Kendra is a young woman working as a professional in Toronto. She's a cat lover, a bookworm and has always had a deeply rooted interest in people, love and what happens when the former attempts the later.
She's been in three long term relationships, lost her mother when she was 16 and has lived through her father's alcoholism and drug abuse. She's a college graduate in journalism and art, has a quirky personality and has acquired some realistic yet romantic beliefs about love and relationships.
She lives with her boyfriend. Life may not have always been good, but it is good now.
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario
Member Since: August 22, 2008
Answers: 207
Last Update: February 14, 2013
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18/Female
so my boyfriend and i have had sex about 10 times or so and I have not orgasmed yet. He is my first. I have never orgasmed with him before either when he has fingered me or massaged my clitoris. In fact no guy has ever made me climax. The only time I can orgasm is when I am by myself watching porn...and I do this by stimulating my clit while watching. I love my boyfriend so much and he would love it if I could finish with him, and I would too!!!
Please help. any advice with positioning? anything? AHHH HELP. lol (link)
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Have you tried watching the pornography with your boyfriend present? Are you feeling self conscious about orgasming in front of him? It might be helpful if you allowed him to watch what you do so he can learn.
Also, someone mentioned "missionary position" and got it wrong. Missionary is when the man is on top and the woman is on her back. What the person before me described is called "woman on top", or if she's facing away from him, "reverse cowgirl".
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I recently had sex for the first time with my boyfriend who I like a whole hell of a lot. I used to want to be with him all of the time and think of him all of the time. After we had sex, the only thing I think about IS him, but it's thoughts of whether or not I should've done it. I feel like I'm less attracted to him, but I don't want to be. Is this just a phase? Are these the thoughts that might usually follow after having sex? I'm worried that my feelings are disappearing and I don't want them to. I also have thoughts that I probably shouldn't have done it, just because I feel less innocent than I have before, but I don't really regret it. What's wrong with me? (link)
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I don't think anything is wrong with you. I think what you need to do is really reflect on your experience and your feelings.
First time sex is special, but often not because it feels good, but more because it's a new world opening up for you and you're going to remember it forever.
Possibly you had higher expectations of how you were going to feel. Maybe your boyfriend is not very good in bed yet and you probably sensed he was getting way more out of it than you did. Was he selfish in bed? Was he attentive to your needs? Were you expressing what you wanted out of him?
You ARE less innocent than you were before. You know know something you can't unknow. The change that's taken place in you losing your virginity is not about your body, but about your wealth of experience with your body. And there's nothing wrong with being less innocent about anything as you age. It's a part of getting older.
My advice is to avoid sex with your boyfriend until you know how you feel about him, and about what you want out of your sex life, or if you feel prepared to have one yet. Let him know you're having some ambivalent feelings about sex right now and you need time to sort it out. Doing it once does not mean you must continue if you're not feeling it.
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My period is 2 weeks late but my breast has been sore for about 5 days now. What could it happened? I've also been sick for 5 days (the week that my period was supposed to come) and I didn't eat because I had upset stomach. Btw I'm 20 years old.
P.S. I'm not pregnant because I have never had sex and I'm still a virgin. (link)
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Bodies aren't like clockwork and a number of things can affect your period. Illness is one of them, also stress, exercise and a change in diet. Breasts sometimes get sore prior to a period. Though five days is a rather longer time to be experiencing breast tenderness.
If you have any concerns I would make an appointment with your doctor. When was your last physical?
It's good to check things like this out with your physician, who can note changes in your cycle. The vast majority of the time it's absolutely nothing at all. I've had things like this and more occur where it was just my body being finicky. But it's good to make sure.
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alright im on the birth control monanesa. I had sex with my bf last night and he came in me. I was wondering if anyone knew the chances of pregnacy with this type of birth control. Also im about two weeks in to the pills if that has anything to do with it. (link)
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Use a condom as a backup method.
Pills are a great contraceptive, however there is a failure rate, like with all birth control methods. If you're perfect with this pill, it's less than 1% chance of pregnancy. But few women are perfect with how they take the pill and the failure rate is closer to 5-8% with typical use.
