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< I am a Christian and I am a mother >Hello all. I am a 36 year old married mother of three boys. I have my degree in Forensic psychology and business management- human resources, I work in social services while juggling my three children and a marriage. When I originally joined this community I was excited to get back into what I love and that is helping people through listening, understanding, and guidance. However I quickly found that through my desire to help others, others are helping me. I have found my advice column beyond rewarding. I have found myself getting extremely passionate about each and every question that I read and respond to. The more the questions the greater the connection I have found between people of all walks of life, ages groups, races, gender, and religion. What I have found to be our greatest bind is love. Love for others and the love of being loved.
advice
I constantly think, day dream, fantasy, have urges, & desires to kill people. One day I was so overwhelmed by my urge that I couldn't ignore it anymore. So i drowned my pet & I didn't feel guilt or remorse. All I felt was happiness & satisfaction. So ever since I did that my urges to kill have become to much to handle & it's becoming more difficult to ignore my urges. I don't know what to do? My mom says I am doing it for attention but I am doing it because I desire to kill things. She won't let me get help & she won't let me tell anybody so I can get help. So does anybody have ideas on how I can get help without my mom knowing?
As a mother of three sons I can tell you that we moms just do not like the idea that our sweet sons are anything but angels. Obviously we know they are not at all times but we will do anything to protect our children at all costs. That being said you know what you are feeling better than anyone. The fact that you found joy in the suffering of a living creatures says yes you indeed need some kind of immediate professional help. I know for myself as a mom I might get upset if my child went behind my back and did something I asked them not to but I could never live with myself knowing I stood in the way of something so serious and then something really tragic came from it. I'm sure your mother just isn't understanding the extent of your problem. If you can not get her to understand the seriousness and soon you have to decide to get help on your own. Because if you did take someone's life you will be suffering the consequences on your own while your mother suffers hurt and blame forever. I can not say that I understand what you are feeling but I think you are on the right path wanting to seek out help. Please go to your school and talk with a counselor right away. You know you MUST do this to save both someone else's life as well as your own.
I've been friends with a girl from school but now we are in different classes and she found someone else who I knew since pre k but we grew apart and now it seems a tough she doesn't like me any more but now she's BFFS with MY best friend, and when the girl I'm friends with said that I can sit next to her, in fact, she PROMISED that I could sit next to her at lunch, but then the other girl yelled,“NO!" and refused to move and since she's twice everyone's size, knows karate, and will beat people up without mercy no one ever stands up to her and I usually fight things with my mouth using fists as a last resort but she'll get you in a body cast for saying one word, and now I'm afraid she's gonna steal my friend and I can't do anything about it. I'm kind of embarrassed about this entire thing since I always fight people off and don't give in easily but I'll need back up for her and everyone's too afraid, and if I told a teacher she'd beat me up afterwards and beat up everyone else just to get rid of her anger (she once beat up a boy for walking to her, she kicked him in the gut) so for should I get my friend to stop hanging out with her as much as possible because as of now she has a play date with her every day and sits next to her whenever possible?
If your friend chooses to be friends with this mean girl that is her decision and you need to find yourself another true friend who doesn't just turn on you like that. However I wonder if this mean girl is intimidating your friend making her feel like she has to hang with her or she will be beat up. Have you tried talking with your friend after school over the phone asking her what is going on? If not, you might want to start there and let her know how you feel. On the other side of things you shouldn't have to feel afraid at school. Someone needs to do something about this girl if she is being physical, bullying and intimidating. What she is doing is against the law. Sounds like everyone is just tiptoeing around this girl. What a horrible way to live everyday at school. Now back to your friend, if this mean girl is what she wants let her have her and move on. You deserve a true friendship and you will find one. I think your friend will wake up one day and realize what a mistake it was for her to treat you this way and you may have already moved on. You deserve better than this. No one should have to fight for a friend. Thats just rediculous. She's not a very good friend.
My sister is having twin girls next month, but she can't decide what to name them. She asked me for suggestions, but I couldn't think of anything either... Anyway, we need name suggestions. Both of them should start with the same letter and/or sound good together. Thanks!
