Does this sum up what is going on, or did I miss something?
(This was originally posted in response to a question about why most people here are 13 year old females.)
Hello there,
I have been trying my best to figure that one out...
Have you noticed that girls will tell their dads things that they simply can NOT bring themselves to talk to their mother about? Same thing goes for boys. There is a definate lack of Dad type creatures around these days. Failing to have that person to bounce things off of, they ask their peers.
Why? Because, quite frankly, when you are 13, practically everyone you know well enough to ask advice. Boys and girls all the same.
The difference comes in that a boy can ask his mother: "Hey Mom, what can I do to impress this girl." Mom is a girl, so she knows the answer usually. Don't EVER ask your mother what a boy likes... :-)
A boy at 13 has a number of people around of the male type, varying in ages, which he can ask most everything he would ask a dad if he were there. Pastor/teacher/martial arts instructor/mechanic/barber, etc.
We wouldn't think twice about asking someone we hardly know if we should get roses or chocolate, do we look alright, etc.
People say men don't ask for advice... That's bull. You see, we do. We will ask, get the answer and move on. I remember hearing girls talk about what their friend said they should do, and their friend's friend said this and that and the other.
Men, are very simple in such respects. We don't intentionally ask people we know will give bad advice. If we have a matter of life experience, we like to go to people who have already lived through a few more things than we have. For example: Back when I was 12, I wouldn't go seeking investment or job advice from someone 13. Try 50+ They have already done all the career stuff and if they did it right you get good advice. If however they did it wrong, you get to find out what job you do NOT want to get into. By asking our elders these things we learn something either way.
Today we all have reduced opportunities. When you are little today, you can't just hang out with adults... The news people have everyone convinced that every adult is a predator unless they are your parent. Guess what? The last figures I saw indicated that better than 80% of all child sexual abuse is committed by one or both parents.
What effect has this had? When I was about 6 my Dad went to pick up something from an equipment yard. I went with him and noticed a guy rebuilding an engine. Dad went into the office to pay, so I wandered over and started bugging this guy. By the time Dad came out, I was learning how to use a torque wrench. (The thing you use to make sure all the bolts on something are tight enough, but not too tight.)
Dad asked the guy if I was bothering him. He said not at all, so Dad left me there to learn for about 3 hours. I got a lot of that. Dad was a fair judge of character.
Now, there usually isn't a dad at all. :-( Everyone is so scared of things that kids never get a chance to talk to many people wiser than themselves.
We have ended up in a place where the only place to get advice is from our peers. People your own age usually give bad advice about almost everything. Boys, girls it doesn't matter.
Right now, on this board, there is a 13 year old female asking what she needs to do to start having sex. There are a few people who asked her to think twice, but those in her age range were less concerned with her mental health, and more concerned she get an appropriate condom.
A 14 year old, said something like "Don't wait till you get old like me, get your groove on before you get too old"
BAD ADVICE! Down! Bad Advice, no biscuit!
Adults in general aren't out to get you. It's a fact. If your Mom gives you bad advice, it isn't because she is trying to ruin your life... It is because she THINKS WHAT SHE IS TELLING YOU IS RIGHT. It doesn't make it right. Not at all. Same thing for Dads. (Though I mostly see complaints about mothers here.)
When my parents knew I was old enough to think for myself is NOT when I said I was. It was after I proved it. I thought something my parents said was unreasonable. My dad told me to put it in writing. I did my own thinking on why I felt that way. Then I started researching the idea. What I found out was that my parents were right about that. I wrote it out and handed it over. It was after that that my parents KNEW that if I looked into things for myself I would come to the right conclusion. Even if I didn't like it.
Short version: You want to be treated like a thinking, well read, intelligent and wise adult? Act like one.
Adult life is a lot easier when we spend our youth listening and learning everything we can to make smart choices.
Here's another thought: Travel. Out of this country. See how the rest of the world lives. Most people buy clothes because they are durable, not because they are "IN" (for about a week.) Guaranteed to open your mind to a whole new way of thinking.
