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I found an absolutely disgusting website, www.truechristian.com. Among other things, it says that women are unclean and should be shut away during their period, that if a girl is raped it is her fault for not screaming loud enough but she can be saved if she marries her rapist. It also says the n word several times. I have nothing against christians but this website is horrifying, in fact I'm sure real christians would agree with me. How do I get this website shut down or deleted? I mean, even the kids page is awful: http://truechristian.com/kidzlot1.html I can't find the name of the host anywhere, so I don't know who to contact. (link)
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I'm guessing that this is a website set up by non-Christians who want to point out some of the absurdities of the Bible. There are indeed passages in the Bible that would seem to endorse things like what you describe, and it is common for those who disapprove of the Bible and its teachings to highlight these portions of the text.
But you might as well forget about shutting it down, because you won't be able to. The site does not seem to be illegal, it's just promoting ideas and opinions that you do not like. If the site were providing instructions for how to carry out a terror attack, or displaying pictures of children without clothes, or threatening someone directly, then you might be able to call the FBI or something - but they might not be able to do anything either, because the site could be hosted in some foreign country where the local authorities don't care.
The internet is Free Speech taken to almost the ultimate extreme. That means that there will be a lot of offensive stuff out there. In the absence of an internet censorship program like they have in China, we'll all have to live with it.
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My parents put a lot of pressure on me because they are almost 70 and my siblings are older, married, and well-established career-wise.
As the youngest, my life is in shambles. I'm pathetic. I was kicked out of my Ivy grad program after getting a C+ in a difficult class. I now don't know what do. My parents are strongly suggesting that I follow in the footsteps of my older sister who is a successful attorney. Everyday I speak to them, they (including my sister) suggest that I either go to law school, business school, or work for the U.N.
As a career, science is basically not an option anymore for me since I got a C+ in a very important class.
Anyway, I am stressed out and have clinical anxiety now. My career is in shambles. As a twenty-six year old, I feel like a failure, that I have disappointed my parents, and that my life is now without purpose or direction.
I have insomnia, I can't fall asleep at night, my hands shake when i am studying for the Business school, law school, and U.N. competitive exams (all of which I am studying for simultaneously since I promised my dad i would take the law exam, promised my mother I would take the business school exam, and promised my sister that I would take the U.N. exam--I guess each of them has a different agenda for me and all of them yell at me advice whenever I talk to them on the phone--they don't listen, they just yell at me), I am accustomed to weekly one-nighters, and I'm a frequent nailbiter and pen-chewer. I now have breakouts which i previously haven't had before, and i can't fall asleep at night, which is a contributor to my current skin problem.
I now have clinical anxiety, but I don't have the money for a therapist, and won't, since I'm currently unemployed and living in an expensive part of the country. I'm looking for jobs, but thusfar, have had no firm offers for non-temp positions.
Anyhow, i just wanted to see if anyone else here has academic anxiety and what they're doing about it. A lot of my friends themselves are going through problems of their own (i.e., relationship problems w/their bf's), and i don't want to burden them. Also, a lot of my friends living locally in the same city aren't as goal-oriented or academically driven as i am, so they can't relate to the same level as me when it comes to anxiety. I have made academics my life for the past four years. I have skipped parties, avoided dates, and basically made getting good grades my main priority. But now, I've been kicked out due to poor academic performance in a very important class.
I wasn't like this two years ago. Two years ago, i was a laid-back and happier person and more confident/secure with my academic abilities. Now, i find that i'm stressed out the majority of the time, can't relax when i go out with friends, and constantly in a state of anxiety about my career situation, which obviously is in a state of disaster. Coffee helps give me the energy to study, but it also makes me more nervous and keeps me awake and i can't relax or sleep after i come home from studying. I find that i have this restless nervous energy and i can't fall asleep. Anyone else strugggling with anxiety and just wondering if anyone else can provide me a constructive suggestion to solving my problem of anxiety other than self-medication?
(link)
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Anxiety is best attacked at the root, and I have a pretty good guess insofar as where the root of your anxiety lies. It lies in the multitude of people trying to run your life for you.
Everything you describe in your question is all about what other people want. Your life should be YOURS, not theirs. What do YOU want? Do you want to be an attorney, go into business, or work for the UN?