Also, you're not protecting yourself against STDs. Condoms will keep you safe in case, for example, your boyfriend had sex prior to you and caught something, or if he cheats and gets infected and you don't know about it. And this is life and these things happen.
If the thought of a doctor telling you that you have chlamydia scares the crap out of you, I'd suggest condoms all the way.
If you're not planning a pregnancy, and no doubt you're not, then you need to take extra measures. You've taken the most important step, but trust me, trust me, trust me. I've known women personally who got pregnant on the pill. Use a condom too.
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i queef a lot sometimes during sex. what can i do to prevent this, why only sometimes? its pretty akward, any help please. (link)
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The thing with air going in the vagina... what goes in must come out. It happens. It can happen in the tub. It can happen when you exercise. It can happen when you have sex. And the darn thing is you never see them coming.
So do what other women do with this silly bodily thing that cannot be controlled and have a good laugh at it. It'll stop being awkward if you start looking at it differently.
It happens to most women eventually, some more than others. Giggle and get back to business. If you're with someone you love and trust, this sort of thing doesn't have to be an issue because loving couples don't get put off by stuff like this.
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Well this is kind of embarrassing to ask but, can you get loose from masturbating? (link)
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No, not at all. Not even close. General sexual activity will not loosen the vagina. That is something that can occur after childbirth, but definitely not from any kind of masturbation.
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18/female.
i'm still a virgin. never been fingered or anything. when a guy fingers me .. obviously he will realize i'm tight but will he then know that i've never been fingered before? (link)
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It's impossible for him to know unless you tell him. And as for tightness, that has little to do with sexual experience and more to do with your pelvic muscles, which can be exercised. It's a common misconception that sexual activity loosens the vagina. Giving birth with stretch it out. Being fingered and having intercourse will not.
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i'm 16, he's 18. we've been dating for nearly two months and been "official" for one. he didn't kiss me until the third date, though we held hands on the first. since then things have kind of come naturally. we've moved at a good pace. we had our first "intense" makeout session this week. like, really passionate. though we've made out a lot before.
my boyfriend's really creative, which i love, haha. we fool around with each others necks and ears - and we're totally comfortable - and two weeks ago he started kissing my stomach. this week i raised my shirt up rightt to my underwire, and he licked under where i had my shirt pushed up to.
although i like to take things slow, and im saving myself for marriage, im absolutely fine with what he did. it actually felt great haha.
but my boyfriend asked me if i'd be okay if he got some whipped cream. i said that was fine. he asked where i wanted it, and i said to "get creative ;)" and he said he needed a little help. i suggested we play a game where i put the whipped cream somewhere and he had to find it, but could only use his lips. he loves the idea lmao.
anyway. the shirt i was wearing before was a low scoopneck, so when i raised it up its not like there was a whole lot of upper body coverage. im considering taking my shirt off for the "whipped cream game" but i think it may be too soon. this guy respects me and would never do anything i didnt want him to. he knows i'm saving myself for marriage. as long as i make clear to him he's not removing my bra, do you think it would be too soon to have him kiss my upper chest?
this goes against everything ive ever been taught but this guy doesnt want me for my body, hes made clear of that. we're both just passionate people- like, he likes to sneak in quick kisses whenever he can; its cute, not touchyfeely. i just want to have some fun. i dont think this is something im gonna look back on and regret, i mean its not like he's gonna feel me up or anything. opinions? & sorry for the length haha:) thaaanks! (link)
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If you're saving yourself for marriage, then make sure you avoid getting naked. Nudity and touching will lead to sex.
As for what's right or wrong, it's your body and your comfort zone. You need to evaluate what you feel okay with doing and what your boundaries are.
For adult couples abstaining from sex, you have to walk a fine line between sharing physical intimacy and not taking things too far.
For teenage relationships, the same sort of thing applies. You don't want to have sex, your boyfriend knows this, so ensure you keep a good dialogue going about what's working and what is making you uncomfortable and also what is making him too aroused so you'll both know when to stop.
Also know that as you mature into a fully grown woman, your needs and beliefs and plans may change and that's totally okay too. I think you're on the right track by thinking ahead about what you may or may not regret. Keep looking inward for answers about what you want in your relationship.
