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Sophia_pettus@yahoo.com or Venomous_VenomMember Since:
May 16, 2008Answers:
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about
I was on this site before recording my first single. I will stay a member of this site. I am asking that each of you support me by visiting my webpage. I have posted music that I have written and recorded. Check out Wildside featuring Father Jah, and I want, created in memory of 2Pac.http://www.reverbnation.com/Venomtheonly1
I am open, honest, truthful yet also insightful and understanding. I am a Strong woman with morals, belief, and character. I value life, myself and life of everything, everyone and all. I am mature, caring, giving, straight up and real!
I am not harsh, rude, or disrespectful but I am going to tell you the truth because you are asking for that. If you want a lie or support that you know is invalid because you question it yourself, please don't get mad at me for the truth because that is what sets us ALL free!! Peace, Venom
advice
I'm 16/f. I don't know how I'm going to tell a guy, who I might possibly want relationship with, about my sexual history. I've had sex with three guys, I feel terrible about it and one of the guys wasn't even planned (I was almost passed out drunk when it happened, if I was sober it never would have happened) The first guy is the only justifyed one because I went out with him for a year, and we did it on your 6 months. The second guy was to get over the first guy (he ended up being abusive and I needed to feel loved by someone) I was 15 when all of that happened and I haven't had sex since. But I don't know how a guy will react to hearing that I've already slept with 3 guys and I'm only 16. I regret it every day and it makes me feel guilty thinking about it. I've taken a vow to not have sex until I'm with a guy I truly love (and sure about his intentions) for at least 6 months. I'm afraid guys will be disgusted by it or think I'm a slut if I tell them about the three guys and not want to go out with me, but the other 2 guys were truly mistakes. Do I tell tell a guy everything or not tell him about all of them & is there any chance the guy won't care? :/
Also, I forgot to tell you this: I have been there and have done this. I was young too! I have 3 teenagers, now. My children look like my sisters and brothers. One is 16, soon to be 17. One is 15, soon to be 16 and one is 13. I was pregnant as a Sr. in highschool. It was so hard for me, but I did it. I changed, and this is why I am the way I am today. I have been there. I am only 34 now, but I changed girl, and so can you!!!!again, I am proud of you! & thanks for your response. It makes me feel really good to know this about you and if there is anything I can help you with, do not hesitate to contact me!
You know what? I am proud of you! Look, everyone makes mistakes, it's about realizing it and changing it.
Would I tell a guy everything? NO,but I would not lie either. Only answered what's asked on this subject. Some people go into relationships running it, I don't think guys run it openly. Be careful in telling a guy this because it could make him think tht he can get the panties too. So, if you wanna share something with him, tell him that you made some mistakes in your life and that you aren't open to discussing it and do discuss your interest,goals, desires, and future with him because that's all that matters not your past.
People are judgemental but who are we to judge anyone. You were younger, you made bad choices in your life and now you are maturer and aware - if he can't accept you for this, if you do decide to tell him, then maybe you should question your desire of having a relationship. Listen to this song by Mary J Blige: Take me as I am - this means accept you for who you are NOW and not who you USED to be! Stop looking at your past, and focus on your future. You are destined to be somone and something great!
i'm so self-conscious about my body. i'm friends with people who are skinnier then me. i've been working out since march probably 2-3 times a week. and i run like crazy and i do tons of crunches yet i loose no weight. i will admit that i do sometimes eat unhealthy stuff. but i don't all the time. i'm still loosing no weight and i hate feeling like i'm fat. i'm a size 6 in jeans and probably a large in shirts. and i hate my boobs. they're way to big. i'm a 36-d. and in my bathing suit top i'm wearing an x-large for my top. people always tell me that they want my boobs. but really they don't. i hate my boobs and i hate my body...
i'm jealous of all my friends because they're all so skinny.
here are my questions:
1. what can i do to make my self feel more comfortable in my body?
2. what ways can i loose weight and get rid of my love handles.
*16/f
I feel you. I hate my damn boobs too, I am a 40DD. I used to weight over 300 pounds and I lost a lot of weight but kept some love handles and those damn boobs! Try ordering hip hop abs. It works, it's fun and it also helps with dancing too. My cousin took 2 can goods and literally laid flat on her back and raised them for an hour a day and shrunk hers. I am going to try that my self.
You can take a broom if pressed for money, and hold it behind your back with both arms and lean from side to side for about an hour each day. I have done both and they are helping. Don't knock yourself though, stay focused on you and you won't have time to be jealous of your friends.
Try dealing with your body, mentally by knowing you are working on it for YOU and no one else and you should begin to feel comfortable. It has to start internally before you can except external.
I really apologize for however long this might turn out to be.
I'm 17 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 months. The first 2 months had been really great. We had our share of problems but we worked through them, and many people have been given us respect for living an hour away from each other but still seeing each other often and making it work. Lately, however, I feel as if he's stopped caring. He used to call me often and we'd be on the phone for hours, but now it's always me calling him and the onversation is so...boring and short.
Don't get me wrong, I REALLY like my boyfriend. But the relationship has kind of reached a wall. It's just been really boring lately. We used to hang out and have a great time doing nothing...but now I feel like all we do is hook up every time I see him. I know he feels the same way because we both have the same best friend and he brought it to my attention that we need to have a serious talk. And I know it he still likes me because he told that to our best friend, but we're basically both feeling really bored.
I'm going to have a talk with him when he comes over on Wednesday about everything. But honestly, I REALLY don't know where to go to from there. I'm afraid to try TOO hard, but I definitely don't want to not try hard enough. What exactly can we do to make the relationship fun again?
PS. I'm definitely going to ask him if we can slow down because we really did move too far, too fast.
Also, one thing that may be a big problem with this is that he really enjoys a chase. I think he had to chase me to get me and now that he's got me he doesn't know what he wants. Now that we're dating, I can't give him a chase because he knows he already has me. And if I do something to try to give him a chase he might mistake it for me not caring anymore. I just feel like I can't make him happy...
You are already on the right track. By talking to him on Wednesday, you will know where to go from there and what to do. ALL relationships go through a stage of boredom, no matter the time you've been in it. The goal is learning how to keep it interesting and exciting. I am sorry that you feel like you may ask that things slow down, especially living an hour away- things are already slower than normal relationships, I would think. Things you can do to make it fun again are set goals of activities to do whenever you know you two are going to see eachother, differing from what you already do. parks, drive in movies, walking, dancing, dinner that you both prepare together,sending flowers and cards to let the other know you are on their minds and that you still care. Bring back some of the things you did in the first 2 months that dropped off now. Another thing, I want to know, do you trust him?
