Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84178
Main Categories:
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omg i got a big pimple right below my lip and this is the week i tell the boy i like how i feel about him.... What is a great little easy way to get it to go away in like three days??? Anything dont matter little things you can do at home whatever works
(link)
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Tea Tree Oil, which smells awful, can get rid of pimples fast. Do you have any? You get it at a health food store. I don't think you will find it at the drug store. Put it on at night, so you don't have to worry about the smell at school. Tea Tree Oil is the main ingredient in an Origins Product that is used to get rid of pimples.
Michele
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I'm 25/f and i have a 5 week old baby boy. I've been on my own since I was 13. My parents were horrible so I ran away. Because of my parents I started to drink and use drugs. I stopped using a week before I found out I was pregnant. I've been clean for 9 months and 7 weeks. I got this little apartment and I've been working two jobs to support me and my baby. I have been trying soo hard and I love him more than life itself but I can't do it anymore. I'm not being fair to him. I barely have enough money for food. We live in a tiny little apartment. The heat doesn't work half the time and I just feel like I'm not being fair to him.
My question is does anyone know a way that I can make more money to take care of him? Or are adoption agencies good at taking care of babies and finding them GOOD homes where he will taken care of like he deserves to be? (link)
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Dear young mom,
I feel so bad for you. You are trying so hard, and I know that it must be very difficult. Yes adoption can be a good alternative. I would try Catholic Charities, though, there won't be any fees involved, and maybe you can opt for an open adoption so you can still see your baby. But are you sure that is what you want. Will you be able to handle it emotionally? You have been so strong up to now. Where do you live, I mean what state do you live in. DO you live near a large city. Do you live near any of the covenant house locations. They take in runaway kids. Maybe they will help you and your child. Isn't there anyone, relative. It seems so unfair. You know those moms that killed their kids, and then lied and said that they were abducted? Sooooo many people said that they would have taken care of them, and raised them. Where are those people now? Why isn't there someone to help you. DId you know that you can bring any baby to a hospital emergency room, and they will take the baby, no questions asked. I think this is a nationwide law, designed to keep young scared girls from killing their babaies. Is this an option you would consider. Maybe some one at the hospital ER will have some compasion for you and direct you to some help and support.
A way you can make more money....well, what kind of education do you have? What are you doing now for work. Can you work in a day care where you can also bring your child, and work while being with the child? Can you become a surrogate mom, carry children to term for someone else? That pays very well I hear, and sometimes they support you during your pregnancy. Maybe you can even go to school while you are doing that, and improve your chances of earning more money while you stay with your baby? Sometimes you can even donate your eggs to infertile couple. Listen the covenant house has a web page www.covenanthouse.org and they have a free phone line. 800-999-9999. YOu can call them and talk about ANYTHING. See if they can direct you to some services that will help. If you want to give me more info about your education and skills so maybe I have more ideas about better employement...leave a question in my inbox. Advice name Michele
I hope some of this helps you. Please hang in there, and find the help you need. It is out there, but you have to look hard for it. They don't put signs up on the highway. So keep looking. Oh yes, in this state we have a social services hot line that is 211 sort of like 911, only it gets you information, like what you need. I don't know if they have that in your state, but try it. 211 for social services info. Also try the blue pages of the phone book.
Michele
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I just wanted to say thank you. I'm the 18-year old female who had constant petty arguments with her ex-boyfriend.
Well, thanks to your absolutely fantastic advice, I mustered up the confidence to ask him back out. I shared your advice with him and after an extremely long talk we agreed that we were really exaggerating a lot of small arguments. We agreed to give the relationship another try.
Thank you again! I feel so much better! :)
♥ Lorelei (link)
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I am really happy for both of you, Lorelei, and I have high hopes for your relationship. Thanks for letting me know that I helped.
Michele
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how do you get over a broken heart? (link)
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There is nothing like a new love to make you forget about an old love. Of course it has to be someone just as special. Maybe more so. And a new relationship has the potentional to last longer. So just make yourself available. Don't sit in the house and feel sorry for yourself. Go out and feel sorry for yourself if you must, but at least be out where you have a chance to meet people
Michele
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Hi. Well my partner and I have to make a buliten board, which is really just a poster, about the topic "All life on earth is linked by the transfer of energy from its original source throught the food chain". We need to find a good and/or catchy title that relates or kind of tells about that topic or subject. Thanks for listening.
