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17/F
My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago because I'm not Christian. We had been dating for about 3 months, but we have been good friends for the last 3-4 years. I worried religion might be a problem before we dated, but he promised me it wouldn't become a factor in our relationship and he respected my beliefs. The first 2 months of our relationship went very well; we were both really happy and loved being with each other. It was after that when things started to change. After going to church one Sunday he told me it bothered him i wasn't christian. Of course i was angry, because he promised me religion wouldn't become a problem. He wanted me to go to church with him, but i refused; I wasn't going to change myself or do something i didn't want to do for a boy. We came to the conclusion that he would have to think about it, but I wasn't going to change for him. I spent that next month worrying about how he was feeling and worrying about him breaking up with me, because he seemed different. But he promised me everything was fine and he had no intention of breaking up.
Finally it happened; initially we wanted to take a break, but it quickly turned into a break up. I was devastated...we were so great together except for the religion part. I felt so deceived and lied to. He told me that "God told him to break up with me". I began to wonder if that was just a copout for him, because maybe he just didn't like me anymore and needed a better excuse. After all, how can anyone argue with God? So now, I feel extremely depressed. I miss him so much...he became my best friend. We were so involved in each others lives. I keep holding out this hope that he will realize he made a mistake and want me back, because i still want to get back together. I only wish that he could find whatever it was that allowed him to be with me regardless of religion in those first 2 months. He recently told me he would get back together with me if i became christian, and that hurts even more because I just can't do that. He also said he still wants to be good friends...but how can I do that when I still have such strong feelings for him? I know i should forget him and move on the way he seems to have moved on, but I'm finding that really difficult. I still love him. What now?
What a terrible situation to be in. There's an expression that says you should never discuss religion and politics with your friends, but when someone feels so strongly about their religion it's hard to keep it out. He isn't going to change, although maybe his feelings about dating you will. I really hope you wont give in and convert just for him, because where's the sincerity in that? It's not like you're suddenly going to become a strong believer like him. So where does that leave the two of you? You seem to be stuck.
You should talk to him and bring up my point about sincerity. I feel that you should never choose a religion because of peer pressure or fear of eternal punishment. You should choose a religion because you truly believe in it, and that's not something you can switch on and off for a guy. Is he really going to force a non-believer into church on threat of breaking up with her, then expect her to truly believe that religion?
I feel like following a religion without even believing it is a form of sacrilege. It's like you're trying to lie to God. I'm personally unsure of my religion, but there's a possibility that Christianity is real so I'm not going to go in and lie to God to save myself from a hell I only partly believe in. In the church I grew up in, they preached about "accepting Jesus into your heart". If you don't truly believe, there's no way you can Jesus like that. I wish your boyfriend would understand that.
Definitely talk to him about that. I'm not sure if it will do anything, but he needs to hear it. In the end, there's no way this relationship is going to work if one person tries to force the other person to change. Even if you give in, you wont be happy about it, and obviously there's no potential to get back together unless you do.
Personally, I've never thought this kind of forcing beliefs on your loved ones was very Christian. When the choice is,"Either be a Christian or I wont love you," how are you going to have a healthy relationship with either your boyfriend or God? People should never be forced into a religion because there's no way they're going to truly believe it when they're forced. People can try to force themselves to believe, but they'll definitely have doubts, and when they do they will certainly feel guilty for it. It's not fair and it's not a good way to spread one's religion.
Other than telling him these things, there's really nothing you can do unless he reconsiders his belief that a Christian shouldn't date a non-believer. I've known and heard of plenty cases where it worked, even between Christians and atheists. Heck, my best friend is Christian, her boyfriend is atheist, and they've been together for two years and plan to get married! But if he's decided that this is the absolute truth then no success stories are going to change his mind. And if he wanted you to change something so profound as your religion on his behalf, he will probably want you to change other things as well. Like, "Oh, that music is un-Christian, you shouldn't listen to it," or "A Christian woman wouldn't wear those clothes," and so on. That's not how a relationship works; it's take it or leave it, you don't get to keep the good parts and throw the bad parts in the garbage.
I know this is painful for you and you want it to work out somehow, but you need to move on. If you have close female friends, they can be very effective distractions right now as you struggle to forget him. Have sleepovers and pillow fights, go to movies together, whatever you can do as a group that takes your mind off of him. The love and the hurt will still be there, but they will lessen over time. Eventually, you can start looking for a new relationship with someone who loves you just as you are, rather than needing you to change in order to accept you. In the meantime, I hope you can distract yourself from the pain. Good luck.
I just met my biological dad and his son who is my brother i spent a week with them over spring break and we all grew close, now that im back at home (which is 9 hours away from them) i miss them so much i text my biological dad and brother daily telling them i miss them and yes, love them. Now my mom checks my text messages and i guess it hurts her to see that i indeed love them. she gets mad cuz i want to go back home where my bro and bio dad are mainly because my bro has cancer and is going through chemo and i want to be there for him. how do i handle both parents? i hate making my mom feel like shes losing me but shes not, and i am NOT going to stop talking to my bio dad and brother, i just want to know how i can deal with them, my mom is always getting mad now cuz im not happy here, but i never have been happy here since we moved here. all i want is to go back to my homeland. how do i love both parents without making the other feel left out or feeling like im being lost to the other parent? am i wrong for loving my biological dad and brother so much?
