I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32921
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I'm just curious if a parent allows their child to drive without a permit & they get caught what happens? Does the parent get their license suspended? (: (link)
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It depends on where you live. Are you in the U.S.? Some states will only punish the child, suspending their ability to get a license for up to 5 years. Some states will suspend the child and fine the parents or add points to their license, which means higher insurance rates and higher fines for any future offenses. Whatever the case may be, its not a good idea.
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So my boyfriend and I havent had sex for over 2 months. Its not that I dont want to have sex with him, its just that I dont want to just have sex anywhere. He is constantly reminding me that we havent had sex. Today we got into a huge arguement because we werent gonna be able to see eachother and he ended up telling me that he cant take it aymore and that if im not going to have sex with him, then he's going to get it from someone else. A few hours later he text me and told me that he was sorry, yet he doesnt want to talk about what was said. He called me after asking me if I like Guess purses and I said yes, but i don't want him to think that he can just buy me something and its going to change what was said. I really don't know what to do anymore and I need help on what this relationship will be like if things stay the way they are. Please comment. Thank You very much! (link)
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I just read x0for3v3rfr33x0's response to your question and rather than write my own I'll just say - I second that! It was good advice.
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I met a wonderful widow with 3 children, 12, 14 & 16. Her husband died from cancer a year ago. We've been dating for almost 9 months. I asked her to marry me after 5 months, she said yes. I found out that I have cancer 1 month after. It appears that this cancer I have is not a very treatable kind. I can prolong my life several yrs., but not much longer, unless I am the one in a million miracle. We have not told the children. It was very hard on them watching there father take 2 yrs to pass. I don't want to hurt them again. She said we will hide it until it's obvious. I'm not sure if I want to put 3 kids into another tragic relationship so soon to their past one. I've grown to love them. Should I break it off with her?, should I break it off with them?, I don't want to be the cause of tempering these wonderful people any further than they are. (link)
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This is a tough one. I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. I guess the real question is - do you leave now, or wait until you disease forces you to leave? Either way, you'll be leaving these people you've come to love. Would it be better to spend the time you have left with the ones you love, or leave them wondering why you abandoned them so suddenly when it seemed like everything is ok. Its so difficult, but I think ultimately the children would want to have you in their lives as long as possible. It will be hard for them if you eventually do succumb to the disease, but as you said, you do have some time left, and with advances in medicine these days, it may be longer than you think. And being surrounded by people you love and who bring joy to your life can also help your body in its fight. As the children get older they may be better able accept what's happening to you, and they may even be able to learn something extremely valuable from you as they watch how you deal with your disease. Don't rob them of that. Indeed, it is a tragic situation, but don't think that no good can come of it. Surely, they will be hurt to lose you someday, but let that someday be later rather than sooner. It sounds like this family needs you as long as you can be there, and you need them too. As hard as it will be, this sounds like something you all need to sit down and face together. I understand your fiance's hesitance to tell them, but the longer you wait the more they'll feel lied to when they do find out. And who knows, you may be surprised at how they handle the news. This sounds like it will be a test of character for all involved. Give the kids this amazing opportunity to discover their own characters and coping abilities. Cherish each moment. Don't run away. It is my feeling that may hurt them more in the end than knowing that you stuck it out for as long as you could, for them. Good Luck to you. And remember, you are not dead. You are still very much alive, so live like you are.
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My boyfriend is a few years older than me. In a year I will be transfering from the local college i attend now to a university about 3 hours away. He has already completed college.
I love him and i want to be with him, but i cant help thinking that i should get the college experience that most people do. This isn't to say i want to "get around", but just experience being with different guys. He understands this and realizes if this is what i want then he can't argue with me.
I am so torn. I love him so much and i really can see myself being with him in the long-run, but i dont want to look back at my life and regret the fact that i never had that true college experience like my friends. I never expected to have a boyfriend going into college, so I don't know what to do.
There is always the option of taking a break, but that usually ends with one person heartbroken. I dont want anyone to get hurt.
