I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173015
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I am 35 and my older sister is 37.
I am a creative, intellectual type and she is a practical, common sense type. She does not understand me or why I love to read so much. She considers my creative writing a waste of time. What I love, she has no value for. What can I do or say to help her understand me? We are so different. She is a great sister otherwise. (link)
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I think you should aim more for a mutual respect than an understanding. She doesn't need to empathsize with your need to have creative outlets in order to be supportive or loving.
If she makes a comment which hurts your feelings, let her know in a non-confrontational way. 'I know you don't understand my creative writing, but it makes me feel really happy. I don't need you to understand, but I would appreciate if you could realize we're just different people and that's okay.'
You can be close with someone without needing to understand everything about them.
If you want to be proactive, why not start a conversation about how great it is that you two are so close even though you're so different? Everyone likes to hear they are loved, and it will definitely make it easier for you to get your point across if you are in the middle of a good conversation.
Good luck.
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Hiya
Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex yet, and i know that when we do, it will be my boyfriends first time. But not mine. But i really want that sense of closeness with him. Now i'm not sure wether to ask him, because that might scare him or something. Or innitiate sex without pressuring him into sex if he doesn't feel ready. How do you think i should go about things? (link)
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Well, I think that after you've been together for awhile, it'll be easier. I always think it's best to talk about things beforehand - after all, if he can't talk about it openly, he's probably not ready for sex. Talking about sex is not the same as pressuring him for it - try asking questions like, 'Have you thought about us having sex?' rather than saying 'I really want to have sex.' Leave things open-ended and he'll probably be more comfortable.
Even before you talk, it can't hurt to be prepared...just in case. Get some condoms, get on birth control, and then wait. When the time is right, I think you'll know. Obviously there is no 'You should have sex after _______ months,' but there IS 'You are ready to have sex because you are so close and in love and you are both ready.'
I think you should be aiming to get a sense of closeness with him BEFORE having sex; after all, sex is always best when it's with someone you are really connected with.
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Well, today i got a cool new phone and I have activated it and blah. But do i need signal inorder to recieve messages? I have a Virgin Mobile pay-as-you-go plan. It is really cool. But I don't know hy it is take the ppl so long to send a text message saying that it is okay to use and blah. lol. please advise me! :-D (link)
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If they activated the phone at the store, you should be ready to start using it. Why not try calling someone and seeing what happens?
Of course, no signal, no calls. That doesn't change if your phone is a day old or 20 years old.
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hey
umm im 14 and im small for my age. i havent gotten my period yet and i have no boobs. im really skinny too...but im definitley not anorexic...AT ALL!! so yeah i have two questions. #1...what should i do about this? like how should i make myself grow more. #2...is this why i havent had true bf yet? i mean im not ugly...just not developed. (link)
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1. There is nothing you can do to make your boobs grow faster or your period come quicker. This is a pain, but it's true. If you are concerned about your period, a visit to the doctor can set your mind to rest - and there are other signs it's coming.
More body hair, breast growth, hips becoming more 'hippy', discharge in your underwear, crampiness, moodiness, etc.
While it's a pain to wait for these things to happen, your period can't be far off. And with the increase in hormones, your breasts will follow. A woman is not fully developed until her early twenties, so you've got lots of time.
2. Do you want a boyfriend to like you only for your boobs? I'm hoping the answer is 'no.'
If you have a confidence problem as a result of your smaller breasts, this could put people off you - people want to be around people who like themselves (without being egotistical or arrogant). You know you're not unattractive, you know your period and breasts will come, etc etc.
So will a boyfriend. I can virtually guarantee this. In the meantime, let your personality shine through. Don't focus so much on your looks; if a guy is attracted to you because you make him laugh or are witty and intelligent, that's a boy who will like you for the longterm.
Be patient, and the world will unfold for you.
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hello there,
what is "pre-cum"? i think i have an idea, but i figured you could give me a whole meaning.
thank you. (link)
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'Cum', 'come', 'semen,' or 'ejaculate' are all words for the same thing - the fluid which comes out of a male's penis. This usually happens at the moment of orgasm. Among other things, this fluid has sperm in it.