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so im a female an i was wondering what are some good things to use to masterbate that will al so make me cum/squirt ?
thanks (link)
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Female ejaculation is uncommon. There are certainly women out there who do it often, others who do it occasionally, and some who have fluke squirts. Most women will not be squirters in their lifetime.
I see that you're 13. You may have heard from friends that this is something that most females can do. It's not. In fact, there are plenty of women who have difficulty reaching orgasm at all. And don't let boys try to tell you that it's what they want. Males in your age range get their sex knowledge from porn, not experience, and porn is about fantasy-- not reality.
If you can bring yourself to orgasm, enjoy that for what it is. If you're going to have one of those rare ejaculations, it'll be because it's what your body wants to do. You don't get to control that about yourself, unfortunately. Most women who do squirt don't appreciate it because it sometimes means a big clean up job.
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im sorry i hate to even ask this but hopefully someone else did the same dumb thing as me. So i had anal sex the other day not the first time but maybe the third and my ass is so swollen and red i dont know what to do does anyone know? I can barley move let alone walk around someone help please (link)
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The anus is not naturally lubricated. So your partner must apply a lot of lubricant to his condom before entering. And if you do anal, you must use a condom. It's far to easy to spread infections with anal.
To reduce the pain and suffering, try a hemorrhoid cream. For one, it's designed for the rectum, and secondly, it's meant to bring down redness and irritation.
In the future, use lots of lubricant and ask your partner to go slower and see if that gets you better results. If the entire experience doesn't do anything for you, and it's not just post-anal that is bothering you, don't feel like you have to keep doing it.
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We were fooling around and he got some on his hand then he fingered me. He told me not to worry because of well lemme just ask: Does sperm die when it hits oxygen? For real? Like you know this for a fact and would bet your life on it?
Thank you! (link)
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Sperm dies once the semen is dry, not once it hits the air. If he inserted wet semen into your vagina, then that poses a risk to you. Granted, not as large a risk as intercourse, as a sloppy finger wouldn't contain as much sperm as a full emission of semen, but still.
Don't allow him or anyone else to do that again. Keep an eye out for your period. Also, if he's had other partners before you, get checked for STDs in a couple month's time. Inserting his semen in your vagina in this way will transmit an STD if he has one.
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OK so I have to ask. My girlfriend has been crazy for me to cum inside her but I am afraid of making her pregnant. She is on birth control and everything but still I feel like she is trying to trap me with a baby. Why? Because this is what she told me: She said that having cum inside her is a feeling of completeness and is 1000x better than orgasms.
Have any of you ever heard this? Is this for real? Do you really feel like that?
Thank you! (link)
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It does create a greater feeling of intimacy between two loving partners. However, you should not feel pressured into doing it, because it could lead to pregnancy. Any man who does not wish to become a father yet must wear a condom to protect his own interests. Relying on your partner to prevent you from becoming a dad leads many men to fatherhood in the end.
Why? Because sometimes pills get forgotten or get taken too late, or she goes on anti-biotics or sometimes it just fails (rarely, but it's not 100% effective even if used perfectly. It's 99% effective, which still leaves a tiny window of risk that you rightly do not want to take).
So let her know you understand why she wants this, but her request makes you uncomfortable and that until you're ready to become a father, you're not going to be okay with it.
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Hello, i am 13 female and i was wondering if there were any household items that can increase pleasure in orgasming without being painful or harmful to me. i do masturbate and feel wierd asking this question... Just something like a comb or stool (just stupid examples) lol or something that can be used? if you could tell me the object and how to use it that would be great. PS: THE ORGASMING IS IN THE CLITORIS SO NOTHING TO STICK UP IN THERE LIKE A DILDO. JUST SOMETHING TO RUB OR SOMETHING... IDK.
-embarrassed thanks! (link)
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Don't be embarrassed. This is a totally normal question and good for you for taking your pleasure and sexual development into your own hands.
You're going to want something that creates a vibration for the best results. Handheld shower heads would work in the tub. Electric toothbrushes also work (obviously not the brush part). You could also save up and buy a neck massager. They're about $60, but worth the price. Experiment with the vibration to determine what works.