Amber Amanda
Ashton Ashlyn
Priscilla Gabriella Isabella
Melody Melanie
Kaitlyn Kaylin Kayla Kyla
When I was thinking of names for my children I wanted something unique but not unheard of. Plus a good stage name something that has a good ring with the last name. I think names are very important and can really make the difference in a person's life.
I had a friend who had a child at 15 and named her cheerful. Oddly enough her daughter is a teenager and doing great and has wonderful friends. Having such a unique name really has been positive for her. I must admit none of us thought that name was a good idea.
So I'm 12 year old girl and I hate how I look. I am the ugliest person in the world. I want to look prettier. What can I do with out getting in trouble with my parents?
It is true as a 33 year old woman I can tell you that at your age I felt ugly at times and even today there are times when I really don't like the way I look. Trust me this feeling will change. But for right now you need to focus on what you like about yourself and your looks. If you have long beautiful hair you can wear it down more often. You really don't need makeup at your age but once your parents allow you to wear makeup eyeliner does a world of wonder in bringing out your beautiful eyes. Without knowing exactly what you don't like about your looks its hard to say what you can do. Do you ever watch America's Next Top Model? Have you noticed that the facial feature the girls hate about themselves the most is the one thing others find beautiful. You need to be proud of your unique look and realize anyone who may say negative things about you only do so because they feel bad about themselves.I promise when you get older you will look back and laugh at how you once thought of yourself. All these super models and actresses on TV have a lot of help. Look online and google pictures of famous people you think look good and then google what they looked like before they were famous, or without makeup, or as a child. I promise you will be surprised. Hangin there you are beautiful inside and out. And you are worth so much more than your outward appearance. You will be loved for the wonderful you.
Me and boyfriend have been dating for four months today. We are both Jrs in highschool.
Recently I feel unimportant because he has been neglecting to make plans with me or see me. Throughout the relationship, he has avoided being able to come to events that are important to me or to stay a little while after school, telling me he has plans or has to do homework.
Until now I have had no problems with this, I want to give him as much space as possible! :)
But I feel like he just doesn't want to see me? I asked him to make plans on a non-school day, and he says he has homework. I don't know how he could have twelve hours worth of homework, or why he didnt make an effort to have some of it done so that we could hang out. But no problem, school comes first right?
But when I texted him this morning to tell him something funny that happened, he was hanging out with friends.
This happens all the time, and I feel like I'm not a priority.
When I brought it up and told him how I felt, he just said 'you know hw always comes first!'
I havnt seen him outside of school in three weeks, other than valentines day.
He also has made a habit of leaving when he is hanging out with me to go meet other people. (Once even another girl to 'study'... But that is resolved)
I communicate about how I feel but he doesn't seem to see a problem. It's a pattern. I love him but...
If you want more background info, I'm probably out of his league, but we are both very mature for our age.
In the past I have had problems with him moving to fast physically, and my parents and him quietly don't get along, if that makes sense.
Should I end it? I'm a loyal person, and staying longer may just make life a lot harder for me.
I think you are handling the situation very maturely. You have given him space and tried maintaining a relationship. where you find problems or issues you have brought them to his attention rather than just holding it in and getting upset. I really think you've don't your part and all you can do. Honestly it sounds like he is doing what many people do when they want out of a relationship. He seems to be playing you very distance until you have had enough and break up with him. He doesn't want to be the one to do it so he's just making the relationship unbearable. It seems as if he spends his time doing what is important to him. If homework takes up that much of his time then I guess that is fine but he should be honest and let you know he doesn't have the time for a relationship. However, I highly doubt his studies are taking up all that time. I feel you should move on and eventually find someone who loves and cares for you as much as you care for them. You are important and you matter. If this guy doesn't see this then he is really missing out. You deserve to be a priority and treated with respect and honesty.
