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Back and forth on that one question...
Hi there,
I handled an abuse report earlier. I dealt with the back and forth between you and the gal with the portion issues.
I read the whole thing including all revisions and I have nothing bad to say about any of it, save this:
"I guess you're just a bit lazy, and the prospect of moving your slightly larger than usual ass off the couch is a prospect that angers you. Sorry, didn't mean to get your chins a-jiggling."
... I understand the frustration from whence that came. Truly. If you are going to continue to be successful here you will have to learn to recognize when someone has zero self esteem. When you get into a conflict of this nature, it NEVER ends well. I speak from way to much experience here. ;-)
In the future, when you see something like this go sideways, just walk away from it to keep the peace. You having the last word won't help anything... it just means I have another abuse report to deal with.
Developing a coping mechanism for folks that have no self esteem and are militant about insiting you said things you never said is a long process to be sure. The thought is always there: "If I just say x or y then surely they will GET IT!"
No. No they won't. Trust me on this one.
Here is the report:
Report:
"I feel that this man has made untrue assumptions about me simply by comparing me to other females he may know in his life. He is pretending to know me by taking these assumptions as true. He also berated me by calling me lazy and cracking unfunny jokes, again without even knowing anything about me, and going off assumptions from my question.
I appreciate you taking time to read my concerns. Thank you."
My response:
"Hi there,
I am afraid advice isn't always what we want to hear. When that happens, we must either improve ourselves based on the new info, or let it roll off our backs.
There is an old saying about opinions and how everyone has them. Surely you know the punchline to that old ditty? Well it is true.
Sometimes we simply clash with certain people. When that happens, the best course of action is to ignore them. Had you ignored what you didn't like about his original advice, this would not have escalated to the point where I also have to warn him about his latest response.
I understand that he is out of line. This is mainly due to poor coping mechanisms for dealing with your defensiveness. That isn't your fault.
In the future, if you have a problem, please come to me rather than starting a shouting match in a question. Everybody fares better that way, ok? :-)
Now, as a side note, and I speak from experience here when I say that when you become defensive to things that weren't even pointed towards you, you make yourself look, to others reading, like you have zero self confidence.
If you learn not to read between the lines, life gets better. I read all revisions of your feedback and his answer. You took offense to things he didn't even say... instead you assumed he was inferring things he probably wasn't.
The assumptions went both ways here.
Thank you for writing. I hope that, in the future, you will be able to accept that not all advice is what you want to hear, and that, barring outright abuse or legally actionable information, everyone has a right to their own opinions and beliefs.
I know this is hard to apply in daily life, but the sooner we get our heads around that the better our lives become. Accepting others opinions especially when we disagree is a big part of growing up.
Take care."
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This was handled as delicately as possibly for obvious reasons. I would ask you to do the same at the first sign of a person with issues like this.
Thank you,
DN.
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Want to answer more questions in the Technology category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Advicenators?
I understand. I disagree, but it's your site and I'll respect that.
To me, people who are willing to jump on others in an angry manner purely out of defensive reaction need to be slapped down. I have no idea where an individuals insecurities lay, and being offended at anyone for stepping on them accidentally shows an arrogant streak that needs to be worked on.
And yes, I know that smacking someone with low self esteem isn't the way to build it. But people who are willing to use that low self esteem as an excuse to be abusive to others in tone, word, or deed are making their own choices about what that self esteem means to them, and those choices should not be encouraged, condoned, or tolerated.
But again, that's my own not so humble opinion, so it's not like I don't have my own arrogant streak to deal with. Sorry that you dealt with fallout from it here, I'll work on keeping it more in check.
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