A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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What can happen if i take plan b and i didn't have sex? i dont remember if i did or not... But i want to be sure.
thanks (link)
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Cramps, early period, and the loss of fifty bucks.
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im 18/female and my sister hates my guts she talks shit about me and my man all the time and i get to the point to her and tell her to stop and ack her age but she tells my man that i start it all the time and be nice to him i dont know what to do he believes me over her but im getting tired of it can someone tell me what i should do
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You need to talk to him about telling your sister to shut the hell up.
As a guy, if a member of my wife's family started badmouthing her, I would quite likely tell them "Shut the fuck up, I will not listen to you speak about my wife like that" and leave the room. Then again, I'm kind of a blunt asshole, but telling her firmly to stop and leaving the room are both actions he should take and is probably unwilling to because it's awkward for him to be in that situation too.
Give him permission. Tell him to ignore her and remove her ability to continue talking if she starts up.
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My boyfriend of 3 years and I have been having some problems before but it has gone way too far. I don't know what to do anymore because I love him but I found out that our whole relationship has been based on a lie. I was suspicious of him one day and checked him one email and found pictures of girls in their bra and panties and bathing suits that he had been talking to. He had a wouldyouhitthis.com account when we first started dating and promised to close it. All this time I thought it was closed and I tried to get over the whole email thing. But today I just found that he has had his account open since at least July 24,2008 and has been flirting, looking at, and talking to these girls on the sex site. I don't know what to do anymore. He lied to me this whole time and told me his account was closed except he randomly opened it before christmas but then closed it. He lied, he didn't open it around christmas, he had it open since at least July 24,2008. Two days before my birthday... what a great present and I didn't even know it. He has been talking to girls still too. He said he was done after that sex site thing but then started talking to a 14 year old girl. He's 25 years old. Am I wrong for thinking that's disgusting and wrong? He was calling her hot and asking her if she would date him regardless of his age and asked her what panties she was wearing. What should I do? Nothing will change will it? Should I just move on? (link)
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Your 25 year old boyfriend is talking to 14 year old girls and telling them that they're hot.
Run. Run now. Run far. Run fast. And bitch about the situation to every mutual friend you have who might consider dating him.
Save e-mails as evidence. If he gives you even the slightest shit during the breakup, forward these e-mails to the police. If you hear about him and some 14 year old girl or something similar, forward the e-mails to the police.
I'm a 25 year old guy, and that's disgusting.
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So, my boyfriend and I have been dating almost a month, but we've been together for about three and a half. We've never had actual sex, but we are close. We hang out a lot, and we have a lot of alone time. I do a lot of sexual things for him, and he enjoys it. But i'm often let down, cuz when I think he's going to do something sexual for me, he doesn't. He almost never does, and I feel like i'm in a one sided sexual relationship. Not only that, but it makes me feel as tho he's not really attracted to me. At first he was really into it, but recently he never seems to want to do anything for me. I know I need to talk to him, but how do I start a conversation like that? What kind of things do I say to him? I just need help. Please? (link)
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You're a month into actual dating.
This isn't something you work out. This is something you break up over. When a guy shows immediate disregard for your sexual needs and is absolutely fine with receiving without giving, that's a huge warning sign.
Even if you have this conversation, he will resent the things he has to do, and you will have to make him do most of them. He will continue to not volunteer for things and you will feel worse and worse as you have to drag him through any form of sexual reciprocation.
Men learn not to be assholes when women smack them down for being assholes. It's a truism of us guys that needs to be respected. A month into a relationship or three months into "knowing each other" the only real way you can smack him down is to break up with him and keep it that way. He's not invested enough in you to go through any major efforts, you should likewise not be invested enough in him to act any differently.
Walk away. Any other choice will just perpetuate a relationship with a guy not mature enough to be in one in the first place.
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hey im 16 and im a male, girls.....this one is for you, is a guy being to nice to you a good thing or a bad thing, nice to a point where hes a real gentleman, opening doors for you, wlaking you to the door step, paying for your ticket and maybe sometimes dinner, depends on the occasion, is that a turn on or turn off about a guy, i thought it was a turn on??? (link)
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In a relationship, it's a good thing. Outside of a relationship, it is not.