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iv been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. but now he cant even make me 'happy' at all like fingering or anything then he gets so sad over it. what could be going on? (link)
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It's possible you just no longer feel strongly about him anymore. If he used to be good at it and now you don't enjoy it, that is my guess.
If you've never enjoyed it with him, either you haven't given him enough instructions, or he's not good at it, or you're not compatible.
Since you're 15, my guess is you're ready to move on from this relationship. A year and a half is a long time for teens to date. You change so much in these important years that it's possible you've grown out of this relationship. And that's totally okay. It happens, and more over, it's to be expected.
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So here's the story...I really just don't know what to think of it all...we are both sophmores in college fyi.
After i broke up with my boyfriend of 6months..because it was a long distance relationship that really wasnt working out anymore...I started hanging out with this new guy. we were hanging out at least 4 nights a week plus seeing eachother & hanging out at parties on the weekend. when we hung out it was just watching movies sitting around..nothing fancy. every once in a while we messed around alittle bit..but not very much. most of the time it was just talking and cuddling..once in awhile we'd spend the night together. after about a month of this he took me to dinner on a friday night. we went to a school basketball game after dinner..saturday I went to his football game & we went out with a bunch of freinds that night. we spent the night together after that & went to lunch the next day. I was really busy on that monday so I didnt get a chance to talk to him..but then when i talked to him on tuesday he had a girlfriend....ummm? what happened? all of his freinds said that they hadnt even been talking and they were all really confused. they have been dating for about 2 weeks now and he continues to call me and text me saying how much he likes me and how much he misses me and how much of a mistake he made....i just dont know what to do now? i was really starting to fall for him and i really wish we could have kept hanging out..he keeps saying hes going to break up with his gf...that hes just waiting for her to give him a reason..idk help? (link)
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If this guy wanted to be with you, he would stop seeing the other girl. Two weeks is not any kind of emotional investment that he can't call it off easily.
He is playing you like a fiddle. He wants to keep you on the side so he can continue to fool around with you no strings attached. This other girl likely needed a relationship before she'd let him get in her pants, so he went with it.
Now he's trying to manage seeing two women at the same time. Don't fall for it. Also, in the future, if a guy spends the night at your place, doesn't have to make any effort towards you or make his intentions known, this sort of confusing "hanging out" and moving on will probably happen again.
I'd drop this dude like a bad habit, no matter how much you like him. Guys who really like you back don't date other women. Guys who really like you won't lose the chance to make sure you're their girlfriend and not some other lucky guy's girlfriend.
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My bf fingered me 5 times this month. It was my first experience, I have never been fingered before. My period is due to in 1 day and I have no signs of it (i.e. sore breast).
My question is, can being fingered delay my period or miss it? I'm asking as I have never been fingered. Tell me pls.
Thanks (link)
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Being fingered will not affect your menstrual cycle in any way. Nor can oral sex, or french kissing, or dry humping, or any kind of non-intercourse sexual activity.
Things that can affect your period and make it heavier, lighter, early or late are:
Stress
Dietary changes
Very heavy exercise
Things that can regulate your period:
birth control pills
Nuva ring
A late period if you are not having sex (that is straight-up penis/vagina intercourse) is not a problem. Bodies are not always like clockwork.
Fingering is a safe activity. If his hands are clean and he has no cuts on his fingers, then you have every base covered. There is no chance of STDs or pregnancy. If anything about it is going to change your period, it would be stress. So make sure you feel ready to be fingered, and only do it if it feels good. If it doesn't feel good, give your boyfriend some instructions.
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I have another question for you.
Today when I went to the bathroom I spotted blood with the discharge. Could it be that my hymen has been broken when my bf fingered me?? He fingered me last tuesday and today is thursday, could it be that or could I be pregnant?? :S (link)
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It depends on the blood you've found in the discharge. Was there a lot or a little? Usually if your hymen has been torn, you would see blood that day, not days later. However, it's possible to tear and stretch it in all kinds of ways other than sexual encounters.
You may have experienced breakthrough bleeding. It may also be coming from your urethra. It's best to make an appointment with a doctor whenever you experience mysterious bleeding. If anything is the matter, it can be treated. If nothing's the matter, your doctor will explain to you what happened so you won't have to worry.
