for3v3r_his's advice column

askfor3v3r_his

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: 15/f..almost 16.
I'm a sophomore and (used to be) the top student of my classes. But now that I've developed more friends...who are worse than me in things that they do...who procrastinate, smoke, drink, go out with one another...I feel like they are dragging me down. Because if one procrastinates, i feel comfortable about procrastinating on something as well. So, when I'm on MSN and this particular friend signs in, I'll just talk to her/him until like 2 A.M and then realize that I have homework. Some of the friends that I have...don't even like me! And I don't like them either. I don't wish to spend my time on them anymore. I don't have a boyfriend..I'm fine with that. What can I do to get "rid" of them?

If some of these people don't even like you, why are you wasting your time? What are you trying to prove? If they don't like you, they are not your friends. You need to hang out with people who will bring you up, not drag you down to their level. You need friends: people that will be there for you in a positive way and will encourage you in the right direction. You don't need the people you are associating with now. You need better. Stop answering their I.M's. Sit at a new lunch table, reunite with old groups, meet new people! It is for the best. If you need anything else I'm here. Good luck.

Q: Okay so I have this problem Im in to the vampire sex i love it when my bf bites me and well i like practically everything he does to me and i mean everything he knows how to turn me on really fast does that mean im easy of does this mean hes really good

Having your man know what you like and him givin it to you does not make you easy, unless it has been like this with past guys (if your current boyfriend is not your first lover). There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about either. Him turning you on doesn't make you anything but happy. It is a good thing and it definitely means he's good at what he does. Enjoy the pleasure ;-)

Q: okay me and my bf have more in common than different
but one of the big differences is he actually likes to talk about problems and i don't i hate talking things out. when ever we have a fight i get scared not that hes going to dump me but the fact thats hes going to want to talk about it so should change myself for that because i dont want to lose him

Your man cares about you enough to deal with your lack of communication but communication is key to a relationship, along with trust which builds with communication. How do you guys solve your problems if you both don't talk bout how you feel to come up with a solution and to ensure the incident won't be repeated or feelings won't be hurt in the same way? Just leaving it and trying to forget bout it or wutever method you guys are using to adapt to you not being open, is not healthy. Everything will build up and you could very well lose him. You need to get over your fears about what you think he will say in response or what he will think about you once he hears your side. You need to be honest. There needs to be a middle where the both of you meet to fix the rough spots and overcome the obstacles of your relationship, in order to survive and make it last. You need to have the confidence that he will accept how you feel and not shame you for it. If you need anything else I'm here. Please work on it. It will make you guys stronger. Good luck.

Q: 16 f

So I just found out my best friend is bisexual . Ok bigg deal right? So why doesn't everyone else at my school see it the way I do? Today in school I sat with her during studies and heard people wispering all sorts of stuff and I overheared one person in perticular say "omg maybe that's her girlfriend" it just pisses me off how people are so sterolistic these days and judge one another for the stupidest stuff I hate drama I hate stress I try to avoid it everyday and now because of that once stupid person everyone is beginning to get the idea that I too am a bisexual and I certainly am not (not that there's anything wrong with being bisexual I'm just saying I wouldn't fitt under that category) and the last thing I want to do is avoid her or stop talking to her because I'm not that kind of person . How do I stop everyone from thinking this way without going to that last suggestion? Or how do I avoid all of this?

You know you aren't bi but your best friend is, and the way people are treating her is a big deal. You need to stick up for the bashing she is experiencing. Be there for her. Let people know what they are saying and doing is wrong. Tell them sticking up for a friend, being there for them does not mean you are also bi. This is hard on both of you. Make sure your voice and opinions on this are heard. In return, your best friend will do the same for you. Have each other's back on this.

Q: Well im 15 years old and i was going out with this kid for the summer and we really liked eachother and when school started i broke up with him not because i stopped liking him but because my friends didnt like him and threatened to stop talking to me until i broke up with him..we jsut started talking again and he said he wishes we were still together and like we hook up and stuff and i miss him alot. and we both told eachother we like eachother alot. but theres this other girl..that invited him to go to the movies.. he told me about it, but he really didnt have to. he told me it was the right thing to do and he didnt wanna hurt me. and that she wanted to consider it a date but he didnt want to.. and with this whole situation i dont know what to do. he means alot to me. =[ and he tells me he wants to go back out with me its just so confusing...