Over a quarter million people died in the recent Tsunami... The survivors have NO PLACE at all to call home. And the current threads here are: "Should I wear a thong?" "Where do I get Like size 00 clothes, that are, like, in?" I like this boy...girl, etc."
The best thing that ever happened to me was seeing that almost everything I had been told to believe was important: Cars, clothes, trends, music, hair, team choice, etc. was completely and totally meaningless when you look at the big picture. I would have been right here asking the same kinda stuff(boy version of course) had I not had that opportunity.
Ok, this became a rant. Not against 13 year old girls. A rant against what our society tells 13 year old girls and boys is important for them to be worrying about.
Back to the topic of WHY:
Girls, let me ask you a question: How many of your girlfriends did you tell about this site?
Now tell me how many boys you told about it? Did you tell them there was a guy with 20+ years of computer experience they could ask questions for free? (I normally charge $75.00 per hour in my shop.) Did you tell them there was a place to ask questions about cars and trucks? How about model rockets? R/C cars? Paintball? Airsoft guns? Model building? Sports? Weight training? Hunting? CB radios? Computer hardware/software/networking? Car stereo? Hydraulics? Truck driving scools?
Have you told a single boy you know about any of the things that HE might be interested in?
Do I see one hand raised? Ok, so you get a boy in here and he asks a question. Wonderful! What do most of the girls do? Make fun of him, laugh at him, tell him he is stupid or he would already know and CORRECT HIS SPELLING! I am almost to the point where I have looked at every question on this site. I saw a lot of that on my way through.
What do I do when someone asks a question I don't know the answer to... I research it and post links to appropriate resources. When was the last time you did that for a question you couldn't answer? Saying something "cute" or mean as hell does not encourage the participation of teen boys. Teen boys are actually quite insecure about opening themselves up to be called stupid, or made fun of. They don't handle it well at all. It just guts them and they are never quite the same.
Here is something to consider: You have this guy, who you really like. You set up a date. You go out and buy the BEST outfit on earth. Your Mom likes this guy, so she gives you her credit card, sends you to get hair and makeup done in the BEST place in the city.
So far so good? Ok, now he shows up to take you out, and when you open the door, he bursts out laughing! Pointing and LAUGHING AT YOU!
Your new duds may be stylish, and the hair may be the latest french design but to him it is hilarious. He doesn't know anything about french fashion, or Neiman Marcus so to him you look like a hooker in a clown suit.
How BAD would you feel? Would anything ever make you COMPLETELY whole again after something like that?
Same thing if this site offers to answer questions and then the people here ridicule and belittle the askers. Boys minds work different than girls. It isn't a bad thing, it is just they way we are wired.
I got an email from someone after I answered their question. They said they quit using the site because the response they got to a very well thought out question was: "F***ing Dumb*SS!"
I reported another place this person used the same abusive response, using the abuse report feature, and this was the response:
"Moderator Response
Submitted: by FrEe2bMe
Reponse: While K**************'s response was not appropriate, if you look at their over all rating it is only a 2.21. That is why there is now a threshold where you can set who you want to recive answers from Under Profile Setting adjust it so you only recieve answers from people like 4 or higher or whatever your comfortable with. :)"
This guy, yes GUY, 15 years old didn't know that, so he will never be back.
Did anyone step up to tell this person off? Did anyone else report it? Do you even know where the abuse link is?
It is up to the majority here to decide if this is going to be Advivenators.com or Abusenators.com
Since the majority here are 13 year old girls, I ask you: Which will it be?
DangerNerd
you have given me a new perspective on my life, for that i must thank you.
perhaps i could be less of a complete scoundrel.
goodbye dangernerd, i must meditate over this revelation.