First, if you only do this for girls you're into, it's transparent. It's obvious that you're only doing it because you like her, not because you're just that kind of guy. Girls like the things you do because of what kind of guy those things mean you are. Being the kind of guy who is nice to people you want something from and ignore everyone else makes you seem like a dick. Just fair warning.
Second, if you're dating a girl already, it's fine to be gentlemanly as much as you want to. If you aren't, it's a terrible strategy for attracting girls. If you go out of your way to dote on them, it makes them feel unequal. You try too hard, and make them feel uncomfortable. If they aren't already really into you, they wonder why you're so into them. Or else they think you're just being nice because you think opening doors amounts to flirting.
If you're asking this, I imagine you're not seeing much success. If you like a girl, she's got to know it. Somehow, you don't walk up and "I like you" at them, you just flirt. Compliment them. Make eye contact. Smile. Ask them about themselves.
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I really like this guy (im 15/f) like i think it might be love.. but he has a girlfriend.. me n him always chill n like make out n stuff.. and he always tells me he loves me.. but why is he with her? (link)
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Because he has to pretend to date her to keep her happy, where you're fine with knowing there's someone else and gullible enough to believe his bullshit "I love yous"
He's with her because she doesn't know and you don't care. If he let her know, he'd lose her. He doesn't have to do anything special to keep you.
Considering that he at least goes through the effort of secrecy for her, and not you, that means that if she found out and didn't dump him, he'd drop you like a bad habit. He doesn't care about you, he's just using you for whatever he can get.
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My mom is very controlling and easily jealous. My freshman year of highschool I did very bad in school. Ever since then I have worked very hard. My cummalitive gps is now a 3.6 I worked really hard and pretty much gave up a big portion of my social life. I've always wanted to go to college away and live there. I'm a junior now and I was talking to my mom about colleges I'd like to attend. Her response was "what you can't leave me, if you go away I'm not giving
you any money for college" so I later said to her "me and Hillary are going to get an aparment and go to a college close by and it will be cheaper anyway." my mom says "what no I don't think so, your not living with her. If you two want to live at our house then that's fine and you should just go to the college down the street." it's literally right down the street, I could walk there. That was how the conversation was
pretty left. But then one time we were talking about where i'd like to live after college and I move out. I was like "when I'm older and married I'd like to move to south Carolina, or somewhere like that" my mom had a very similar response
to the one about college. I can't tell her when I have boyfriends or anything because she gets crazy jealous. She also tells me way too much and wants too much from me. This one time my friend and I were going to this concert we were excited about for months. The day before my mom goes "I don't really want you going there I'll buy you a new coach purse and matching wallet if you don't"..how could I pass an offer like that up? She does this all the time and I just don't
know what to say or do anymore...help!? (link)
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My parents were somewhat the same. I never got male equivalents to a coach purse, but funding for stuff like college was dangled and removed and given back depending on my cooperation and "attitude" and such.
I've got some bad news, in that regard. Stopping my parents required a complete cessation of contact and enough bad shit between us that I haven't spoken to them in a year and probably won't initiate contact ever again.
If you don't want to do whatever the fuck they want, that's your option. Put yourself through college, make your own way, and tell her to go fuck herself. You have to show her anger, and resentment. Not because it's going to "set things right" but because you've got to make her feel like a burden just to make her stop what the hell she's trying to do. To recognize that you neither need nor want her input, her money, or her condescending idiot advice about how she'd live your life for you if she could.
The second option, is to do what you have to to get a college education, swallow what shit you can, and hope to God that she remains rational enough that your concessions eventually get you where you want. This is a shitty choice, what happens when your fourth year in college she pulls the check because you tried to assert yourself again and she freaks out at the idea of being alone in the house? Regardless, once you have what you need you'll assert yourself and she won't handle it well, and unless you're incredibly mature about it you'll end up somewhere near where I am.