'Pre cum' is the same fluid, but in a much smaller amount. When a male is excited, small amounts of semen will leak out of his penis, lubricating the head of the penis. This small amount of fluid is 'pre cum', and it contains sperm. Thus, a male can get a female pregnant without ejaculating inside her.
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I have two questions. It might get a little confusing because I myself am confused. I was at my boyfriends house yesterday and we started doing sexual things and we had sex. The thing is, I'm not sure if you'd consider it to be having sex. We only were doing it for five minutes tops and neither of us "finished" (I didn't have an orgasm and he didn't cum) So my first question was if you would consider that to be sex. The second part of my question is that the first minute or so, he did not have a condom on but I do know that you can get pregnant off of precum. I know there is a certain time where you are least fertile around the time of your period. I had my period the week BEFORE we did that. Someone had told me that you are most fertile the week after you have your period and then another person said that it was the week before. Could someone clear that up for me? I really need some answers. Thank you SO much if you can help! And please, do not say that you "think" that this is when you are least fertile, I need a straight answer. Thank you again. (link)
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It's sex. Sex that can get you pregnant or a disease. Say it with me: Condoms are our friends.
Now, about fertility. Do you keep track of your period? Start circling the dates you have it on a calender. The first day you get it is day 1.
The rest of what I'm saying is totally and completely based on an imaginary, ideal woman, but it might help:
If your period is 28 days long, then you will ovulate around day 14. Other signs you are ovulating include increased body temperature and slightly different discharge, or even mild cramps.
You are most fertile around this time - the days before, during, and after ovulation are Red Hot Pregnancy Days. Figure out when your last period was, start counting the days, and see where you fall.
I will point out that even if you aren't in this particularly fertile phase, it's always possible to get pregnant, whether the male ejaculates or not.
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I'm a teen girl going through puberty and my private has losened up. I never had sex before so it couldn't have "stretched" that way. Also, around the edges of the viginia it's turning a dark tan color. What is this and is it normal? Also, are there any exercises i can do to tighten it up?
thnx so much, i really need your help! (link)
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Everything you are describing is normal. You have nothing to worry about.
If your vagina seems to be slightly looser, it could be because you are getting more used to feeling it, and that means your body might be more relaxed. So, really, your vagina could be exactly the same as ever, just less tensed if you are putting in a tampon or exploring yourself.
It's quite common for the lips around a vagina (the inner labia, they've called) to be a dark colour. I'll also point out that your genitals will change shape (the lips become more full and the vagina will loosen up) and colour (usually darkening) when you are sexually excited and blood floods into the area.
I don't think you have to worry about tightening your vagina, but if you are truly concerned about this issue you can speak to your doctor.
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this is mostly.. to people.. 18+ just because i believe yall may have more experience with things like this but all opinions are welcome.. okay i've been on birth control for about.. a month and a half.. and well me and my b/f recently started having sex.. with a condom as well.. we had sex tonight and the condom broke he had already ejaculated and was "pulling out".. and realized it was broken.. do u think i could possibly get preg... my BC pills say to use a back up method of birth control for the first 7 days but i've been on it like i said a month and a half.. so give me ur opinions.. should i be worried???? (link)
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During the first month you are on the pill, your body is adjusting and back-up protection is necessary. It's still a good idea to use condoms beyond this period - for extra protection - but if you have taken the pill the way it needs to be taken (every day at the same time), then you are probably fine.
You'll just have to wait and see if your period comes, but chances are you're not pregnant.
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well heres the deal, my parents have been divorced since a was like 3 (im 13 now). ive always lived with my mom and my dad lives over 300 miles away. i can only see my dad every-other weekend and i really don't like that. i miss my dad a lot when im not over there and im thinking about maybe moving over to his house. but i don't want to hurt my mom's feelings or leave all my friends here (but i don't think that making new friends will be a problem). ive also been having lots of problems with my mom lately...
what do you think i should do?
i'll rate high (link)
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If you've been living with your mom since you were three and are only now seriously considering moving in with your dad, I would say there is more to it than just missing him. In fact, you've said it: you're having problems with your mom.