-hitler
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What do you think about these baby names:
Mattilynn Nicole
Jake Ryan
Zachary Daniel
Rylee Elizabeth
Twin girls :
Ashlynn
Joshlynn
are you a tom clancy fan? the Jake ryan is pretty close to Jack ryan.
rylee is a dog's name except it's spelled riley
the lyn thing is entirely unoriginal.
try not to rhyme the names, it comes off tacky.
and i can tell you from experience that the kid will hate the name ryan.
jake is the name of a horrible person, all of the jakes i know of are complete douchebags.
mattilyn? is that even a real name? oh wait, its really spelled madeline.
if you want a kid with lyn in its name, name the kid lyn. otherwise the kid will hate you for pulling random names out of a hat and adding lyn at the end. name your rodent after a distinguished ancestor like my family does. my kids are going to be named after a medal of honor recipient and a casket maker's wife.
-hitler
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everyone keeps tellin me i don't need to lose weight but i still feel i need to. does anyone know of someway to find average weight for height?
go to an army recruiter, they have the program for it.
-hitler
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I just got braces a week ago and after I came home, I noticed these tiny tiny black spots on my teeth...I tried brushing it off, but they won't come off...Now it's a week later and they're still here..It's not really noticeable unless you look closely but I notice them. Can anyone help? I rate. Thanks
go to the dentist.
-hitler
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i drink at parties..but im afraid one day my parents are gunna catch me if i come home wasted..help?
sleep it off at a friend's house.
-hitler
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Ok, well i have this guy friend who like's me alot but i don't like him the same way alot of the time he is all over me and when i tell him to get off he dosn't i don't know what to do cause im wanting to be his friend but not more than that but he dosn't feel the same and i don't know what to do anymore...please help me
hit him in the groin. he'll get the message.
-hitler
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14/m 8th grade
i met this girl t the beginning of the school year at a football game. she goes to the other jr high in our district. i havent hung out with her in forever, but lately we have been getting back in touch. she always tells me on the phone about how much she likes me and wants to see me. she said she'd make out with me or anything i want from her. she also said she would go out with me if i went to her school. i really like this girl and i know she has a thing for me. the seperate schools are the problem. what should i do?
call her up. go to a movie. thats about your only viable option.
-hitler
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Im doing a history timeline and i need to see what happaned on certain dates for my timeline and i dont know any website where i could type in 3/14/87 and see what happaned or where i could just type in 1966 and see what happaned then in that point and time .. so if you could help me that would be great!
yeah, they usually have "this day in history" stuff for the year and the date.
-hitler
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i have two HUGE hickies on my neck..does anyone know a way to make them go away faster..my mom CANT see them!
thanx =]
turtleneck babe, not really anything else you can do. try to keep your dude from doing that.
-hitler
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I have a fiancee of 10 months, at first we had sex a whole lot but now... I would be lucky if I have it twice a week. What is up? How can I tell him I need more!!??
let me put my doctor phil hat on here and take another gander.
you should try to spice things up in the bedroom, maybe bring in a few kinky devices or a karma sutra, try to do a new position every time, also try to expand your romance factor and make it a very sensual evening instead of the atmosphere of the usual bump and grind. you could always ravage him the second he opens the door when he comes home from work too.
-hitler
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i just started straightening my hair and when i straighten it its always frizzy and doesnt stay straight..i always see ppl with perfect straight silky hair and i wanna know how to get mine like that. please help!
they use that spray stuff.
-hitler
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Do u no what you do at prom? I heard something about prom that theres a grand march. What is that? Do u no what goes on during the dance? Like is there alot of fast dancing? or mostly slow dancing?
i have a drinking problem, but i can remember most of the beginning.
they have everybody march around and look at each other, sort of like a sick show of one-upmanship.
mine had a bit of slowdancing infused with really shitty club music. it was incredibly gay, so out came the flask of moonshine. i still wonder how i wound up on the beach with a hamburger stuffed in my pants, it really bothers me.