Talk to your friends. Sure, they have problems, but so does everyone; if you wait for your friends to not have problems, you'll never talk to them again! They may be happy to offer advice and solutions to you.
You say you've been kicked out of an Ivy Grad program. That would seem to indicate that you have a bachelor's degree that is worth something, or you wouldn't have been in a prestegious grad program. That means you can find work. It may not be the position you want right away, but we all start somewhere.
Most communities have a work center for the purpose of helping people find employment. They almost always offer their services free of charge (they get their funding from local employers, who find it cheaper to finance such places than to pay unemployment!) Find your local workforce center on the internet and pay them a visit. They may be able to give you options you hadn't considered.
If your family objects or tries to force you into their idea of what your career should be, you must politely remind them that you are an adult, this is your life, and you will take their advice seriously but in the end make your own decisions. That may be a hard step for you to take, given the tone of your post, but if you ever want to be happy again you'll need to take it.
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How intimate do you consider touching someone's face? To me it's incredibly intimate - reserved for lovers/close friends only, but others disagree. And for the record, I'm not talking about wiping peanut butter off someone's face here!;)
What do you all think? How does it rate on the 'intimacy scale?':)
(link)
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Well, it depends on the manner of touch. Muhammed Ali, for instance, touched other people's faces for a living, and there was nothing intimate about it.
All kidding aside... I'd say that to touch another's face is an intimate act. The face is a vulnerable area (the eyes are probably THE most vulnerable spot we have, being essentially a pair of holes that lead straight to the brain). Therefore, when we allow someone into that area, we are showing trust and expect that trust be be rewarded with affection.
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Hey all, I have been with a therapist now for about three sessions(booked in because of my difficulties with men). I have come to really like him, in fact I feel a real bond with him. Three obvious problems-1)I have no idea if he feels the same(have NO reason to suppose so), 2)even if he did, it would be against professional protocol 3) I am fully aware that the feelings I am experiencing MIGHT be no more than what is commonly called "transference" ie the transfeering of feelings for an old boyfriend (or w/e) onto a therapist.
Taking that all into account,I am seriously considering asking him to go out with me when I am discharged. Does anyone think that this is acceptable behaviour, or is it frowned on in itself, as a symptom of instability?
P.S. I googled him and discovered that he was a member of SETI. (School of Extra Terrestial Intelligence). My self, I think it's weird, but if anyone else could shed light on this aspect, it would be much appreciated.
Thanks. (link)
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Under no circumstances should you pursue an amorous relationship with your therapist. It would be a serious breach of professional ethics for him to respond in any way except to terminate your sessions and recommend a different therapist.
That having been said, what you feel is perfectly normal. Your therapist is almost by defnition an intelligent, empathetic man who listens to you and does what he can to help. Those are fairly attractive qualities! You, on the other hand, are in a position of vulnerability and are trusting him to help. That is also attractive in many ways. It is precisely because of these sorts of inhenerent temptations that relationships between doctors and their patients are seriously frowned upon.
Here's where it gets difficult for you: your attraction to your therapist may be interfering with your ability to heal. It may be necessary for you to take the initiative change therapists, for your own good. In this way you can get over it if what you are dealing with is mere transferrence, and if it is in fact real, it makes it so you may be able to explore those feelings sometime later. Be aware, however, that your therapist may take the viewpoint that one may NEVER have a nonprofessional relationship with a former patient, no matter how much time has passed. If that's the case, you're just going to have to deal with it; don't ask or expect him to compromise his ethics. This doesn't mean you can't tell him about it, though; that is up to you.
By the way, SETI is SEARCH for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence, and many intelligent, normal-minded people are interested in it.
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"My life is falling apart and I'm not going to let you follow me." Those were the last words my ex-girlfriend said to me. She just graduated high school and is as confused about life as we all are, but she can't let anyone help her, not even me. I love this girl and I want to be there for her but I don't know if I should give her the space she believes she needs, or if I should stand by her as someone she can depend on if she needs it. Any advice would be welcome. I'm a nineteen-year-old guy for the record. (link)
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For you to attempt to force your help on her would probably have the opposite effect that you might intend. She would likely pull further away, and the end result would be a worsening of the situation.