I'm a senior in college and lately I feel like in don't relate to people the way I did in the previous three years. I'm extremely passionate about my career goals and I get more serious with each passing day. Even if I tried to change this I couldn't be because I'm doing what I love above anything else. I have an amazing group of friends who have the same goals as me, but I just don't feel like they are nearly as devoted as I am. I'm starting to feel quite different from all of them. For example, after a long day/evening of school I like to be alone and decompress and even spend a lot of weekend nights alone. Most people I know cannot spend any time alone. They go straight from school to hang out with friends or their boyfriends for the rest of the night. They are constantly communicating with people through social media in class. I just don't understand it. When I feel drained and tired and I force myself to hang out with people it's a chore. I would love a boyfriend but as much as I force myself, there is no guy my age I am interested in putting the time in for. I've found one unavailable guy over the whole 4 years that I've had feelings for. He's the only guy I know that shares the passions I do, but obviously I couldn't be with him. I guess maybe I don't want to spend much time with my friends anymore because I no longer feel a connection with them? I just feel very isolated, and it depresses me. I felt like this senior year of high school too. I didn't feel this way in my previous college years. Any advice?
You actually sound like you have a great head on your shoulders. It seems as if you know exactly who you are, what you want to achieve and are headed down a path to get where you need to be. The fact that you enjoy time alone shows maturity and strength. You don't need others to be happy or feel important. I don't see a problem other than the fact that you are depressed about your separation from your friends. As people get older they tend to drift apart. Friends are often for a season and are there when you need them. You focus is on the bigger picture. I really think you are worried more because you think you actions or feelings are wrong but I promise you that you are on a great track. Don't change anything. Stay focused on your passions, dreams, and goals. As you travel down your path you will meet people with the same goals and work ethic as you will also meet a potential boyfriend. Don't force relationships, question or feel depressed just because you know what you want in life. I think you are wonderful just as you are and those that deserve to be a part of your life will be.
Okay, so, I like writing, and I want to start a new book. When I was ten (four years ago), I wrote a book that my friends and family really liked. It was a 230 pg. fantasy novel (with mythical creatures and all that stuff), and now I want to write a new fantasy novel. I just can't think of any good ideas though. I mean I've had ideas, but none of them actually got anywhere. Any suggestions? Thanks.
You should write down your dreams when you wake up each morning and build an awesome story around them.
Im a 17 year old boy and my girlfriend is 14
We have been on and off for like 4 years at first it was like whatever's but as the years passed we've gotten more serious
We were dating for about 10 months and in march 2013 I broke up with her because I kind of got bored with her.. I went out with a girl 2 days later. I never suspected that my ex hated the new girl untill a while. We were together for 6 months and I didn't really know why I was even with her so I dumped her because we never saw each other and she just didn't understand me like my ex.
I started talking to my ex again and we got back together but shortly after I left her for the other girl she hated because I wanted to see it I could work it out..
That's fucked up I know.
But it was pointless I never saw her , cheated on her and she just didn't understand me she made me feel so depressed so I dumped her. A month later I messaged my ex and she didn't really want anything to do with me and i started having suicidal thoughts I realized that I fucked up and I felt like shit
Eventually we hung out and we couldn't make it work at first but then later he decide to give me a chance
I was still talking to the other ex and she did t want me to but I still was.. Fcked up I know! I talked to her plenty and hid it from my gf.
Everyhing came out eventually.. All the lies.. Everything .
My girlfriend says she can't trust me and I don't wanna lose her :( she said she can't keep doing this
I don't know what to do she doesn't trust me and I fucke up I know but I didn't think about it all untill after I haven't done anything but idk how to make her trust me
You both are so young. Just as you were bored once before it will happen again. Honestly there is nothing wrong with dating other people and enjoying the company of others as long as you let others know you are not in a committed relationship. It isn't fair to others or yourself to get tied down so early. Enjoy life, meet new people before you make a commitment. Give your girlfriend time to see that you are honest and allow her to trust you over time. I have a feeling life is going to take you both in different directions before this is all said and done.
If you want to regain her trust simple be honest and forth coming and time will change her feelings but there is little else that can be done. Just give it some time.
I beleive I may be pregnant, I have been terribly moody and its not my pms time yet, been sensitive to smells and had some other possible symptoms. I brushed it off until I was laying down just now and feeling my abdomen absent mindedly, and I can feel a hard knot about even with my pubic bone, about the size of a medium grape. I can't find online what its supposed to feel like.