Of course that's not wrong! It's perfectly natural and the only one with a problem with it is your mom. You say you just met him after 15 years, so I'm guessing your mom didn't get on well with him. There were probably jealously issues when you were little that made her want to keep you closer to herself and her jealousy now is just an extension of that.
Honestly, I think this is pretty selfish of her. Does she usually read your text messages? Does she know your brother has cancer? If so, she's being really selfish to try and keep you away from him. She's healthy, isn't she? But for all you know, your brother's time could be short. Your brother definitely needs your support more than your mom right now, and I think you are perfectly right to want to get to know your real dad and brother. If she can't understand that, then she has some serious, deep-rooted jealousy issues that are making her feel this way. That's not your fault and it's not her fault, either. There's no telling what led her to be this insecure about her own daughter's love; she probably doesn't totally understand it herself. :/
That said, your mom needs all the reassurance you can give her right now. You need to remind your her that you care about her. Sit her down and talk with her, give her a hug, tell you how much she matters to you. She needs you to tell, as plainly and strongly as possible, that she is important to you and that you need her. You've needed her since you were born, we all need our parents that way, but now that you are becoming close to your dad she no longer feels needed. She feels like your dad is replacing her as the one beloved parent in your life. You need to remind her that there is room in your heart for two parents. Remind her that your father and brother can never replace her special role as mom. There's a big chunk of your heart reserved just for her and no father or brother can touch it, but there is room in there for a father and brother, too, without lessening your love for her. Remind her that your bond with her is much stronger than the one with your dad and brother, and that you love for her runs deeper as well; after all, you've known her much longer than them. She needs to hear these things and she needs to hear them often. It'll make her feel so much better.
On the other hand, it really sounds like you need to be with your dad and brother right now and your brother needs you. Try to explain this to your mom. I don't know how bad your brother's cancer is, but with all cancer there is a chance of death. And chemo's no picnic, either! Explain that your brother is in a lot of pain, possibly dying, and that he really needs your support right now. He needs a sister to hold his hand and support him, and it's not something that can wait. I hope she is not so overcome with jealousy that this will upset her.
Also explain to her that it's not your dad and brother that make you unhappy living with her, and it's not her that you are feeling unhappy about. Talk to her about how the move upset you and how you don't like the place. I must emphasize, you don't like the PLACE. It's nothing about your mom, but just the environment that you don't like.
While your love is fresh in her mind, you should talk to her about a compromise. You want to be with them, but you also want to be with her and make sure she is happy. Try and work out some visiting schedule or way for everyone involved to be satisfied.
As for how you can balance mom with father and brother... It partly depends on how your mom responds to what you tell her. No matter what, she will still be upset at you leaving her to see them. When you are with them, she is going to feel very lonely no matter how much you call her, message her, and tell her you love her. It's harder to feel the emotion behind an "I love you" over the phone. But remember, in the end this is something you must decide. If you are happier living with your dad and brother, you should live with them. Your mom needs you, and maybe you can work out a compromise, but in the end you should not make yourself unhappy just to soothe her. Your life is your own and you should not make yourself miserable for months or even years just to make her a little happier (she will still be unhappy because you will still be talking to them, and because she may feel guilty for keeping you from them). If you do, you will be depressed and probably start to resent your mom, which will make you move away eventually, anyway. If you feel like it is the right thing to do, you should leave while you're still on good terms with her.
Also, have you considered video chats? Your dad and brother could talk to you in person that way without you actually being with them. You just need to find a video chat program and a webcam. You can't hug them or go to the zoo with them or anything like that, but talking face to face is much more fulfilling than texting.
This is such a complicated situation. Your mom's emotions are really unstable right now, and they could explode like a firecracker over just about anything. She needs to be handled with a lot of love and care right now. I hope you find a good solution to your problem and I hope I helped. Good luck.
ok so i got a letter frome a friend of mine and i want to send a letter back
of course it had a return address thingy at the top the proble is the ink is completely smeared on the note
except for the numbers of the address
i know she lives about somewere around here
so i know the street has to be in ohio and within like an hour of my own address
what im trying to ask is...
is there a way for me to seacrch a street address if i have the numbers of the house
...................................
if your the best person ever and want to look for me and have a way to
5875 is the address numbers and they would have to be within 50 or 60 miles of the zipcode 45404
PLEASE HELP ANY HELP AT ALL IS SO GREATFUL
if u give me a google maps thing to try or anything i would just be so so so so greatful
Do you not know the name of the city/town she lives in? That would be super helpful. You could also try looking her up by name on Myspace and Facebook, though if she's sending you a letter, she probably wont be on them.
