Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84222
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please do not delete this .. i am not trying to make you look bad i just need to know this to link your answer to my own life. as a mother, have you ever lied to your children? (besides little lies like Santa Claus)
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I didn't even lie about santa claus. I just used to say that Moms and Dads help Santa bring gifts to kids. There is one thing I lie about and that is my experience as a teenager with drugs and alcohol and sex. Well personally I don't think it's any of their business. And I didn't do a lot ofthose things, in other words I didn't abuse them, but like a lot of kids from the 60's I experimented. A lot of kids that I went to school with are dead today though because of drugs or AIDS from sharing needles. I grew up in Milford CT which was actually mentioned in some books from those days about the drug culture as being a stopping point between NY and Boston for buy and sell drugs. So there was plenty around.
I have two boys, and well I guess they don't ask that many questions of their mom. It have been different if I had a daughter. I don't believe in sugar coating things though. I tell my kids the facts when they ask. I believe in answering questions with the truth. They know how I feel about drugs now, and young teens experimenting with sex. I never told my kids that NO, NO, NO, NO. I like to believe that I told them well if you do.....this is what can happen. And when a person we knew, got themselves in trouble, I would share the information with them, even if it was upsetting. A girl friend of mine her son, when he was 19, got his girlfriend pregnant. She wantd to abort the baby. My girlfriend, being a devout catholic, wanted to raise the child herself She begged her not to abort it. But of course it is the mothers choice. She cried, we both cried. I knew how bad she felt. I shared the incident with my boys so that they could understand the emotions that are involved and how traumatic it can be, for just a few minutes of pleasure (before you are ready to handle the consequences) can be devastating for the rest of someone's life.
I guess what I really want to get across to kids here today on this column, is that sure, anything goes, when you are mature enough to handle it. So that mean, if you are going to have sex, you are on birth control. If you are going to drink, then you must be of legal age and not be driving. These are laws that adults have to live with, and kids want to be "grown up" so bad, but they don't take responsibility. I really went on and on, sorry about that. Please feel free to ask me anything you like.
Michele
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so i had a pimple in my forehead and i started picking it .... until it eventually bleeded so know its all red/perple ugly and it has a scab any ideas of how i can get rid of it fast ? (link)
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Tea Tree Oil, helps to eliminate pimples. Should have used that first, and it promotes healing, so it may heal faster now that it is a sore. You can get Tea Tree Oil at a health food store. It smells like strong medicine, but it works. Use it at night. Origins uses it in some of it's acne treatments.Michele
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Um i always get cold sores like always ill have on for about a week and a half and then the next day or two ill have another one and i dont know what to do there bothering me I CANT STAND THEM!! is there anything i can buy to help pervent them or something they hurt i just need them to go away!!!
I'll rate 5's thanks!!
*K (link)
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Try L-Lysine 500mg. three times a day on an empty stomache. You can get L-Lysine in a vitamin store, health food store, even the pharmacy, Don't go cheap, you know store brand, get a name brand. Natures Way or Schiff. You can take it all the time if you like, and maybe they won't come back.\
Michele
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I want to go on a low carb diet. What foods should I avoid eating and what foods are good for me to eat on my diet? Thanks to anyone who answers. (link)
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You can eat complex carbs which are vegetables, and whole grain breads or cereals. Basically what your supposed to avoid on a low carb diet is the white stuff, white bread, white rice, white pasta, and white sugar, which included chocolate, because it has white sugar in it. So That means no baked goods, no cookies, no candy, no soda, And it's also best to avoid high fat food like fried food, chips, cheese. And choose low fat or no fat dairy products.