Given the only reason you broke up with him was because your friends threatened not to be your friends anymore and due to him doing the right thing when talking to you about that girl, I am assuming you guys had a good relationship. Based on this conclusion, how can you call those people your friends? If he was being good to you, what possible reason did they have to do that to you? Would true friends do that? No. You should go back out with your ex and if your so-called friends don't like it, it is time to find a new group of friends who accept you for you and for who you care about.

Q: .im a guyhow do you know if someone likes you and if you do know then how do you start a good friendship with this person that could lead to a relationship as in boyfriend and girlfriend.you see this girl likes me but im not sure about going out with here because i dont know alot about here.help pls.tanxs

Getting to know her better is definitely a good start. Get her number, screenname or message her on myspace/facebook if both of you have one. I would recommend you get her number. You can just straight up ask her or you can start by sayin hi and initiating some small talk before asking her. If you actually talk on the phone, you both are able to express yourself more and it shows more personality and character than reading messages which can be read differently than the way you would have spoken it. Texting and I.M.ing is ok too, but talking is better. You guys will get to know eachother a little more and it would be less awkward to get something to eat together or see a movie. I hope it all works out and that you guys become a couple. If you need anything else I'll help.

Q: ive been bisexual for as long as i can remeber and i reciantly moved adn ive been wonderin if i should tell my friends that im bi, but i really dont want them to be like omg your bi im not talkin to you any more. so whats your opinion for chics who are bi? do ya like em or hate em, what..... thx in advance

I am not one to judge on one's race or sexual preference. I am fine with anyone. Honesty is key to any relationship including friendship and since you express the want to tell them you should. If they don't accept you for who you are, then they weren't true friends to begin with and you are far better off without them. Good luck. If you need support or anything else I'm here.

Q: Ok well i am 19 years old and i have never been in a relationship. I havn;t been in a relationship because i am a little self concious about myself and i get extremely nervous and shy around guys and i feel i have nothing to say. I really want to be in a relationship too which is the worst part. any ideas on how i can become less shy and nervous??

and another question is do you think a guy will think i am a loser because i have never been in a relationship and obviously never had sex or madeout with a guy??
plz help:S

Start by hanging out in a group of girls and guys. It would be easier to talk when you are not relied upon to start any conversations and when all the attention won't be on you. As for guys thinking you are a loser, I would think they would appreciate your innocence, that your not a slut, and that you do things according to when your ready- not based on what everyone else seems to be doing. You will probly be respected.

Q: 15/f

i'm not sure if i'm a good kisser or not. i mean, i've made outtt with alot of guys. but i wasn't fully there, a little drunk to be honest, and so were they. that was middle school. yeah i know that was bad, i'm not like that anymore. anyways, i know, i'm getting close to having some serious relationships now that i'm in highschool. and i dont wanna like go to kiss them, and tottaly suck. do you think since i've had a ton of experience before, even though i dont really remember what i did, i'll still be good?

+ how do i get rid of the bad reputation i had in middle school? i mean im not like that at alllllllll anymore. like i learned how to have a good time without it, and i'm not just, that person amyore. all these weird people always come up to me, or IM me, and be like, oh yeah i heard your like the life of the party at parties, how much beer can you bring? and ahh. yeah no. i want that to stop. what can i do?

You won't know unless you kiss someone, but don't do it just to do it. Wait until you really like them or until you are with them. This will also help with your reputation because you no one can have the idea that you'll kiss anyone and everyone... You are just stressing because of how and when the last time you kissed was and possibly feeling guilty about your behavior. I am sure you'll find out that you are a good kisser. Also with your reputation, just be yourself and don't fall into any old habits. Stick up for your new identity when need be. People will notice the new you and will have to accept you. If they don't accept you, then at least they know you've changed.

Q: Alright so I was at a party roughly a week ago and I hooked up (as in made-out) with a college freshman named Brian. Then he went and hooked up with one of my (not super close) friends Jen and I didn't care at all, I don't get attatched to people, especially boys, that quickly. He apologized alot and told me that I was the one he wanted to hook up with, yeah cheesy I know, and even funnier, supposedly he told Jen the same thing. He messaged me on Facebook the next day to say he was sorry again, and I said it was ok. I didn't think he was that into me at the time. SO, yesterday he texted my friend who was having all my friends over and said he wanted to come to see ME. So he came and I was completely DRUNK and I think I kissed him 3 times but I'm not even sure if I really like him! So now he wants me to call him and I'm not sure what to do. He SEEMS sweet and nice but its sooo sketchy how he hooked up with my friend. heeeelp. haha.