The third option, which isn't really an option, is to do everything she wants until you're married and you can use her own views on the world against her, finally getting some small recognition of your adulthood which you'll always resent because she'll be trying to tell you what to do past the years you give her grand kids, and will try to re-parent through you.
There is only a very small chance, no matter what you do, that you will ever win the adult respect that you want behind all the bullshit. Parents who cannot let go of their kids as "kids" are not uncommon and absent a respected source from among people they'd consider adults, no one will ever be able to dissuade them that they know better than you do what you need in life.
Something I want to point out real quick. People have mentioned therapy, etc.
Be careful with that idea, and consider _very_ hard before you consider telling her that there is something wrong with what she's doing. Your mother has used college as a threat to keep you in her house. Not "if you fuck up" which is even what I got, my parents constantly beat the "we know better" drum and just changed what amounted to "me not doing what I was supposed to do" on a weekly basis to ensure I always failed.
Your mom isn't even doing that. She's just threatening your future so that she can keep you around and control you.
_This_is_not_rational_
Seriously. Treat her like a land mine that can destroy your future and plans at any moment. Don't act like she's a rational person you can reason with. If she were, she wouldn't openly threaten to not pay for college unless you meet conditions like not leaving her, and then follow up offering to give your friend a place to stay.
If you decide to confront her in any way, assume that it's going to lead to option 1, putting yourself through school and likely not talking to each other much if at all. Parents who think they're right can be the most stubborn people in the world, no matter how stupid and illogical the things they want and try to force are.
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My bf and I have been going out 7 months and things have been great overall. However, on our last date, I just wasn't turned on. I hardly even wanted to cuddle. I have only been on the pill for a month, so maybe this could be a side effect? and I definitely overate at dinner, but I don't know whether that could have had any effect either. Was this just a one-time thing or could it be a symptom of a deeper problem? (link)
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There's a 97 percent chance it's your birth control.
My wife had issues like this. She would describe it as even sometimes being horny, but the idea of acting on it was entirely unappealing. Sex drive, affection, it was all becoming an issue.
Went off it, and her sex drive exploded back out to normal levels inside a week.
I can't advise you to go off it, but you should be aware that lowered sex drive is one of the most common side effects, and the amount it's lowered can be pretty profound. Once a day to once every two months profound.
Give it another month or two. See how things go. If you continue to feel like this stop with the sex and go back off the pill for a month. If there's a dramatic change, you've got your answer.
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k this mite come off as a lil weird, but i was just thinking about you know, how everyone says having sex on your period is disgusting and all .. well what if your saving yourself till marriage but your on your period your wedding night!! how AWFUL that would be =( like do you plan your wedding around your period?? wat if your early or smthn .. planning that far ahead being early or late a few times could mess it all up .. that would just be awful!! how are you supposed to make sure that doesnt happen?? (link)
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If you aren't on birth control, get on birth control. Then, instead of taking the little sugar placebo pills, keep taking your birth control, just start the new pack when the old one ends. Should let you skip a period if it happens to fall on the wrong set of days.
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Iv'e been wondering for a while what exactly does the word homicide mean?
Thank you :) (link)
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http://lmgtfy.com/?q=homicide
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Hello! I just move to a neighborhood and there are 3 little girls that constantly knock on my door and ask for food, band aids for boo boos, and to use the bathroom. We caught the smallest one in our car in the driveway trying to steal some candy and change out of it. She is about 5. My son gave one of them a bowl of applesauce and all 3 took turns taking bites. they did the same with some chocolate milk minutes later. They are outside and dirty from 8 am to 9pm on weekends and after school til dark. I asked the one girl why she couldnt go potty at her house and she said mommy wont let us in. After the little on stole from us I dont want to let her in though. She has been caught going in our garage and walks in our home without permission constantly. Please give me advice. This reminds me of my alcoholic mother when I was young. They are a family of 7 in a tiny 2br home. I have 3 of my own and cant care for them. What do I do?? thanks guys! (link)
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Call CPS. Period.
Three children are under neglect and abuse. I'm not a huge fan of Child Protective Services, but they exist for a reason and that reason is to stop the kind of shit that's taking place on your block. Be open and honest with whomever you talk to. Tell them what you've seen and experienced.