To find her, you will probably also need to know either her town or her zip code. Without it, finding her will be nearly impossible online.
Have you looked in a phone book? I'm guessing you know her first and last name...So look for people in the phone book with that last name, call them up, and ask if she lives there. Then she can give you her address over the phone. I know it sounds awkward and embarrassing, but it's probably your best option right now. Good luck finding her.
How do I get the respect someone had for me back? I've been hooking up with this guy for about five months now, and first three months were good, but then all of a sudden he began treating me like shit, and in front of other people too. It has been getting better the past month, but I need to learn how to stand up for myself. I can't stop hooking up with him.
19/F
I don't think you can, in this case. Any guy who starts treating you like that probably didn't have much respect for you to begin with. He was probably waiting until you liked him to much to ditch him to turn into king jerk. Don't let him have his way.
I think that you will respect yourself so much more once you are free of him. Right now you don't yet believe what he says, but trust me, you will start to believe his nasty ideas after a little time goes by. It's important that you escape him before then, because at that point it is close to impossible to stand up for yourself and get away. You'll start to believe that you deserve his cruel words and that you don't even deserve the attention he gives you when he's hating on you. Putting you down in front of friends is one way that abusive boyfriends control their girls; it distances you from them and makes you believe in your own helplessness and worthlessness. Distanced from all your friends and hating yourself completely, while the guy who made you that way uses you for his own pleasure? That's a horrible place to be.
If you have some good friends, their support in this will help you a lot. Friends can distract you and help remind you that you do matter and that you aren't the person this guy says you are. If there's a friend you trust, you need to talk to them about this guy and helping you survive without him. A friend can help you while you're stuck between relationships, feeling lonely and needy because you're used to having a man there. Then, after the pain gets a bit better and your heart starts to heal, you can start looking for the special someone you truly deserve. Not a hookup, but a real relationship. Not a jerk who puts you down, but someone who will tell you how much you mean to him and how beautiful you truly are. Good luck.
14/f
How can I help my identity crisis? It's like I don't know anything about myself.. What do I want to be when I'm older? I don't know.
It's hard right now, so tips about how to 'find' myself. Well, thanks.
You're 14! You have plenty of time to find out who you are, so take a deep breath and relax a bit. I'm 17 and I haven't figured much out yet. I start college this fall and I haven't figured out what I want to be yet.
You can't really push yourself with something like this. At 14, you aren't done maturing and your opinions and feelings will definitely change between now and when you're 18 or even 23. Finding yourself is a life-long process which deserves time and care. As you experience more pieces of life, your personality and beliefs will start to firm up like jello in a fridge without much conscious effort. It's really not something you can find in a book, unfortunately.
To find yourself, just keep living. Maybe step outside your comfort zone a bit: go somewhere you've never been before, pick up a new hobby like photography or playing an instrument, talk to someone who looks interesting...anything that expands your knowledge of the world around you. These experiences will help you learn more about yourself and they're pretty fun, too!
Other than that, relax. When you become more sure of who you are, life is so much more enjoyable. As long as you continue to work your brain and challenge yourself to think about, see, and do new things, this identity crisis will solve itself. Good luck. :)
Ok, here's the deal. I posted a question on here about a week ago but there's been some new developments. You can find it here: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=578710
However, you don't NEED to read it because I think you'll get what's going on anyhow. We good?
Well, a week and a day ago I had sex with a condom, but it broke in the middle. I would normally be scared, but I thought I was on my period because I was bleeding really lightly. Long story short, my "period" went away the day after. Now, I got this so-called "period" 4 days before I thought my period was supposed to come. Now I'm wondering if it was ovulation bleeding... I've had ovulation bleeding before a few times, but never this late in my cycle. It's now 4 days after I was supposed to get my real period and it hasn't come. No spotting or anything. I'm thinking I might be pregnant, especially If I was ovulating. What do you think? This brings me on to my next question:
I kind of want to be pregnant... I'm only 17 (almost 18, actually)but I'm in a really stable relationship with a guy I've gone out with for over a year and that I've known forever. I know teen pregnancy is extrordinarily hard on everyone involved but I feel almost... Ready. If I am pregnant, I already love this baby more than anything. Am I insane? Why do you guys think I'm thinking like this? Could I be forcing my body into thinking it's pregnant (like on Glee) because I want a baby so badly?
If I'm not pregnant, something's wrong... my period's never late... maybe it's just because I'm worrying/hoping so much?
This is really stressing my boyfriend out though. I haven't mentioned to him that I'd want to keep it and I'm pretty sure he'd want me to get an abortion. I'm 100% pro-choice but I could never live with aborting/adopting my own baby. He loves me and I know he's support my choice, but how can I calm him down a bit? I mean, we don't even know for sure yet... And I don't want to test until a week after I missed my period.