The whole chase thing should be obsolete, as you both are already in a relationship. Why chase that in which either of you already have? Men do enjoy chasing, as they are hunters by nature. Which is why I will cut it off in a minute as soon I detect game.
Decide if you are happy or not. Ask him if he is happy or not, don't make the assumption that you aren't making him happy. He may just need to talk to you as you need to talk to him. He could be going through something, you never know until you guys have that conversation. Once you have that conversation and still have questions or concerns post another question and take it from there.
Best of Luck to whatever you 2 decide to do for your happiness, peace and serenity! (with or without him)
basically my cousin had a bad start in life and ende up living with my family. everything was great, she found it hard to make friends with people though because she is always negative. if it was never her way it was no way, and she was abusive to everyone. you try to help her, give her a better life and it is just not good enough. we've been to doctors and they say her past life really doesnt have anything to do with how she is now its just because she is always negative. for example she doesnt understand that if you are going to be late - contact your family, or the fact she wanted to go to a friends house - she's only met once and then go home with the friends dad - a man we have never met. She thinks we try to destroy her life and she never shes it from the other persons view. she is violent and always feels sorry for herself. She says our lives our better but when we try to involve her she just pushes us away. We give her phone, and stuff [not spoiling her] just to give her a little a push, to try make her feel involed but its just good enough " oh its rubbish" blah blah NEVER greatful for anything my parents have ever given her. My sister is very hardcore and tries to explain things, but my cousin just refuses to listen. My big sister just breaksdown in front of me each night, and i feel as if there isnt anything we can do anymore, my mum suffers from stress so we get angry when she decides to be horrible to our mum because we deal with the concequences. my cousin just thinks the whole world is around her. She just abuses people, is rude. my mum and dad have grounded her, had talks with her, given her things when she has done really good, made her centre of attention, made her write lines ANY PUNISHMENT YOU NAME IT WEVE GIVEN IT [except for abuse]. But it gets even more ridculous , she thinks we want to ruin her life - she sneaked off to her friends house and they got up to mischief and never even bothered to tell my mum - late at night...and then comes out with the most alful lies like " i went to get milk but my ankle got hurt and i went to the nearest house possible". And today has just gone over the line - she claimed she had three hours detention, WHICH WOULD NOT HAPPEN AT MY SCHOOL...but it turns out she was at a really unsafe park for three hours with people she doesnt really know and people we dont know! She just doesnt understand, - how can we help what is there to do? we've even made her stay at family, been nice to her, done everything we can - even physocologists. She is totally out of control...what can we do? Please do not "evaluate" her annd say maybe she does this because so and so....becuase i dont want to hear excuses for her stupid actions
There are no excuses to be made for your cousin's behavior and I won't give any. There are reasons for your cousins behavior and neither you or your family can resolve those reasons of issues, only she can. A person doesn't change unless they want to change. Forcing and encouraging change can some times cause a person to become reluctant and rebellious.
No need to bring up what type of life she has had because you have already shared this, and those things that were bad have had a negative impact on her life, and she is still hurting from it. She's reaching out but isn't sure of how to grab on to the people who are reaching back out to her, which comes across as a lashing. She isn't accepting, acknowledging or admitting her behavior, so she isn't willing to change. Now, I understand what your family is doing to help her, but some times when people don't want to be helped, you have to cut them off to face the harsh world of reality and deal with the real. Certain situations cause a person to face reality and themselves and some people don't face self until some uncontrollable situation occurs causing then to face it.
Your parents are the ones who will need to decide on how to deal with your cousin. It's their house, their rules and if they are content with her using them, being unappreciative, and breaking those rules and disrespecting them, then that's on them. Hopefully, One day, they will get fed up with her mess, and will kick her out to allow her to take care of herself and find out what life is really about so that she becomes a little more greatful and appreciative. I hope that you continue doing what you are doing, and never fall to her standards and ways. Continue trying to be a role model for her by living your life the way you are supposed to and being respectful. Don't let her get to you, and cause you to feel negative. Please stay positive!
this is a poem i did i have bad anxiety its not about me its one of these poems where you need to think what its about in a life situation im fifteen =] thanks
>
Its only a voice she crenched with fear Dont make me feel superior Im only here.
Dont mutter my words dont Violate my space Dont touch my tears Dont Look at my face
Because Ill smile when Im Hated and ill frown when im not . Ill retaliate to your speech because when your so cold i feel so hot . Let me be here forever let us hold hands and open arms wide in this beautiful weather
she quoted and then sang she laughed and then smiled . For the first time in her life she never felt so mild
the feels of her justice fell thorugh the sky her red lipstick smudged Proves her life was never a lie .
Just one more minuite she said to herself her body quivered through determination and though that she smiled one last time Let me love the people i once dislliked let me make a provision
let me draw a line.
It felt she was derierating into a dust so fine . As sudden as the cold weather went through that the sun started to shine . >>>>
I think your poem was enlightening with much detail. I don't feel that your nerves have anything to do with your talent.
Continue writing as an external release of feelings, it actually is helping you!
great poem.
Thank you for your advice. I just wanted to elaborate on the situation more...
I have tried to just hang out with my friends minus her, and it got me into a load of trouble. She explodes in your face if not invited places and it's really really hard. Like, I'm still paying the price for not inviting her to one thing (I swear it was only one thing). But my other friends don't invite her any places and they don't get any trouble for it. So, she must just not like me at all and it's so stupid because I know that she isn't worth anything as a person and it's not as simple as you would think just to stop being her friend or stop being friends with her 'followers'. She already won sorta. She claimed their attention and they all decided to turn on me and kick me out of the group. I'm just now trying to gain it all back. And I have sorta, my friends are getting a little sick of her and want to hang out with me somewhat. But she sees that happening and puts herself back into the spotlight. I think she might just see me as a threat...which is totally stupid because I'm so shy and closed in that she knows I wouldn't dare try and get rid of her. She's trying so hard to get rid of me.
I am not jealous of her in the least bit. I personally think she's pathetic for doing this to me...and trying to do it to a few other people. If anything, she might be jealous of me. But I don't know. I used to be jealous of her last year when I was good friends with her because I saw her as able to talk so easily with people about things. But I've come to realize that she is the fakest person on the planet and will say anything to anybody to get attention.