It's hard to be the one to take decisive action for people you've never met before. Do it anyway, you very well may save a life or three.
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do girls think its gross(or nething) if a guy gets horny whith the gurl in there lap or nething (link)
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Honestly, I think girls are probably going to be too disgusted by the poor semblance of grammar to notice any biological reactions.
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i don't care how old you are, but please only answer this question if you feel mature enough to do so. It is not anything bad, but I'd just rather not have an answer that i can't put to use. I'm a 19 yr old woman. I am in love with my ex-boyfriend. I have known him since I was 16 and I still feel for him the same way I did when I first met him. We broke up (his idea, not mine). I thought things were going fine. Time has been able to heal a lot of my wounds, and I understand why the break up happened now. i am not going to write the whole story because I just need an answer. However, you get the idea. I HAVE CHANGED! I'm still the same girl he use to know... BUT, I am not the girl he broke up with. I no longer get upset over little things. I am in college and so is he. We ended up in one of the same classes by pure chance b/c we both took the class before. (he failed it and i dropped it)... so it's pretty crazy we ended up in the same one! But, I know he loves me. He loves me but the guilt of breaking up with me for a bad reason is overwhelming him. He's afraid to go back to my family (for them to be mad at him). I understand. But, they have forgiven him and they love him too. He needs to know it's okay to come back. But, I can't just go up to him and say that. It's kind of weird for me to just say that. But, I know for sure he loves me. We have mutual friends and a lot of his friends are my family members, so I KNOW. But, he is overcome by his guilt to the point where he can't talk to me. I think if I just went up to him and gave him a hug, things would be better. It's a good start, at least. But, how can i do this without making it awkward... how can i just give him a hug after class? what's an opening line i can use to talk to him?! than you and i really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. God bless you.
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This is really simple. Probably really hard too.
Ask him to dinner. Tell him you have things to talk about. Go somewhere you can have a nice meal and a quiet conversation. And be effing honest.
It's going to be awkward. If you do it now, or do it later. Look at it from another perspective.
Every day you wait is another day he's convinced that you hate him on some level and look at him as scum, is another day harder for him to say anything.
Do BOTH of you a favor and speak up tomorrow.
And a hug? He's an ex whom you want to get back together with and love, and you say you're sure he loves you too.
Drag him somewhere like a stairwell where no one can see, kiss him, and TELL him he's going on a date with you so you two can talk about things unless he wants to physically fight his way free of you. Do not let him go until he agrees.
::This message brought to you by 25 year old men who want girls to be effing honest even when it's awkward::
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What website can I use OTHER THAN Craigs list to find another girl to experiment with. I dont want a relationship I just want to know what its like to be with another girl. Im 19 and i live on the east coast, so what website is out there that can help me with this problem? Its driving me crazy (link)
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If you're 19 and on the East Coast, there's likely more than one gay bar within 100 miles you can go to that's far enough away from where you usually spend your time not to meet anyone you know.
Take a solo road trip. See who hits on you. At least there you can see who the hell it is before you start talking about sex. No worries about G.I.R.L.s
(Guys In Real Life)
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I have known this guy for a few years now. And I have never 'ever' felt this way about anyone and I swore I wouldnt ever let myself get like this. I swore that I would never cry over a man. We went out once for about sixmonths about a year ago. And are the begining of this year we were so close, I mean like brother and sister. And we were texting and he say "I really like this girl. And I think she likes me back. Im asking her out tomorrow." Well he was coming over to my house the nextday we 'were' going to hang out. Bu he blows me off for some other chick claiming his parents grounded him(his parents dont care what he does. But now hes with this awful girl who is so mean to me. And he hardly ever talks to me. But I still love him. What do I do? (link)
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First, forgive her. I know it's hard, but she's mean to you because she cares about him too, and she sees both how close you two have been and how much you're definitely not over him. She's defending her relationship, it's really not personal, but neither of you can really help it either.
