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Feelings of hopelessness.
I never really have any good feelings- i'm always either depressed, bored, sad or apathetic. Haven't felt happy or even angry in AGES, and am sick of it. Could this be because i got less naive (i found out how much the world sucks, etc, after finding out my mom committed suicide and my friend was molested). Also, how do i END this annoying similarity of my feelings.days, etc? I've been kinda contemplating suicide, but only jokingly. masturbation doesn't work either- makes me more depressed. i like art but when i'm at art school i feel calm, not really happy though. When i laugh at a joke i get this .5 second uplift in spirits but then become sardonic and dark all over again. Any advice would be appreciated.
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I don't think it's because you're less naive. I think it's because these things really hurt you. Maybe none of these thing happened to you, but they still happened to people around you, so of course it's going to affect you, too!
So you are mostly sad or apathetic and you don't enjoy things you used to. Those are two symptoms of clinical depression. Suicidal thoughts is another one, and I'm sure there are more that I've missed here in what you wrote. It's probably partly because of events in your life (finding out your mom killed herself is a huge deal and so is finding out your friend was molested) and partly because you are biologically depressed. Does depression run in your family? If so, you are much more likely to suffer from it because it really can be passed down through your genes.
This is serious and it is real, so don't listen to people who tell you that you are just being 'emo' or that it's just a phase. Depression is a legitimate illness and in serious cases, it can be a killer. I've suffered from it for years and believe me, it can destroy your life if you don't treat it.
I don't think you can contemplate suicide "jokingly". If you're thinking about it, even if you aren't really considering it for real yet, you are still serious about it. If more time goes by and nothing changes, these thoughts will probably get worse and your depression will deepen.
If you have a friend you trust, talking to them about how you feel might help. Though from the sound of it, one of your close friends is already dealing with too much to give you the help you need. You didn't give your age, so I'm just going to guess that you are a teen (my apologies if you aren't). School counselors can also be a good resource. They can help serve as a place to vent your problems, a way to bring you troubles up with your family (though I imagine you really don't want to), and help you communicate with your teachers. School is a huge source of stress and your counselor could help make that easier to deal with for you. My counselor has always be great, but I wont lie to you...Some of them absolutely suck. Maybe you should talk to them about something less personal first and see how you feel about them. If you don't trust a counselor enough to confide in them, there's very little they can do to help you no matter how good they are at their job...so either trust them or don't.
Here are some webpages with good information for you:
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Another note: depression can make you see through 'rose-colored glasses'. What I mean by that is that you will start to believe things that aren't true. Maybe you start thinking that all your friends hate you, that you don't deserve to be happy, that your problems are your own fault...and I'm sure you'll have what you feel is a logical argument to back it up. But most of the time, you aren't seeing the truth. Your friends worry about you and nothing about the situation is your fault, but still your mind will twist things to see the dark side. Be careful with this. It can lead you down some really dark paths, including suicide.
I know this is awful for you and I hope things get better soon. If you have any more questions feel free to send them on to me. Unfortunately, I have a good bit of experience with this. :l Good luck to you.
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Feeling down can be due to a chemical imbalance, a learned habit, or in response to difficult circumstances. You can take heart perhaps in knowing that EVERYONE at some point in life feels down and despondent. It is estimated that one in five people are depressed at any given time, so you are not alone. The good news is that in this modern age there are a lot of ways to deal with these feelings.
You say you have been down consistently for a long time and even passively contemplating suicide. These are signals that you should seek professional help. Contact your doctor ASAP.
In the meanwhile, below is a helpful resource for folks dealing with anxiety and depression. You will find informational resources and people online at www.stresscenter.com who can help you immediately, even if it only to start a dialogue. There is no charge for these services. Good luck!
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That's depression. I've totally been there and that definitely sounds familiar. Go see a counselor, or a doctor. Get help, because not being happy . . .well, it just sucks, is all. People react to antidepressants etc. differently... they really work for me. maybe not for you. whatever you do, DON'T go down the read of being suicidal, self-injury, etc. Go see your doctor and tell her about this . . . she'll get you the help you need. Hope you feel better soon :)
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I can toatally relate Peace#
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I know that depression really hurts and makes you spin down a never ending hole where you can never seem to get any happier. Something that really helps is to try to act happy even if you're not REALLY happy. Don't let your sorrow show on the outside and you will start to fool some people; maybe even yourself. Eventually, this feeling will become natural. Forget about the past. It's in the past, there's nothing that you can do about it anymore. Don't go searching for sympathy, it just annoys people. Just take care of yourself and do pleasurable things that won't harm you or others.
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I'm very sorry about your mom, and about your friend.
It's certainly possible that you have clinical depression, although it's really a doctor's place to make that kind of diagnosis. But it can't hurt to look into it.
Beyond this, though, it's kind of striking to me that the only strategy you mention for bringing positive feelings into your life, besides your art school, is masturbation. If your days are all so incredibly similar, why don't you do something new, out of your routine? Accumulate some different experiences? Start some major art project, or travel to a new place, or volunteer with abused kids, or something. You may find that doing something that helps other people is, ultimately, the most truly rewarding thing there is. Good luck.
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Okay,
Having a mother that is really depressed and probaly would have have committed suicide by now if it wasn't for me, I understand.
Please don't "think" about committing suicide even if in a "joke". Because maybe one day your feeling even more depressed and you decide "who would it hurt?" or "it's not like i will REALLY kill myself" Because of my mom being so depressed i have often thought of cutting myself to make my pain go away. Trust me, what will hurting your self make everything go away?
Now to the question,
1) Life IS great! Look around you. Look at the beautiful blue sky, the birds, the trees. How can life be bad if there are so many beautiful things? Just because there are some people in the world that don't appriecate what they have and do things like molesting people and stuff. They are just sick! Don't let them get you down!
2) Knowing the symtoms of depression I would say that you have it bad. Not knowing your age or sex I can't be that sure but I would say that you may need to go to a doctor for anti-depressonts. Because it sounds like there could be more to your depression than just this. Do you know if depression runs in your family? I am guessing that your mother was depressed before she committed suicide because if it runs in your family than this could be a family trait. If so, You should go to the doctor!
Please let me know if your depression gets better, Don't committe suicide! Don't even THINK about it, PLEASE!
Anyways I hope I helped you, *HUG
sincerely
Advice~gurl
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