I can't just walk away from my friends. I've already had to walk away from a group of friends in the past and don't want to do it again. I do have another group of friends I could join, but I don't want my life to turn into a constant shifting of relationships. Like, if something doesn't work out I'm just supposed to get up and leave every time? I don't know. I'm just trying to be strong and still praying that this will all blow over...but it's been close to six months now and I'm not even sure anymore. I could at anytime shift over to my other group of friends...but what if this happens again with them? That will have been the third time. What would that say about my character? It's not that I get jealous, because I don't very much...so I just don't know what could be wrong with me. I try so hard to figure it out, but I just end up hating myself even more than I already do.
This is the icing on the cake for me, so now I more information for you.
She is still jealous of you, and wants to bully you because you have taken it. I think you have felt like you owe her something because of when you have left her out that one time, but you owe no one anything but yourself. Also, I understand that you can't just walk away from your friends, but if they are causing you to feel isolated or causing you to have to jump up with your hands in the air, then they are pushing you away, which is different from you walking away. you feel me?
If something doesn't work out for you, you are supposed to do whatever it takes to make you happy and work for you, so if it's walking away everytime until you get grounded and are happy about it, then yes walking away everytime is what has to be done. You are still at the age of finding yourself and with that being said, there are many relationships, situations and friendships that you are going to go through until you find that special place that suites you. Praying works and they are always answered.
God shows us things when we pray, and whenever it comes to change, we as people tend to tense up, get scared, get worried, and question our decision when we already know what's best for us. What's wrong with you is the fact that you are sick of the bs dear heart and I say GOOD! be tired and do something about it. You have no reason to hate yourself so don't, instead love yourself and the moment that you do love yourself you will realize that you don't have to deal with the crap that you are dealing with. There are honestly still hard feelings between you and this girl, because you haven't really addressed your issues with her, and it's because she will blow up most likely, so what? what's best, you blow up from pressure building up inside of you or you tell miss thang how you feel, let her blow up and throw her temper tantrum and go on about your way.
When people are true friends, you can tell them about themselves and your feelings and regardless to if they agree or not, they can agree to disagree with out all the drama. Also, you can't get in trouble with anyone but your parents - take that thought on instead. This girl is only going to do to people what they allow her to do, but know this, what goes around, comes around and so she will get it back one day. KNOW THIS.
I noticed that you have mentioned prayer which tells me that you do have a relationship with God. Instead of praying that it blows over, pray for understanding, wisdom, vision, and knowledge. Pray for new friends, who are good friends sent from him and not those who you have picked out.
What do you consider yourself to be? real or fake? if you're real, then you don't want to deal with fakeness because your mental can't receive fakeness from anyone, right? right. This group of friends are they real or fake? do you all have things in common? never force friends to chose between you and someone else either, simply isolate yourself, pull away and find new friends, upon doing this, you will find new happiness too.
Why are you determined to force people to accept you? If she is running them, let her. Why do you keep calling them your friends when you are saying that they kicked you out of the group, they turned on you, she gives you bs and not them?
If the same friends that hang with her are talking about her to you, then they are also talking about you to her which makes them 2 faced - did you know that? A dog that buries a bone, also carries a bone. remember this.
If these girls were your friend they would get ms. thang and you together and they would say: we are friends with you two and this bs between you has to stop because it's silly and stupid - they wouldn't support it and leave you out and cause your feelings to be hurt like this. Do you understand this?
Until you get a little older, and mature so will your circle of friends change too. It happens all of the time, so it's OK and is not abnormal to change friends. What does it say about your character? That you aren't going to tolerate being disrespected. That you love who you are and that you don't have to kiss anyone's butt for attention, or friendship, That you are too good of a friend to deal with fake friends who do not have your back, but I bet you would have their back, right? right.
You have said that she's pathetic, attention driven, and in competition with you on some degree or level so why do you want to hold on to this in your life, which is causing you to question yourself when your friends and her need to question themselves for their actions? It's not you who has an issue and problems, it's them so please stop blaming yourself. You can accept anything you want to accept in your life, but remember this: NEVER SETTLE. OK? here's my email if you want to email me too, it's cool.
sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
One of my "friends" is always always always trying to be in the spotlight. It's so annoying. I'm like not even her friend anymore because she's treated me so badly and stepped all over me to get attention. All my other friends knew this about her and were on my side, but then she shoved me out of the way (like she always does). So, now they're on her side =[
I just don't know what to do. I'm a generally shy person at heart, but when I'm with my friends it's so much easier to be outgoing and such. In fact, I am quite outgoing with friends. It's just that with her always around sometimes even literally shoving me out of the way, it's so hard to be myself. Every time I try and say something funny, she'll do something stupid like scream or squawk like a chicken so everybody looks at her (I'm not even kidding, she really does this) and they'll all laugh saying things like "Wow, you're so special!" or "That was interesting!" And they're not even being sarcastic. She craves the attention, will do anything to get it, and the worst part is that they actually do give it to her.
I know that she's immature and I'd like to just be able to let this not affect me. But I've already tried so hard and nothing ever works. It's really really difficult to ignore her when she always puts herself right there in the middle of everything. God I'm so sick of it.
I just want advice to help me get through these situations. And I really don't need the standard "Just ignore her, be your own person" because I know that already. It just doesn't work for me in this situation...
How irritating is that! First, I would do more than just ignore her, I would stay away from her and the people she hangs around with period, and find new friends. If she has stepped all over you to get attention, then it's time to cut that off as you said you have done. With the other friends:
I don't know what you mean by on her side - if they are ignoring you or stepping on you too then they aren't friends anyway, so what are you losing besides the aggrevation?
The loud squawk thing is silly, how do you know this isn't an inside joke between everyone but you? I want to point of something important to me,and I am going to ask that you make it important to you too. "smile"
If someone is a friend, a true one, there is no need to fight or require attention, because it's about affection not attention. Also, if you have to go out of your way to get attention or shift attention then that would make you just as guilty as she is for even seeking attention. you feel me? Now, make sure this is a thing of maturity growth and not jealousy on your behalf ok.