Can anyone share their experience with what their uterus felt in early pregnancy? (Probably 8 weeks or earlier, its hard to say when it would have happened). I just want to confirm what I'm feeling may possibly be my uterus, I'm getting a pregnancy test first thing in the morning!
Thank you!
I've had three children and never felt what you are describing. Please go to your doctor right away. During early pregnancy I did not feel anything in it shall we say but I felt burning pains on both sides of my pelvic region. I had extreme sensitivity to the smell of foods. Morning sickness was terrible. I was extremely tired. There was really no question about it but I did not feel anything as you described. It really could be any number of causes with pregnancy included but if it is pregnancy it sounds quite unusual. You need to know for sure so go to the doctor.
I have been married to John for 2 years. This has been my experience: Within the first 6 months of our marriage my father passed away. I had to fly across the country to attend the funeral, and stayed for 2 weeks. Upon my return, I found out that John had cheated on me with a prostitute. To make a long story short, I forgave him and we worked really hard on our marriage. Another 6 months went by, and while I was doing laundry, I found 2 movie tickets in his pants pocket. I looked at the date on the tickets, and it happened to coincide with one of the nights he told me he had been “working late.“ Again, we worked on the marriage and got counseling, and things went better.
On Jan. 1st, 2014 he left me. He packed up all of his belongings and left our home. He moved into an apartment with a girlfriend he had been having an affair with for the past 2 months. They lived together for 4 days before he called it quits, and made her move out.
The excuse he gives me for all the cheating incidents is: (in his exact words) “you are a beautiful person, with a beautiful soul. But my sex life with you has always been bad. In fact, it is sh*t.“
He told me that while he doesn´t want to say goodbye to me forever, he wants me to begin seeing other people. When I ask him if he will come back to me, he says he is not ready.
I don´t know what to do. I thought marriage was supposed to be a sacred union lasting for a lifetime. I certainly went into it that way, and I feel that I have done everything possible to make it work. Now, I just feel used. Is there any hope for this marriage to ever heal?
Thank you very much for your attention.
Well, at least he's finally being honest about how he feels. Now you are able to make your decisions based on a better idea of the truth. I honestly feel you need to move on with your life. The two of you are looking for different things. There is nothing wrong with you or what you are doing. It is him. He will most likely never be faithful to anyone. I think he is using you for that convenient faithful comfortable and reliable safety net. He knows you are always there and willing to take him back despite the terrible ways he is treating you. You already know where his head is at. He is worried about one thing and one thing only and just knows you're going to be right there. You deserve so much better. Being with him is putting your health at risk at the very least. You are not going to be happy. You need to find someone who loves and appreciates you. You are too special with so much to offer. Don't wait for him to continue taking your happiness and your wonderful loving spirit.
i dont want to have pregnancy.i missed my periods this month 29.iam very much worried.plz tell me what to do to make my periods come.At any cost......
Are there any pills which doesn't have any side effect in future?????...................reply me as soon as possible........
There is nothing you can do to make your period come if you are pregnant. If you are just irregular birth control pills will help regulate your cycle but they have side effects as does anything else you may want to take. You need to take a pregnancy test asap so that you get the care you need if you are pregnant.
Okay a guy that's in most of my classes knows where I live. He lives REALLY close to me, only one complex away, and I'm just really scared about it. Not that he's a creep or anything, but I don't want him talking to my parents and stuff like that. About like a month ago, I was annoying him I guess and he said "Don't make me tell your dad you've been bad" or something like that. He said it jokingly, but I'm still scared that he might actually tell my parents something. I saw him walking around like in the front of my house today (I'm guessing he was just trying to get to his complex or something) but I don't know if he saw me or not. How do I deal with this? Without confronting him.
Don't worry about him talking to your parents. As a parent myself I don't care what some other child has to say about my child. It would actually be quite annoying unless it had something to do with the safety of my child in some way. I highly doubt he would have the courage to approach your parents anyway. If you are annoying him in some way clearly you are dealing with him in some way shape or form. If you are afraid or uncomfortable with him for some reason you should distance yourself in every way.
I am not sure if this is the right category. Wasn't sure what to put it in.
I need people who are sensitive and not judgmental because my situation is quite easy to judge but I actually really need some help. I'm really at a loss and don't know what to do. So if you are someone who would post rude comments, please leave now.