Second, it's time to move on. You were with him, then a year passed and you didn't get back together. In that time, he's obviously gotten over you, and there's not a whole lot you can do to change that. If you fight for him, you can't even halfway guarantee that you'll win. If he preferred you, he'd be with you, at least in presence if not officially dating. Guys are pretty simple like that.
Stop talking to him. If he asks, be honest. You're still in love with him, and he's obviously not still in love with you, and you need to get over him.
Getting over him will take time. Honestly, I'd say it should last until you find yourself into someone else, and end up dating again.
Understand something. You probably want to save the friendship. The friendship is already doomed. I know that probably hurts like hell to hear, but it is. You dated, you made him get over you, unless you two actually straight up got back together, your time with each other is over. The only thing you can do now is hang on and hurt yourself.
I'd argue that continuing to be friends would be more stupid than confronting him and telling him, essentially, that you love him and that it's her or you.
If he blows you off, that's pretty much it. If he doesn't, well I'm sure you can figure it out from there.
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lately i've been thinking about suicide. I cry every night and im always sad. i keep trying to find things to make me happy. But nothing works anymore. i feel like theirs nothing really to live for. nobody loves me. and I don't think anyone ever will. im just unlovable. I want to be happy so bad. please just tell me what could make me happyy. or why I should live. i just need something, anything. I don't want to die but I don't want to feel this pain anymore. i just can't do it (link)
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First, I would like to make a clarification. You want everything to end, and you do NOT want to end your life. Suicide is just the only thing you can come up with.
That's an important distinction, and should be to you. It means that you haven't really lost hope for the future, but that you actually are just having serious issues dealing with the present.
In that regard, the first bit to my advice is therapy.
At 13, I think that would be a scary word. Hell, honestly at 25 it's still kinda scary to me. But the one thing that I can't deny is it's ability to help you understand, cope with, and accept your past so that it does not destroy your future. I don't know what your life is like. I don't know what you've been through or what you're dealing with.
What I can tell you is that there is no one who contemplates suicide at 13, deals with their problems and moves on, and then regrets it later.
You're at a fucked up age in a fucked up time in human civilization. There's people telling you what you should want, what you should feel, what you should do, every step you take in the world.
You want to know a secret? At 13 no one knows who they are, what they want, or where they want to go in life. No one. So people prey on you at that age because not knowing what's right for you, other people can convince you to do what's right for them.
If you stay alive, the things that make your life terrible will eventually be gone entirely. Family, former friends, the city or state you live in, your house, as an adult you can cut any and all or none of these things out of your life and move on. You can create your own stability and happiness in ways which you can't even imagine right now because you're a 13 year old kid who can't go out into the world and make a life for him or herself yet.
I've been where you are. At your age, and honestly I got to revisit it years later. Life is random, 25 years on earth have shown me that much. Sometimes life hands you no challenges, sometimes it hands you challenges that are right up your alley, and sometimes it hands you challenges which you have no way to cope with, understand, or solve.
The key to finding your way through the last one is time. Sometimes things go away, sometimes you figure something new out, sometimes bad things change into good things. But behind it all, people overcome. They move forward. You're no different, in that. You will adapt. You will overcome. But only if you don't throw in the towel.
It hurts. Believe me, I know. But those who have known suffering can, in time, know a truer strength. When you beat something, even when you just outlive it, you become stronger. More sure in your ability to survive. You look at your past and all the bad you remember, and you realize the cliche truth.
You are still here. You are still fighting. And you know that nothing and no one can change that one, simple fact.
A last comment about happiness. Happiness is relative. Happiness means something different to everyone you ask, and often it can be transitory. The declaration of independence mentions "The right to pursue happiness", and that's much more of a philosophical expression than a legal one.
Happiness must be pursued, and it's worth pursuing. But you will learn in the adult world that sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, and sometimes you have to wait through the bad for the good.
Now, enough of the existential bullshit, and on to some practical advice.
Happiness, at the start, is about simplicity. Learning to appreciate the small things. So your new mission is to find something every single day that makes you smile. A hobby, a show you like, a friend, a book. Every single day, before you go to sleep at night, your mission is to find something that makes you laugh, grin, smile, and feel happy. Even if just for a moment.