I know that sometimes, friends outgrow each other mentally, and within the inner person, maybe this is happening. I understand it's hard to ignore when she puts herself in the middle of everything- she has to do this because she is self centered. Now put yourself above everything so that you are placing yourself first and distancing yourself from that crowd. If they are going to entertain her, then allow them to do this without your interference or need to feel compatible. It's not worth it girl! Once people see you are doing your own thing, they will either come around and respect that type of change or they will say you're being stuck up and hate on you, due to the fact that you are showing that you have no need for attention, in crowd or acceptance from people who don't wish to accept you for your maturity.
Do you go to any events at school, church or community? Do you have interests or hobbies? Are there clubs to support those hobbies/interest? if so join some and meet new friends and kick it with them. If you still want to be cool with the crowd, excluding Miss Chicken squaker, ask the others one to do something or hang out and don't invite her. Hope this helps, if it doesn't, please let me know.
sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
So I think my boyfriend is making me depressed becuase we never really hangout much anymore, and he's all "unsatisfied" and He's making me really depressed, and sometimes its scary because I feel like my throat is closing or something its liek ar eally weird feeling. I don't know what to do, I kind of want to break up, I hate feeling this way. Help!
Damn! I know that feeling of the throat and it hurts internally too.
First, I want to talk about depression OK: So, bear with me as it is going to be long. In the beginning stages of depression, I have learned that we control the depth of how far or long it goes, so let's gain control of that thing right now! You have identified WHY you are dpressed, you said it's because you and your boyfriend don't hang out anymore. I know that hurts and causes you to blame yourself for it, so I am going to ask that you not to that or stop doing that if you already are.
Now, if he is unsatisfied, that's his problem not your problem so don't internalize this or allow him to have power over your feelings based on his feelings of negativity. Don't digest it. We have to look in the mirror and go toe to toe & face to face with who we are as individuals first before blaming your boyfriend. Alright? Now, He is the one who isn't spending with you by HIS choice,not your choice, right? So, break this down, he doesn't want to hang out with you - so this is one reason to cut it off so that your time is appreciated and worthy with whoever you hang out with, family, other friends, or yourself!
Next, he's unsatisfied: I don't really know what you mean by this, do you mean sexually- if so, cut it off - this comes from not being interested in you anymore which is why he doesn't want to hang out with you anymore. Or if you mean unsatisfied in himself -he could be going through some issues that you don't know about, if this concerns you, TALK to him and find out what the hell his problem is. Tell him how you are feeling and how his distance is affecting you, (if you don't want to break up)If you have already done this and still want to break up, tell him that you are breaking up with him because of his distance and the affect (directly and indirectly) that he is having upon your life. Do not give him or anyone else power over your happiness, this is your call for your life!
The little power that you have given which is causing this feeling in your throat must be taken back! STAND UP, HOLD YOUR HEAD UP AND TELL HIM EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL AND WHAT YOU WANT, period. If you want to be in it, tell him your needs to stay in it, find out his needs to also make him happy and to find out if he wants this, as his actions show differently. If you don't want it tell him to hit the road and keep it moving! Go do something that you like doing and don't think of the situation, or withdrawal once you have addressed it.
You can't keep these feelings locked up on the inside of you, and it is important that you let him know where you stand and what is up with you. Before you handle what's up with you first, you will not be able to close what's up with the both of you which means you will have no closure, or happiness. You have to love yourself and not expect it from him, as you are the one who owes it to yourself. Once you love yourself, you can love others and receive love from others. Okay?
the first guy is my boyfriend. we have been together for about almost 4 months. but we dont have a normal relationship. i have to hide him fom everyone because of our age difference and what my parents will think of him. ive been him maybe about 4 or 5 times out of the 4 months we have been dating. we say i love you and like when we are together its perfect but recently i have been having seconds thoughts about him. he is going to college in more then over a month and i told him i would stay with him and that we would just see eachother when he comes back down here. but honestly i think its not worth it. ive gone all the way with him. it was my first time. and he didnt even use a condom. shows how much he cares. i just dont have the guts to break up with him.
now the second guy. we just met and i fell for him hard... while i still have this boyfriend. im horrible, but me and this guy are dating too. hes perfect and we talk on the phone every night and he says cute things and hes realllly a great guy. the only problem is, he lives in a different state. he doesnt know about my relationship with my other boyfriend adn im really scared. i feel so quitly because he realllly likes me, but im thinking he may like me more then i do like him.
i think i just need to be single and so what i want with guys casue its wayyy easier then this. but i know once i let them go, i really will miss them. the first guy told me the only way he will break up with me is if i cheat on him. which i am technically. i know i would break his heart because he really loves me. and it would break mine too. but for the second guy. im thinking maybe we should just be like reallly close friends.
i dont know what to do. helppppppp!
First thing: in the first paragraph you wrote: shows how much he cares - now question, how much did you care? I am saying this because you knew that a condom was a necessity, and that one was not there, yet still did it anyway instead of stopping him right then and telling him that you weren't going to do this without the condom. So, because you didn't seem to care, neither did he. It is important that we as girls/ladies and women respect ourself and require to be respected or it won't be given. Repsect is earned, and isn't just something given to prove a point. (remember this, please.)
If you know he is too old for you, and your parents don't condone this, he is disrepecting you once again and your parents too. He KNOWS he is too old for you and is cool with being on the low with you because he is getting what he wants out of you. How do you know you are the only person he is sleeping with? & what makes you think he isn't seeing people closer to his age? Don't let any one run game on you. If you have time to date other people, what do you think he is doing in his spare time, sitting at home waiting for you to sneak and call him? OK? Keep it real sis!
It doesn't take guts to break up, it takes heart and if you don't break up with him, you may be in for a heart break that you could prevent now instead of later, dear heart. Seriously.
You can still be cool with the guy who lives in a different state. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Why would you make an option to only see one person at this time in your life? Anytime a relationship or friendship comes to an end, it does hurt a little (even is the ones that are full of BS). You will miss them, at first but time heals all. It's best to hurt from ending a friendship/relationship instead of hurting because you feel that you came to the end of a road that led to no where or messed up your future, as you have a bright one ahead of you.
As far as the first guy: if he knows you're too young for him, and he loved you, he wouldn't see you because of your age, and your parents' views. He also wouldn't be sleeping with you or encouraging unprotected sex, or agreeing to put you in situations to get in trouble for betraying your parents by doing this down low thing.
The second guy: ask him if you can remain friends with him only and that you are trying to find yourself which requires some time without being in any relationships. Let him know that you are just coming out of another relationship and aren't ready to move on yet. That's honest and it's respectable and if he is as great as you say he is, he understands this.