Not only did he hook up with you and your friend, he told both of you the same story. You kissed him a few more times while drunk, so i understand the confusion there. You say you don't get attached to guys easily but do you want to wind up getting attached to someone who will play you and lie to you? He has already done both and you guys are not even together. Don't even waste your time. You deserve better.

Q: i'm going on sort of a double date thing on friday. Its going to be me and my boyfriend and my friend and her boyfriend going to the movies.My boyfriend and i haven't kissed yet and he said he was gunna kiss me in the movie. This will be my first kiss. Wat should i do?????
Thanx in advance

Your first kiss, how exciting you know when it is coming before hand. I can just imagine your nerves and your worries. This might seem obsessive compulsive (sorry), but make sure you brush your teeth just before you leave for the double date and have sum gum or candy on the way there so its not a toothpaste kiss. That way, bad breath is one less worry for you. Try not to freak out. He wants to kiss you, he will make it special. It really does come naturally once your lips meet. He is your boyfriend, he cares about you. Just let it happen. Don't stress yourself out. I am sure it will be a memory worth cherishing. Let me know how it goes.

Q: Hi there. =)

Okay, my ex had told his friends that I was a bad kisser, and one of is friends relayed that back to me. He was my first boyfriend, so I'm convinced I could have been bad at it...so any help, advice, or experiences would be very much appreciated!

Thanks a bunch!

Don't ever let one person's opinion determine the way you feel about yourself, especially an ex boyfriend. You guys are no longer together for whatever reason. He may want to ruin future relationships of yours. He may miss kissing you and jealousy kickin in thinks if other guys won't think your good, then they won't kiss you. If he is not the only guy you've kissed, get more than one opinion before deeming yourself a bad kisser. Don't let an ex make you feel insecure.

Q: hey.. thanks... your advice is what saved me.. i did show my love for him.. and it turns out.. he was just making me jelous.. and wasnt really chatting with someone... what i didnt know was the person i saw was my friend,.. and yes i asked my friend (guy).. yea he just did that to make me jelous.. and he didnt want to hurt me.. so in the end he said sorry... anyway.. thank you... were back to normal.. and actually.. more passionate than before.. thanks....

_KIM_

No problem hun. I'm glad things are better. I hope all stays well. I am here if you ever need anything more.

Q: What do i do if my friend uploaded a video on youtube and many people called her a chink with many other racist comments? Is making racists comments about their nationality a good idea?

Racist comments are never ok and definitely never a good idea. You need to be there for your friend. Let her know that it doesn't matter to you what her nationality is and you are their friend because of the person they are on the inside. Your friend will be deeply hurt by these comments. Make sure you show your support.

Q: I really really like this boy that I work with. He always makes me laugh and always listens to my problems. Yesterday, at work, my friend that talks to him all the time told me that he said he liked me.. and I told her to tell him right away that I liked him too. After she told him, she told me that he said he already knew I liked him. But he hasn't asked me out or anything.. but I think he's going to. There's also this other guy I like that is so nice and he's always there to help with my problems too and my friend was gonna ask him if he liked me but I told her I wasn't sure yet cause I like that other boy. Should I wait for him to ask me out or date the other on [if he likes me]..? Please help!
xoxo Chelsea

The first guy, because you already know that he likes you. He told your friend before you probably because hes shy and wanted to gain more confidence in asking you out by making sure the feelings are mutual. He is probably trying to find the cutest way to ask you. Don't wait around to see what the other guy will do when you don't seem to be as into him and when you don't even know if hes interested. I hope things work out.