Ok, thanks for listening to these ramblings (I hadd a bit too mcuh coffee this morning) and thanks for giving me advice! xoxox
You should get a pregnancy test to find out for sure. Some can detect pregnancy as close as two weeks after conception, but these aren't always accurate (and false negatives or false positives are something you don't want to end up believing). To be absolutely sure, visit a doctor and ask them to test you. Doctors can do a blood test for pregnancy that can pick up on what a pee test might miss.
And even if you feel emotionally ready, you need to ask yourself: do I have the money to support my baby? Children are so expensive and it will take a very steady job to provide for one. They're not optional expenses, either. Food, diapers, bottles, toys, clothing, soap, doctor's visits, vaccinations, and so on...Your baby has to have those things. That really adds up over time! You'll be too busy with the baby to have a job for a while, so it will be your boyfriend and family who must support you. Are they willing and able to do that? Love means a lot between a parent and child, but as much as we may hate it, money also means a lot. It's hard to tell a child you love them and then tell them you couldn't afford dinner or a Christmas gift or a new coat for winter.
I'm assuming you haven't graduated high school yet. You definitely need to finish high school or else you'll be screwed over in the job market for the rest of your life. Also, consider a community college to earn your degree. A lot of them have options for busy people like night school or only two days of classes a week. You need to be thinking about 5 and 10 years in the future, when you will need to save for your own kid's college tuition and when the little bugger starts eating more and asking for more stuff. Boosting your education level will help you find a stable job that pays well and doesn't destroy your health with hard labor like factory work.
As for your boyfriend...You can't force him to be a father. You may feel ready to have a child, but it's obvious that he isn't. Be careful. This could wreck your relationship if you don't handle it right. Even if he will support your decision no matter what his own feelings are, supporting a baby is stressful and time-consuming. That could make him bitter and resentful, and he may start to blame you for forcing him into this. You two need to be extra clear when expressing your feelings: keep things out in the open, even the negative things like resentment toward each other, and be sure to talk over those things. Frustrations are less likely to turn into rages if you get to them early by talking about them and trying to solve them. Also, be sure he knows that you are still important to him: tell him that he will not be replaced by his own child, even if that child requires most of your time and attention. A baby is a very special thing and you will love it more than anything in the world, but as the father and your lover he holds another special and unique place in your heart. No child can take his place, and it's important that he knows that. Remind him how much he means to you and tell him that you will be there to support him and help him with his stresses through the long process of raising a child.
I strongly suggest that you consider every possible outcome and detail when deciding whether to have a baby. However, I know that beliefs against abortion may make all those details meaningless...If you are going to have it, you are going to have it and nothing can stop you. So be thinking about those problems that would talk another person out of having a baby, like education and financial support, and come up with the best solution you can. Being pregnant and finishing high school, then going to college while you have a young child, is ridiculously hard. But this is the best path you can take for both you and your kid, so it is worth the extra effort. Even if your boyfriend has a steady job, you need to be capable of supporting yourself if something happens. Anything could happen in the future: your boyfriend could break up with you, be injured to badly to work, or he could even die (may it never happen). If that happens, your emotions will be all over the place and the last thing you need is money problems. You would likely still have some, but with education to back you up, those problems will be much less serious.
If you have a good dad or know someone who is a good dad, you should get your boyfriend to talk with him. He has no idea what he's doing and an experienced role model like a veteran parent is exactly what he needs. Talking to a father who's been there and done that will help him know what to do, which will really help soothe his nerves. If that man can continue giving him emotional support up to and after the baby's birth, all the better! I'm really worried about your boyfriend since he doesn't sound too excited to become a father, so do whatever you can to make this easier for him.
I hope this advice helps you. I'm 17 as well and I almost dropped out of high school, so I'm familiar with the struggle of trying to finish high school when life is happening all around you. Brigham Young University offers high school independent study courses which count toward graduation. They cost money, and you will have to have your classes approved by your high school, but working at home and at your own pace makes completing high school so much easier. Here's the link:
http://ce.byu.edu/is/site/
Be sure to look at the high school courses because those are the credits you are looking for. The free classes don't give any credits.
I hope this helps you. And go take a pregnancy test! Talk to your doctor about those blood tests and see if you can be tested sooner than a week after your missed period. If you aren't pregnant, all this worrying and planning isn't necessary at all. Good luck!
I'm kind of in a rut. I haven't been in a relationship in over a year, and I'm the kinda girl that is constantly in one, so for me this is very strange and lonely. I'm in college, and I've had two pretty serious hook up buddies: the first took my virginity, and we quickly dissolved after that, and the second we've been hooking up since the middle of october, so quite a long time. This second one is a really big relationship kind of guy, he gets pretty serious: his longest was 3 years, and the shortest 9 months. And I'm kind of starting to like him a little, and sometimes we do act like we're in a relationship. And I've told him I think I like him, and it hasn't stopped him from hooking up with me, if anything it has improved how he is towards me (he's a big giant jerk with a big soft heart if you dig deep).
My question is, should I stick it out with him and see where things may lead? Or stop everything with him and just wait around for a relationship?