However, that does not mean you should cut her loose. Make it clear to her that you do not consider the welfare of the ones you love so lightly. I suggest saying something like this to her.
"You obviously care about me. You're trying to protect me and spare me pain. I appreciate that. I also care about you, and I want to protect you and spare you pain. I'll give you your space if you need it, but if I see you drowning I'm not going to stand there and watch it happen. I love you, and that doesn't just go away because you say so. Trust me enough to help you when you need it most."
Now, here's the rub: She may take you up on it. In that case, make sure you have a clear idea of what you're getting into. To use the metaphor above, if someone is drowning, they have an obligation to tell you if there are sharks in the water. Once she realizes that you truly do want to help, she incurs certain obligations by accepting it, and among them is being honest with you about what's really going on.
Of course, she may simply tell you to get lost. There comes a point when you may have to let go, because some people just won't be saved. If she is absolutely determined to let her life fall apart, make sure yours doesn't get caught in the explosion.
Finally, consider the painful possibility that this may simply be an unorthodox method of breaking up with you. If you suspect this is the case, then ask for an honest answer on the matter.
The one thing I think you can't do, honestly, is "just be there." You can take a proactive stance and get involved, or you can walk away, but Just Being There is worthless. Being There is step one, not the whole process. It doesn't help unless you also Do Something.
Look at it this way: If someone collapses on the street, you can begin CPR, or go call for help. But once you start CPR, you cannot stop until and unless you are totally unable to continue. Just Being There is like holding the victim's hand while they die. It may make you feel a little better, but in the end it doesn't do them a blind bit of good.
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how do you let a boy know you like him? (link)
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Well, you could tell him about it, or you could have a large cake delivered to his door and jump out of it wearing nothing but a bow tie and a pair of cherry-red heels.
Whichever one you choose, let us know how it turns out, 'kay?
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is it normal for people to shave there feet? (link)
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I happen to have thick hair on the top of my feet, and I shave it off from time to time because it can be uncomfortable when I wear certain shoes. Nothing weird about it that I can see. In any event, it's very unlikely that anyone will ever notice that you do it; my wife, who knows me pretty well, has never mentioned it.
A word of caution, though - there are some pretty major veins that run through the top of your foot. Take care not to cut them when you shave, or you'll have a doozy of a bleeder.
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What are some signs of cheating? Besides the obvious ones.. Also any expieriences that happened to you or someone you know would be great.
thanks (link)
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Without knowing your age, gender, and relationship to your significant other, it is very hard to give practical advice on this matter. For instance, if you're the man in the relationship, it's really not a sign of cheating if she comes home with a different perfume scent on her than usual - that's more of a sign that she's switched perfumes.
However, there are one or two things that are universal. One of the most common things is that cheaters will accuse their S.O. of cheating, in order to draw suspicion away from themselves. They also become very jealous and possessive, because they figure that if they're cheating odds are you could be too.
A cheater must divide his time. If he has a regular evening every week which you discover is not what he says (like, if he claims to be getting together with the guys for poker and you find out that the rest of the guys have been going bowling without him), then that's a red flag. This applies to women as well, but I had to pick a pronoun so I'm going with "he".
One of the basic rules of cheating is that everyone else will find out about it before you do. Ask good friends, the ones who will give you honest answers that you can trust, whether they think anything might be going on.
Once again, if you can supply some further details about you and the nature of your relationship, you'll get more useful answers.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Given that additional info, I'd say that unless he's carrying on the affair at work, during working hours, then you can rest assured it's unlikely to be happening. However, if you still want to seek out possible points of suspicion, consider the following:
- Has he expressly forbidden you to show up at his workplace without calling first? (Note - if he works in a high-security area like a government building, that may be a requirement, so in that case it's not cause for concern)
- Is he frequently working late? If so, this may be a sign of a hard worker rather than a cheater, but you might consider showing up and bringing him a surprise dinner sometime. If you do this once and all is innocent, then give him the benefit of the doubt.
- A cheater must frequently buy gifts and such for his partners on the side. Are there discrepencies in your finances?
