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Confused about pregnancy and boyfriend and... just a bunch of stuff!
Ok, here's the deal. I posted a question on here about a week ago but there's been some new developments. You can find it here: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
However, you don't NEED to read it because I think you'll get what's going on anyhow. We good?
Well, a week and a day ago I had sex with a condom, but it broke in the middle. I would normally be scared, but I thought I was on my period because I was bleeding really lightly. Long story short, my "period" went away the day after. Now, I got this so-called "period" 4 days before I thought my period was supposed to come. Now I'm wondering if it was ovulation bleeding... I've had ovulation bleeding before a few times, but never this late in my cycle. It's now 4 days after I was supposed to get my real period and it hasn't come. No spotting or anything. I'm thinking I might be pregnant, especially If I was ovulating. What do you think? This brings me on to my next question:
I kind of want to be pregnant... I'm only 17 (almost 18, actually)but I'm in a really stable relationship with a guy I've gone out with for over a year and that I've known forever. I know teen pregnancy is extrordinarily hard on everyone involved but I feel almost... Ready. If I am pregnant, I already love this baby more than anything. Am I insane? Why do you guys think I'm thinking like this? Could I be forcing my body into thinking it's pregnant (like on Glee) because I want a baby so badly?
If I'm not pregnant, something's wrong... my period's never late... maybe it's just because I'm worrying/hoping so much?
This is really stressing my boyfriend out though. I haven't mentioned to him that I'd want to keep it and I'm pretty sure he'd want me to get an abortion. I'm 100% pro-choice but I could never live with aborting/adopting my own baby. He loves me and I know he's support my choice, but how can I calm him down a bit? I mean, we don't even know for sure yet... And I don't want to test until a week after I missed my period.
Ok, thanks for listening to these ramblings (I hadd a bit too mcuh coffee this morning) and thanks for giving me advice! xoxox
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like what shw said
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You should get a pregnancy test to find out for sure. Some can detect pregnancy as close as two weeks after conception, but these aren't always accurate (and false negatives or false positives are something you don't want to end up believing). To be absolutely sure, visit a doctor and ask them to test you. Doctors can do a blood test for pregnancy that can pick up on what a pee test might miss.
And even if you feel emotionally ready, you need to ask yourself: do I have the money to support my baby? Children are so expensive and it will take a very steady job to provide for one. They're not optional expenses, either. Food, diapers, bottles, toys, clothing, soap, doctor's visits, vaccinations, and so on...Your baby has to have those things. That really adds up over time! You'll be too busy with the baby to have a job for a while, so it will be your boyfriend and family who must support you. Are they willing and able to do that? Love means a lot between a parent and child, but as much as we may hate it, money also means a lot. It's hard to tell a child you love them and then tell them you couldn't afford dinner or a Christmas gift or a new coat for winter.
I'm assuming you haven't graduated high school yet. You definitely need to finish high school or else you'll be screwed over in the job market for the rest of your life. Also, consider a community college to earn your degree. A lot of them have options for busy people like night school or only two days of classes a week. You need to be thinking about 5 and 10 years in the future, when you will need to save for your own kid's college tuition and when the little bugger starts eating more and asking for more stuff. Boosting your education level will help you find a stable job that pays well and doesn't destroy your health with hard labor like factory work.
As for your boyfriend...You can't force him to be a father. You may feel ready to have a child, but it's obvious that he isn't. Be careful. This could wreck your relationship if you don't handle it right. Even if he will support your decision no matter what his own feelings are, supporting a baby is stressful and time-consuming. That could make him bitter and resentful, and he may start to blame you for forcing him into this. You two need to be extra clear when expressing your feelings: keep things out in the open, even the negative things like resentment toward each other, and be sure to talk over those things. Frustrations are less likely to turn into rages if you get to them early by talking about them and trying to solve them. Also, be sure he knows that you are still important to him: tell him that he will not be replaced by his own child, even if that child requires most of your time and attention. A baby is a very special thing and you will love it more than anything in the world, but as the father and your lover he holds another special and unique place in your heart. No child can take his place, and it's important that he knows that. Remind him how much he means to you and tell him that you will be there to support him and help him with his stresses through the long process of raising a child.
I strongly suggest that you consider every possible outcome and detail when deciding whether to have a baby. However, I know that beliefs against abortion may make all those details meaningless...If you are going to have it, you are going to have it and nothing can stop you. So be thinking about those problems that would talk another person out of having a baby, like education and financial support, and come up with the best solution you can. Being pregnant and finishing high school, then going to college while you have a young child, is ridiculously hard. But this is the best path you can take for both you and your kid, so it is worth the extra effort. Even if your boyfriend has a steady job, you need to be capable of supporting yourself if something happens. Anything could happen in the future: your boyfriend could break up with you, be injured to badly to work, or he could even die (may it never happen). If that happens, your emotions will be all over the place and the last thing you need is money problems. You would likely still have some, but with education to back you up, those problems will be much less serious.
If you have a good dad or know someone who is a good dad, you should get your boyfriend to talk with him. He has no idea what he's doing and an experienced role model like a veteran parent is exactly what he needs. Talking to a father who's been there and done that will help him know what to do, which will really help soothe his nerves. If that man can continue giving him emotional support up to and after the baby's birth, all the better! I'm really worried about your boyfriend since he doesn't sound too excited to become a father, so do whatever you can to make this easier for him.
I hope this advice helps you. I'm 17 as well and I almost dropped out of high school, so I'm familiar with the struggle of trying to finish high school when life is happening all around you. Brigham Young University offers high school independent study courses which count toward graduation. They cost money, and you will have to have your classes approved by your high school, but working at home and at your own pace makes completing high school so much easier. Here's the link:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Be sure to look at the high school courses because those are the credits you are looking for. The free classes don't give any credits.
I hope this helps you. And go take a pregnancy test! Talk to your doctor about those blood tests and see if you can be tested sooner than a week after your missed period. If you aren't pregnant, all this worrying and planning isn't necessary at all. Good luck!
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