Why don't you talk to him about it? Ask him if he wants to start a relationship with you or if he would ever be interested in one. After all, there's no point waiting for anything if he already knows he doesn't want that.
If he's interested, you two could try hanging out without any sexual contact. Go out dancing, go out to eat, or just sit down and talk to each other about whatever comes to mind. That will help you see if there's any connection between you other than sex.
If he says he's not interested in a relationship, you should probably move on and find someone else. If a serious relationship is what you want but not what he wants, there's no point staying with him. But you don't have to just wait around for a relationship. Be assertive! Go find that special guy, if you must. :) I hope things turn out well for you no matter what the two of you decide. Good luck!
You see, I always see both sides of a situation. Which makes having an opinion hard in some cases because I do understand why someone would think both ways. Is this a good thing or bad? What do you think?
It's a great thing! It means you have an open mind and can understand other people's viewpoints. Maybe it's hard to form opinions, but it also means that you are considering all the information when you do decide; you aren't just picking a side because it's popular or because that side is better at stirring people up. It's always good to consider everything you can when you're trying to form an opinion about something. Keep seeing both sides, my friend; it separates you from a lot of people in this world who don't know what the heck they're talking about. :)
why cant i have a gurlfriend
I don't know. How old are you? Do your parents say you can't date anyone? Do you have trouble talking to girls? Do girls just not like you? It's hard to give advice without knowing anything about you. I think you should ask your question again with more information.
today, i was hanging out with my new friend, we get along real well and i was telling her my life story and all the pain and struggles that i went through and my friend starts crying and telling me that i dont deserve any of this, i dont know about that but i am really insecure person and i have a low self esteem i really dont know why she cried because she didnt go through any of this, any clue on why?
She is an empathetic person. If someone has empathy, they will feel for you even if the things that happened to you never happened to them. Even if they have never been in the same situation, they can still imagine what it feels like, so if you were suffering then she can imagine your pain and is upset that you had to go through that. It means she cares about you and doesn't want to see you in pain. People like this are very special and make excellent friends; you should hold on to this one.
It might be hard for you to imagine that she could care about you this much, but if she sees something good in you then you should trust what she sees; sometimes our friends know us better than we know ourselves. I don't know you, but from her reaction to your story and how strongly you make her feel, I can tell that you are something worth knowing. You are someone worth crying for, and that's something special.
my boyfriend (18) broke up with me (17) about 3 weeks ago. he did this because he had feelings for another girl..who was only 15. at the time he was talking to her he didnt know she was 15, he thought she was older. when he found out how young she was, he stopped talking to her.
i was pretty upset when he broke up with me, but he said he did it because he was confused, and the last thing he wanted to do was cheat on me, and in the end he ended up with nothing and regreted it all.
i snuck out tonight to see him and ended up having sex with him again. he said he was still confused but there might be a chance of us getting back together. i havent been able to concentrate on anything since he broke up with me, and i really want to be with him. i forgive him and want to take him back. should i be this forgiving?, or end it once and for all. i think he was using me tonight, which kills me, but i would do it again for sure..if i did break it off for good...i dont know how i would ever get over him...
No, this is not something you should just forgive. I know that hurts to hear, but really...step back from this situation for a moment and view it like a stranger would.
He broke up with you for another girl...then he stopped talking to her once he found out how old she was. He obviously didn't know her very well if he didn't know her real age, so he basically dumped you on a whim. Then he realized that she was 15 and dumped her because of how young she was. Is her age really that important? Yet again, he obviously didn't like her that much or know her that well, but still broke up with you for her.
Now he has no one and he knows he's screwed up. He was perfectly happy when he had the other girl, but now that he has no one he's going back to you (his second choice? his backup plan?). He's trying to get you back, and probably thinks he has a great chance of it. He probably thought that even before you had sex with him again. He says you "might have a chance" to get back together, as if you are somehow to blame? You should be the one saying that you may have a chance; he should be begging for you to take him back! He obviously doesn't feel very strongly for you, doesn't regret how he hurt you by breaking up with you, and will probably do this again when another pretty girl comes along.
Save yourself the heartache and move on. :/ There are lots of guys who wont do this to you and will care about you enough to stick with you even when some random girl catches their eye. This guy definitely doesn't deserve someone like you. And you deserve someone way better than him. :)
I know this is really hard for you to hear. I have a friend who would forgive her boyfriend for just about anything, even though he breaks her heart pretty much every week. It kills me to see her suffer like that. The people we love the most are the once who can hurt us the worst... But I guarantee you that this will not work out if you get back together. If you get back with him, you are only holding off the inevitable pain of breaking up with him. Getting over him will be hard, but wouldn't you rather do it now than after a second betrayal, when the pain is twice as bad and you feel twice as used? I can't tell you how to get over him; that's something you must do on your own. But I wish you luck and I really hope things work out well for you.