-hitler
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omg i just got braces like this morning and they are kind of sore..will anyone give me some advice on what to do and how to floss and all that stuff?? thanksss
its pretty much the same process, just work from the rear of the tooth forward when flossing. brushing is the same, but don't try chewing gum for a few days. they'll stop being sore after a day or so
-hitler
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I have heard that you should try and reduce the amount of calories you eat gradually (like, one week go from 2000 to 1800, and then the next go to 1600, instead of going from 2000 to 1000) to encourage the body to burn fat and not protein from muscle. Is this true?
yes. but try to avoid empty calories and eat lots of vitamin rich vegetables
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I want to change the way I eat. I'm not bothered whether I lose weight or not, I just want to be more healthy. However I hate 99% of all fruit and vegetables!! Is there any way I can eat healthily like this? The only vegetables I like are potatoes, broccoli and cauliflower, and I don't like any fruit. It's mainly the texture that puts me off and not the actual taste, so I was wondering if soup would help me? Although I can't eat soup at like every meal! What can I do? Has anyone got any suggestions on how I can eat vegetables and fruit more often, but not with them in their original state (like with them in a soup or w.e).
potato-high in starch
stay away from it.
try brussel sprouts, pamagranates, bannanas, persimmons, and carrots.
all can be used to make soups and juices, so have fun!
-hitler
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I really don't know where to put this.
I was just downstairs doing my homework, and I yawned. It felt like something popped and then my tongue and the outside of my neck/jaw began to hurt. It is physically painful to move my head backwards (like to look up at the sky) because it pulls on my neck and tongue and I don't know what I did...
Maybe I just pulled a muscle? Please help...it is also painful to swallow, although bearable. It feels almost like the kind of cramp you get in your foot when you flex it and then it 'catches' and continues to flex by itself.
CALL A DOCTOR.
-hitler
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My mom wants me to be a total conformist: make-up, trendy clothes, dumb girl for a regular guy: you know. I really don't want to because it is so not me but she doesn't care. What do I do?
15/f
buy your own clothes.
-hitler
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What do you do if you find yourself more and more each day, liking a guy who does not believe in God? I am a christian and I have my morals, standards and beliefs and he doesn't meet my number one standard which is believeing in God and having a relationship with him but, on the other hand, I am so drawn to him I can't help it.He's a really great guy but should we just stay friends and nothing more?
go for it sweetie, i'm sure you can convert him to mormonism or whatnot after a few months of bible thumping goodness.
-hitler
section addressed to mormon haters:
and if you don't like mormons and are going to say they will burn in hell, then you should reserve yourself a seat next to good ol' joe. they're christians too, just a little bit different.
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I have a close friend who I usually get on well with. However, yesterday evening he told me that he is homophobic because he believes homosexual people mess up the whole cycle of life and they are selfish. I told him that people have the right to be who they want to be but he disagreed. Eventually I said that we could just forget it and agree to disagree but he wouldn't leave it. I told him I didn't want homosexual friends and refused to speak to him. I badly want to be his friend but he refuses to just forget our disagreement and not talk about it again. He just keeps saying that he is right and wont accept that it is a matter of opinion. I don't want to lose him as a friend, what should I do?
get him tipsy and bring him to a gay bar.
then watch the fun.
-hitler
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I ADORE MY MOTHER! and i feel a little bit bad about writing this, but i think i should because i dont noe what to do anymore. let me begin... i go to an all girls school, and towards the end of last year and over the summer was when i really started meeting guys. so, the first times she would sit right next me and watch what i was saying. and she still duz that. she doesnt sit by me when im on the phone anymore, but this summer i was on the phone w/ my first love, she would sit there and listen to everything we said. but, she still sits by me when i'm online and i dont noe what to do. cuz, now its beginning 2 feel like a security to hav her there because i dont noe what to say to guys. and when im on the phone, i do! and she updates my profile and goes to places for quotes and puts them in my profile while im @ school and makes me invisible. and i dont even like the quotes sometimes. i've tried talking to her. and ive tried to get other people to talk 2 her... like my aunt, and a friend of mine. and when i tell her, "im gonna tell tia," she goes, i'm not afraid of ur aunt. and she duznt listen to my friend either! i dont noe what to do anymore. when i talk 2 her, she says she'll stop and then she doesn't. i cant change my passwords b/c she'll get mad. but, she's a single mom and i'm her only child. i understand that we're close, like best friends, but i'm 14 years old and i need a little privacy
thats really bizarre. why don't you visit this site while she's watching you and read this like you're going to answer it and ask over your shoulder how you should respond.
-hitler
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