kooka-burra's advice column

askkooka-burra

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: 13/f him 13/m friend 12/f

ok here it goes...one of my best guy friends(nick) that i was really close with is now slipping away, my friend(kayla) likes him and thats cool and all, but my friends sister(sasha she is 15 almost 16) has been trying to get to know him better for my kayla's sake, and i think jack is falling for sasha! he doesn't say bye to me anymore, he barley talks to me and kayla anymore and he doesn't even notice our exisitence i think im getting of jealous of sasha having him all the time, but i guess what i really want to know is how can i get him back to the real world? i mean we really miss him and he is a great guy, and i WANT HIM AWAY FROM THAT BIOTCH SASHA! it makes me angry and sad at the same time! so what can i do to get my VERY close (boy)friend back?....i think ive fallen for him to...

is jack and nick the same guy? your question is really confusing.

Well just because he never says goodbye to you doesn't meen you can't say goodbye to him. Friends just don't 'slip away' if you don't want them too.

talk to jack/nick more often and try to hang out with him away from school more often. Hopefully Sasha is just a faze and you two will be come close again (or more if you like).

talk to him and tell him that you are upset that he is ignoring you. Don't point fingers and sasha though - it's just you him and kayla that you should be worried about right now.

in time things will sort it's self out, but not without help from you.

good luck and i hope things do turn out for the better.
~kooka

Q: Sorry this is so long..but it's really hard to explain.
Okay, so i went out with this guy like 3 times in the last 2 years..and my best friend likes the guy..but she hasn't as long. We are now going out again and i love him soo much. But she still likes him and is ALWAYS following us around..i dont know if he likes her or not..he says he doesnt and always has said that..so maybe he doesnt..but he doesnt act like it. But today i really needed to talk to him alone and she insisted that you needed to go to (because she likes him) so i told her to just go away because it was getting annoying and now she's mad at me. But i have a feeling she's just using me to get to him anyways..and i dont know what to do..so i guess my question is: What do i do about her being mad and how do i get her to realize that he is MY boyfriend and she doesn't always need to follow us around..? I don't wanna seem like a bitch or anything..but it really is annoying. Thanks for any help!

she should know this. best friends don't go after her best friends guy. If she doesn't know this politely explain that you two are going out and she has to stay out of the way.

you have every right to be mad and she doesn't.

I think she is using you, and think to yourself - what are you getting out of this friendship?

talk to her, talk to him, and you'll figure it out.

best of luck
~kooka

Q: i hang out with my friends at school but i keep very quiet or else someone will start talking crap about me but when im with friends from sports i can relax and just let myself free. when i do something funnywith my freinds at skool they dont think its funny but when i do it with my freinds from softball they laugh soo hard they are crying. but the problem is thAT my friends from sports go to diferent schools than i do. what should i do>?

Well, I think a good idea is too find a few good friends that you can hang out with at school. May be the big crowd thing isn't for you? it wasnt for me it took me a whole year to figure out that I was much better off with three or four good friends that I could act like a loonie around, then have 10 friends that thought I was a freek.

Make sure you stay in touch with your freinds from softball, once your tight wiht every one you wont even notice that they got to different schools.

Q: All of my girl-friends were like "omg the notebook is soo sad! I cryed so hard!" and my cousins told me so too..they said it made them cry soo hard..but then I watched it for the first time..and it wasn't sad or anything..they died together..I didn't cry or feel any sorrow..is something wrong with me???

nothings wrong with you.

so what if the movie doesn't make you cry. I have one friend who cried when she saw it and on friend that says it's the worst movie ever.

It's all a matter of opinion.

Q: okay well if u read this question you might think i'm lesbian. BUT I'M NOT I SWEAR! i'm straight as a straight line! it's just well i compare myself to other girls if they have something and i don't. like boobs or a butt or really skinny! and i really need help to STOP because i DONT want people to think i'm lesbian! CUZ I'M NOT! i think there nasty people! but i need help to stop comparing!