Okay,im gonna make this short because its 1:oo in the morning but I really have to get some advice on this problem that i have.so lets begin.My ex bf have been trying to get back with me and its really starting to annoy me.He have screwed up with me so many times in the past and I juss cant take him back.But let me share with you the things he have done so you can get a better understanding of the type of person he is.First he cheated on me with his then ex girlfriend and then he left me for her.Then he started dating one of my closest friend..yeah that hurted like hell.But to make things worse i recently found out that he have also been running game to two more of my good friends.Can you say dog?! So lately I have been talking to a friend that him and i both share but they were friends first.And sum of you mite have guessed that I have fallin for this guy.I really like him and we have the best conversations.Im not a heartless girl and I dont like to hurt people on purpose but thats exactly whats gonna happen if i dont admitt my feelings. Should I tell my ex that im feeling his friend now? or should i just keep my feelings to myself? Do I give in to the dude who have hurted me so many times before or should i start fresh with someone that I really like? Help you guys becuase I really dont know what to do...
From what you've said, the answer seems clear to me. Start fresh. Your ex has had plenty of chances and he's screwed up all of them. He's hurt you over and over again...do you really want to get hurt again? Sure, his friend might end up hurting you, too, but at least you don't know that he will. Your ex seems almost guaranteed to hurt you again.
Really, this is one situation where I'm not sure you should keep talking to your ex. If he continues to press you to get back with him even after you have clearly said NO, he will probably keep at it until you eventually cave in out of frustration. Don't let that happen. You deserve someone better than him.
See how things go with his friend. You might be surprised. :) As for whether you should tell him...I think it will just make him mad no matter how he finds out. He probably wont leave you alone even after you say you have feelings for someone else, and it'll probably open up a big, nasty can of worms between him and his friend. You should tell his friend how you feel, first; if you two start dating, then you should both tell your ex together. Good luck.
im getting spacers in a little less than a month and i have a low pain tolerance...what do you think i should do?
Distracting yourself is good. Read, play video games, or whatever you can do that takes a lot of concentration: it'll take your mind off the pain.
You can also take pain medicine for it. You should talk to your orthodontist and your parents about this.
Also talk to your orthodontist about your worries. I'm sure he or she can help soothe your nerves and give you lots of helpful information about dealing with your spacers.
Here is a good eHow page about dealing with spacers:
http://www.ehow.com/how_4747519_relieve-deal-pain-spacers.html
im almost 15 my bf is 15 and he's nervous about showing me his penis he says it's small i told him i love him for him i want to please him and do more like give him a handjob but hes insecure how do i get him more confident? how big does a guys penis get?
From what I can find on the internet, the average size is between 5 and 6 inches. If you're curious, you could always google it. Beware of the results you might get, though. There may be pictures. -_-
Honestly, you can't force him to show you and pressuring him might make him even more shy about it. Just remind him that you love him no matter what size he is and that you are willing to wait for when he's ready. Have a little patience: I'm sure you'd feel awkward, too, if you were in his situation. :)
my best friend is going to a school dance with my crush, but only as friends. He likes her, but she does not know her feelings towards him. I really like this guy, but i don't want to hurt my best friend either, what should i do... p.s. i need an answer FAST! thanks!!
pretty N confused
If he already likes your best friend, there probably isn't much you can do. You can't force someone to like you and it's really hard to break up that chemistry once it starts.
Your friend knows that you like this guy, right? I think you should let her go to the dance with him if she wants to. It's always possible that things wont work out between them or that they'll never start a relationship in the first place.
The bottom line is, you can't force this guy to like you back and it would be pretty mean of you to force your friend not go to the dance with him on your behalf. BUT, that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell your friend how uncomfortable it makes you feel that she's going with him. Maybe she will decide not to go because of how you feel and maybe she wont. In the end, there isn't much you can do.
Try not to get mad at her if she chooses to go with him or even date him later on. That's why it's important that you talk calmly with her about how uncomfortable the whole mess makes you. If you do, you are less likely to explode later on from all the little things you've been holding in, and she is less likely to hurt your feelings without even realizing it. Good luck. :)
Hey guys. I'm looking for a type of vitamin that will nourish me, and help me along the weight-loss process. I exercise everyday and eat 3 meals a day. I'm just worried I might be missing a few of the daily vitamins that my body needs. Any ideas? Also if you have any AWESOME weight loss tips, I'd love to hear them. THANK YOU
Just a quick note: remember that your body need carbs, protein, AND fat to work properly, so don't cut out any of those completely. If a diet tells you to cut one of those out, don't listen to it. The important thing is to balance how much of each you are eating and how much you are eating overall.
All the B group vitamins are good for weight loss. They are used in metabolism and help give you an energy boost, which will definitely help you with your workouts. Here's a website with some general info:
http://vitamins.lovetoknow.com/Vitamin_B_and_Weight_Loss
There are also a lot of women's one a day vitamins that give you a good amount of all your basic vitamins and minerals. But remember, it's better to get your vitamins from food rather than from a pill, because pills don't have cancer-fighting antioxidants like many foods do.