P.S.: The original source is the sun, if that is any help. (link)
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Let's see the sun makes plants grow, along with the nutrients found in the soil, and water. The plant through photosythesis stores energy. We eat the plant, and the energy is released in our digestive system. Or an animal, like a dairy cow, eats the plant, the energy is released into her digestive system. She grows gives milk, we drink the milk. The nutrients in the milk help us grow. Humans are at the TOP of the food chain, so Maybe you could call it. Top of the Heap. Just a suggestion.
Michele Good luck with the bulliten board.
I know you will do well. You have already learned the concept of the transfer of energy.
Michele
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I've always had this question. If you put a plant in a microwave will it grow larger or faster? (link)
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No! it will cook the plant. Microwaves work by making the molecules and/or cells that make up all things on earth, move very rapidly. It creates heat in the object. OK with food that you want to eat hot. So...food - good! Plant - bad.
Michele
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we'll call her leslie...we used to be best friends, until this year, i made a ton of new friends(being involved in a lot of stuff helps) and well she doesnt get involved in anything, and she complains about people all the time and talks trash about people, and is obsessed with really retarded things, like TPing is like her favorite thing and she keeps asking me to go TPing or spray painting with her, and well shes kinda childish...we're both 16 but im the only one who has the liscense and if we hang out i always have to drive and gas is really expensive, and overall shes just really annoying. how should i let her know that we're not really best friends anymore? (link)
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It is not unusuall for friends to grow apart. Especially at your age, kids mature at different rates. If you feel bad, then why not go slowly. Be busy the next time she wants to do something, but not the next. Then be busy the next two times she wants to do something, then not the third, then be busy....well you get it. Eventually she will find some new friends. Probably someone younger than her, that still likes to go TPing. Isn't that something you do around Halloween?
Michele
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how can you tell if you have lice besides your head itching? (link)
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Well do this. Take a dark colored pillow case or something. Place it on the counter, and hold your head over it, and shake your hair, run your fingers through your hair, scratch your scalp and anything you can do to shake anything that may be in your hair, off onto the dark pillow case. Now if you have been newly infected, there may not be enough lice to fall out yet, but if you have been infected for a few days, then some should fall out. They are very small, if you have a magnifying glass, that will help. If nothing happens, they maybe your scalp is very dry, so try putting some warm olive oil in your hair and massage into scalp and wrap in warm towel, for 1/2 hou
then wash as usual.
Hope this helps.
Michele.
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I have sex almost every weekend, with the same person Ive been with for almost 4 months, we usually use a condom & we've used 2 different brands, lately durex & we use the ky warming lubricant, I started my period a week early Idk if that has nething 2 do w/ it but my labia itch & feel raw, soap doesnt burn but when urine touches it it does would that be from too much sex or an allergy to the condom or the lubricant an infection or what?? (link)
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I think it could definitly be from the condoms. You say every weekend, but how often during the weekend? If more than once, and you boyfriend is big enough, then it could definitly be a friction rash. I think you have to try different condums until you find one that does not cause this. Some people are allergic to latex, which is what most condums are made out of. Too bad, you really should continue to use condoms and you know all the reasons why, So just check out the drug store. I know they make condoms in other materials, because many people are allergic to latex.
Michele
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First, I'm an 18 year old girl. My ex-boyfriend is also 18.
While we were together and even before then, we got along famously until something stupid would happen and we'd end up arguing. We'd make up and realize how dumb it was only to end up arguing again the next night.
What's weird is though, even when we were arguing, I loved being with him. I'm only 18 and I already feel like I've found my other half in him.
Now that we're not a couple anymore, we talk as friends and constantly admit to wanting to date again. We just always end up telling each other that "it's for the best."
My question is are we being ridiculous? Is petty arguing (even if it is constant) a good reason to end a relationship? If anyone's ever been in a similar situation, please let me know what you did. (link)
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Well you have to learn not to sweat the small stuff. You both have to learn to let those things go. I think it gets easier when you are older. When you are young you expect EVERYTHING to be perfect. Because all the messages you get from TV shows and magazines is that everyone is always beautiful, no one has bad habits, and all problems are solved in a half hour, and everyone lives happily ever after. But those people on TV and in magazines have people standing off stage, and off camera to fix their hair, touch up their makeup and write their lines. Everyone is always reasonable. Because they are all there for one reason.....they are getting paid.
You and your boyfriend are together because you want to be. That is worth more than all those petty disagreements. For example, let's say that your boyfriend sometimes acts boyish and silly especially with his friends. And this is common in 18 years old boys. They have one foot in adult hood and one foot still in boyhood. When he acts silly, you may get annoyed and feel embarrased, and then you argue about it. Well you can choose not to get embarrased by his silly behavior. He is not a reflection of you. He can choose his own behavior. If you make a issue and point it out and argue about it then most observers will rememeber your making an issue of it, rather than rememeber his bad behavior, which most people expect from a young man his age. There are a couple of sayings that I like and use them often. One is'
"only the end of the worl is the end of the world" And another is: IS this the hill you want to die on" which fits when a person takes on an issue and won't let it go.