Michele
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heyyy i was just wondering if it's safe to really get an account on ebay and buy purses and what not! i have wanted an account for a long asZ* time and im just not sure what its all about and how it works and everything! please help ill rate very high;) (link)
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Sure it's safe for you to open an account, You need a credit card. Just don't buy any purses, or anything from anyhone who does not have HIGH FEEDBACK ratings. Because you just might get ripped off. Be careful to check shipping costs, sometimes they price an item low, then sock you with the shipping cost. Try to buy from people located only in the US. And don't go crazy and run up a lot of charges on your card. It is so easy to do. And be prepared to loose because it is an auction and you can be outbid. Sometimes the sellers have more than one of an item, that is a dutch auction, and yo uhave a better chance of getting the item. Good luck to you
Michele
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okay I have a cute little dog and she is a white pomeranian and is only 7 months old she goes out side and eats poop just three minutes ago she ate some and got some on her paws she is so decusting what do i do I have tooken her to the vet and asked if this was nornmal and they said no and gave me some medicine to put on it and it made the poop tast better right now she is getting on my nerves about this i just gave her a bath and she goes out and teats it and gets it stuck to her paws oh and last night she ate poop and a poiseness eggcorn and threw up on my bed I am sick and tired of her doing this freaking thing she does it every day and she eats at least 50,000 peices a week what is wrong with my dog is she retarded or is this normal because this is getting rediciolous and i am getting to the point of locking her up in a bed room or trading her in (link)
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I have seen other dogs do this. It is weird. I don';t think anything can be done to stop them, except that you must clean up the yard so that she doesn't get hold of any and eat it. Invest in a pooper scooper, and clean up after her.
Michele
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hey my name is precious,female,13.well i have these two guyfriends.they are so funtwo be around!But i like Both of them more than just a friend.when i'm wit josh we are so goofy i feel like i can float!when it's just me and cory we tease each other like girlfriend/boyfriend.but i told both of them i liked them two diferent years i messed BIG time! i need some advice! (link)
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You didn't mess up. You do like both of them. You have fun with both of them. So just remain friends, and you can still be friends with both of them. Don't make a committment. Don't decide to be someone's exclusive girlfriend, and then you can still be friends with both of them. What could be better than that, having two young boys interested in you. SO give it more time, and eventually you will see which one is the right one for you. You don't have to decide now.
Michele
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Please don't skip this cause it's long. It's good and here I go okay I have this boyfriend that left for the summer well technically were not really going out but we didn't break up we just decided it wouldn't work out long distance. We were just going to get back together once he came back well the thing is since he left we've been going through some rough times I really do love him and were crazy about eachother we've been going out for eight months. So here's the problem this other guy came into play which happens to be a really good friend of mine and we were talking and he wants to go out again. And please don't be like then you really don't love the other guy if your even thinking about dating another guy cause c'mon girls we all do it. But see I really wanna be with the guy that I've been with for eight months but see I don't know if there is ever gonna be anything between us because of all the fighting we've been doing. So I'm thinking getting with the second guy might not be such a bad idea. So please help me which one should I pick? I'm so damn confussed. here's some background info. The guy I've been with I cheated on with the second guy.I've dated both guys. Plus the first guy has cheated on me too. Im 14 the first guy is 15 and the second guy is 16. The two guys know about eachother and hate eachother. (link)
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NO we don't all do it. Many of us manageto stay true to our boyfriends when they are away from us. Because we have character and values. That's what love is about. SUre your lonely. We all get lonley, but some of us treasure our relationships. Perhaps your just all too young to be in a committed relationship, since all of you have violated that trust that is required between two people who are in love an committed to each other. I know this sounds like "old people talking." Well that is what love is really about. You stick with the person even in times of separation. That's what mature people do.
Michele
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What is a PAP test? I know you have to get it when you get our period but what is it? (link)
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At some point, once you have started your period, and hopefully before, and definitly after, you have started to have sexual relations, you should make an appointment with a gynecologist. You should make the appointment once each year. During the exam, she will conduct a pap test, or pap smear, as one advisor said. He/She takes a smear of cells from the tissue of your cervix. Your cervix is inside your vagina, and it is the opening to your urterus. Many women get and have died from cervial cancer, but it is very preventable if caught early. So that is why women get a pap smear each year. It is just a very good idea. Also if you want to get on birth control of some kind, you will need to see the gynecologist. She can tell you all about the different options and the prescribe one for you. So you should go an see an gyncologist, like I said if you are sexually active, or by the time you are 18. And then go once a year after that for the rest of your life. To stay healthy. Yes, it's awkward, but you get used to it, and if you find a nice doctor, it's not so bad.
