dropkickCathyy's advice column

askdropkickCathyy

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I am kind of in a predicament here. Or at least I feel really confused. (It is quite long, I’m sorry)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for quite a while, nearly a year. I love him a lot and I feel that things were going smoothly. However, a few weeks ago his ex came back to NY. (She had moved to VA before) And I felt that it was nothing really. The background is that he had dated her for a long time as well, about two years or so and from his friends, they told me that he really liked her (when they were dating) and the reason they broke up was because she had to move to VA and because she thought she’ll be leaving permanently, they decided to stop their relationship so it won’t drag on.

So I guess that isn’t really the problem but I can’t help but feel queasy when I see them together. They are hanging out together a lot nowadays. They way they laugh at each others jokes and how she smiles at him, is just getting me nervous. But she is a really nice person at least to everyone around her. However sometimes when she talks to me I feel that her smile is kind of forced. I guess it is just an instinct or maybe I am just paranoid. But I mean that her smile is really bright and she seems really happy but her eyes don’t tell me that. They are still and solemn despite her smile. Maybe I am just imagining things but I can’t help but feel…insecure I guess? I know it sounds really childish to be jealous when there probably isn’t anything wrong.

I feel kind of bad to be thinking this way and feeling that there is something going on…but I just can’t help the feeling. I talked to my closest friend and she tells me she understands. (She tells me she doesn’t like his ex either) So I have no idea now. I just don’t know if…my feelings are right or should I just stop thinking senselessly and acting childish? Should I just let things go and pretend to be alright? I don’t want to talk to my boyfriend because I love him and I don’t want to be not trusting him (I feel so guilty inside for thinking and feeling this way, it seems as if I don’t trust him but I really do- I just can’t help…) And it is not that he is neglecting me. He has been really sweet throughout our time together, and despite his ex’s arrival, he is still really nice to me. What should I do? Is it wrong to feel such a way? Am I considered selfish to feel queasy when I see them? Is it considered a lack of trust? I just…don’t know.

It's understandable to feel that way, especially with what you've heard about their relationship. And her coming back will make you feel a bit uncomfortable. Plus the fact that they're also hanging out alot is going to worry you. You shouldn't be expected to be perfectly fine with all of it. Talking to him about it isn't going to do any harm, it'll help him understand how you feel about it. Don't tell him not to talk to her or demand anything. Just let him know that it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable seeing the two of them around eachother so much. It's not wrong to feel that way at all. You're not being selfish, you have no reason to feel that you are, you can't control how you feel. And just because it makes you uncomfortable or worried doesn't mean there's a lack of trust there's just always that worry, there always will be, it's like an instinct with relationships. It's going to happen. Do not feel bad about it, don't stress yourself out even more with things that you don't even need to think about.

Q: See Im in love with girl.I love her more than anything in the world.But she worries i might cheat on her or mess around with other girls.I don't know what i can do to prove to her that i would never do that and i love her more than anything.Please help me!

Jordan, I believe you. I love you more than anything, I trust you. I've already promised you that I believe you. You mean everything to me, and it's not worth the stress or frustration that it gave me at first. The thought isn't even in my mind anymore. I promise you that. I love you so much, I'm taking your word for it.

