that I want him back, but he wont be there. Im scared that if i let him go now, that down the road when Im ready to get married, I wont have or find another great guy like him, basically like karma.
I hate when people are disappointed in me and idk if thats another reason that is holding me back from being me, or not. I dont want him to hate, and I dont want to regret this. I know he is in love with me.. I even talked to him tonight about this. He said it sounded like I was questioning our relationship, which I guess I am, but really im trying to find out if i want to be an 18 year old girl, or stay feeling like a 20 something married women.
Ughh i just dont know. I do realize what I have, hes the guy every girl wishes they could get. he was there for me for a lot! i really just am at lost at what to do. I told him I wish we didnt find each other so young, but at the end of the day, we did and we cant change that.. Im scared to regret breaking up with him.. Please please please help me.. Tell me anything..

Woah this question is like major deja vu, you sound just like me. I did care about the boy I was with, but I didnt feel like I was experiencing things that teenagers should experience. I felt like something wasn't right, but like you was afraid it was a mistake and that I would regret it. I also hate for people to be disappointed in me and his mother and I were uber close and it really bothered me to think about her pain in the whole situation. In the end it came down to this, I wasn't happy were I was at and it really wasnt fair to him for me to stay with him and possibly keep him from finding "The One." I ended it and yes it was the hardest decision that I have ever made, but now looking back on it I know it was the right thing for the both of us. We are both very happy now, I began dating my husband shortly after this and we were married about 6 months ago. I do not regret this and don't feel like I have missed anything. My ex and I are now best friends and he is with a girl he really cares for as well :)
Every situation is different and you really have to act based on your own feelings. Now if I had stayed with my ex it wouldnt have lasted and I would have probably still felt as though I was missing something, were as when I'm with my husband I never feel like Im missing anything. I know I am right where I am supposed to be, yes we have problems but everyone does. I just know that I love him more than anything and that we belong together. You can't stay with him just because he is a great guy and you are afraid of mistakes, but don't break up with him just because you are scared either. You have to really sit down, weigh the pros & cons, think about how you are feeling and where you want things to go from here, its going to be hard and hurt alot but its worth it in the end. Once you figure out where you want to be and where you are meant to be you will feel lots better :)
I really hope that I helped and if you have any other questions send me another question or email me if you would like a more private conversation. bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com

Q: What years of ford trucks had manual locking hubs?

I think it just depends on the model, I know my husband's '87 &'96 fords had locking hubs and some of the newer models do also :)
Hope I Helped a little.

Q: i missed my period took a pregnancy test came back negative what should i do

There are multiple reasons for your period to either not come or just be late, you could be pregnant & it just be to early for a test to show it, I would wait another week or so & take another test if it is still negative I would go to your gynecologist. Your hormones could also be out of wack, if you are stressed this could cause changes in menstration, if your activity level has increased or decreased drastically this could also cause changes. So as you can see there are a multitude of reasons for menstration problems.
As I said I would wait a bit, take another test, & go from there, or if you don't feel like waiting go on to the doctor & see what they tell you :)
Hope I Helped.

Q: I need to break up with my long-dist relationship boyfriend. We've been dating 7 months. There's no real reason to break up except..I sent him a pic that wasn't me. I know, I know. I'm too ashamed to tell him the truth, and I'm supposed to be 'visiting' him in a month. I need to end it, what do I say? I don't want to hurt his feelings, so nothing like 'I don't love you anymore' or whatever.

I was thinking of saying something along the lines of my dad disapproves, and I have to end it with you, or he'll kick me out or something. I know, just lying more. But seriously, I just want to get out of this now, it's my own fault and I know now to never do it again. Any help would be appreciated, thanks.

Well as you already know or Im sure have realized, lying is not a good thing to do ever & can get you into bad situations, anyway. I don't think that you should lie to the kid again, I mean that I think is more cruel than telling him the truth about it. Are you sure you want to break up with him, if you aren't then maybe you could make a joke like oops I just realized I sent you a picture of my sister/cousin/other female realtive or friend instead of me, here is a pic of me. If you are sure you want to break up with him just tell him that you aren't sure what you want at his point in your life. Tell him you have a lot going on & want to focus on school or your job, or tell him that you feel like you need to figure out what you want & where you want your life to go from here & you feel like you just don't need to be in a relationship at this point. Let him know that it has nothing to do with him & that you think he is a sweet guy & you do care about him & have enjoyed these 7 months but feel as though being in a relationship with him isn't fair to him if you arent in it 100%.
I really hope you learned your lesson about lying & hope that my advice is helpful to you.
Let me know if there is anything else that I can help you with :)

Q: I'm a virgin and on friday my boyfriend and I almost had sex. He didn't go all the way in. I'm getting nervous cuz my stomach feels really bloated. I have some side pains that are kinda like period ones but not as strong...i'm really scared...what do i do?

