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Feeling isolated
I'm a senior in college and lately I feel like in don't relate to people the way I did in the previous three years. I'm extremely passionate about my career goals and I get more serious with each passing day. Even if I tried to change this I couldn't be because I'm doing what I love above anything else. I have an amazing group of friends who have the same goals as me, but I just don't feel like they are nearly as devoted as I am. I'm starting to feel quite different from all of them. For example, after a long day/evening of school I like to be alone and decompress and even spend a lot of weekend nights alone. Most people I know cannot spend any time alone. They go straight from school to hang out with friends or their boyfriends for the rest of the night. They are constantly communicating with people through social media in class. I just don't understand it. When I feel drained and tired and I force myself to hang out with people it's a chore. I would love a boyfriend but as much as I force myself, there is no guy my age I am interested in putting the time in for. I've found one unavailable guy over the whole 4 years that I've had feelings for. He's the only guy I know that shares the passions I do, but obviously I couldn't be with him. I guess maybe I don't want to spend much time with my friends anymore because I no longer feel a connection with them? I just feel very isolated, and it depresses me. I felt like this senior year of high school too. I didn't feel this way in my previous college years. Any advice?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You actually sound like you have a great head on your shoulders. It seems as if you know exactly who you are, what you want to achieve and are headed down a path to get where you need to be. The fact that you enjoy time alone shows maturity and strength. You don't need others to be happy or feel important. I don't see a problem other than the fact that you are depressed about your separation from your friends. As people get older they tend to drift apart. Friends are often for a season and are there when you need them. You focus is on the bigger picture. I really think you are worried more because you think you actions or feelings are wrong but I promise you that you are on a great track. Don't change anything. Stay focused on your passions, dreams, and goals. As you travel down your path you will meet people with the same goals and work ethic as you will also meet a potential boyfriend. Don't force relationships, question or feel depressed just because you know what you want in life. I think you are wonderful just as you are and those that deserve to be a part of your life will be.
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This is only a guess on my part. Since the same thing happened in High School your senior year. My guess is you are preparing yourself for the separation from your college friends upon graduation. You did this in high school for you knew shortly after graduation you would all be going your separate ways. In essence you are protecting yourself from the hurt of saying good-bye.
I would list this under self-preservation. If I was a sociologist or a psychologist I would find this something interesting to explore with you. I don't find anything really wrong with protecting yourself from hurt. The end result though as I see it is. Instead of a lot of hurt at one time you're dragging a little hurt out over a long period of time.
In another way you are also preparing for the next phase of your life. Going from student to career woman. This is good, it shows you are level headed and know where you're going and most likely have a plan to follow.
The two together to my way of thinking is a slight contradiction in terms. What I mean is you can spend too much time trying to see every pitfall that may hurt you or come up and bite you. In so doing you become so fixated you miss seeing the big picture. By not seeing the big picture its not that you plan to fail it is that you have a plan that fails.
A small amount of hurt from time to time in our lives is actually a good thing for we can learn from things that hurt us. For instance lost loves, why did we lose that love. We see what went wrong in that relationship and try to avoid it in the next.
In today's world friends will come an go. That is just how things are. They take on new jobs, new responsibilities, get transferred. It is unavoidable. College friends are not like high school friends. Many of your college friends, if you allow them, can be friends for life even if there are great distances between you.
These are my thoughts and if you doubt me check in with the school psychologist for two reasons. First you have no reason to feel as you do. Second to see if I am right. If I am the psychologist can help you work around the need to be totally self=preserved.
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