Q: My bf of 5 1/2 months broke up with me on Thurs. It's my fault though. We loved each other and been through so much but I have been giving him so much shit and I was so demanding. I wanted everything my way and I always wanted to me right. I always talked shit about his family and his friends when I got mad. I knew he was getting sick of it. He was sick of the shit I was doing. He's given me multiple chances to stop and I took what he said for granted. I thought he'd take me back no matter what. But the last time he dumped me he said the next time I do it, it's really gonna be over and I said I wouldn't. But what happened was that he was out with his friends playing baseball and I texted him twice and he didn't respond and I thought he was ignoring me and was mad at me so then I sent him a text that said well you know what fuck you and your friends. I hope you all burn in hell. You're all gay and you're just like them. He sent me a text back that said well you know what you can kiss me ass because we're done. I thought he was just saying that and then we'd talk later and work it out. But he really ment it. =/ I talked to him on the phone later and I was asking him if he really ment it and at first he said I don't know and I asked him later again and he said Jacky this is what I want. I can't deal with your shit anymore. I can't deal with it. I know I screwed up and I went to far. It's all my fault. He was talking to my best friend that night and he told her that he still likes me a lot and that he's still in love with me but he can't deal with the stuff I do. He wants me to change. He said the only way he would take me back was as if I would change and not just over time but gradually over time. I cried my eyes out the day he dumped me. I only got an hour of sleep or something and then I woke up and went to take shower and I cried even more. Then I went to school and school was a total blur. It was so different without him in my life. But then I saw him at lunch and we were ignoring each other at first and then we started talking..Well more like flirting, a lot. He'd tap his leg against my knee and stare in specific private places that so called "used to be his" and I'd say, what?! And he'd smile and say, "Nothing!" lol. We'd just be smiling and laughing at each other a lot. It felt the same like we were going out. And he just kept staring at me intentionally while I knew it. I really didn't get it, whether he was playing with me or if he wants me back still or something. But what really pissed me off was that at our table he was acting like he's hot shit and he's all happy and everything. I didn't get it..I asked him how he was and he said great. We've been through so much and everything and we know each other so well and we had sex with each other. He told me he'd be with me forever. Then he'd stare at this girls body parts in front of me and act like I'd care and I'd pretend I wouldn't be looking at him while he was doing that then he said Jacky there was this girl who had a nice ass! I was like nice..I didn't understand what he was doing. Then I saw him flirting with my ex best friend laughing and smiling at her and he didn't know I was around but I don't know why he was doing that shit. I was so sad it's incredible. He loves me and still likes me, why would he be doing this?! :( And what was even weirder was that after 7th hour I walked with my best friend Laura because she always meets her bf who's friends with mine and I walked with them and then my ex and were talking and he kept smiling at me and he waited for me at my locker..It was so weird. But my life feels so messed up right now. I really want him back so bad. What do you think I should do? How do I get him back?

He said he wants you to change and if you love him then you should be able to. He should be enough of a reason to stop. You know what happens when you do it so now you can prevent it from happening again. Show him that you can change, don't talk shit abou his family, friends, or him. Pretty much, don't ssay anything you wouldn't want hi to say to you. Respect him.

Q: Friday afterschool (around 5:00) my dad had prayed a bug bomb in out kitchen and had left the cookie uncovered when he sprayed. I went home and ate 1 cookie that was the only one that was only semi-uncovered. Will I be okay or should I go see a doctor? I feel fine and everything but I would just like to make sure.

Even though you feel fine,it's probably best to go see a doctor. Because just being exposed to herbicides, insecticides, or other pesticides can increase risk for Parkinson's disease.

Q: 15/f

im still in love with my ex bf. im the one who broke up with him but its only because i was having major issues w/ myself that i wish not to state here. we started hanging out again about 3 months after we broke it off & things were going good until my "problems" came back & i was so confused 7 i said a lot of things i didnt mean. & we stopped talking. then a month later he asks me to his prom & i accept. so then im thinking he wants to get back together so i kind of ask him about it. then he goes into things like i kept jerking him around & hes not really ready for a relationship again yet he kissed me. i told him i cant go to prom cuz that would be too awkward. but i screwed things up with the things i said to him but i cant get him out of my mind. what should i doo????

-Coree

Tell him how you feel, even if you are worried by hat he might think. And did you tell him what your "problems" were? If not then I suggest you do, it'll help. Don't go to prom if it's going to put you in an awkward position.

Q: I am a bit nervous, and I hope someone can help me. I have never had a regular period, I don't know why, but it's never the same time of month and sometimes I skip a month. So I never really know when it is going to start. Anyway, last night I went to the restroom and there was a little blood, just a few spots. I just thought I had started, though it was weird because normally when I first start it is heavy. Well today, I haven't bled at all. What could that have been? Is something wrong with me? I have heard of girls spotting before, but I don't remember the reason and if it's even close to normal? Thanks anyone who can help me : )

Spotting is norma. For the first couple months or so your period won't be exact everytime and sometims you'll skip. But if it worries you alot then just get Birth ontrol to regulate your period.

Q:
does anyone know.
the name of the song.
thats the theme song.
for the show.
"still standing"

"You make me happy" by Will Hoge.