Something to remind yourself how it feels.
Next step, is to explore. There are a million things out there to enjoy in life. Try to find a few new ones. Step outside your comfort zone, and do something you've never done before. Say at least once a month.
Third, and hardest. Speak to someone else. Right now, the thing I pick up most strongly from your posting is that you feel alone in the world. You can't bear everything alone. No man or woman is an island, no one can function without others they are close to in life.
So start with a school counselor.
I know how that sounds. Talk to all of them. See if you can be honest with any of them. Try to talk to someone closer to your age 20s or 30s as opposed to someone who's 50, it can help you feel more comfy and understood. You don't have to tell anyone else what you're doing, but you need an adult who is capable of understanding and taking you seriously. Your friends and peers, unfortunately, are just too hit or miss.
They're the step that can help you find someone like a real counselor or therapist who knows how to help you.
This is long, so I'm ending. If you'd like to talk more, drop me a question. Might take me a few days to notice, I get online some days and not others. If you do, I need to know more about you in order to help. The three major areas are pretty obvious. Knowing more about how school is going (classes, teachers, how you're doing, etc), knowing more about your peer group (what your friends are like, enemies, people you know and spend time around) and knowing more about your family (anything you think is important to tell me)
Suicide is not an answer, nor is it an end. The real truth is that humanity does not know what lies beyond death. Death seeks us on it's own time, our jobs are to do everything we can before it finds us.
Hope isn't lost, and neither is your life. Things suck at 13 for a ton of people. But if you fight through it, there's more waiting for you than most. I said those who know pain are stronger, but those who know pain also are much more able to appreciate life.
As a random example, I've been fucked over by a good number of friends in my life. I've always been something of a damaged person, and so I relate to damaged people and we can all be unpredictable sometimes.
But because of what I've been through (and I had ZERO friends at your age) the friends I now DO have are that much more important to me. I care for them more deeply and appreciate things about them that I could not have had I not known the pain I've known in my life. Their loyalty, their advice, their willingness to tell me when I'm fucking up. Where before, I might have just seen people who judge me, I now can see and know friends who see my imperfections and love me anyway.
And I have a wife who fits the same bill.
There is love out there for you. It may take you time to find it, but you will encounter others whom are looking for the same things you are, and are made happy by the same things that make you happy. People who you will connect to. People who will want to connect to you as well.
I know its hard to believe, but I CAN make you one solid promise. I've been where you are, and I decided to live. I hated myself and my life, and I decided to fight anyway.
I'm married to a wonderful woman, I have amazing friends, and I have a future that I'm fighting to make real for myself. This is the future and present I've carved out for myself. And overall, I'm happy.
You have just as much waiting for you, if only you decide to seek it.
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Hi there,
I handled an abuse report earlier. I dealt with the back and forth between you and the gal with the portion issues.
I read the whole thing including all revisions and I have nothing bad to say about any of it, save this:
"I guess you're just a bit lazy, and the prospect of moving your slightly larger than usual ass off the couch is a prospect that angers you. Sorry, didn't mean to get your chins a-jiggling."
... I understand the frustration from whence that came. Truly. If you are going to continue to be successful here you will have to learn to recognize when someone has zero self esteem. When you get into a conflict of this nature, it NEVER ends well. I speak from way to much experience here. ;-)
In the future, when you see something like this go sideways, just walk away from it to keep the peace. You having the last word won't help anything... it just means I have another abuse report to deal with.
Developing a coping mechanism for folks that have no self esteem and are militant about insiting you said things you never said is a long process to be sure. The thought is always there: "If I just say x or y then surely they will GET IT!"
No. No they won't. Trust me on this one.
Here is the report:
Report:
"I feel that this man has made untrue assumptions about me simply by comparing me to other females he may know in his life. He is pretending to know me by taking these assumptions as true. He also berated me by calling me lazy and cracking unfunny jokes, again without even knowing anything about me, and going off assumptions from my question.
I appreciate you taking time to read my concerns. Thank you."