Q: ok... so i'm 15... and my boyfriednd is 22... yeah.. big difference eh... but we have been together since i was 11... 4 years.... we have had our ups and downs... and always get fights fixed... but this time... what do i do? he thinks that i am backstabbing him... because i have a friendster account... but i never open it... but he claims that it says.. that i always open it.. everyday... i just get the feeling that hackers are doing this... and he thinks i am hiding it from him.. but i am not... and just today i was baptised to ba a catholic.... all this happened yesterday... i didnt get to email him yesterday because i was busy taking care of all the things for my baptism... and i got home at 6... but he thinks i am hiding things from him... but i am not... i tell him everything.. because we treat each other like we are merried.. we talk about our future and things like that.... and because he thinks that i was backstabbing him... he got so hurt.. that he chatted with someone else... you know in YM.. but i did not beleive him at first... but when i opened his account.. there she was.... her name was rachel... i didnt mean to.. but out of all the anger and hurt i felt i deleted his account.. because i dont want all my anger pouring on him... now we were supposed to chat... (because he just moved to the states this october to work for our future) he was gonna open his account (the one i deleted) but i emailed him about the deleting of it... so he emailed me that maybe his account was blocked or something... then he read my email and got mad... he said why did i do that??? and i shouldnt blame rachel because it was all my fault.. then he said.. you better bring back my account or i will never talk to you... basically.. i want to bring it back.. but... i cant.. and i love him.... i want him to know that.. and i just cant stand a day without him... i email him.. always.. almost every hour... begging for him to come back...i need him back.. i cant live.... if you are thinking of telling me... to just let him go.. there are a lot of guys in this world... no! i wont.. i love him... and my heart is a place for only him... please help me...

Hun, you are in a controlling relationship. It is not healthy. He cheated on you because you have an account on a website that you dont even use, meanwhile he is makin you feel like garbage when you deleted his account that he wanted to keep to talk to that girl he cheated on you with. You did the right thing by deleting it. He needs a wake up call that he can't be the only partner in this relationship with any say. You say you guys have had your ups and downs. I bet the downs became ups when you would agree with his demands. If he can't do things you want him to do or the same things he asks from you, then he will continue to have the upper hand in the relationship and he will continue to control you. He makes it seem like everything is your fault and that you cant do anything right, you constantly need to prove your love for him, but you have already proven it. It is his turn. If he cant, then you need to get out of the relationship before this abuse turns physical if it hasnt already. You have been through so much. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Good luck and if you need anything else I'm here.

Q: this question is mainly directed towards guys, but girls could help too.

if your parents didn't want you to date the girl you like due to religious differences, would you listen? what would your reaction be?

thanks.

If you really care about the girl dont care what anyone thinks or says about her fight for her

Q: Every time I seem to get "physical" with a guy,
I start to lose interest in the guy. It's like,
"Oh, well. We went all the way. There's nothing more
to do, and you're starting to bore me anyways."
I feel like one of those guys that uses girls,
but the weird thing is, I'm a girl!
Shouldn't I be the exact opposite of this?
Does anyone else feel the same way?
I mean, it's so annoying that I always lose interest
in someone after we get physical and I really don't want to!
Because how will I ever get married or anything?
Suggestions?

Wait until you really care about someone, when you love them. Then it just won't be ~getting physical~ it will be ~making love~. It seems like you are having sex to try to find the one for you, to find that spark, that connection... You won't find love that way.

Q: recently my fiance told me he has feelings for another girl. but see..we have a long distance relastionship which is hard on us. we have been together for a year and we have only met once. but back to the issue. he said he likes her but loves me and would never cheat on me i beleive him and trust him completly. but they way he talks about her. it just hurts me so much. and before all of this we broke up for a week. and he went out with my bestfriend. which absoloutly killed me. of course. i took him back because i love him more then anything. but im afraid to talk to him about it and tell him how i feel about him liking her because im afraid he will get mad or something. im so confused and hurt i just dont know. i need help. please help me.

True love has no distance. If he was able in the week you broke up to go out wit your best friend and have feelings for someone else, as harsh as this reality may be, you need to move on no matter how hard it will be because he does not truly love you or care about you. You need someone who would never even think of sharing his life with someone else, feelings for you and only you, no interest in seeing anyone else if you two were to go on a break, someone who will give you his heart and assure you that he won't break yours.

Q: i recently asked a question about my gift...and more than one person told me i should get a card also for my bf for christmas.
should i?
...

A card is special because you can show how you feel in writing and it can be read over and over again, while the gift may be used, forgotten, worn out, eaten, broken...etc. The card can always be saved and cherished, as well as the thoughts and feelings you had while giving the gift.

bio

My advice is based on my experiences, my morals, my values and what I would do if I were the advice seeker. I always put myself in your shoes and look at all sides of the story. I love updates, so please inbox me to let me know how everything turned out because I worry about you! Some lessons I hope to teach all include: *Always stand up for what you believe in *Never give up *Fight for those who would fight for you *Don't hold back your feelings because you're afraid of getting hurt; you wind up getting hurt anyway *Don't follow your dreams- chase them *Appreciate the things you have *Always put others before yourself *It's always ok to feel, but it's not always ok how you react to those feelings *Learn from yesterday live for today and hope for tomorrow