Quite honestly, the way you describe the situation, I doubt that he's cheating. It generally takes more of a time investment than he would seem to be putting in. As far as things not being how they used to be, people do change between the ages of 16 and 18, and that may be all there is to it. If you have dissatisfaction in the relationship, talk to him about it; maybe it's something you both feel the same about and it just hasn't been discussed. But if I were you, I wouldn't mention any suspicion of cheating unless you have some actual evidence, because he may find it an insulting to have you question his integrity without reason (I would).
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In May of 2006, my best friend had an end of school party and invited all girls. One of the girls that she invited started a game called “truth or dare: make out style.” The first person that she dared was me. We licked, kissed, and touched each other all over each other’s body. I had to kiss and touch my best friend that I’ve now since I was in kindergarten and it felt kind of awkward but I got used to it!! I actually enjoyed it, which I know was wrong. In august, my best friends mom comes knocking on my door and says that her daughter said that I was making advances towards her, which I didn’t. The girls at the party said that I started the game and later was denied to ever see or handout with my very best friend. What should I do to the friends that blamed everything on me? I need some major advice!!!!!!
(link)
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This is a most unfortunate situation. My guess is that some of the other girls were uncomfortable with what was going on. Your friend might have actually been okay with it, but was afraid to admit it to her mother, and so blamed it on you. She didn't have the courage to speak the truth, and as a result you've been hurt.
It's my own opinion that there's actually nothing wrong with what you did, but you'll find that not everyone has that opinion. You will also find that most parents are going to freak out about behavior like this, and look to blame anyone they can except their own kid.
What can you do about it? Unfortunately, your options are somewhat limited. If everyone else is saying one thing and you're saying another, people will assume that you're the one who's lying. It's not fair or right, but it's what you will face. The only thing you can do is make it clear to these "friends" that they hurt you with their dishonesty, that you now feel you cannot trust them, and that there can be no friendship without trust. If possible, you must inform their parents that you have been unfairly accused and that they are making you take the fall for something that everyone participated in. Some of them may choose to believe you. Some of them won't no matter what you say or do.
You're going to lose some of these friends. Be prepared for that. Those that were true friends will come around, and I truly hope that some of them do. If any of them are of good character, they will; if not, you may be better off without them in the long run.
You have my sympathy. Best of luck to you.
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How long after conception do u start getting symptoms of pregnancy? (link)
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It varies.
The first symptom may be morning sickness, but not everyone gets it - and of course, there are plenty of other things that can cause one to throw up, so just because you're feeling ill doesn't mean you're pregnant.
The second symptom which is pretty much universal, is a missed period; but again, there are plenty of reasons why that can happen.
Aside from those two things, a normal pregnancy can last for three or four months before you notice anything at all. It's at about that time when most women begin to show, depending of course on their body type. By the fifth month, there won't be any question about it, especially since the baby will probably be kicking by then. However, there have been cases where a woman has arrived in the emergency room with stomach pains, completely unaware up to that point that she was pregnant, only to have the pains diagnosed as labor.
Right around the ninth month, you can expect cramping, godawful pain, and the sudden appearance of one or more small human beings.
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how do you know when you're about to umm...arrive sexually? is it something obvious? i'm a virgin, so i wouldnt know or not. i just want to be prepared. (link)
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One of the necessary steps to take before you're ready to have sex is to feel comfortable talking about it, which you obviously are not. You seem to "speak" with hesitation and uncertainty even in an anonymous forum, so I tend to think you probably couldn't talk about it openly to a potential partner.
And you need to be able to do that, because you have to settle matters like birth control and STD protection. You need to be able to say "no" to something that doesn't feel right, and you need to know that your partner will stop if you want to stop. Without direct and open communication, you won't be able to have that confidence.
Here's a way to know if you're ready: Are you prepared to deal with the consequences if your birth control fails? It can happen, even if you do everything right, and you shouldn't take the leap until and unless you can handle that possibility.
Also, consider your reasons for doing it before you have sex. If you're doing it for any of the following reasons, wait for a better reason to come along:
- Everyone else is doing it. (with the exception of breathing, this is a pretty bad reason to do anything)
- I just want to get it over with. (this is the proper attitude to approach a dental appointment, not sex)
- My boyfriend/girlfriend will leave me if I don't. (Don't be pressured. If you want to be attractive and desireable, acting like a doormat is not a good way to do it.)