I compare, you compare - I can garentee you that almost every girl on this site has compared her self to another girl at lest once.

It's okay it's natural and it doesn't meen your a lesbian. Just don't let your self get carried away, and don't make any bad choises about your body basied on other girls bodies.

Q: when it comes to swimming i get very self concious! people think im skinny because at school i squeeze in all the time. but i love to wear2 peice bathingsiuts because if i weara 1 peice ill be the only oneand look like a geek. i have a little flab. what should i do

what do you meen you squeeze in? Suck in your stomach?

listen, i'm probably about the same size as you. If you feel self concious people are going to see that and are going to see what your self concious about.

Relax your going to be in the water more then half the time anyway.

just don't think about it. No one will notice.

Q: I have no idea whose column this is. I saw this in my friend's favorite advice sites. So I'll ask you. There's this girl at my school, Natalie D., real b****. Okay, she always bumps into me and doesn't say sorry and thinks shes so cool cause she went out with 'Chris S.' or whatever his name is. She is being a real bother. What should I do!?

i got this question in my advice column and i really want to no who it is. how do i find out who put this on my site. by the way natalie is me...i just didnt want to but my name on this site. and chris s. is my ex. how do i find out who sent this to me?

got any enemies ?

Guess, probably someone who knows that you have a column whats to pull your legs and piss you off.
"I have no idea whose column this is." bullshit, thats your ffirst clue, she know who you are - any body who didn't would just post the question on the main page.

i don't think you can find out who sent this but i would reply to this message. something witty, if your enemy is a coward she will avoid you - if you is more confedent she'll end up comeing to your face or getting someine else to do her dirty work. I think you'll end up finding out who it is.

in the mean time try to watch where you're going.

~kooka

Q: I have a friend, who I know her boyfriend of 6 months is cheating on her. I went ahead and told her...now I need to know what to tell her from here...I want to be there for her, but I don't know anything to help cheer her up? (Please keep in mind that I'm only in high school, so I'm limited)

sometimes just being there is enough. invite her over for a sleep over or something, buy some chocolate ice cream and watch some chick flicks (or any other movie you too like) i would think a comedy works better for cheering up.

your her friend, you know what she needs most. maybe you just let her rant over the phone a couple of times.

good luck,
~kooka

Q: i'm a little unsure about the category but i guess it doesn't matter

i have a school dance coming up in a few days and i am supposed to go with this girl. i didnt really ask her but we kind of agreed to go together about three weeks ago. i dont really like her as more than a friend but i know that she likes me. i really wanted a date to the dance even if it was just as friends and i knew that she liked me so i figured she would say yes. now theres about 3 days left until the dance and i decided that i dont want to have a date anymore. i want to go alone so that there is no pressure to hang out with this girl but its too late to say i dont wanna go with her anymore. she offered to not go together but i couldnt do that because i thought that would be pretty mean. well i told one of her friends about how i didnt want a date and more and she promised not to tell anyone about it. but her friend broke the promise and told her. now things are awkward between us. i dont know what to do. i feel so stressed out about this. please help.

this gorl already knows that you don't want to go with her so you might as well tell her. at the dance you two are going to be REALLY awkward towards each other, tell her that, and that your sure you two will have more fun apart then together.

if there is one thing i've learned about relationships is that it's a bad idea to be more then friends with friends.

okay it might hurt her but in the long run you will happy and she'll get over it.

Q:
hi my mom has cancer, and i have told my friends but only reluctantly about it and this was a while ago. I only didnt want to tell them because i didnt want for them to feel sorry for me. i dont need that. I was so sad when she first told my family. I havent cried since excpet when she accidently made me read an article about cancer and it was all about bad stories and unhappy endings, not what i needed to hear. my parents havent ever tried to talk to me about it but i am not the kind of person to talk openly. I try to keep it off my mind and think about what i can do, and try to be helpful. what i can basically. but at a sleepover my friends talked to me about this and they sort of emplied that i wasnt as concerned and sad as i should be. do you think I am handling this well? what do you think i should do? please dont give me something like, just talk to your friends, thanks that'd be great!