Michele
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I just got my haircut at this new salon and the lady cut it so short..and it's all ONE LENGTH..i usually cut it layered at another place but that person went out of town so I had to get a new stylist for a while. Anwyays, I was wondering if there's a way to make my hair grow out faster so I can get it recut/layered when my old stylist comes back? Please help! Thanks (link)
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There is this herb called Horse Tail, and sometimes called silica. It makes your hair grow faster. It is all natural and perfectly safe. I take it every day. It makes my hair thicker to. Also any hair tonic/ or scalp tonic that contains NEEM will make your hair grow. You can get both of these items as a health food store. Vitamin STore, etc
Michele
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Hi, I have been talking to this guy online.....I really like him..he asked me out and I said yes. DOnt worry I have no intentions on meeting him anytime soon.But i dont know if I should tell my friends about him because they think talking to people online that you dont know is wrong..and i know they will probably get mad at me and think I am crazy. He has also sent me a picture and he is really hot!
What should I do?? And what is your opinion on online dating and long distnace relationships?
Thanks
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he could have sent you anyones picture, you realize that don't you? Do you have his name, I mean his full name? IF so, do a google search on him. If he is on a website anywhere, it may show up and you can check that out for a picture.
Michele
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What the hell is a break...I am a 16 year old female and my boyfriend(or w/e hes called at the moment is 18) and he said that i hurt him (inside on this is that...we were talking and he said i dont trust him but i really do trust him i just made a joke after he said it saying i didnt), and that he really wants things to work, but we are going to go on a break for this week and then talk and see where we stand as a couple and what we want to do about the realtionship. Im really hurting, i cry all the time, and i want to stop...what should i do to stop the pain? What is a break? and how can i save the realtionship?? GUYS HELP PLEASE (link)
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If you said that you were joking around when you said that you didn't trust him, and he won't let it go, then he is the one who wants the break, and I suspect it is for another reason than what he is telling you. He is just conveniently putting the blame on you. He wants to break it off with you, there is not much you can do about it, but at least he should be a man about it and admit that his feelings for you have changed. I know it hurts, but it may be time to move on.
Of course, it is possible that he means what he says, and after a week, you two will talk and things will go back to being the way they used to be. You'll have to wait and see, and if you really missed him, then tell him. But if he says he still wants things to cool between the two of you, then I would suspect that that was his plan all along. Read between the lines.
Michele
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I am sick to death of my brothers!!! I have 3 brothers and no sisters. Since it's summer break, i have to put up with them all day every day. Most of my friends are on vacation. I can't invite anyone to my house because my mom just had surgery and can't handle it. I'm allowed to go to somebody else's house, but I can't just say "Hey, can I come over to your house?" So basically my question is: How can I put up with my brothers all summer?!?
HELP!
P.S.--- My family can't go anywhere cause my dad is in NC and my mom can't drive because of her surgery. (link)
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Well, you don't say if your brothers are younger than you or not. And are you in charge of them, I mean to give your mom a break? Get them involved in building somethiing with wood and nails and hammer. Painting. working with paint and paper.Anything outside, where they have to be running around will tire them out.
BUt if you are not responsible for watching your bothers, and you just want to go over your friends house.
Just call and chat, mention that you are stuck home, maybe you'll get invited. Or ask them to meet you somewhere outside, park, mall, beach lake. I know somewhere within walking distance. I don't know what is nearby. Library. They do have things for kids to do. Computers too.,
I hope you have a nice summer and that your mom gets better fast.
Michele
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Dear amazing people,
One of my best guy friends who I just happen to like is gonig out with this girl...lets call her Shelly. I over heard her talking to her friends about wht shes going to do friday because they dont want to invite my guy friend (alden). I heard her say I can go to 1 and 2 but not 3 and I think she meant base wise. I wanna tell lden but it would break his heart and he would proably think I was lying what do I do?? (link)
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I can understand why you want to tell him, but it may backfire on you, and he won't want to be your friend anymore. And if it turns out you are right, he will be even more mad at you just for that reason. He'll be embarassed and feel like sh*t, and won't want to talk to you. I think it might be better to let him find out for himself, that way he'll be made at her, and then need you for moral support. Of course, anything you can do to put him in a better position to find out....... well that would be ok. Just look as surprised and disgusted as he will be.