Whole grains are great for weight loss. They take longer to digest, so they make you feel full longer (making you eat less!). I like to have plain oatmeal in the morning with fruit in it. The oatmeal will keep you full much longer than something like a regular biscuit would.
Be careful with salad dressing. Some of them have an obscene amount of fat and calories in them. In fact, one of McDonald's salads had more fat in it than their biggest burgers...all because of the dressing. :( So be careful what dressing you use. I personally like to make my own so I can make sure it's healthy. One good dressing I make has half a cup of olive oil, the juice from two lemons, pepper, and a minced clove of garlic that has been crushed up with a small amount of salt.
Bread is not the enemy! I've seen several diets that tell you to cut it out completely, but I don't think that's a good idea. Sandwiches can be great for dieting, especially if you use whole grain bread. (Make sure the package says "100% Whole Wheat". Sometimes they say "whole wheat" or "whole grain" and they use very little whole wheat flour and a lot of regular flour.) Also, you can make a light sandwich with lettuce, tomato, turkey meat, and low fat cheese that is healthy and filling. Mayo is a big source of fat, so avoid it when you can.
Practice listening to your body for hunger cues. A lot of the time we eat when we don't need to because of stress or even simple boredom. Don't listen to your head so much; listen to your belly. I'm sure you've felt that hungry feeling in your gut. Try to eat when you have that feeling and stop when you're full. This is a simple tip, but it is amazingly effective, especially if you tend to eat when you're upset or stressed out.
Remember to eat lots of fruit and vegetables! They're very good for you, have low calories, and little to no fat. But remember to keep your other food groups, too, or you'll make yourself sick. Grains are very important for energy. Nuts and seeds are good, too, with good types of fat and many other nutrients. Just don't go overboard: usually a handful of nuts is enough. Dairy is also important since you're still building up calcium in your bones; just stick to low fat stuff like yogurt, skim milk, and low fat cheese (string cheese is awesome). Lower your meat intake: when you do eat meat, try to eat lean meats like chicken and turkey. Some types of fish, especially salmon, are also good. Spaghetti with turkey-based meat sauce is delicious and lean; it's even better for you if you use whole grain pasta. You can chop up veggies and mushrooms to add to the sauce to get more variety and nutrients. I make this pretty often; it's super tasty and easy to make. Just buy a bottle of pre-made sauce like Ragu, cook the turkey (buy the stuff that looks like hamburger meat) in a pan on the stove, mix it with the sauce, and add spices and other ingredients however you like it.
I'm sure you already knew a lot of this, but I figured I'd say it again just in case. Good luck with your diet. :)
can you still get CHLAMYDIA even if you have safe sex?
Definitely. Condoms reduce the risk of catching an STD, but you are never 100% safe if you have sex with someone who is infected. If you know that someone you had sex with is infected, go to a doctor or a clinic and get tested. This is especially important because chlamydia often has no symptoms at all, so you could be infected and not even know it. If in doubt, have yourself tested. It's better to be on the safe side.
I never really have any good feelings- i'm always either depressed, bored, sad or apathetic. Haven't felt happy or even angry in AGES, and am sick of it. Could this be because i got less naive (i found out how much the world sucks, etc, after finding out my mom committed suicide and my friend was molested). Also, how do i END this annoying similarity of my feelings.days, etc? I've been kinda contemplating suicide, but only jokingly. masturbation doesn't work either- makes me more depressed. i like art but when i'm at art school i feel calm, not really happy though. When i laugh at a joke i get this .5 second uplift in spirits but then become sardonic and dark all over again. Any advice would be appreciated.
I don't think it's because you're less naive. I think it's because these things really hurt you. Maybe none of these thing happened to you, but they still happened to people around you, so of course it's going to affect you, too!
So you are mostly sad or apathetic and you don't enjoy things you used to. Those are two symptoms of clinical depression. Suicidal thoughts is another one, and I'm sure there are more that I've missed here in what you wrote. It's probably partly because of events in your life (finding out your mom killed herself is a huge deal and so is finding out your friend was molested) and partly because you are biologically depressed. Does depression run in your family? If so, you are much more likely to suffer from it because it really can be passed down through your genes.
This is serious and it is real, so don't listen to people who tell you that you are just being 'emo' or that it's just a phase. Depression is a legitimate illness and in serious cases, it can be a killer. I've suffered from it for years and believe me, it can destroy your life if you don't treat it.
I don't think you can contemplate suicide "jokingly". If you're thinking about it, even if you aren't really considering it for real yet, you are still serious about it. If more time goes by and nothing changes, these thoughts will probably get worse and your depression will deepen.
If you have a friend you trust, talking to them about how you feel might help. Though from the sound of it, one of your close friends is already dealing with too much to give you the help you need. You didn't give your age, so I'm just going to guess that you are a teen (my apologies if you aren't). School counselors can also be a good resource. They can help serve as a place to vent your problems, a way to bring you troubles up with your family (though I imagine you really don't want to), and help you communicate with your teachers. School is a huge source of stress and your counselor could help make that easier to deal with for you. My counselor has always be great, but I wont lie to you...Some of them absolutely suck. Maybe you should talk to them about something less personal first and see how you feel about them. If you don't trust a counselor enough to confide in them, there's very little they can do to help you no matter how good they are at their job...so either trust them or don't.