Don't let your friends tell how to feel.

To me it sounds like your handling it kinda of well. Your not pretending it's not their, but your not letting it control your life.

What did you say back to your friends? They can't possibly know how it feels to have some one so close to you have cancer.

I know you don't want to talk to your friends but how else are you going to tell them how you feel towards them and your mom? Maybe you can take aside one of the friends that you feel closest to? talk to her, and if you feel you can't talk to any of your friends, then maybe you should end your relationship with them.

Best wishes to you and you mom
~kooka

Q: There's this guy at school who I really like a lot. I met him about a month ago, and the only problem is that he's really quiet. I've started to talk to him, and we're kind of friends, but he's pretty much a loner. The only people he will talk to is me (for no reason I can figure out) and his older sister, who actually wants us to go out. The only problem is he's really shy, so I don't know if he likes me or not. And I'm not exactly that close to his sister... so I don't want to ask her. I'm wondering if I should tell him now, or wait a little longer, because I haven't known him very long... and when should I tell him if I have to wait?

I think you shouldn't just straight out ask him to go out with you. Instead, ask him if he want to go some where to eat after school or something like that.

Most likely he likes you but is just to shy to show it. So go for it!

Good luck
~kooka

Q: okay i really think this kid is hott but i dont even know him...i see him in the halls alot but i smile and he smiles back but i want him to notice me what do i do???? should i wear something differnt put heavy makeup on? i know it seems really stubid because of a guy but i dont even know him!!!

my biggest advice. DON'T CHANGE YOURSELF. No matter what you do if you change who you are then your real personality will show through. If he likes you now it's because of who you are.

Second. I think if you like him then you should try to get to know him better. next time you see him in the halls, instead of just smiling, say hi or start some small talk.

good luck,
~kooka

Q: My boyfriend's a rather sexual person, and I'm..getting there, haha. I've given him an orgasm and we've been trying to give me one. I'm kind of reluctant cos it hurts! Should it hurt? We are not having sex, fingering, but no intercourse. When he touches my clitoris it seems like pain, but also kind of good, but like tickling in which you try to move away. It hurts when he presses too hard of course, but then doesn't give that weird kick when it's not hard. The other day he was touching my clit and my leg started spazzing, but the clit hurt, but it felt like we should keep going, yet we stopped cos it hurt me kind of. We don't think I came. Wondering, what aren't we doing? And what does an orgasm feel like for a girl (or anyone)?

I'm not a big expert on this.

From what I think you should do is experiment with yourself, know what you like and then tell your boyfriend.

~kooka

Q: Female 16...
My friend and i haven't been talking for about a month now and its all because she started spreading rumors around school about me and she also went out with a guy i really really liked, that i had told her about.. After she had hooked up with him she cheated on him with her so called ex boyfriend.
The guy i like has become a really good friend so i had to tell him. If i didn't i would have felt really bad about it..I actually have a few questions about this though.....
If he askes me out should i go out with him?
Should i keep this friendship between me and teh other girl?
and was it right for me to tell my friend about what she did to him?

she just backstabed you with rumors, got together with a guy you liked, and you haven't heard from her in a month.

Sounds like you really aren't friends anymore. So who cares what she thinks? If he asks you out then I say go for it.

I really don't think you should be friends with this girl. What are you getting out of it?

Best of luck
~kooka

Q: Today is Cinco de Mayo (sp?) and my mom wants to make something Mexician (as a side dish) with salasa. We don't have any tortilla chips, currently. We have shredded cheese and sour cream, which we were planning to use with it. So do you guys have any ideas on what to make? Thanks.

go out and buy stuff. OH get those taco kits, they come with the taco shells and flavoring for the meat. they are really easy to make, plus all you need is.

the kit
cheese
lettace
sour cream
hot sauce (optional)
and anything else you want to add.