When I read some of the questions from kids on this website, it is really sad. So many of them are far from being happy. If you and your boyfriend are happy for the most part, if the REAL IMPORTANT things are OK, like mutual respect, and shared values, like no cheating, and being helpful and supportive of each other. Then the petty fights over silly things should be easy to stop, and well worth it. Yes I think you should be together and then take a step closer to maturity and learn to let go of the things that don't matter. After all, do you think married couples never fart, or get something caught in their teeth? Of course they do, and you know what, it brings them closer, because we are all human. There I go again, talking (writing) too much!
Michele
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i think i have hyperhydrosis. i sweat nonstop even if i do nothing at all. i have no money but i heard of stuff that i could buy to prevent the sweating *armpits*. i asked my parents if i cud have some money to get it but they didn't let me and made me really embaressed.. well anyway they didn't let me buy the stuff so now since its like gonna be really hot soon i'm doomed to be walking around sweating under there all the time or wear lotsa lotsa clothes and still sweat but nobody will see but i will be really really uncomfortable if i wear layers and layers to cover the sweat in the summer. i've heard of putting on antipersperent and then putting baby powder ontop of it but it doesn't work, so what can i do to prevent the sweating? how come other people don't sweat and i do? i hate myself (link)
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I am sorry about your condition, And that your parents won't take it seriously. Over sweating is very very embarassing, even for adults. And it interferes with the quality of their life. Because of their condition they are to shy to go places and be sociable. I hope your parents change their minds soon. If not, then when you are a young adult maybe you can get the treatment on your own. Many people have to wait until they are adults to be able to afford it anyway. Surgeons and/or dermatologist, use BOTOX, yes the stuff that us supposed to get rid of wrinkles. They use botox to alleviate the symptoms of hyperhidrosis.
I hope you can hang in there, and that you can get help soon.
Michele
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I'm trying to buff my body in the nest 5 weeks. The program(exercises) that i'm using says to workout 2 times a week to notice decent improvment in 4 weeks. But i want to notice extreme improvment in 5 weeks. Can I work out 4-5 times a week to see improvments quicker, faster, and my body more sculputered? Thanks, (link)
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Yes you can work out 4 or five times per week. just vary your upper body with your lower body. Instead of doing both in one workout. You'll be burning calories in each session. And lower your fat intake, read labels and try to eat less than 15 - 10 grams of fat per day.
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My hair is really long and wavy, and my face shape is round. Will my hair make my face seem longer (which is what I want) or is there another style that can do that? (link)
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Yes, long hair, worn so that is falls on either side of your face, will make your face look longer.
Michele
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i didnt know what catorgory to put his under but my brother is 17 and has done the following
> stole my moms bank card n stoel all of her money out of her account
> stole money out of her purse many times
>stole the truck while not having a liscense and wrecked it
> ran up paperview bills and cellphone bill and jsut doesnt care
my mom didnt press necharges and now she had kicked him out of the house but hes only 17 so the family he went to called the cops and the cops told my mom to wait til hes 18 and kick him out my brother has stoel from my mom again and has began stealing from me but lies about it i think she should be punished for his actions and should get sent to jail or somewhere he needs to go somewhere and i need help of what to do and i need it fats before he steals again (link)
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I don't know if your brother can be arrrested, it depends on what State you live in. But she would have to press charges. Your mom must be at her wits end. You have to protect yourself. Treat him like a stranger and don't trust him. Your mom needs a tough love group. They will help her. There are parents in the tough love group who have been through what she is going through and they will have some good advice for her. Good luck to you all.
Michele
Try the Yellow pages, or the blue pages, or the white pages of your phone book. Look up tough love. Heck try the internet. Look up tough love Maryland. Also in my state we have an info line called 211, it's like 911, only 211 gets you information on social services like tough love, AA, suicide hotline, etc. So maybe your state has a 211 info line you can call for the location of the nearest Tough Love Group.