Here are some webpages with good information for you:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/complete-index.shtml
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm
http://www.wingofmadness.com/Learn-More/16/for-teenagers-with-depression
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/depression.html
Another note: depression can make you see through 'rose-colored glasses'. What I mean by that is that you will start to believe things that aren't true. Maybe you start thinking that all your friends hate you, that you don't deserve to be happy, that your problems are your own fault...and I'm sure you'll have what you feel is a logical argument to back it up. But most of the time, you aren't seeing the truth. Your friends worry about you and nothing about the situation is your fault, but still your mind will twist things to see the dark side. Be careful with this. It can lead you down some really dark paths, including suicide.
I know this is awful for you and I hope things get better soon. If you have any more questions feel free to send them on to me. Unfortunately, I have a good bit of experience with this. :l Good luck to you.
Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore. For the most part ive become a really sophisticated, goody good with really STRONG morals. I always do homework and go to church. I never -- cheat, steal, drink, cuss, smoke, do drugs, ditch school, party, sneak out, have sex, listen to rap, etc. But sometimes i get sick of being like that. Sometimes i just want to bust out my old dirty, rap collection and live life a little. But then later the goody/serious side of me DESPISES rap because its so degrading and disgusting. The thing is.. it's not about rap music. (That was just an example of how im like two different people within hours or days.) I really dont think i have a split personality or anything to that extreme. I just dont know who I am anymore. One part of me wants to stay moral, and the other part of me wants to break free and live. How do I find out who i truely am when both of these WAY DIFFERENT personalities keep showing?
Not all rap is degrading, even though most mainstream stuff is. 'When I'm Gone' by Eminem is a really good example of a non-degrading rap song. Watch it on Youtube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wYNFfgrXTI
It's about his daughter and how guilty he feels for not spending more time with her. It makes me cry.
My point is, you can have your cake and eat it too, if you look hard enough. Research rap music on the internet and find some that sounds good but also agrees with your conscience.
On a similar note, staying true to your morals and really "breaking free" and living don't have to be separate things. The things you listed make you feel alive because they're forbidden, so it gets your blood pumping to think about them. But there are other ways to get that rush, too! I feel alive when I sing out loud, explore places I haven't been before (I like to drive around until I find somewhere interesting), when I run...I could write a book on the things that make me feel alive. It's different from person to person, so start looking for those things that give you a rush and are acceptable (even encouraged) by society. I get a rush when I help someone (which is one reason why I give advice). Pretty much everyone agrees that helping others is a good thing. :) So go out and scream at the top of your lungs, do something nice for a stranger or a friend, dance to a song you love, start a garden, watch a beautiful sunrise, visit a national park...There are so many things in life to enjoy!
Those two "different personalities" aren't really different or separate at all: they're both you and there's nothing that says they have to oppose each other. Every person in the world feels like this at some point and it's totally natural. Find a way to unite those parts of yourself and I guarantee that you will be a much happier, well-rounded person. I think that you've gotten so caught up in being a good person that you've forgotten that there are ways to enjoy yourself without going against your moral code. Don't do things because they are the "right" thing to do; do it because it feels right to you! Obviously drinking, smoking, and things like this don't feel right to you. At the same time, I bet you've never thought of watching a sunrise as the right thing to do. But doesn't it feel natural and right to enjoy something like a sunrise?
Follow your heart and find those things that make you feel alive. A lot of teens look to drugs and alcohol for that, but they're missing so many amazing things right under their noses. Playing in the snow, stomping on fallen leaves in autumn, listening to an orchestra play a beautiful song... Look for these things and hold on to them when you find them. Once you do, I bet your feeling of being torn in two will vanish completely. I hope this helps you and I wish you good luck in your search to feel alive. :)
so i USED TO BE a realllllly bad cutter, im not anymore just to make that clear but the scars all down my wrist and arm are terrible enough to where i cant wear short sleeves, is there anything i can do to make them go away ? or at least get better...
Quitting is such a hard thing to do. I'm proud of you. :)
I use Bio Oil. I bought mine at a regular grocery store so it should be easy to find. I like it better than lotions because it doesn't make you feel greasy...it also doesn't make you smell slightly like onions like Mederma does. It costs around $8 a bottle, last time I checked.
Cocoa butter is also good, though I don't recommend using it at the same time as Bio Oil. A lot of people use it on scars and stretch marks and get positive results. It also smells amazing.
Be aware that, like all other scar treatments, Bio Oil and cocoa butter take quite a while to work. You need to keep rubbing this stuff on your skin for months to see much difference (though Bio Oil made the pink fade from my scars in a few weeks). Be patient and you'll see a difference in time.