Okay so last year I was asked by a co worker to have a threesome with him and his wife... (I am a female). I couldn't help but say yes because I was curious and it was a fantasy of mine that I never actually thought would happen. Well even though I was on birth control I ended up getting pregnant from this.
Well this obviously caused a lot of issues in their marriage and I felt bad but I didn't know what to do so I left it up to them. They cut off contact with me up until I was about 7 months pregnant when he contacted me and wanted to try and work something out because he wanted to be involved in his babies life. It's been a very very complicated, messy and difficult situation as I am sure you can imagine. But his whole family, brothers, sisters in law, parents, grandparents are all involved and have come to see me and the baby and have just been wonderful. But he hasn't been able to see her yet because his wife is uncomfortable with everything even though she knew having a threesome could potentially cause this problem.
Well last week she decided she couldn't handle it and she left him. He has sacrificed a lot to be a part of his daughters life and I appreciate it but here is where the problem comes in...
Back when I had the threesome there was a guy living with me who practically raped me one night when I took an Ambien. I only have a very vague memory of it since I was drugged up. He admitted he did it to me but said he only entered for a minute and pulled out. I was pissed and kicked him out and haven't heard from him since and I cant even be sure when the date was. I thought for sure this happened a couple of weeks after I would have gotten pregnant but my baby looks so much like him. She is only a couple weeks old now but she has his nose almost totally and it really scares me. It's really hard to tell tho cuz she is so young but here is where I need advice...
The paternity test is in 2 weeks and I guess its a possibility that the threesome guy may not be the dad after all. After everything he has been through to be in her life and everything his family has done for us... I would be the single worst person alive if it turns out the guy who raped me is actually the father. It is very unlikely that it was him but at the same time... she really does look like him.
So my question is... how should I handle this if the paternity test comes out negative? What should I say to him and his family? How can I possibly apologize for something so extreme? Or should I tell him now that I was raped back then and risk losing his trust even if the test comes out positive? Overall... I just don't know what to do. Please help
Some things are better left unsaid and this is definitely one of them. Wait until the paternity test comes back. If he turns out not to be the father all you can do is apologize. I'm not sure that I would disclose the details of whom is the father for the simple fact that he and his family will probably be so hurt they won't believe you. You'll have to be strong and prepared to move on. But there is still that chance that he and his family have a bond with the baby that they may still want to maintain that roll regardless and that would be great. Since they are already a part of you and the baby's life and happily accepts the baby I pray he is the father. Hold tight and wait for the results. I would love to hear the followup on the results and how things turned out. Good luck and stay strong.
I am a cashier at a restaurant. I work with a girl who is lazy, rude, and doesn't follow company procedure. She is never reprimanded. She didn't even show up for a mandatory meeting. She is somehow up for a promotion too. If I were to act like her I would be fired. What should I do. Her laziness means that I have to work even harder to keep everything going.
Unfortunately this is life. You will see scenarios like this pretty much anywhere you work. It's not fair but honestly there isn't much you can do. If you speak up you risk losing your job. I would advise that you continue working hard to earn income and try not to let it get to you. The more you think about it the more it will have a negative impact on your production and/or yourself emotionally adding more stress that you just don't need. You may never see it but life has a way of paying everyone back. If everything you say is true I'm sure you aren't the only one who has noticed this. Time will take care of her. In the mean time look for another job where you may be happier but don't do or say anything to jeopardize what you have because jobs are just too hard to come by.
I wanted to give my BF a nice piece of jewelry. I was thinking a necklace with a pendant or some sorts. I would just like to ask what can be a good inscription on it. Something that we can pass on to our kids, or grankids. Thanks.
As the other person suggested the date would be great but also a short saying of what first brought you together for example if it were a summer camp you could say something like "Our friendship will burn forever like the summer camp fire of 2010 (Amy & Alex).