If anyone has had a similar experience or has anything to say on the matter, I'd appreciate it. Thanks so much. (link)
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Unfortunately no one can go through life without heartbreak, at least once. This is not an easy situation and there's going to be no easy solution. Accept that. You sound like you already know what you want to do, but understandably you don't want to hurt someone you love. However, you could end up hurting him worse by going off to college and then having him wonder if you are giving your heart to someone else. Not to mention the guilt and conflict you'll feel as you start to meet new people and want to hang out and get to know them. You'll be moving in a new direction for a while and that will mean you'll be pulling away from him, even if its only for a little while. So, you may have to do the hard thing and break it off. It will hurt both of you for a while, but I promise, in the long run, no matter what happens, you will never regret it. And who knows, you may both come back together some day with even stronger feelings, knowing for sure that you don't want to be with anyone else again. Good Luck.
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where dose it says in the bible that preacher sould or not get paid? (link)
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Preachers/pastors do a job. The Bible says "Let a man be paid his worth". There are many corrupt religious leaders out there who take advantage of their congregations and are greedy. They take money that belongs to the church and its ministries. Those people will ultimately pay the price for their greed. However, there are many other pastors/preachers who provide a genuine service. They hold no other jobs. They go to the hospital when someone is sick, counsel people who are having troubles, they are active in ministries such as feeding the poor, orphanages, etc. And most have families of their own. They need to be paid as well. Since they work for the church, that is where they are paid from. A truly open and honest pastor will have a SET salary that is not based on how much the church receives in tithes, but it set by a board of directors or leaders in the church. He/she should not deal with the money themselves, but receive a paycheck on a regular basis like the rest of the working world. And I'm sorry, but it is wrong that most religions don't believe in paying their leaders. How else should they survive? Buy food? Pay rent? Only large denominations like the Catholic church or Anglicans provide homes for their pastors. Most pastors must provide for their own care and families. So it might seem wrong to "pay" your pastor, but his JOB is pastoring. Its only wrong if that paycheck turns into something more, something greedier. I'm sure you've seen those people and are smart enough to know who they are and when to avoid them.
I believe it can be found in Lamentations in the Old Testament. I'm sorry I can't remember the chapter. I'll check. But Lamentations is an interesting book - its all about work and discipline and being a faithful worker.
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18/m. You've probabaly heard this story before, but oh well.
I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks before christmas.We had been going out for 6months prior. I thought that the relationship was really not working out. She thought the same but she didnt want to break up. After breaking up, she was rather depressed, you could see it in her face, and was crying a few days after.
On christmas eve, we met up to exchange presents which we bought before breaking up, and had breakup sex (probabaly not a good idea now that i think about it).
Before we started going out, she liked this other guy, jack. So the other day, i found out (on facebook) that she's going out with jack. Im sort of feeling the whole "now that you cant have her, you want her". Im not even sure that i want her, i guess im just confused that she's going out with him, just 2months after we broke up. Im not really sure what i think...abit of jealousy i think.
So whats your opinion. Am i right for being jealous, or feeling this? obviousely i cant do anything about it. Hope you can help, and sorry if its long. Thanks in advance.
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I think its natural to feel this way. You invested so much in this relationship, then when it was over you had one more brief connection, making it harder for you to move on. Trust your instincts on this one. In your heart you know it was not working out. But so much emotion has gone into this relationship, of course its hard to see her with someone else, and so soon after your break up. But give it some time. If she wasn't with this guy would you want to be with her? It would just be the same problems all over again. The only thing you can do is back off and wait for time to heal your hurt. Just because you know someone is not right for you doesn't mean you don't care. This will pass, but it will take time.
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How am I supposed to ask for advice if I dont know what my problem is. This is what happened to me a few weeks ago. I met this lady, a very brilliant, smart, sophisticated type of a woman.
She went out with me several times, we shared notes in our school work...she is a Physician Assistant student at University of Minnesota and am going for my masters in Mass Communication and Journalism.
After a few weeks, she started missing my phone calls, ignoring my phone calls and when I confronted her she asked me for money to pay a medical bill of 1,200.00.
What was she upto? I wondered!
So I asked her if she thinks we are heading anywhere with our relationship?
She said I was not her type....I was not light skin enough....I was tall enough and had the hair she liked but I was not light skin enough.
Should I bleach myself...cause I really care about her.....pleae advise. thanks...bye
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Ummm... run, fast, the other way. This chick is a user. She doesn't talk to you except to ask for money. Sounds like a classic chickenhead. You don't need to change a thing about you except the loser leech you've managed to hook up with. Sorry, I know you said you care for her, but she obviously does not care for you. Are you so lonely that you would settle for this treatment from someone who is supposed to care for you? Step away from this situation for a moment and objectively look at it. Is this what you think a good relationship looks like? You've been had, my friend. You can do better. You'll know you've found "the one" when she tells you you're perfect just the way you are. Don't settle for less, or you'll always regret it.