Q: I am a 20/F

I am trying my best to get over her, i had a crush on my best friend forever and i still do. 3 years ago in high school, i told her (Jane) about my deepest feelings to her i explane to her that "i dont understand these feelings but i do like you." she was surpized of what i said to her, and she still sat there with me and listen. the next day at school i ask her why did she seem okay of how i felt, she didnt responed to me, so i simpley ignor it.
Those 3 years went by and we are still great friends and hang out mostly every week. i got over her but to me it seems like she doesnt want me to.
Jane been flirting with me (i flirt back), leaning on me, try to hold my hand, and teases with me. she even told me she been ask out by 3 different guys but trun them all down. i dont know if its me but i think she remember the talk we had and when i try to ignor my feelings she seem to always try to grab my attention to her. now my feelings came back and now i'm more nerious and clumsy around her, she laughs at it and i feel embassed. she is driving me crazy, people tell me we are ignoring our feelings and i think they are right. Every time i try to ask her if she likes me i froze and talk about something elus,i dont know. is she showing me how she feels or am i thinking she does?

The only way you can tell for sure is if you just sit her down and ask her. And if you think you're going to freeze up just think about what you really want to say to her and what you want to know. If you really want to know, you'll ge over the nervousness and you'll just ask her. She may be trying to get your attention because once she found out you liked her and then noticed you were stopping she didn't want the attention to be on someone else aside from her, or she may like you back. But like I said, the only way you can know for sure is to just ask her about it.

Q: okay so i am finally over this guy that i have liked/loved for almost two years. Now there is this other guy that i am getting close to and we might be going out. But for some reason none of my friends are supporting me... and the reason they arent supporting me is because they want me to go out with my bff who is a girl!!! I have no clue what to do and i really need your guys help. I REALLY lie this new guy and all my friends to is talk shit about him to me. And right now my "BFF" tells me that she thinks this guy is using me because hes depperate. I dnt want to believe what she is teling me but idk. Should i ask the guy or just forge5t aboutit.....

Your friends should support you adn respect the fact that oyu like this guy. And if they don't they should at least have the respect to not say anything and keep it to themselves, tellingyo that they don't like it and they want you to date someone else is not being supportive and not helping you at all.

Q: okay. so, i've been talking to this boy at school, right. well he had a girlfriend, who was also one of my close friends. i'm just getting to know this boy btw. and so we talked at school one day then i talked to him on the computer at home, and he said he's breakin up w/ his girl cos she is boring. wellllll, after they break up, he asks me if i wanna go out. i said sure if his ex didn't get mad. & of course she didn't care bcos she's really sweet. and so we date, and it was really awkward for me, & i think him, when we talked. i'm never shy around guys. i can't be myself around him or anything... so he broke up w/ me & said i didn't spend enough time w/ him. so the next day i was talkin to him & i told him i would hang out with him more. & we went back out & we talked more, but not a whole lot. & of course we broke up. i really like him & all. but it's really weird when we're together. we both agreed we'd try dating again when we got use to eachother & could be ourselves. how can i be myself around him?

Give yourself time, just wait. You're not ready to have a relationship with him right now.

Q: ok, me and my used to be best friend were best friends for 2 years lets call her jess. I know that's not terribly long but it was for me because i never really had a BEST friend like her. She was like a sister to me. Anyway, i started being friends with this girl, lets call her Jill. Ok, anyway, me and jill would talk everyonce in a while, but then we started being better friends and she would sit with us at lunch.I was still very much friends with Jess. Anyway about a week later, i got a boyfriend. I was hanging out with him sometimes, Jill sometimes and then Jess sometimes. Jess has/had a lot of friends, and i've always had to deal with her hanging out with other people i'm not completely fond of, which was ok, i didn't really care that much. Through the whole thing i really tried hard to keep jess from feeling left out, but there still wasn't as much attention on her as normal. Then, she just stops talking to me alltogether. For about three days, then she talks to me and says do you still want to be friends? Like im feeling left out and stuff. and i told her that i really want to be friends with her, i'm just getting other friends too. So that was ok, and she started talking to me again, but still not as much as normal. Then one of her good friends went on a feild trip for this special class she takes. That day, we were like we used to be, best friends. Then, her friend gets back and she totally ignores me again. So, i tell her when we get off the bus that we need to talk and that i would call her. So i call her that night and say "i really need to know what is going on. it seems like you dont want to be friends with me anymore" she just says i dont know, then says she has to go. So, i get on messenger that night and finally just ask her friend what the heck is goin on. She is like, well she doesn't want to be friends anymore. Well five minutes later Jess gets on and i say, Why couldn't you just tell me? she is like idk. and then she says this girl kelsey is telling her all this stuff that me and Jill are doing on weekends and stuff (which i found out later she was lying) So like this whole week she's been totally ignoring me and i've just been hanging out with other people, but she pretty much took our whole little possy/clique thing withher, and sits there and talks crap about me with them all the time. I'm wondering if i should talk to her anymore (i tried to talk to her but i just got yelled at for asking her friend what was goin on) and try to work it out, or just find new friends and move on. I'm sooo mad at her and it seems like she is just a heartless coward.

