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To walk away?
"My life is falling apart and I'm not going to let you follow me." Those were the last words my ex-girlfriend said to me. She just graduated high school and is as confused about life as we all are, but she can't let anyone help her, not even me. I love this girl and I want to be there for her but I don't know if I should give her the space she believes she needs, or if I should stand by her as someone she can depend on if she needs it. Any advice would be welcome. I'm a nineteen-year-old guy for the record.
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i think it would be best to do both. let her have her space. she obviously needs to do a lot of sorting, emotionally. but i also think you need to be there for her no matter what. but understand that girls can tend to get very emotional sometimes and that becuase shes going through a tough time, things wil be way worse. there will probably be some things thrown back and forth that she doesnt mean, but stick by her. i dont think youll have any problem doing that though, becuase it seems like you really care about her.
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For you to attempt to force your help on her would probably have the opposite effect that you might intend. She would likely pull further away, and the end result would be a worsening of the situation.
However, that does not mean you should cut her loose. Make it clear to her that you do not consider the welfare of the ones you love so lightly. I suggest saying something like this to her.
"You obviously care about me. You're trying to protect me and spare me pain. I appreciate that. I also care about you, and I want to protect you and spare you pain. I'll give you your space if you need it, but if I see you drowning I'm not going to stand there and watch it happen. I love you, and that doesn't just go away because you say so. Trust me enough to help you when you need it most."
Now, here's the rub: She may take you up on it. In that case, make sure you have a clear idea of what you're getting into. To use the metaphor above, if someone is drowning, they have an obligation to tell you if there are sharks in the water. Once she realizes that you truly do want to help, she incurs certain obligations by accepting it, and among them is being honest with you about what's really going on.
Of course, she may simply tell you to get lost. There comes a point when you may have to let go, because some people just won't be saved. If she is absolutely determined to let her life fall apart, make sure yours doesn't get caught in the explosion.
Finally, consider the painful possibility that this may simply be an unorthodox method of breaking up with you. If you suspect this is the case, then ask for an honest answer on the matter.
The one thing I think you can't do, honestly, is "just be there." You can take a proactive stance and get involved, or you can walk away, but Just Being There is worthless. Being There is step one, not the whole process. It doesn't help unless you also Do Something.
Look at it this way: If someone collapses on the street, you can begin CPR, or go call for help. But once you start CPR, you cannot stop until and unless you are totally unable to continue. Just Being There is like holding the victim's hand while they die. It may make you feel a little better, but in the end it doesn't do them a blind bit of good.
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I think you should stand by her as someone she can depend on if she needs it. If she wants her space, you shouldn't disobey that, and get in her bubble. Give her some time, she'll eventually figure out what she wants to do with herself, and her life, and then she'll come around.
♥TiNA
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