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I'm a 21 year old female. I rejected a guy about a month ago, not because I didn't like him (i really did like him), but because I had just started to date someone else, and didn't want to see 2 guys at the same time. I only hung out with the guy I rejected once, but we had a good time. Nothing physical happened. I wrote him a short, nice message apologizing and explaining why I couldn't see him anymore. Now this relationship is over, and I really want to get in touch with him again! I don't know if I should. Will he react badly since I rejected him? Is there a certain amount of time I have to wait? (link)
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Go for it. You did the right thing at the time by refusing to string along two guys at once. However, the relationship you chose didn't last. Fire off a short email saying hello, and apologizing again for not being able to see him again after you had such a good time, but you didn't want to lead him on or be deceptive. Then just let him know your relationship with this other person has come to an end and you find yourself thinking about what a nice time you two had together. Then just ask if he'd like to meet up for coffee or a drink sometime so you could apologize in person. Go ahead, you've nothing to lose.
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what is the code when you are installing the sims 3? I realy need help on this because i need it for my game. Ive looked everywhere for it and I cant find it.Please help! (link)
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The code is on the box, on a slip of paper that comes in the game, and on the game cover on the back. That's 3 places. If you don't have any of these things contact the manufacturers and ask them what to do.
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my boyfriend and i had sex without any protection for the first time.. He didnt cum in me, but we suspect pre-cum did.. Can i get pregnant over pre-cum? Or is it 110% unlikely? Thank you. (link)
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Yes, you can. Don't mess around with that stuff. Use protection or you WILL regret it someday.
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i'm going to a euro-trash themed party this weekend, but i don't know what to wear. i'm a girl. does anyone know any clothing ideas? (don't say *trashy* or an adjective, actual clothing please) (link)
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Anything shiny or glittery with corny patterns. Should be very tight, and wear heavy makeup. Tease your hair out, put big bows or scrunchies in it. And lots of fake jewelry. Have fun. What a great idea for a party!
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So we are going to go to a place with a hot-tub and we really need to know: Do condoms work underwater? I mean for sure?
I rate everybody! (link)
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No. And furthermore, the heat from a hot-tub can mess with the latex and make it much less effective, and condoms are only about 76% effective anyway, so don't even risk it.
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I've just started using tampons for my period and I've noticed they don't come in a wide array of sizes really (light, regular, super, super plus from what I've seen). I picked up the super absorbencies since my period flow is really heavy but it feels pretty uncomfortable when I insert it. I thought maybe after the tampon soaked up some that it would be more comfortable and "normal" feeling but it still feels the same.
I read that you could get TSS from using a tampon that was too heavy for your flow and I really don't want to risk that. How do I know if my tampon is too big? (link)
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Always start with regular size. You'll know what you need by how full it is when you take it out, and how often you have to change it. I use different sizes throughout my period. I start off with regular, when my flow is the heaviest. After a day or 2 I'll switch to light, when my flow is lighter. If you've had the tampon in for a few hours and it is still relatively dry and hard to remove, you know its too big and you need to switch to a smaller size. Hope that helps.