Not to stereotype, but the teen years can be really rough on your relationship with ANY parent - especially someone like your dad, who simply won't know you as well as your mom does.
It's understandable to miss your dad, but why not take this decision really slowly? See if you can stay there for an extended period of time - over a long holiday break or something - and see how things go. If you only usually spend a couple of days with him, that's not an accurate picture of what it would be like to spend longer periods of time with him.
You don't have time to fully annoy each other in only two days! So take things slowly. Don't view your father as a way to escape from your problems with your mother - why not try talking to her, or even writing her a letter about your problems? If she's raised you all this time, she deeply loves you and just might have a hard time showing it.
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when i first moved in 3 years ago me and this guy joked around a lot. well now i'm in highschool and we have a class with each other. he's a junior and i'm a sophomore. so this weekend he came with me to my job and we kissed. well then here comes saturday and he came over to my house and we messed around a lot. and so then he wanted me to come over to his house. so i did. we had dry . well then on sunday my parents were gone for like 3 hours and he came over and we did it again. except this time we both really wanted to go full out. but we did. but ever since saturday the first day we did it dry, it really hurts down there. will that ever go away? (link)
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Dry sex will sometimes hurt your genitals because of the friction and rough action - more than your body is used to. Regular sex will hurt your vagina.
This will go away, provided you give your body a break and are a little more gentle in the future. If you have regular sex again, there will be some pain/discomfort; this often continues for the first few times you have sex.
Also, use condoms (and hopefully a second form of birth control) to avoid the pain of a sexually transmitted disease.
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okay. im still a virgin. but i think im ready to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year and 2 months. we have done nothing BUT kissing. and im so happy hes patient with me and doesnt push me to do anything i choose not too. but now i am ready BUT i want to go on birth conrol and use a condom just to be on the safe side. the thing is im not on the pill so what would be the best way to ask my parents to put me on the pill without them thinking imma have sex.? cuz they know im still a virgin and think imma stay one till marriage. which i was planning on doing, but i think im ready to lose it..and i've found that special one to lose it to (link)
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First, congrats on planning on taking precautions before starting to have sex. And using two forms of birth control is the most responsible thing you can do. Now, how to do it?
You can see your doctor, confidentially, and ask her/him about the best options for you. They may be able to provide you with free samples of the pill, or a prescription that you can get filled at a clinic which offers sliding scales.
A sliding scale means that you pay only what you can afford, and thus your parents don't have to know. A good example of this type of service is Planned Parenthood.
Of course, you could also consider being open and honest with your mother about your situation. Most parents do want their daughters to remain 'pure,' but they are also realistic. Depending on your age, your mother might be upset but willing to support you - helping you make appointments with a gyno, etc. Your normal insurance will cover the cost of a birth control method as well - but your mother would have to be told in advance so she didn't get the news in an unexpected way.
If you're not up for that, then you can make appointments without a parent/legal guardian at certain clinics. Or you can tell your mother you'd like to get on the pill just in case - so that you can be responsible and take control of your body. If I was your mother, I'd want to know you were protecting yourself rather than risking pregnancy or an STI.
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if my BF and i are going to have sex and he wears a condom and i have him pull out when he thinks hes about to cum..does that make u less at a risk of pregnancy? (link)
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Condoms, if used properly and EVERY time, can significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy or the transmission of an infection.
I will point out, though, that before boys have an orgasm, a certain amount of semen leaks out of their penis. This is called pre-cum. Pre-cum contains the same sperm that ejaculate does - it can get you pregnant.
Of course there's always a chance of getting pregnant, no matter how careful you are, but it seems like you are taking some good precautions. I'd like to point out that you can't be TOO safe - have you considered seeing a gyno and getting a prescription for a second form of birth control?
There are a ton of options that will fit your circumstances, and there are also clinics that will provide confidential, free advice...with birth control at a really reduced rate for teenagers. You'll need to start seeing a gyno now that you're having sex, so why not ask about other birth control options at the same time?
Good luck.