You cannot-- repeat-- cannot get pregnant from fingering. Sperm does not shoot out of fingertips. Sperm dies once semen is dry. So even if he ejaculated all over his hand earlier in the day and didn't wash them, you still couldn't get pregnant.
You may not be emotionally ready for physical intimacy if you're this nervous about it, you know? Having a finger inside of you cannot impregnate you. It just can't. It would be a miracle.
If your sexual education in school and your parents are not providing you with enough information, try this:
http://www.sexualityandu.ca/home_e.aspx
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I have 2 questions to ask you.
1.) I have 2 ulcers on the inside of my upper lip. My bf told me that they came out because of kissing, is it true that if you frenchkiss you can have ulcers? (he doesn't have ulcers in his mouth, so they couldn't be spread from his mouth).
2.) Yesterday my bf fingered me for the first time. He was with the clothes on and he didn't touch his penis, so he couldn't have sperm on his fingers right? His nails were a bit long and he hurt me and also he didn't wash his hands before!!
Next time i'll tell him to cut his nails and wash his hands. What do you think? He only did it once! (link)
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By ulcers, do you mean cold sores? If you have cold sores, you should refrain from kissing or oral sex until they're completely healed over because they're contagious. You may have contracted them through kissing, but sharing glasses as a kid, face cloths, things like that could also have transmitted it to you.
It's a virus that enters your body and never leaves, and occasionally it can flare up and bother you. See a doctor about getting some treatment to minimize the length of time you have to deal with your sores. Lots of people get cold sores, it's a very, very common issue. It may also be bacterial, fungal, or just a result of not enough fruits and veggies. Your doctor will know for sure.
Now, as for your boyfriend, if you're worried about pregnancy, you will not get pregnant from fingering. It's a safe activity. He would pretty much have to ejaculate all over his finger and insert it into you immediately for it to be a concern.
And yes, I would have him keep clean hands and trim nails before ever allowing him to finger you again.
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3 months ago i had heartburn for about 2 weeks and i took gaviscon and i had no more heartburn. Now, I have heartburn again and my bf told me also that I have bad breath. I have no infection in my teeth or gums so I think it's something from the stomach.
I think it is better to go to the doctor!!
Can heartburn and bad breath be related?? Is it something serious or nothing to worry about? Is there someone who had the same problem?? Any help pls? (link)
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Yes, you should go to the doctor and you're right, bad breath and heartburn could be related and it could be something in your stomach. As for whether it's serious or not, I can't tell you. I'm not a doctor.
What I do know is anything out of the norm in your body that is negative ought to be checked out with your physician. Make an appointment today and see what the problem is. Also, try and relax. Most problems you seek help for at the doctor are easily treated. Assume that's what will happen unless your doctor tells you otherwise.
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nineteen, female (:
okay so everytime me and this guy hang out he always triese to go down my pants.
i've never been fingered before, but i have heard that when a guy fingers you, its for YOUR pleasure, not the guys.
does this mean that he cares about me? i mean he NEVER has asked me to give him a blow job or hand job or anything of that sort.
he just always tries to do things, to me. is this a good sign? (link)
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It doesn't mean he cares about you. It means he wants to have sex with you. One way of getting you to have sex is to make you feel pleasure so that you'll really want to do it. He may also become very aroused by touching your genitals. Most men find that arousing. So he could be doing it for his own gratification. I had a boyfriend like that once.
Yes, it is for your pleasure, as in that should be the reason you do it, as opposed to doing it to make him happy. However, making you happy is not the only reason (or main reason) a male may want to finger you, particularly if he's not your boyfriend or someone who's made his interest in you as a person clear (ie, wanting you to be his girlfriend and enjoying conversations and going out and having fun).
Do not make the mistake that since he wants to finger you it must mean he cares. I'd be more inclined to think that he doesn't if that's all he seems to want to do.
See, if he cared, he'd not rush things. Guys who rush things are just trying to get what they can out of you. The guys who care take their time because they intend to be around a much longer time. You do want him to find you attractive, but more importantly you want him to ALSO enjoy your company in a non-sexual way as well.
Beware of any man who is always trying to make things sexual. They are the type who once they get what they want either stop calling you OR only call your or see you if they want to do sexual things.
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