If someone who is supposed to be your friend would act like this towards you and ignore you or even lie to you, then they weren't really a friend. She should be more understanding about you makng new friends and she should have been happy about the fact that you still tried to hang out with her and not have her feel left out, you still included her in your plans, just not as much as you used to. But it's better than nothing. You were understanding so she should be too. And if she would lie to you about the reason on why she doesn't want to be friends anymore, that's just pathetic, you shouldn't have to deal with people like that. I think you should just go on with your life, don't try to talk to her because that's going to give her more to say about you. If she doens't like you then she shouldn't even waste any time even talking about you. Just don't talk to her, she might even eventually go up to you and approach you and appologize. Don't just completely forget about her, but don't stress yourself out over her.

Q: [i'm a 15/f.] me and my ex were hanging out yesterday night and we were flirting and stuff. [nothing graphic::my mom and sister were in the room] but later when he was texting me, he told me he still kind of liked me. but i don't know what to do about him. he said that nothing was going to change between us but i don't know. please help me.

Well, do you still like him? And think about why the two of you broke up in the first place. If he's a guy who's true to whatever he says and you still like him and the reason you two broke up in the first palce isn't something really bad, then go for it.

But mainly, if you don't know if you want to or should, wait it out a bit longer util you knwo for sure on what you want to do.

Q: every time my frind whants to break up with some one she calls me to do it and then the boys which are my friens they get mad at me because they think i told her to break up with them how do i stop this and get my friends back

I think you should tell her that if she can't break up with them herself, then she shouldnt even go out with them.

Q: my friend been ask out by 3 guys and she trun them all down. she doesnt know why all sudden she became popural with the guys and i told her it just happens.
she said that she wants to wait till after college. but the more you wait the more your love life goes down the hill, right?
i dont care when someone ask me out cause i dont want to wait for the right time it just happens. (i always had feelings for her)
i ask her what kinda guy she is looking for her reply is
"no idea"
i laugh and said"no idea, so you dont know who you looking for?"
she said"nope i dont know, maybe someone funny i guess?"
(i thought to myself well i'm funny and i love to make her laugh.)
does she mean me? i told her "well i'm looking for someone who likes me who i am" she laugh and said "yeah okay if that happens" and i said "i agree with that"
(cause i'm such a hot head and i dont think someone can handle that.) but she can and i was trying to hint her that i mean her, i want someone like her.

so what you think?
was there something going on?

I think you should tell her how you feel, I'm sure there would be a possibility of her liking you and beng in the same situation as you are.

And yes, there could have been but I wouldn't know, I don't know her so I can't say.

Q: im sleeping over my friend who's metabolism is the opposite of mine. she eats a ton but is super short & skinny. I'm tall & am skinny cause i watch what i eat. You see i'm sleeping over her house sunday. I'm 13 & no one i know who is my age diets like i do, or diets at all. My life is full of super skinny, great metabolized, eat-a-ton girls. At her house, they order from a restaurant usually. My friend always gets a burger & last time i was there i wasnt dieting so i got chicken fingers/fries. But now my problem is i dont want to be rude but i dont know what to order. i think salads are usually expensive & ill be embarassing telling her family i really watch what i eat. my friend has a jacuzzi also & we usually put on our bikinis & Jump on in after dinner. my friend loves deserts so she'll ask if i want a milkshake from the restaurant. for breakfast on sundays, they make eggs, bacon, sausage & pancakes. what should i do? i dont want to seem rude but i need to keep my diet. help!! please do so ASAP
~EAS

If you just tell them that you're watching what you eat, I'm pretty sure they'll understand and respect that. You won't come off as rude, trust me.

Q: Hi, I have short hair (to my chin)
Thats layered/Angled, and I have side bangs.
I usually pull my bangs back.
So, proms coming up, and I can't think
of anything I could do with my hair.
My dress is a halter, and I'm going to
get my hair done professionally.
I want something cute/classy/girly,
but idk if theres much I could do
besides curl it?
So, if anyone has any suggestions/pics/anything
I'd grealty appreciate it. Thanks!