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ok, i know your supposed to get horny now and again, even if no-one turned you on. But for the last week i been horny every few hours or so, i don't mean just feeling it, i mean dripping through my thongs horny! so horny i can feel my wetness starting to slide nown the side of my leg!!!! what do you think is going on? xXxXxXxXxXx (link)
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Okay. What do I think is going on? Any number of things.
For example, if your period is coming up, the changing hormones will have an effect on your body and sex drive.
Or you could just be a normal teenager who gets excited now and then - and this just happens to be a more exciting week than most.
What should you do? First of all, throw a pantyliner on before you announce your condition to the wider world. Next, if this is bothering you, find something to take your mind off it. Sports, music, snowball fights, going out with friends.
This could also be your body's signal that it wants some sort of gratification. Obviously you shouldn't rush out and fool around with people, but I will point out that you have the solution in your own hands. Ahem.
Similar responses happen in boys' bodies - wet dreams, or spontaneous ejaculation - occurs if they have not had any recent release.
At any rate, I bet next week this time things will have settled down. Till then, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the way your body feels. You're normal and healthy.
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well, to put it short i have a friend of mine who is bi. i have no problem with that, but i slept over her house the other night and she tried it on with me, now i don't think that i'm bi myself (although i could be wrong) but she turned me on so i let her finger me and she went down on me, which i must admit i really didn't mind. But i also enjoy guys touching me. Now i've never found i looked 'that way' at other girls before, and i still don't, but i'll still let her do things to me when i'm feeling horny. now is this just because i enjoy sex so much i don't care who it's with, or am i bi do you think? p.s-i have a boyfriend. take care x x x (link)
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I think only you can say who you are. Do I think you have to have it all figured out right now, or even in five years? No.
Sexual activities have the potential to feel good - no matter who with. At the end of the day, someone's fingers or tongue have no gender. I think you are normal for experiencing pleasure.
I also think you are normal for being confused. If your friend turned you on, sure, I think there's a chance you could be bisexual. Or you could just be a really open-minded straight girl.
I'm more concerned about the fact that you have a boyfriend but appear to be cheating on him regularly. I don't think you need to me say that infidelity is a quick way to put an end to any relationship.
So, decide if you want to be with this guy or not. If so, I'd stop messing around with your friend. If not, then you're obviously free to do what you want.
Why not keep your mind open for the next few years and see what happens? It's entirely possible to be bisexual without checking girls out all the time. After all, you probably aren't giving every single GUY that you pass the eye. Certain people attract us, others don't. It's that simple.
Good luck.
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are you spossed to shave..'down there'? i dont know what to do, because i dont want to feel stupid when i do stuff with a guy(i havent yet) and im shaved or unshaved..when im not spossed to be or whatever, do most girls shave all of it? or just the bikini area?((thats all i do, but im not sure))..help! lol
and i shave a little..of corse but where i shave it, i get little bumps and they dont itch or anything but how do i get rid of them!!! (link)
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Some girls don't shave at all, some just trim, and some shave more often. It's totally up to you and what you feel comfortable with.
I don't think you should shave because you feel any sort of pressure. After all, pubic hair is a sign that you are a woman - shaving it all off, in some ways, makes you into a childlike person again. Hair is natural, normal, and attractive to many people.
A good solution could be to trim with scissors - this lets you try out different lengths without having to deal with razor burn - which is the technical name for those little bumps.
To help with them, always shave with a fresh razor, use plenty of shaving cream/gel, and shave in the direction your hair grows. Don't use a loofah or other abrasive cleanser in that region - warm water and a watercloth will keep you clean without irritating your freshly shaven skin.
Good luck.
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heya, i'm totally in love with my bf and ive never felt like this for anyone ever. But on Friday i went to see The Bled and Alexisonfire in B'ham, and my ex was there, we hadn't really spoken to each other properly since we broke up. And that night made me realise how much i miss him and i also had to stop him on a number of occasions from pinning me up the wall because i dont want to cheat on my partner. But i found out he still turns me on as much as he used to, just by being there and the simple things he does. is this wrong? am i in a way cheating on my partner? and do you think i should tell my partner what i'm feeling right now...because that might hurt him or help him understand...sorry for writing so much. xXxXxXxXx (link)
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Well, I think it's natural and normal to feel attraction to other people - particularly people you were close with in the past. This in no way makes you a cheater. In fact, it makes you MORE trustworthy because you had the opportunity to act on your feelings and chose not to.