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i'm 17/f and i have a problem with myself. i'm never really "happy". whenever i'm at school i'm distant and cold to everyone, even my friends. sometimes my moods lift and i'll be happy but then i'll get tired from the sudden rush of energy and go back to being depressed or angry. at church i'm pretty much the same way, and at home i'm just quiet most of the time. the only time i'm not a pissed off upset mess is when i'm hanging out with friends outside of school. but recently my best friend moved about thirty minutes away and my other friend and i aren't aloud to talk to eachother. and my other best friend already lived about 25-30 minutes away. how do i keep my moods from waving all the time? (link)
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You're not angry for no reason. I bet your mood swings are connected to some situation in your life. Do you have something to be angry about? Family life? Something personal? You need to identify what it is that is making you lash out. The anger may come up in certain situations, but its a symptom of a larger problem. My suggestion would be therapy/counseling. Not because you're crazy, but because it would help you to talk to a professional and identify what it is that is causing this for you. Ask your doctor or school counselor for help finding someone. However, if you can't get access to a good therapist, you can do some things on your own. A lot of people take medication for "mood swings" and depression. The medication changes the balance of chemicals in your body and helps it produce chemicals that make you feel happier and more positive. You can do this same thing by helping your body naturally as well. Exercise might sound lame, but it creates endorphines (the "happy chemical" in your body. It can also be a great way to release tension and focus your anger somewhere. Do you like to run, bike, play basketball, or just go for walks? Pick something you enjoy. Also, keep a journal. It can be a substitute for talking to someone. And find other outlets for your energy - whatever it is you like to do - writing, reading, building, playing chess, whatever. Is there someone you trust at church to talk to? Sometimes that can help, and finding someone to pray with you can also help a lot. You shouldn't deal with this alone. It will only get worse. You can help yourself, but it will take work, and a willingness to be open with others. I experienced this same thing myself. I was fortunate enough to be able to see a therapist. I went for a year and it changed my life. But I know not everyone can do that. If you can't, that means you have to take the initiative and do things to help yourself. You reached out here. That's a great first step. Try to reach out to others around you that you think you can trust. It sounds like you're at the end of your rope. I believe sometimes God brings us to the end of our ropes because its only then that we'll reach out for help, and that's a good thing. I wish you the best. You can beat this, you can change, but it will be hard work. You'll have bad days, but the goal is to make those bad days become further and further apart. Good luck to you!
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I have been on birth control pills for over three years now. I stopped having my period about 6 months after I started taking them. I take them daily and for the past week I have been having spotting. It isn't heavy enough to call a period but it is kind of heavy for spotting. I am not pregnant (took two tests) but I have no idea what it could be. I have no health insurance so going to a doctor would be really difficult to do. Does anyone have any idea why this would be occurring?
Thank you! (link)
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Sometimes birth control needs to be switched or readjusted. Spotting is common. See your doctor and tell him/her about these problems. Chances are you just need a different brand.
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I don't have time for a shower in the morning, so I take one before bed. And sometimes I'll wake up and my hair is frizzy. Is there a quick way to bring down the frizz????
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There is an entire line of anti-frizz products called Frizz Eaze. Check it out. They have gels, mousse, serums, all kinds of things to use quick in the morning before you head out. Also, I like to keep a spray bottle of water in the bathroom. I just spray my hair a little and get just enough dampness to style my hair the way I want, using my Frizz Eaze products, of course.
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Okay, So....Recently my Fiance of 5 years decided to go to full nude bar without letting me know. To start off it was brought to my attention he had to go to work saturday morning so he wouldn't be able to come into town, (He is living away due to his job relocating) so I am still in our home town, doing the long distance thing right now! He usually comes into town every weekend an recently this weekend he told me he had to work saturday morning an couldn't come into town, which i thought was wierd considering the job he did would be cancelled because of all the rain we had coming! He called me friday night an told me he was going to bed, I didn't trust that he was going to bed because why would he go to sleep at 8 at night, (We live together & That is not normal) I know him better than that so suddenly I expected something was going on. So about maybe 2 hours later I check his account just to see if he was lying or not an 3 different bars pop up on his account 1 being a nude strip club, and I immedietly flipped out because he lied to me and an disrespected me an broke our trust! I called him over and over, no answer...And so I drove to where he works (4hours away) and he apologized an explained he feels like he can't tell me things because I may get upset, an I told him now it makes it harder for me to trust him because he lied to me, an it's hard enough living away from him during the week! I have been lied to maybe 3yrs ago in the past from him about cheating an he hasn't lied since...now this is going on an I don't know what to think, maybe we should go to counseling, I don't know but will he do it again? Or does he know I am pretty blunt that this is the last time I let him betray me like that? I would appreciate any feedback left, Thanks for listening, I had alot on my mind an just need a set of ears! (link)
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You've been together for quite a while, so walking away isn't necessarily the first thing you should do here. I think counselling is a great idea. It can help the two of you air out things with a neutral third party that you might not be able to talk about honestly and clearly with each other on a regular basis. You'll be absolutely shocked about the things that can come up with a good therapist... things you never even considered. Ask your fiance if he'll go with you, not to condemn him, but to help the two of you better understand each other. If he won't go, go by yourself. It will still help, trust me. While your there, you may want to talk about why you've been engaged for 5 years and still haven't married.