- I can't control my hormones. (If you can't control yourself, you're not mature enough to have sex, and neither is anyone else who uses this line on you as a pressure tactic.)
- I don't want to be a 40-year-old virgin. (You're probably not even halfway to 40 yet. This is not an immediate concern!)
- Just once, I want to do something totally crazy. (Try bunjee jumping. It has fewer long-term consequences.)
Remember this: If you are not ready, there is no shame in that. There will be time, and it's better to wait and have a wonderful experience than it is to rush and have a painful memory.
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can anyone give me any advice for basketball? cuz the only thing i can do in basketball is shoot and dribble. i'm not good at anything else in this sport.
-____-|| (link)
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Basketball is a team sport. The skills you speak of are individual ones, and they are important, but far more important is learning how to function as part of the team. Therefore, my best advice to you is to find others to practice with. Being able to dribble and shoot well won't get you far if you don't also know how to pass, set up a defense, and otherwise work with your team.
Nowadays, individual basketball performers get a lot of press, but the truly great ones are the ones who play the game with their teammates.
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okay well i like thisguys and i know that one of them likes me but i have never talked to him before i like him also. (link)
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And your question is... ?
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14/f is it true that if someone or something smacks you too hard in the boobs they will STOP growing??
thanks... (link)
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Only if it smacks you hard enough to create some major scar tissue. In that event, however, you'll also be dealing with broken ribs, collapsed lungs, and possible injury to the heart, so I'd say that a lack of boobs would be the least of your troubles.
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Is it true that water helps so that your face clears up? (link)
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Yes, I would definitely recommend water. You'll also want to consume lots of oxygen, and you may wish to partake of food now and then.
Water can be used for drinking, or applied directly to the face in a process known as "washing". This is a powerful deterrent against acne and also helps against conditions such as dirt.
Lack of water can lead to severe acne or death, so by all means, consume water!
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what kind of questions should you ask a girl to help you get to know her better (link)
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You might start with questions that are a little more specific than the one you just asked. Otherwise, you'll get nonspecific answers, like this one.
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This might be kind of long. Sorry.
I got my first job not even a month ago. Maybe 3 weeks ago. I work about 2-3 times a week, making minimum wage. I'm 16, too, and have been for about 5 months, and I have my driver's permit. Today my mom told me (more like demanded..) that I was going to get my license by October 1st because she needs help and can't take me to work all the time. I don't want to do that because I calculated that at least 3/4 of my paychecks will go to HER for insurance. There are 4 expensive things I want to get first before I have to pay that much money to my mom (ipod, digital camera, digital video recorder, and laptop). The reason is because it would take me 3 times as long to save up for all of that if I have to pay my mom for insurance because of a license.
What do I do? She doesn't seem willing to compromise..and if she continues to force me to get my license, I may feel inclined to fail the driving test on purpose because my mom is not the only one wanting to save money. (link)
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A sixteen-year-old with a job that pays minimum wage JUST CAN'T GET an ipod, digital camera, digital video recorder, and laptop. Heck, I'm 35 and pulling down about $50K a year, and I only have ONE of those things (and that's because I do professional photography on the side and actually need a digital camera).
You need to face reality here. Your mom is making a reasonable request of you, which is that you get yourself to work each day. If you can do it without using a car, then more power to you, but this isn't really about that, it's about you growing up. Get the license, just in case you need to drive somewhere in an emergency. Just because you have a driver's license doesn't mean you have to have a car. Failing the test on purpose would be rather childish and wouldn't help you one bit if your mom just decides not to drive you anywhere.
I suggest that you try to work out something with your mom that you pay her for the use of her car on a case-by-case basis. The IRS allows you to write off 44.5 cents per mile if you use your personal vehicle for work purposes; I think that if you offer your mom 50 cents a mile (just to keep the math easy), it would be a reasonable deal to make. Of course, your use of the car would be at her discretion.
Bottom line: your mom needs a little cooperation and wants you to take some responsibility. You want electronic toys. I really feel that she's presenting the stronger case!