M
Well, I don't want to bring more trouble on to your mom, but you have rights too. If he hits you then you call the cops. That is domestic violence. Domestic violence does not have to be between a husband and wife, it can be between parent and child, or brother and brother, and of course brother and sister. SO if he hits you, I mean enough to show a mark, because you have to have something to show the cops. Then they have to arrest him. At least take him to the station. And maybe that will scare him. Of course your mom could interfere, I guess and stop it. But let me say this. My brother, and this was many years ago, he was living with my mom, but he was not a kid, and he attacked her, the neighbors called gthe police. He got arrested. They took him to jail. I made her fill out a "restraining order" against him. so he could not come home. He ended up in rehab and sobered up, and went through drug withdrawal, and he has been OK since and it has been 15 years now. Also he spend the weekend in jail, and that really woke him up. Now he and my mom get along great. She was also part of the problem, but no matter, it is NEVER OK to hit someone, and that is why he got arrested.
So, you might want to try that. Good luck to you. You poor kid, your mom should be stronger, so you have have to go through this.
Michele
Well, is there someplace you can stay for a month, aunt or grandmother? IF you make the arrangements first, then tell your parents, maybe they will OK it. I can't believe your dad laughed at you! In fact, I assumed that there was no dad in the house with your brother acting that way. What is everyone thinking. I have two teenage boys and they would never behave that way. It all starts with mutual respect and it starts when you guys are young. Your brother has no respect for other people, and he knows no boundaries. Especially for the people who keep a roof over his head. But I would have to say that he was dis-respected first, but at a very young age. Usually, unless there is some chemical imbalance, kids are not born this way, they learn this behavior, and it just gets worse as they get older, and they get much better at it, and usually become better at being mean and vindictive that the person who first did it to them. Well, I know it won't help, but I'll pray that you get through this
Michele
I hear ya, hey any time you want to just vent, you can write to me, I will listen. my email is michele@personaladvicecolumn.com But I only have access to that email at work 5 days a week, or you can leave a message in my inbox here. I check advicenators each day.
Take care
Michele
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Okay, here's the deal: for my socials project, our teacher asked us to pick a section in the book and do a presentation on it. I picked a section that describes how war started in Vietnam, and how the soldiers got enlisted and about the suffering, and the nurses i.e. He does not, though, want us to take the easy way out and use a board with pictures on it to seal the project. We may use visuals, and get this - we have to be a character in that time period. So I have to be someone in the 60s. I have a few ideas - to be a nurse recalling the event with pictures [maybe powerpoint], or a reporter making a documentary about it. Does anyone have any ideas? Anything would help, and its good if you speak from experience too.
I appreciate it! =) thanks. (link)
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I was a teenager then, I remember a lot. I did not loose anyone to the war, but I joined in the protests. There are so many things that happened during the vietnam war. A good visual is pictures of the Vietnam War Memorial Wall, which I am sure you can find on the internet. ONe thing that just had an anniversary was the shooting and killing of students at Ohio State University, who were protesting the Vietnam War. The national guard who were brought in to keep peace, shot into the crowd and killed four students and wounded others. Crosby Stills Nash and Young wrote a song about it called FOUR DEAD IN OHIO. President Nixon was in office then. There were protests by students against the war, all over the united states, and mostly on college campuses. That may be a good angle for you. Write about the young people, people like yourselves and your fellow students. People not much older that you guys are now....protesting the war and wanting Nixon out of office. You could play the song in the back ground during your presentation. 58,000 american soldiers died in vietnam. The war for the US lasted 10 years. Apocaylpse Now is a movie about Vietnam.
I hope this gives you some ideas. Other great visuals is a documentary, I don't know the name, of the last days in Vietnam. When they were trying to evacuate the American Embassy. There were helicoptors and us soldiers. They were trying to evaucate the rest of the US citizens out of the embassy. Vietnamese who were our friends and had worked with our government wanted to get out too, but there was not enough room on the helicoptors. They were lied to and told, yes we will get you out. Our vietnamese friends knew that when the communist showed up that they would be killed, or worse, tortured then killed. But we left a lot of them behind. The film shows people hanging onto the legs of the helicoptor as it it trying to fly away. Crowds and crowds of people trying to get into the embassy. It was all very sad. It is hard to believe that we are now friendly with the communist country that is vietnam. But I guess it is better than being at war. I also recently heard a statistic that stopped me in my tracks. Since the end of the vietnam war, 38,000 vietnamese have died from or have been maimed from motar bombs that were left behind in the fields. Some of them ours, some of them theirs. There are also a lot of young people in vietnam who have been born with birth defects. (no arms, facial disfigurations and stuff like that) because of the exfoliants that we used while over there. Agent Orange. Look that up. Agent Orange, even american soldiers and their children have suffered from birth defects caused by their father's being exposed to that awful chemical.
Well I have said too much as usual.Good luck, I am sure that you will do a great job. You are naturally curious. Your teacher will be very impressed.