The first guy: tell him the truth - that you are too young for him. You are tired of sneaking around with him, and that you love yourself too much to allow him to take advantage of you and that you will not degrade yourself anymore by being with him sexually? Let's say you get pregnant, and he's leaving for college, what do you really think is going to happen? (him, your parents, your baby, your life) or what if he gives you an STD having unprotected sex, think... use your head, because you are mature, and smart.
Your soul is talking to you, telling you that you are having second thoughts about dude #1, and the reasons you have listed are actual reasons versus my scenerios, which still need to be taken into consideration. Listen to your innerself, PLEASE. IT will lead you a long way in your life and help you decide which path to follow when they seem to split up in different situations that you will face in your life. Real talk.. Don't listen to your heart,it breaks and is confused but your soul isn't!
Please be cautious and careful when giving up the goodies - I wish you wouldn't until you KNOW you are ready and this is when your heart, mind, soul, spirit ALL agree. Live your life and focus on your future so that you can do anything in your life based on your decisions, so make good ones, dear heart!
Good Luck
having unprotected sex...yeah I know dumb. Anyways he was going to tell me when he was gonna cum, but next thing I new he was cumming in me...me and him are both freaking out now. In on birthcontrol, but missed one day last week and took two the next day. Could I be pregnant?
Just because someone tells you before they ejaculate, and pull out doesn't mean that you can't get pregnant. You can get pregnant by pre-ejaculation, and pulling out isn't the best method of birth control. Condoms and pills are.
There is also a small change of pregnancy while on the birth control pills, which is why it is best to use more than one form of protection.
I would also take a home pregnancy test just to be sure. Good Luck and please remember to always be careful, and cautious.
The other night i had a party, and i ended up hooking up with this kid that i've been distant friends with for a couple of monhts. We ended up talking and hooking up and stuff all night. He left the next morning at 8 and said he'd call me that night. He ended up not calling all day but i txted him at around 9 cuz i was with one of his good friends. I've barely talked to him since then, even tho we've hung out quite a bit since we're friends with the same people. I obviously figured it was just a one night thing, but he kept tellling me that he liked me that night. Every time we'd kiss he'd be like your so cute, i realy like you blah blah. I figured it was nothing at all, but he then told me i was the first girl he'd ever kissed, i wuold have never known. lol What do you think's up with him? Did he just lose interest that quickly or is he just shy as hell?
First, if he was shy he would not have hooked up with you the first night in my opinion.
It's all about respect - I say it all the time and people seem to get upset because people don't like the truth.
I am hoping this not be the case, but it is possible that this guy used you and has nothing to say since he has gotten what he wanted,beyond interest. OR Maybe he didn't want it to go down that way and it did, and he could also be regretting that this happened, as it does change friendships.
Based on how you are feeling about it, check it. If you like him and want to be involved with him, let him know but try to encourage NOT making out anymore until you guys know what you want for sure, and make sure you are protected because of risks involved with it. If you don't want it to happen again or go beyond friendship, talk to him about what happened and make it known that you don't want it to change your friendship with him and that you really have no intent of this happening again.
Be careful when deciding to do things like this, with guys. Please, because there are so many people who have caught Aids, STD'S or got pregnant from one night stands. There are also many good people who have build up reputations from one night stands too. One night stands or hook ups aren't respected and place people in situations to be judged. Also you don't have to give it up because someone likes you or to make them like you. I just wanted you to know this, because it is important to know now and even when you hit 34. "smile" Also, know this, a person will tell you anything that you want to hear to get the panties, so it is important to wait it out before acting so that you recognize the difference in game and fact - false and true, real and fiction so that next time, you won't be in a position to ask what's up with him. Instead you will know off top what's up with him before anything goes down with him. You feel me?
Take it easy and enjoy life, don't rush it because it already goes by too fast.
Latly, everything has been so different. but the one thing that i really want it my first kiss. I'm 16 yrs old and it is somthing that i want. Everytime i like someone, i find a way to tell them and it never turns out good! i don't want to wait, this is somthing i want this summer. I really want a b/f beecause it will make me feel better and away to escape from my crazy family!i just want someone to keep me close and care about me but i don't know what to do about it. So if u could plz help me in any way, i would appreiciate it very much! thanks
I have edited this answer in response to your feedback, in which I am appreciative for. I took everything you said in your question and looked at your feedback and I understand what you are concerned about more now.
I understand what it is to be lonely or to want that first kiss, and dance, and closeness that some relationships provide. I am hoping that you get out of that shyness so that you can get out there and mingle so that you meet someone who interests you. Try finding a friendship first and take it from there. Do you have any male friends that you are cool with now? If so and you have interest in them, since you already know them, why not ask them to go out with you sometimes and build it from there. If you don't wanna wait, then don't wait darling, get out there and go places. Invite someone to hang out with you, as friend and take it from there. Good Luck and be careful because some times relationships hurt. I wish you the best of luck of finding that special someone, he's out there somewhere looking for you too! I am also sorry for misunderstanding your first question. I only went on the things that you indicated. Again, best of luck to you.
OK. Here we go Miss Lady:
You start out with Lately everything has been so different. - What's different lately? difference in your thoughts, difference in your family atmospehere? difference in you personally? difference in guys and your views of them? Difference in negative or positive things in your life period?
You want a relationship with someone- I get this.
So,what are you doing to meet people who you would be interested in getting to know before this first kiss. (Did you catch me on that?) It is important to get to know someone first, so that it does go right since it hasn't been going right. Ok?
This is going back my questions to you in the beginning: If you want a boyfriend because there is someone you are interested in getting to know, cool. But if you only want a boyfriend to feel better about yourself, I am concerned. Also, if you also want a boyfriend to escape your crazy family, I am concerned more. Why? Because, you must learn to feel better about yourself on your own. Try reading some books, or sites focusing on words like learning to love myself, feeling good about myself, motivating myself, encouraging self esteem. Before you can feel good about anyone else, or love anyone else,you must start with self first. IF YOU DON'T feel good about yourself, you will not feel good about anyone else, and maybe this is why your relationships or everytime you like someone doesn't work out.