Michele
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My parents and my friend's parents are not getting along at this current moment. ..and well ever since 2 weeks ago, the phone calls have stopped...and I guess I miss talking to her..usually, i would call her constantly..like everyday..and like my mom told me to stop to give her some time to herself..well it's been 2 wks..what more time can she have?? I have too much pride to call over now because it's been too long and it'd be awkward..she only calls me if I call her first..so idk what to do because I wanna talk to her..should I give it up and get over myself or wait for her to call or put my pride down? Thanks (link)
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Wow, usually its the kids who fight, and the parents feel awkward. The parents of you two friends are NOT setting a good example for you two. I think your friend misses you just as much as you miss her. Unless her mother has poisoned her mind against you. You'd be surprised to find out what adults can do to twist kid's minds so that they think like they do. I think you should call her. If she misses you too, you 'll know and she'll tell you, and you'll be glad that you called. If it turns out that her parents are going to interfere, well, there is nothing you can do about it, and just remember that it is not your fault. Good luck
Michele
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ok, i here from my friends its ok, but im confused, are girls allowed to masterbate? like how many girls do? does anyone here? please help! (link)
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Of course girls can masturbate. I can't speak to how many. But if they don't they're foolish. Sometimes there just isn't a good enough guy around and well we all know what happens when we settle. Masturating is not the problem. It's learning to be alone. And masturbating helps.
Michele
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i am a 16yr old girl, and i havent been in a relationship recently bc i was raped/abused by my ex. and honestly im afraid of being in a relationship because of the past. i know i shouldnt let that effect anything in the future, because its done and over with... but i cant help to think what happens if someone hurts me again like my ex? and i no not every one on this planet is a sick minded freak like my ex was... but i cant help to wonder. there are numerous guys who like me, including 2 of my ex/bfs, who treated me with so much respect... but there is another guy who does like me, and i guess i like him too... but hes not really my type... hes sort of a dork, and yeahh. i know that doesnt matter, what im getting at is, if i do choose any of these, how do i make sure they wont hurt me like my other ex, and who do i pick?? (link)
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HOney if you were raped in a past relationship, you can't expect to be over it so soon. It takes a long time. many women never get over it. many women, instead, turn to food and get fat to ensure that men won't be attracted to them anymore and they won't be inthe position that you now find yourself in. What to do. Should I or shouldn't I. I think you should work towards having a normal life again and normal relationships, but don't rush it. Can you get some help? Is there someone you can talk to?
What you need to talk about is how you ended up in that relationship with that asshole, and how you can prevent it from happening again. Now life holds NO guarantees, but you can make decisions and live in a manner that will MINIMIZE the chance of it happening again. The choices you make will be very important. Women who are victimnized are often victimized again. Don't let yourself go down that road, but don't think that you have all the answers,you are only 16. I'll bet when you met that boy you didn't think for one second that he would do that to you. Some girls even when confronted with evidence, that a guy they like hurt someone else, they think "it will be different with me" and as it turns out. It is not different. Men don't change, not often and not for you (us). they change only when they are made to see the light, and that happens rarely because they fight it every step. Women are special and women are nuturing and women are easily taken advantage of, so we have to be smart in our choices. I hope you can get some help. And I wish you luck in the future. And sometimes, well you know, a guy who worships the ground you walk on is better than one who is a real hottie, but hits you. He ain't so cute, when his fist is coming at your face.
Look for guys that are not vindictive. Then find a cute one. Good luck to you.
Michele
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I have 16 fat, ugly pimples on my face. I wash my face 3 times a day but nothing works. Anyone have suggestions? (link)
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Hi, I am an esthetician (skin care) and I am glad to help. First of all, you can't cure acne, you can only manage it. If you do it right, it will work, but you have to work on it every day. Your skin changes every 28 days, so it takes a pimple 28 days to start, grow and heal. So the work you do now will prevent pimples in the future.
Washing your face is not the total answer.
First you have to find a product that works well on your skin. There are only three products that are good for acne, and not every product works for every person. So you have to experiment. Try each product seperately for 30 days before giving up. I shop by ingredients not name brands, so you have to read the ingredients.
Benzoil peroxide is the most common and most successful (remember doesn't work for everyone)
Salicylic Acid or glycolic acid
Sulfur
these ingredients or even a combination of them work on acne.
2nd you must keep your face free from bacteria, not necessarily by washing it three times a day, do wash at least twice, but don't touch your face with your hands, don't touch your face with towels or wash clothes that have been used by other people. Make sure pillow case is clean. DON'T EVER GO TO SLEEP WITH MAKEUP ON.