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I wanted to send an e-mail to one of my best friends have always been there for me no matter what and that I can tell anything to and let her know how much I appreciate her. I've been best friends with her since third grade and I am now in seventh. I was going to put all of our good times in the e-mail, but I don't know what else to put. Does anyone know of something else that I can put in the e-mail? (link)
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I can't tell you what to tell your friend, because for it to be truly personal you must decide. I can tell you this, though: Don't send E-mail, send a REAL letter. A real letter is physical; it can be held, it has your handwriting and your personal touch, and it can be saved for years. E-mail is for quick and easy communication or for passing on the latest gossip; it's not something to treasure.
Get pen, get paper, and make it real.
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i really love your advice. this is my fave though-
Okay well I know what making out is. But I don't really get how you do it. I know it's like kissing with the tongue but do you keep kissing while the tongues in each other's mouths or are your lips just like together? And what do guys like you to do when you're making out? Uhmm help
Usually, serious make-out kissing involves tongue, but different people enjoy kissing in different ways. Heck, it can even be fun to experiment with different kinds of kissing.
Guys like different things when it comes to making out, of course, but something that is fairly universal is that they need to know where the boundaries are. If it's okay with you that they feel your breasts, then there are different ways you can encourage that (rubbing them yourself, nudging his hands that way, a little shiver and a sigh when he "accidentally" brushes his hand over your nipple). However, if it's NOT okay for him to put his hands inside your shirt, then stop him gently but firmly, smile and say, "I'm not ready for that." A decent guy will always respect your limits, and it IS up to you to set them, because he probably won't.
Here's a list of things that guys like to hear (as long as they're true - don't fake it!):
(1) "Mmm, I like the way you _______" (fill the blank with something you like)
(2) "Hold still, I want to try something." (follow this with something you haven't tried before, like nibbling on his ear or kissing him upside-down, like Spider-Man.)
(3) "You're getting me really excited." (NOTE: Unless you plan on actually having sex, this is probably the sexiest comment you want to make!)
(4) "I feel so safe with you." (This is both a stroke to the male ego and a reminder that they need to be respectful of your boundaries)
Things NOT to say:
(1) "You're much better than _____." (Guys don't want to know about your previous boyfriends at a time like this, even if they ARE better.)
(2) "I wish we could go all the way." (His response will be, "Why not?" leaving you having a conversation about why you can't have sex instead of enjoying what you CAN do.)
(3) "Is that a pencil in your pocket?" (The reason why not to say this should be obvious.)
Happy necking!
you're awesome. keep up the good work. (link)
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Thank you! I appreciate that.
I wanted to express my gratitude for your kind words, but be aware that I will be erasing this one from my column after a day or so, because I want to keep it filled only with Q&A.
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My best friend's name is Mike, and I have another close friend who's name is Ashley. Both of them have rather sad past relationships, and Mike's ex-girlfriend was my best friend of three years before we drifted apart. Before she and Mike had started dating, she knew that I had a crush on him, but she dated him anyway. It cracked our friendship, and I don't want that to happen with anyone else. After they broke up, I was getting a lot of hints that he liked me; he brought me my favourite flowers (a boquet of sunflowers and red roses that he arranged) in the morning on my birthday, he went out of his way to get me and him concert tickets to Strhess Fest, and whenever he hugs me, he trails his fingertips down my side.
Ashley recently got a car, while neither Mike nor I have one, so Mike's been around Ashley lately, and she knows how I feel about him, but she likes him anyway, and he's been saying that if he were wanting to date, he'd ask her out.
I don't know if I should tell Mike how I feel, and possibly ruin our friendship, or if I should let him and Ashley date; but I let that happen once, and it pretty much ruined our friendship. (link)
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I think you should tell him how you feel, without delay. He certainly giving you a lot of signals, and he's probably waiting for one from you. He may be suggesting the idea of him dating your friend just to see how you'd react.
You have nothing to lose by telling him how you feel, because if you don't, your friendship is eventually doomed anyway. Consider this: Guys do NOT personally arrange flower bouquets for girls they want to be "Just Friends" with.
How you tell him is up to you, but tell him quickly, before he asks Ashley out. If he asks her out first, and then you approach him, your friendship with her will be jeopardized.
Speaking as a guy, I can tell you that EVERYTHING Mike is doing is a strong sign of affection for you. Go for it!
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