Michele
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what's moshing? (link)
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Moshing happens at heavy metal concerts mostly. It happens on the floor usually directly in front of the state. Kids, mostly boys, just group together, and flail their arms, kick their feet, push and shove, punch and kick each other. Jump up and down, and shove their way through the group, and if they make it to the outside of the group, they jump right back in. Kids that are smaller in size, will sometimes be lifted up and carried by the crowd, over their heads. Sometimes kids jump into the crowd from the stage, if they can get up there. Or from chairs. Very often kids get hurt, blood gets drawn, but they do it anyway. They call these groups moshe pits, or maybe is mosh pits.
Some brave girls do participate. But sometimes their clothes are ripped off. My kids go to heavy metal concers, and what they don't like is when older men, jerks really, jump into these pits, and hit and punch with a purpose to deliberatly hurt someone. I guess it is ok, if someone gets hurt while you are just swining your arms around, because that is what everyone else is doing, but to take aim at someone and deliberately hit them, is not good moshing manners.
I hope this helped.
PS I glad that they weren't doing this kind of stuff when I was young
Michele
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I feel emontionally unable to control my self at times . Im only 15 and I have to go throught menopause. I very stressed and I just wanna give up. My bf wants me to change a part of myself for him (stop datting girls) but i dont even have enough feeling for that him and im a female. Im really need to stop doing overdose and im going to cut myself. What shoud i do? (link)
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What do you mean menopause. That is what women go through when they are in their 50's. You must mean something else. Unless you have some medical condition. If you can give me more details, I can answer your question and maybe give you some hope. Please leave aquestion in m in box.
Michele
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i don't get this
its like everyone knows tanning causes skin cancer and ages people skin through time.
why is people still doing it? (link)
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Vanity, they think it makes them look nice. When you see models with tans,they are usually painted on. Models know better and so do movie stars. Even though they have the money to buy expensieve creams and can afford plastic surgery. They know that it is better not to go down that road of tanning and sunburns. It definitly ages you much faster. I am living proof. I have stayd out of the sun since I was 18. When I went to my 30 years class reunion, everyone thought I had had a face lift. I never have, can't afford it. I am 52 and look 10 to 15 years younger. It takes a long time for it to pay off, but it is worth it in the end. You are going to get old some day, and it is always better to look younger than you are. Well, except when you are 15 or so. ALSO SMOKING DOES EVEN MORE DAMAGE, to you skin and that cannot be repaired.
Michele
a licensed esthetician (skin care specialist)
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I am having a party in two weeks because its the end of the school year. I have this one friend who I just met this year. I really like her and I want to invite her to my party. The only problem is that some of my friends dont like her. They think she is annoying. I really want her at my party but I dont want to upset my friends either. Some of my friends said they wont come if she is there. I really want my new friend there but I also want my other friends to have a good time and come. What should I do? Thanks for your help! (link)
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Whose party isit anyways. It's your party and you can invite who you want. Are you going to let your friends tell you what to do your whole life. Tell your friends that when they have their own party, they can invite or NOT invite who they want. And I would be surprised if your friends who threatened not to come, would follow through with their threat and miss the first big
party of the summer! They would be sitting home realizing that they made the biggest mistake........
Michele
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ok i get this report about how i do in school each week. and when i 1st started getting it my dad said that if i get ONE bad thing on it than i am grounded for the whole weekend...no phone. no computer. no friends. no tv. no music. and then something bad was on it and i really dont wanna b grounded this weekend so i told him i forgot it somewhere and that i cant find it so he told me that he wanted to see it on monday and i was free this weekend but he said that if i forget it on monday or if its bad than i get grounded for 2 weeks...and in the next two weeks ill be going to 6 flags and the kiss concert so i dont know what to do because i dont know if he would take those 2 things away from me because he payed for them both..what should i do? be free for this weekend and have a good time like a plannned?? or risk being grounded for 2 weeks..but then again he might forget..please answer! soooon! ill rate. (link)
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Tell him that even though you forgot it, that you know what is on it, and that there is something bad on it, and then be grounded for this weekend and get it over with. Don;t try to get out of your punishment. he will be wise to that and just punish you more. Just take your punishment without complaint, don't whine, and don't beg to get out of it. YOu can stand to be bored for one weekend. After all he told you what you could expect if you got a bad item on your weekly report. The time to do something about it has gone by. Work harder next time.
And you dad will be so impressed that you are taking your punishment like a mature young girl (?), he will be proud of you and realize that you are growing up and he maybe won't think of not letting you go on your trip to six flagss and the Kiss concert. These are things you have to learn anyway. I mean about being mature and taking your punishemnt
Michele
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