First of all, don't get nervous & stress out about it because if you stress out about it then you can actually mess up your period making you think that you are pregnant when in reality you are not. Stay calm, if you miss your period, buy an at home pregnancy test & take it, then go from there. Stress is one of the leading causes of missed or late periods, your stomach pains are probably in your head because there are usually no pregnacy symptoms until you are a couple weeks along.
Secondly, you really need to use some protection, whether its condoms or birth control or whatever you choose, sex is very serious & you need to be smart about it. If you are thinking of becoming sexually active then you need to either speak to your parents about it or go to your local clinic & speak to them about your options for birth control.
Hope I Helped.

Q: okay well in 6th grade i decided to go to this shcool with all my friends were at! i wasnt zoned to that school but my mom made some paperwork so i could go to this school! i was really happy but sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice? im in 7th grade now and all the drama and fights are driving me crazy! im not the person i used to be! i used to be fun and happy and now im the total oppisate! sometimes i just want to move to another school and just start fresh! im very stressed out right now and i dont even want to go to school anymore! i could easily go to the other school im zoned to but im not sure? i need advice! what should i do?im so confused!!! :(

I think you made the right decision, of course you want to be around your friends. & moving now won't help anything really, there is drama & fighting in every school especially hihg school. If I were you I would just ignore all the drama & go about your own business, thats what I did in high school. I wanted nothing to do with the drama so I just stayed out of it, no matter where you go to school theres drama. & theres drama once you get out of high school & into the world there is drama as well, you better get used to it as bad as it sucks :P
Hope I Helped.

Q: how can I commit suicide without making a big deal for others out of it, finding body, cleaning up, anyone finding me. Iam 64 worn out tired need out.

Suicide is never the answer, although you may feel hopeless & be in pain & tired of living, it will hurt everyone around. Suicide is actually a very selfish act, think about how everyone around you will be effected. I suggest going to talk to a counselor that can help you sort out your feelings and emotions, they can probably suggest some medication or something else that can help your outlook on life.
I know its tough & sometimes you may feel as though there is no point in moving on, but there is alwaysa a reason to live & there is always someone who is worse off than you although you may not feel that way. Really try talking to someone, before you make any drastic decision. Committing suicide without causing a rucus is completely & utterly impossible, I am very sorry that you are feeling this way & I really hope that you find someone that can help you out in your hour of need.
Hope I Helped.

Q: this is hard to say.. but im a cutter. Everytime i get upset, thats what I do.. that or go get messed up, but a razors a lot easier to get.. I cant ween myself from the blade. what do you guys think of cutters honestly ? & what should i do.. my parents know but think i stopped months ago.. ugh... wwhy am i doing this ?

I have known a couple people who were cutters, so I kinda know where you are coming from. I know that they did it because it was the one thing that they could control & it felt like a release of all the pain & stress that they were feeling. I think that cutting is a coping method used by many teens today, instead of doing drugs or other rebellious acts. Cutters who do it in private, as in not as an attention seeking behavior, feel comforted by it, it isnt a good way to deal with stress but it often times become an addiction.
I think your best bet is to find someone to talk to like a counselor, that way you can be in a safe surrounding & able to talk to them about things you may not be able to tell other people. Or if you feel comfortable try talking to a close friend, or email someone here on advicenators, we are neutral 3rd parties who will not judge you but be here for you if you need someone to talk to. A counselor will be able to help you find other copeing mechanisms which may help you more in the future.
Hope I Helped :)
PS: If you want to talk to me more in depth you can email me at bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com

bio

I am a 19 year old female. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet. I am funny. I am free-willed. I am a lover. I am a friend. I have been through alot & many people call me their guru. & I will try to give you the healthiest advice possible. I may be young but I have a lot of life experiences in many areas, and since my career will be giving advice I figured I'd give a head start. I can be blunt and will give you my honest opinion, although I will do it in a nice way.
I am married to an amazing guy, we have been together since my Junior year & we can't be happier. I have 2 dogs & they are my babies, life wouldnt be the same without them. I am going into my 2nd year of college, I plan to get a degree in Radiology.

I am currently really busy in my life but I will answer any and all questions that are sent to my inbox. I do my best to get on & answer as many questions as possible whenever I am on. If you wish for me to answer one of your questions please submit them. Thanks.