If you want to stay with your current partner, I think you should reaffirm that by thinking about how much he means to you, all his great personality traits, etc...and possibly be careful about spending any more time with your ex. After all, you're only human, and confusion in love happens to the best of us.
I don't think you need to tell your current partner about this, as you did nothing wrong and don't seem to be intending to do anything wrong. Chances are it would hurt your boyfriend pretty badly.
I think what you SHOULD do is forgive yourself. You can't help being attracted to people, but you CAN help not acting on the attraction. If you're deeply in love now, then just remind yourself that you're in a committed relationship - even if other people make your knees weak now and then.
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how do yu get riid of hickeys?
thanx lotz
xOx ` > me (link)
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A hickey is a bunch of broken blood vessels, much like a bruise. Only time can make it go away.
Of course, there are fabulous concealers which can make it much harder for others to see.
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how do you get over a guy you really like and think that you love? (link)
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Someone once told me that if you dated a guy for six months, then it would take six months to get over him. I don't think this is very accurate; relationships are emotional and complicated things.
How to feel better?
Spend time pampering yourself. Hang out with friends more. Join clubs or take a class at a community centre. Focus on a hobby you really love and didn't have time for when you were dating someone. Make a list of everything you love about yourself. Write in a journal. Paint a picture.
Allow yourself time to be sad, but realize there are many things in your life worth being happy about.
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I don't know what I want to "be" when I'm older. I have no idea what I'm going to study, or anything! My friend makes me think about this, because she's my age, and she knows what she's doing. She's going to be a chef and she's already practicing at home! It makes me think like I am behind. I don't really need 1 thing I am going to be, I just want an idea, or like a couple of occupations for me. When I was little, I always wanted to be a teacher. I played school all the time. But I'm not sure if I still want to. There's no other jobs that I'd specifically want to do, but I'll tell you some of my hobbies. I'm not much of a sports person. I like to write, but I'm not very good. I like to work with kids..I'm thinking maybe a daycare? If you have anything, please share your ideas or thoughts. (link)
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Right. You don't need to know at this second what you want to be. You don't even need to know for your first few years of college.
Most liberal arts colleges will accept you without you even declaring a major. And the average college student changes majors SIX times - everybody is as confused as you, and I think society, friends, parents, and school makes you think you have to plan your entire life while you're still in college. It's simply not true.
I would spend time now voluteering for different sorts of jobs, maybe getting a Saturday job, or taking classes at a community centre. Explore. Stretch your boundaries. Figure out what you really like and what makes you happy. Continue to do this in college - you'll have a couple of years to take general classes that are required of everyone as well as electives...which are anything that interest you.
Pick a major you enjoy; most degrees are just permission slips to get a job. And there's always graduate school if you want a more specialized degree.
Just relax and ENJOY your studies - that's the point.
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i am 15 and a girl.i have recently changed schools and fell into a group of friends that are very different. i have met several people who are great friends and great people, but they are lezbians. since people have seen me with them, they assume i am a lezbian to and call me names. they also walk up and say things like "i heard you were a lezbian", people whom i have never met. i dont want them to continue because it is annoying and other people who hear think i am now too, but i do not want to lose my friends that are because i dont want to be called that anymore, what should i do?? (link)
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You and I both know that your new friends being lesbians is no big deal. If you truly believe that, then it shouldn't matter what strangers think YOUR sexuality is.
I'd just calmly say, 'No, I'm straight.' Over-reacting will make people want to annoy you more, and being calm about it shows your lesbian friends that you're okay with their sexuality. If you start freaking out about being seen as gay, then there is a real chance you might lose your new friends.
And if it's people you don't know who are making assumptions, who cares? It sounds like you've found a great group of friends, and they are the people that really matter.
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