Q: female,16....Hi im elena and i was woundering, My friend and i were in the park one day and we ended up making out.. The next day at school he didn't talk to me or even look at me.. He told his cousin that he liked me and he liked what happend but he wont talk to me. IS there something wrong or am i just freeking out?

most likely he's just shy.

Instead of waiting for him to talk to you, try to talk to him the next time you see him in the hall or on the bus.

~kooka

Q: h3llo im 13 years old and im cunfused...iv went out with this one boy a couple of times and all we did was holdhands i want him to do more but i dont think he wants to i asked him and he said we will do more but we never do what should i doo ?

female/13

when you say "do more" you meen kissing and stuff?

You have only been out with him a couple times and I'm sure things will got to the next level. If you want things to go faster, then try flirting more. Or how about you making the first move?

Just remeber, don't go too far. Your not that old so try any sex just yet. Kissing, cuddleing, stuff like that, thats just fine.

It'll happen, just wait.

~kooka

Q: My friend Carmen is a freshman in high school and her new boyfriend is Greg a senior in high school. Now this may not seem very weird to you but i don't care just trust me..this relationship is WEIRD. Picture a 4'11" girl hugging a 6' guy. Before they were going out, Greg used to be Carmen's older brother's best friend. He basically dumped John(carmen's brother and greg's best friend) for Carmen. The guy is a huge ass hole. He didn't even have the coutesy to tell John, John found out by seeing them kiss, and that's not the way is should have been. This kid is a slimy and gross. The kind that only think about butts and boobs all day long and have too many zits on their face and back to count. Not only is he rude to carmen and her friends, he flirts behind her back...like all the time. He even tried to give me a back rub once while she was in the bathroom. He touches and flirts with girls all the time even when she's right there but she just doesn't see that he's a terrible person. I've told carmen all of this but she either doesn't believe me or is trying to pretend it isn't true. This guy is a creep. I have a very strong intuition and from the day I met this kid I knew he was bad news. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid that she's going to loose her virginity to what I believe is the nastiest 18 year old alive. What should I do? Is there anything I can say to her or him to get her to understand how awful this guy is. I talked to a couple of people about it and their best advice is just to be there when she falls but i can't just let my best friend make terrible decisions. Please help me. I've run out of ideas to help her.

-Me

Yuck. A very sticky siduation. All I can say is yes be there. And ask her not to make any bad decisions like looseing her verginity. But don't derect it towards this guy. One day she'll see.

You can't make her break up with this guy, but you can discourage it.

Good luck!
~kooka

Q: hey. ok im really shy and stuff...and tomorrow i have to present like a 2-3 minute thing in front of my class..but i always get REALLY nervous when i present stuff alone..like i forget what to say and i sweat and stuff, and not only does that make me look like a freak, but my grade gets low...what should i do?? plz help =(

practice infront of your mom or other friends. have a speach that you have down pat so you can't stutter. It will go by fast and painless. Pretend your just talking to your teacher or just your friends.

you can do it!
~kooka

Q: ok well im going to this local dance thing for teens but the thing is i have no clue on how to dance, like i want to dance like my friends but i dont want to look like an idiot, or if some guy asks me to dance i wont know how to. can anyone tell me some tips? thanks

Okay corny but "go with the flow" unless your ballroom dancing then dancing is really easy.

If your dancing fast then just obsurve what the other kids are doing, sway your hips to the beat. Or ask your friend to teach you, tell them that your little bit nervouse and I'm sure they'll help.

If a guy asks you to danve then it will most likely be a slow dance. He will put his hands on your wast and you put your hands on his shoulders. Or again, ask your friends.

it's all pretty simple.

good luck,

~kooka

bio

I am a 14 year old girl in a big city. I live off other peoples drama so i end up giving alot of advice. Love vargas girls, knitting and many other things. Feel free to write me any time at kooka_burra@hotmail.com