Next: It isn't fair to put a guy in a situation to hold him accountable and responsible for your escaping your crazy family as you have called them. Also, it isn't a guys responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. To place this responsibility on someone other than yourself,is very selfish. I know you don't mean to be and I know how you are feeling too, but there has to be some self work first OK? You have to care about yourself before you can care about anyone else and is it fair not to care about anyone else fully but expect them to care about you fully?
Now,why not first talk to your crazy family to release what's going on inside of you to cause you to feel less about yourself, requiring the need to feel better about self? The first step is to address anything that's hurting you, bothering you or causing self issues so that you can let it go once you have addressed it.
hope this has helped a little. You can email me at sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
My vagina has a foul odor...it has been this way for a few years now. I've been to the doctor, however, each time I go, I scrub and scrub before going so that I dont disturb the doctor, therefore, she says she does not detect a smell. The smell always comes back within a half an hour though no matter what I do. I do not have any infections and shower on a daily basis. The doctor said I may be cleaning too much and my PH balance may be off, however, I've tried everything she says to do and it does not work. I know every girl has her own scent but this is very disturbing and is truly a foul bad odor. Any suggestions?
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I am sure it has lowered your self esteem, but there is help and answers to the issue.
There are many reasons for this. There are also many factors in why the reasons exist.
If you are sexually active, and the person you are with is ejaculating inside of you, it causes odor.
If condoms are being used, you could be allergic to the type of condom it is.
If you use tampons, it is possible that some of it could be stuck way up inside of you. Sometimes it doesn't show symptoms outside of the odor until it's been there a while.
If you are sexually active, and your partner messes around on you, it causes changes in PH balance. PH balance is also thrown off because the vagina has acids and bacteria inside of it, and sometimes these things get out of whack too just as hormones do. If your partner is sweaty and doesn't take a shower or bath before you are intimate, it also causes this. It also can be a factor of taking showers only. Women need to take baths also with water only to aid in the natural cleansing of the body.
Soaps can cause odors also as the vagina is a self cleansing organ. Bubble baths cause odors too, and both cause certain types of infections.
Also douching too much, causes infections too. Another thing that you may find interesting, you know how we're supposed to change toothbrushes every so often, women should also change panties every 3 months too.
If you have recently given birth or noticed this smell shortly after giving birth, you may need to mention this to your gynecologist so that they can do some ultra sounds to ensure that all has passed upon your childbirth, residue from labor can also cause internal odor which releases through the vagina because cleansing can't always get into those areas of the canal, cervix and uterus.
Not wiping from front to back when using the bathroom also causes certain bacteria from feecees to pass into the vaginal canal which causes odor too.
Last known reason is UTI (Urinary Track Infection)Sometimes there are no symptoms but vaginal odor. I would also suggest having a screening done to detect this too.
Suggestion: First, go to a gynecologist. Explain your concern, ask them to prescribe something dealing with hormones/PH balance (once they have double checked for yeast or bacteria infection). Since you have already been to the doctor, go to a different one. Also, don't douche before going to the doctor. You may also ask them to prescribe some flagyl to you for GP (General Purpose)
There is also an over the counter PH formula called RepHresh vaginal gel. Try this.
Also, You really didn't give detail of when you smell this: is it during sex, after sex, before or after menstruation or is it something all the time? Another thing believe it or not, what you eat also has an effect on the natural scent of a woman. You want to try to stay away from Garlic, onions, sea food daily too (or limit your intake). You may also ask your doctor about this, as I am sure they know more than I know.
You may also try purchasing vaginal cleansing wipes, norform(vaginal supositories for odor), and vaginal powders with corn starch. Try the vaginal soaps for that area too instead of the bars of soap. I also know of some vaginal strips that look like wax paper that you can also insert into the vagina. It's at the Walgreens, and Rite aids. Drinking more water and juices help too.
I hope this helps, as it is all the info I know on the subject. I have attached a website to check out too.
hubpages.com/hub/Vaginal-Odor-How-To-Smell-Good-Down-There
Good Luck!
my situation is difficult im fifteen
and sometimes i feel im treated unfair
i suffer with bad anxiety causing me to drop out of school
and go to a hospital school
ive suddenly made friends with a girl my family used to like she shoplift. lied . backstabbed but she was my best friend and i made friends with her again
i feel like my social life is bieng ruined because of my nerves
and i feel like everydays just the same tbh pleas e help!
I don't really understand the situation or the question. I am only addressing some points you have made in your posting.
You said that you sometimes feel as if you're being treated unfairly and that you suffer anxiety. Have you attempted talking to a counselor in your facility? Have you written down some of the different emotions in which you are feeling in order to address those when you are talking to those who are there to help you?
It is important to be careful and mindful of who you consider as a friend. I am not judging your friend, but I am cautioning you to be careful in dealing with her if she has made no attempt in changing her ways and actions. Do you know that if she steals something and you are with her, that you too are put in that mess? When choosing friends, it's important that you have something in common with one another and that you are able to encourage one another. If you can't receive encouragement,support and the friendship that you give, you are placing your self in a situation to be used, don't do that because it hurts and only upsets your emotions more. It's also a reason of nerves being thrown off balance, my dear.
Try something new on a daily basis. Get a new outlook on life, knowing that only you have the power to change your life and the circumstances surrounding it. It takes strength, motivation and determination to accomplish this. What are some things you want to change within your social life? What are some dislikes in your social life? write all the negatives down, look at them,now reverse the things you wrote down. Example: I have no friends, except this one friend who pulls me down - reversal: cut that friend off who is negative and find new friends.
I have no hobbies or interest that excite me in life- reversal: here is a list of things I would like to do to make me happy and feel better about myself - now try those things, and see how you feel.
I feel like you aren't taking control of your life and that you are allowing life to take control over you. This has an adverse role with anxiety. Good Luck and please close the door that is opened in your life to open a new door and start all over so you will be happy, at peace, and in harmony with yourself. You may email me if you want to at sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
If you don't receive a response in your inbox, check your spam mail to see if it went there. None the less, I will answer you.
So i was just wondering in general...Is it okay to go out with someone who isn't that great looking but is still attractive because of he's body etc. And also because he's personality is great?
I mean..well i'm just afraid if i might find the person un attractive due to he's looks while going out with him.. and that would not a be fun to deal with.