I'm 40 years old. My whole life has been about surgeries, Drs, in office procedures, medications.I live with chronic pain. I live with a rare disease that has left my face disfigured. Badly. I've been abed by men severely and almost died. I have been on so many different antidepressants, seen many therapists, talked til I ccouldnt stand to hear myself anymore.im a recluse now. I do not want people I. My life. Flat out, I'm tired. I do not ever remember in my 40 yrs when I was happy. Yes there were small moments but no more than maybe a day. I have no more strength to keep fighting. Is there something I've failed to see?I want to be happy and I've tried. What gods did I anger in a past life that I'm making up for in this life. What does one do when they have no more fight left in them? Right now, I have no joy, never had it, have no desire to have it. All I want is to rest. I'm exhausted from the pain. No more. No less. I'm not even sure why I wrote this.
Suicide is not the answer. You are a special person that God created and loves and you are needed rather you can see that right now or not. I have no idea what you are dealing with as I don't know the nature of the disease you suffer from but there must be an answer out there to get your pain under control. I think that is one of the first things that physically must be addressed. No one feels like dealing with the world when they are in pain. Secondly you need to reach out to others, perhaps teens that are suffering in a similar manner. You may be able to help them so they do not become depressed. You have a story to share and many people need to hear it. I think the more you get involved with others the better you will feel about yourself. In doing so you may meet life long friends. The saying is true, there is someone for everyone but if you isolate yourself you will miss that opportunity.
So I'm 13 and this guy is 14 and we met at camp. He always starred at me and I starred at him. And a month ago I told him I liked him and he liked me back so we got together. Then after a week I see another girl hitting on him and that very night he dumps me. But I still really like him. And he knows that I'm sad but he doesn't know what I'm sad about ...I really like him. Ive never liked a guy this much
During the early teenage years people and guys especially can be very wishy washy. It's common for them to go with someone for a week and move on. It doesn't make since for someone like you who was happy and more settled and mature in the relationship but for some reason at this age in particular it's easy for people to pick up and move on to the next relationship. If it would make you feel better tell him how you feel but I doubt it will change his ways. Sounds to me like he will be on to the next person very soon. I wouldn't be surprised if he came back around wanting to be with you again at some point but remember how you feel now. You don't want to go through that hurt again. I would find something or someone else to occupy my time and emotions with. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are so young and worth so much more than how he is treating you. Trust me, as soon as you open your heart up to someone else your feelings for him will fade away and quickly. As easily as he left you he will leave this other girl but don't show him that you even care. He doesn't deserve to sit up there thinking every girl wants him and without him your world has stopped. Don't make him that important. You are that important. Make him wonder about you.
I've been married for 6 years to this great guy, but I know he's not the one I'm supposed to be with. I've been trying to decide for years whether or not I should stay or go. I have another guy I just started seeing that wants me and my children to move in with him. But he also knows I'm not ready for that move right now. He's great with me and my kids, he works and has time for us too.
My husband is always on his computer or sleeping, yes I understand he works 3rd shift but still he needs to spend time with us, but he's never going to change. What do I do? I am so confused and heartbroken over trying to figure this out.
I don't think you have given your marriage a fair shot especially with the children. You allowed another man enter your heart which naturally will cause you to stray from your husband. You should end things before starting something new. Not to mention although this new guys seems so perfect that will only last for so long. Once you leave your marriage and move in with the other guy I promise you will have some of the same similar issues. Put more time into rekindling your marriage and tell the other guy you need to figure out your marriage first. Its only fair to everyone including the kids. Remember you said you have been married to a great guy. Marriage is hard. It's a compromise of your entire life. You know the saying, "the grass is always greener".
Will i be damned if i masrerbate
No
well ya i used to pee the bed until i was 12 now im 14 and i still pee the bed like 5 times every year ... why??
You are not getting the right kind of sleep. That deep and REM sleep is being compromised for some reason. You probably think you are awake and on the toilet when this happens kind of mixed up in a dream. Try going to the bathroom right before bed and don't drink any liquids until morning. Also change your sleeping habits. If the light is on or the tv or radio try turning it off. If the room is too dark try a night light. If people interrupt your sleep ensure that they leave you alone for the whole night and close your door. If you have a loud family perhaps add a constant noise to drown out any startling noises. See if this helps with your bathroom issues and if nothing else helps get better sleep for a better day.
You may also have a physical problems with your bladder. An infection or weak muscles. Try a few different things and see if it makes a difference.