My response:
"Hi there,
I am afraid advice isn't always what we want to hear. When that happens, we must either improve ourselves based on the new info, or let it roll off our backs.
There is an old saying about opinions and how everyone has them. Surely you know the punchline to that old ditty? Well it is true.
Sometimes we simply clash with certain people. When that happens, the best course of action is to ignore them. Had you ignored what you didn't like about his original advice, this would not have escalated to the point where I also have to warn him about his latest response.
I understand that he is out of line. This is mainly due to poor coping mechanisms for dealing with your defensiveness. That isn't your fault.
In the future, if you have a problem, please come to me rather than starting a shouting match in a question. Everybody fares better that way, ok? :-)
Now, as a side note, and I speak from experience here when I say that when you become defensive to things that weren't even pointed towards you, you make yourself look, to others reading, like you have zero self confidence.
If you learn not to read between the lines, life gets better. I read all revisions of your feedback and his answer. You took offense to things he didn't even say... instead you assumed he was inferring things he probably wasn't.
The assumptions went both ways here.
Thank you for writing. I hope that, in the future, you will be able to accept that not all advice is what you want to hear, and that, barring outright abuse or legally actionable information, everyone has a right to their own opinions and beliefs.
I know this is hard to apply in daily life, but the sooner we get our heads around that the better our lives become. Accepting others opinions especially when we disagree is a big part of growing up.
Take care."
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This was handled as delicately as possibly for obvious reasons. I would ask you to do the same at the first sign of a person with issues like this.
Thank you,
DN. (link)
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I understand. I disagree, but it's your site and I'll respect that.
To me, people who are willing to jump on others in an angry manner purely out of defensive reaction need to be slapped down. I have no idea where an individuals insecurities lay, and being offended at anyone for stepping on them accidentally shows an arrogant streak that needs to be worked on.
And yes, I know that smacking someone with low self esteem isn't the way to build it. But people who are willing to use that low self esteem as an excuse to be abusive to others in tone, word, or deed are making their own choices about what that self esteem means to them, and those choices should not be encouraged, condoned, or tolerated.
But again, that's my own not so humble opinion, so it's not like I don't have my own arrogant streak to deal with. Sorry that you dealt with fallout from it here, I'll work on keeping it more in check.
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well a few weeks ago a friend was going to commit suicide. so me and my bff decided to take her moms car while she was asleep to go to the girls house n make sure she was ok. and this was all at 3am. well my friend crashed the car n we got charged with grand theft auto and were both in hospital for a week n a half. now my mom wont let me see my best friend anymore and its killing me. this girl is like my sister and she didnt mean to crash the car. whether my mom lets me or not, im still gonna see my best friend whenever i can but id rather not be getting in trouble for it. i think its stupid to have to lie but i dont know hhow to convinve my mom to let me see her again. please help, its killing me (link)
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If it's any decent friendship it will survive the shitstorm you've called down on yourselves.
Seriously though, the two of you together are apparently extra stupid. Why in Gods name would you steal a car instead of just informing an adult if you thought she seriously might hurt herself. Your parents or an ambulance could have actually gotten there without additional hospital bills.
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My boyfriend thinks I'm dirty and weird, cos I like porn films and magazines. He thinks it's just for men. Am I dirty and weird, or is he being a prude? (link)
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Prude.
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19/f
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 7 months now. I've given him oral sex many times, but he's never done it for me. So when I asked him last night, he said he thought it was gross. I asked what part was gross, and he said the er..fluids that come out i guess. Then he went on to say that he wasn't ready, "just not yet". Which made no sense to me. How is this fair? What should I do about it?
I was really offended like I gross him out. Or that he doesn't want to make me happy. Because I do it for him, and it's not like my favorite thing in the world, but I enjoy making him happy. (link)
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You put him on the spot. Lucy is right, it's time for conversations about what you both want out of sex to start, and to do so outside of a "we're about to have sex" environment where the pressure is off.
Talk to him about it. Get him used to the idea. He should be willing to at least try it once, and once he tries it he should figure out that it's really not a big deal in the least as long as you're hygienic and have showered sometime relatively recently.
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