The thing is like he used to like me and i had NO IDEA~ i thought of him as a friend but now days i find him more and more attractive..grrr how can i tell if he STILL likes me..we got into this little argument(this was before i knew he liked me) and it was because i was going out with this other guy and i was being a bitch and ignoring him..sigh* But he's not as talkative to me On AIM but in real life he's still talkatvie..he asked for a high five just earlier and we kinda just held hands for a moment in the air like legit 5 secs and let go.I DON't kow how to tell if he still likes me :P
*SIGH*
questions:
1.Should i give him a chance?
2.He's from church..would that not be a good idea?
3.How do i know if he's still interested?
Thanks :D
-serenity
Beauty is not external, it's internal. So, looks should never be a factor in making a decision to be involved with someone or to like someone or not. Qualities in determing that you should consider someone as a boyfriend or not, are based on honesty, truthfulness (these aren't the same thing- most people say they are, but they aren't), respectfulness, goals in life, mental stability, gentlessness, personality, interests, hobbies, drug free, encouraging, supportive, beliefs, common bond based on having the same things in common, so that you don't lose who you are trying to become what he is, and how he treats his mom - there are other things too but these are basics, most importantly: that you are friends first so that you already know each other more than a complete stranger, not how they look. I am real and I can understand what it is to be attracted to someone, or having the desire but trust me, once you ignore outter and learn that person's inner, they become the most beautiful person in the world and the outter becomes no factor at all.
You already know if he still likes you or not, because we as women have this thing called intuition and it's real: trust it. If your soul tells you he still has interest in you, he does. Now, just follow up on it and see what's up with it. Tell him that you like him and that you would like to get to know him better. Tell him the things that you like about him and the things you want to know about him in order to like him more and then ask him his feelings about you and what you just told him. I am sure he smiles, winks, blushes, looks off, all boys are different which means that you can't base certain signs on if he likes you or not because all people are different some show it in different ways and some don't show it at all, which is why it is going to take some conversation to confirm your opinion on if he likes you or not. I am willing to bet that he does like you still!
The church thing is great - having the same beliefs are important and will take you a long way if this is your goal and his goal. I think it's a great idea that he is from church! that's actually a plus!!
If you like him and want to hook up with him step up to the plate, girl and let him know what's up with you and where you want to take this thing! Have fun, be cautious and mature, and enjoy your life! Good Luck
What are some good friendship songs? I already have true friend by hannah montanah, graduation by vitamin c, friend like that by hawk nelson, friend by kaitlyn, and our favorite songs. Thanks!
Whitney Houston and CeCe Winans - Count on Me
Club Nouveau - Lean on Me
Whodini - Friends (this is an old school rap song, I love it, try to find it and check it out)
Anytime you need a friend- Mariah Carey
Because you loved me- Celine Dion
These are all I can think of for now, let me know if you need more songs.
So i find you to be like the very best advice columnist. here it goes. i like this guy a lot. he shows signs that he likes me too and even though we both have never said that we like each other it is obvious that we do. so what i'm asking is what is a good way to bring it up? like when i ask him to do something for me he will say something like "do i get a kiss if i do it?" after he says those kind of things is when i would be most conforatble saying something. got any suggestions?
Thanks, for your compliment. I greatly appreciate it.
First, hand applause for the fact that you KNOW he has interest in you and there's no doubting that. That ALWAYS makes it so much easier. Now, to go to the next step: When he asks "do I get a kiss if I do it?", you respond and say, sure, but only if I can also give you my heart and my feelings along with a kiss. There ya go, and it's off for the races, girl!
Let him know that you are digging him and that you have feelings for him and that you are interested in getting to know him better. Tell him that you admire the lil' things he does for you and how those things make you feel on the inside. I am sure that will get something popping - especially since you are letting him know of your appreciation to the things he does for you. Men/boys/guys NEED to feel appreciated and know that they are worth something to you, just like women/girls/gals like to also feel appreciated, paid attention to and complimented, RIGHT? Right! "smile" Hey, go for it and good luck girl!
what do you do when you broke up with someone you really loved, and really loved you, and you miss them like crazy and would do anything to have them back and for things to be the same again, but you finally just had enough of the BS after chance after chance after chance, and you know it's for the best to not be with them, because the relationship has changed so much and all you do is fight about the same things over and over, but you [both] just want those good times back soo bad, you can't stand it. how do you deal ?
DAMN! When you broke up with this person, you loved them then; however the reason(s) behind breaking up weighed more than the love. The reasons you broke up with this person are still a factor and will not change unless they are ready to change, and change takes time. - you said chance after chance after chance -
This person is used to you taking them back and already knows that you are missing them and thinking of taking them back right now. I hate it when they get this comfortable because it shows a certain arrogance, which causes them to do the same thing over and over again because you are going to give them chance and chance and chance again. I know! Hell, I did it for 17 damn long years but guess what? I learned from it.
You already know that BS is also a factor in the relationship, since you called it out. Look, Shi* is Shi*, doesn't matter if it's horse shi*, dog shi*, pig shi* or bs, it's still Shi* and it all stinks, you feel me?
Relationships change as people change, some change for better, some for worst. Sounds like the change went from good times to bad times, which reflects personal change for worst.
Are you sure you really love this person or is it lust or are you lonely and aren't used to being alone? This leads us back to the same ole' BS in a relationship that we already know is going to fail and not work! real talk.
Here it is: Ask yourself this, are you battling your heart, mind, soul, and spirit because they aren't in agreement? one says take him back, one says let him go, one says "this is the last time and I promise that the next time, he does this or that, it's over!". I already know cause I did it too, hell!
How do you deal? You don't. Take some time out for you and your mental being. Arguing and fighting takes you steps back if you can't build from it and grow. You have developed a pattern, a cycle which reflects in break up, make up, break up, make up. So, at what point do you get tired of dealing? real talk
After you take this time for self, don't contact him (even calling privately and hanging up)- no contact, he will contact you. Decide on what you really want in your life? If you are thinking of changing him, stop it. Decide what you really want to make you happy not content but happy.
Don't listen to your heart, it can break.
Don't listen to your mind, it can be wasted.
Don't listen to your physical because it gets weak.
LISTEN TO YOUR SOUL. It's yours, God and Satan both want it, so that's powerful!.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
We all here are probably in school, or out of school but we have all atended it. I'm that girl that's not good looking but have friends of both genders. I hear Im very bubbly, and outgoing. But at home Im the complete oppisite. I think I am suffering from depression, I just dont have the guts to tell my parents about it.