If you're gettign it done professionally just tell the person doing you're hair that you want it "cute/classy/girly" and explain your dress to her, she'll know what to do from there, I know a ton of people who do it.

Q: I have been dating (lets say bob) Bob for a year and 3 months. I love bob very much and always will for what we have been through together. I recently went to spain for a week and realized that as much as i love him and love dating him i dont think i am in love with him any more. It makes me sad but when we are together it just doesnt feel right any more.
My best friend and i have come close to dating before and (lets say his name is Cory) Cory and i will always have a common like for eachother even if we never date. The thing is, today when we were all together i wanted to be with Cory more than my own boy friend. I mean i love cory as a friend and a little bit more but I have been through Everything with Bob.
Bob has been so supportive of everything i have been interested in the past few months and he has been so lovable and there for me no matter what. He is so happy about our relationship right now and as much as i dont want to hurt him i dont think its right to fake being in love with him.
So my question is should i stay with him and just see if my feelings for my best friend pass or should i tell him my feelings of not being in love with him any more and just see what he says.

Its been happening for a little while well the past couple of weeks and I am just very confused.

Thank you for the help.

I think you should tell "Bob" how you've been feeling, it's always better for them to be aware of how you're feelings, even if it will hurt them. Stay together and try to work things out, after telling him, you'll both know how you're feeling and that'll help alot. Stick it out and see if your feelings go away. And in the meantime, think about who you really want to be with not just towards how you feel about them but how they would treat you and if they could give you the attention and the things you need, and while you're doing this, keep a bit of a distance from "Cory" and "Bob" so you can think more to yourself and about what you want, instead of them telling you what it is they want. If your decision ends up hurting some one you have to remember, you can't make everyone happy, and if you try, you're ignoring your needs. Sometimes, you need to put yourself before others.

Q: I'm 15 first of all. I'm always paranoid. always think everyone hates me. I've been so quiet, and so like "to myself". Which is extremely unusual, I'm usually the loudest hyperest and most ADD kid. I feel like I'm losing all my friends. I can't stand my mom, I hate her and wont talk to her about anything, she is why i always feel as though while everyone is out there living life to the fullest, i'm not aloud to live but only to exist. This feeling of depression has gotten me from straight A's to D's. It feels like things can't get any worse and that's why i have no motivation. I never let out my feelings though. I dont let my friends or family know somethings wrong. (well i can't talk about that with my family) but myfriends anyways. I never cry in public, I keep my business to myself. So it always feels like theres a fucking tornado of feelings and emotions crammed up inside me, with no one to talk to. I can't even let it out to my very best friend. We're really close, she doesn't go to my school or live in my city, but she's the other half of me. Without her, I would completely go insane. Well anyways, what can help me feel better?

I'm not going to tell you that I understand how you feel, because only you know how you really feel. But I can say that I used to be the same way. I would keep to myself and rush through the day to get home, when I'd get home I wouldn't talk to anyone, I didn't care for anything anymore. I didn't understnad why I should put effort into anything I did when it felt like no one would even care. I would hold everything in as much as I could and then once everyone in the house was asleep, I would cry my eyes out. Unlike you, I didn't even say anything to my best friend, I was afraid she's be somewhat disappointed in me. But eventually it got to the point where I couldn't hold it in, my emotions went completely off balance and the worst part was that I knew everyone knew. So what I did was I decided to just talk to my counselor at school and she helped alot, then she told me a bunch of different ways to bring it up with my parents and what to say to them, and even offered to tell them if I was to afraid. After that I went to a number of different appointments, and I feel so much better now, I feel better than I have in the past 3 years of my life. Talk to someone who you know won't pass judgement on you and just try to talk to your parents about how you feel, talking about it will help, trust me.

Q: How do you know if you're in love?

When you're in love, you immediately know. It's not something another person can explain to you because love is different for everybody. Not one person feels the same as someone else does when in love, if you think you're in love, you might be, but if you're asking about it, odds are, you're not. If you love someone , you just know.

bio

My name is Cathy, as you can tell by my user name. I live in Florida and have been for the past 6 to 7 years. I'm in a very serious relationship with the boy of my dreams. I love him very much so, and nothing will ever change this, whether together or apart. I have a chihuahua by the name of Mung Mung. I'm half Korean and Half Scott-Irish. And that's about it for now =]