3rd, you must exfoliate your skin at least three times a week. (Dead skin cells and bacterial cause acne.) exfoliate with and exfoliating sponge, or with micro dermabrasion crystals. (loreal makes one brand, so does mary kay, I've seen other brands at CVS pharmacy. ) Brand doesn't matter.
If you skin is oily DON"T over do it with cleansers and toners that dry up oil, it just makes the oil glands work that much harder. Hydrate your skin by drinking a lot of water.
If you wear makeup use non-comedogenic makeup - does not clog pores.
If you follow these instructions, you won't be acne free completely, but you have a lot less acne. Oh yes, careful with hair spray and hair gels, do not get them on your face.
Hope this helps.
Michele
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i like this boy, and me and him have a really fliry relationship. i slept with him in november while he was going out with my friend. we hang out sometimes and flirt a lot and i really think im in love. but he blows me off sometimes and hes such a jerk. he'll ditch me for a party, and he doesnt pick up his phone somtimes. lately hes been doing this more and more and i dont know what i should do because i like him so much! can somebody help me? (link)
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He got what he wanted. You slept with him already. He is not interested in you. He was just interested in getting in your pants. Neither one of you deserve to be in a relationship, since he cheated on his girlfriend, and you helped him. And it was your friend. What are you thinking?!?!? ONLY BOYS can sleep around and not get reputations. Girls do. You had better back off before he embarasses you in front of everyone. Find another guy, but don't go to bed with him so soon, and maybe he'll like you longer than 2 weeks.
Michele
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Okay, I'm 13, weigh about 160, and am about 5'1". I have a flabby tummy and legs and I'd really like to get rid of this as fast as possible!!! Can someone either give me a list or show me to a website that has a list of foods that are healthy for me and would help me lose weight? I know about fruits and veggies, but what about other snacks? I've heard pretzels are ok, but what else? Oh, and what are some good streches and exercises? Thank you guys so much!!!! (link)
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Here is the same answer I gave to some other girls with the same question Don't expect miracles in two weeks. but you will see a difference in two weeks, and just keep it up, and you will loose all the weight you want and look really hot!
You need a two fold plan. Burn calories and tone or build muscles. Burning calories is any exercise of long duration. Running, walking, biking, skating, swimming. rowing, for an hour four or five times a weeek. (good thing it's summer time) Any or a combination of all of them. Then work with free weights. Low weights like 3 to 5 to 8 lbs will help tone muscles, higher weights will build muscles. (You can use cans of beans to start.)You don't want to work on building muscles until you have lost weight. Otherwise you build the muscles under the fat and you will not look better. GEt a book on weight lifting or go to www.about.com they have a section on weight loss and weight training, you can sign up for their free newsletter. If you are going to work out a home can you invest in a few hand weights and a work out bench. You can't do the right kind of exercises on the floor. Look for books by Joyce Verdral, PHD. She has books about weight lifing that explain everything, and they have pictures and all. YOu can find used books and old books on the web at www.half.com for very little money.
And finally, yo need to go on a very low fat diet, here is a basic one that I used for many years, and still try to follow. I know this works. I lost 45 lbs. in 5 months. The more fat you have the mor weight you will loose
Cut all fat out of your diet. Read the labels and see what food you eat that contains fat. I mean the nutrition labels. Foods that are high in fat are
Whole milk
ice cream
potato chips
cookies
cakes
pies
cheese
cheese
cheees
especially cheese
cheetos
doritos
french fries
NO FRIED FOODS
snack only on pretzels and low fat popcorn
no candy
no soda
drink lots of water
consume low fat or no fat versions of
milk
yogurt
drink lots of water
eat lots of fruits and veggies
white meat chicken and turkey or fish baked or broiled or grilled. NO FRYING
no red meat.
Eat a piece of chicken or turkey no larger than the size of your hand.
Cereal is a good snack food. Choose cereals low in fat and low in sugar, have with skim milk.
Eat dairy, fruit and cereal in the am.
snack on fruit
eat dairy, fruit, 4 oz of meat, and one slice of whole grain bread, or pretzels or popcorn and veggies or salad for lunch
repeat for dinner.
have a smalll bowl of cereal with fat free milk as a snack after dinner. Or pretzels or popcorn
follow this NO CHEATING, and you will loose 10 lbs in two weeks.
This is taken form the FAT TO MUSCLE DIET. It is a book, see if you can find a copy.
Good Luck to you. You go girl!
Michele
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