I do not get along with my Father at all. We can't have a decent conversation EVER. And my Moms never home, but when she is she's never listening. Anyway, during the past 9 months I haven't slept over anyones house. I hate my home but I have the oppurtunity to leave, but say something like O my Mom wont let me, or Babysetting sorry. And sometimes I get all excited and be like Yehh and ask and everything but right before be like Nooo I shouldn't and lie about why I can't. I dont know why... at school Im happy and sometimes forget about something that happiended at Home. But at home, it's like facing a concrete wall that goes on for miles. And I waste my tiem trying to see thru it.
I feel like im shutting everyone out... and im not trying to. I donno if its because Im scared or what. But tomarrow is the begining of summer and Im going over Skyes house. I a, kinda second guessing myself tho but i want plans for the summer.
Can you explain to me why I am shutting people out? How I can stop... and how do I get the corage to talk to my Mother about possibly being Depressed and how do Doctors find out?
Do they like check ur brain or something? I have no clue[obviously.]
I read your question and had to go into deep thought in order to reach deeply to answer you.
I went throught this before. I didn't realize that I was doing this until someone brought it to my attention. There are things that you have mentioned that kind of hurt me on your behalf.
First: what's the definition of good looking and not good looking? You are a human with life and ability to breathe, you are a person with feelings and are very mature to first identify what you are going through and then seek help by asking the question. You are a beautiful person and everyone on this earth is beautiful and just because they may not realize it, they are. Beauty is internal not external. Please don't think negatively about yourself. This is the first thing that is bothering you and hurting you. To reverse this train of thought the first step to healing, and change (it's about loving who you are).
You asked, how can you stop? this means you are ready for change, and that you are doing it for yourself, your life, your happiness and your future! PAT yourself on the back. Which leads to the second process of change: Admitting, Acknowleding and Accepting who you are and knowing that you are ready for this change and you're doing for you and no one else! "great job, I am proud of you for this"
You have identified some reasons of why you are depressed and you have pointed out when and why you get depressed also. So, because ALL of it points back to home, it must be addressed at home. Always take it back to root of it, to the beginning in order to get the end of it. Some call it: STARTING OVER, OR STARTING FRESH OR A NEW BEGINNING. So, let's go there for a moment:
Ask yourself: Do you want a better relationship with your mom and dad? I think that you do, and aren't sure of where to begin. Please sit down and ask your parents to sit with you. TURN OFF the television. So many families are drowning out the meaning of family time with television & internet. Families must talk and communicate about joys, pains, conflicts, joys, successes, accomplishments and failures too.
Tell your mom that you want more time with her. There are things you need to turn to her for and she isn't there when you need her. Explain to her the way it makes you feel to reach out to air without her hand there to grab yours and guide you.
Tell your dad that you and he have communicational issues with is causing a huge gap in your life, and internally it hurts you and is beginning to show on your outter by you shutting everyone off.
It is important to go places and mingle with teens your age. A social life is a necessity for happiness in life. Don't look at this as running away from problems, look at it as taking some time out for self.
I am not claiming your depression on your behalf, I instead am claiming your victory over it, that you aren't depressed, you are longing for parental love, attention, guidance and family structure. Upon saying this, hanging out with your friends are temporary pacification to you because it isn't what you are really in need of or missing within your life. You are feeling no maternal bond from your mom or paternal bond from your dad. Both are important to mental stability as teens become adults. It has a huge factor and influence on your mental feelings.
You aren't scared, you are confused,lost and hurt. Without your parents interacting with you as you expect and desire as well as deserve, you have built up a wall of defense due to hurt and you aren't letting anyone in, so this wall must be torn down. It's confirmed because you have used the word concrete wall and the wall you are facing is the wall you are building sweet heart.
It must be addressed and demolished soon so that you don't continue carrying this with you as your life ages. The longer you hold on to it, the wider and taller that wall grows.
I am not recommending that you talk to a doctor about being depressed, until you and your family has had family counseling. Upon doing this, the counselor will deem it a necessity or not to treat depression, by sending you to another type of counselor or physician. They will talk to you and do an analysis based on what you say to them. They will also give you some activities to do in order to measure your responsiveness.
Mentally, you're associating home with chaos, drama, lonliness, abandonment,lack of communication, etc. which mentally causes you to shut down and react the way you do once you are going to it,entering it and most likely even just thinking of it. Home is supposed to be your safe place, your peace of mind.
If more is going on that you don't wish to disclose on this site,pertaining to home you may email me at sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
In the meanwhile, I am encouraging you to absorb positivity, read books dealing with motivation of self. Write a list of things down that you want to do this summer with friends first, and family next and set goals to do these things. I will continue praying for you as I have already done before I even answered your question.
PLEASE know that I am here for you and you can talk to me. I will help you and if I can't, I know someone who can and he's only a prayer a way!
Hi!
I cut my hair around January right on my shoulders and let me tell you its growing very slowly. Its about 1 1/2 inches beneath my shoulders now. I've heard that hair grows around an inch a month and I know everyones hair is different but its still very short and I have curly hair so now that its hot and humid its getting very big (not so much frizzy thank god!) I just wanted to know if you know anything to make my hair grow faster. I've heard of vitamins and oils you can put on your roots but they are very expensive and who knows if they work, and protein is supposed to make your hair grow faster as well, but if you know of anything else please let me know.
Thanks!
Sure. I know all about hair. My mom is a beautician so I have always been around hair products my whole life. I also take great care of my hair too.
Doo grow works (in hair stores), Hair Mayo (in hair stores), Dr. Miracle products, Tail and maine products work, hot oil treatments work too. Vitamins and protein do work too. They aren't inexpensive. There are vitamins that you take by mouth, that also work. Vitamin E grows hair too.
Conditioners for hair is important also. Deep conditioners require that you get under the dryer.Try finding a deep conditioner with olive oil in it and protein. Aquelle is a good one. Deep Down Conditioner is good too. It's by Doo Grow. You can buy these at Sally's or a local hair store. They most likely have the vitamins too, if not, you can go the the health store.
There are root stimulators that you can use too: Organic root stimulators, uplifting shampoo, to ensure your scalp is clean and not clogged, regardless of how much you have washed it. Tea tree is an organic root stimulator. Olive oil cremes, Tea-Gel also works.
Try preventing as much daily heat on your hair as you can. curling irons, flat irons hurt the hair if used daily. Hope this has helped! I use all of these products myself and on my daughter's hair and her hair is long and healthy too.