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okay well im dating this guy, we are a couple hours distance and only see each other on the weekends usually. Well lately he has been blowing me off. He told me no sometime last month because he was goin to see his friends indtead so i was like okay. I offered to pick him up that week and take him here to a few days and he was like no the weather is bad I got upset but got over it. Then the next weekend i was able to use my grandmas car again, but she wouldnt have known about it. I offered to pick him up once again and he told me no the weather is bad. I flipped out and started screamin and crying and we almost broke up. I overeacted i admit. But it had been three weeks since i had seen him at all. Well that next weekend my sister got ahold of a car for me and i saw him. I went to see him and i found on his phone text messages from his ex that were to friendly. I had recenlty got pissed at him before that because he was talking to her when i toldh im not to. He just told me to get over it. I just told him that i dont trust them two together because of there past and I had found myspace messages where she had mssaged him sayin they needed to get together and "get it on" I had perfect reasoning to want him to stay away from her. so I got pissed about the text messages of course. I didnt snap or anything i just called him a lier and told him to get off of me because he had wrestled me down to get his phone. Well I left and ever since then he has been a complete ass. He tells me im a wife and says that he intentionally ignores me. Well its been about a month since ive seen him. Next weekend will be a month. I was supposed to go see him not this weekend but the last but he said he was wanting to go see his friends and i was like okay thats fine but i told him to stay away from his ex, thats the only reason i was uptight about it and hes like alright and called me a wife. Well it turned out he couldnt go that weekend and didnt tell me till that sunday. He said he would leave tuesday and be back friday so we made plans to see each other this weekend. Well teusday comes around and he cant go then. So i tell him okay when i come see you this weekend ill take you over there sunday and you can spend the whole week there. He didnt reply. THursday i call him and hes like your gonna be pissed and im like why. HEs like im goin to south bend(his friends) this weekend. I did get pissed. I didnt yell at him but i was bitchin, i told him tha he nver takesme into consideration and that its all about him and that i told him id take him there sunday and he could have all week there. He was like well they have been waitin to see me its "mandatory" I cried a little because thats what happens when i get mad. HE called me a wife again. WEll i have barely eard anythng from him since he's been there and he usally tried to ignore me some. So i called him again friday morning and i asked him i was like you wanna be with me right? He was like yea, i said then what is it i do wrong, why dont you ever talk to me, what is it i need to fix. He was like nothing your fine. I was like obviously not if you dont talk to me. HEwas like like nothing your perfect. SO i dont know. Do you think im overreacting about seeing him? and do you think i overreacted about his ex gurl? (link)
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This guy is trying to tell you every which way except straight out that he doesn't want to be involved with you anymore. He's a chicken and a jerk for not having the balls to be honest with you, but it looks like you'll have to be the bigger person here. You need to let him go. Just really think about it... if he missed you as much as you miss him wouldn't he do anything to make time to see you? I'm afraid the harsh reality is he doesn't want to be your boyfriend anymore. Let this one go and concentrate on yourself for a while. When you're not looking you're going to come across an amazing guy who loves you can't wait to spend every minute with you!
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Ok, so I'm a 19/f, and I' currently a sophomore in college. I met this one girl in college freshman year, and we have been best friends ever since. But I've noticed that this past year, she has maken it sort of her hobby to put me down. She'll constantly say negative comments about my body, my hair, my clothes and how I look. She even manages to take blows at my personality. We'll be in casual conversation on a completely unrelated topic, and she manages she find some way to insult me.
I do consider her one of my really close friends. I tell her everything and we do a lot together and always have a lot of fun. I just don't know why she insists on always putting me down. It really hurts, and I'm always so insecure on how I look, which involved having a minor eating disorder for about a year. I always feel horrible about myself, and I try to always change things so she'll stop saying stuff. I know changing for someone else is the wrong thing to do, but I will literally do anything to make the comments stop.
I've tried talking to her about it which resulted in even more comments, and I've also just tried completely ignoring them. I don't want too just stop being her friend because we are really close, and I don't have many other friends at my school. Plus were in college, and I feel like I'm dealing with the mean girl from high school all over again. Anyway, any advice would be appreciated. (link)
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How good of a friend can she be if she's always making you feel bad about yourself? Sounds to me like this is more of a friendship of convenience for you. A real friendship involves an exchange, a give and take. It sounds like she's taking more from you than she's giving (at least in the self-esteem department). Instead of worrying about how to fix her (you've obviously tried, it didn't help) concentrate more on making other friends. Join a group or a club of your interest. That's always a great way to meet people because you already have common interests with the people around you. As you make new friends you'll depend less and less on your current friendship. Maybe then her comments won't hurt you so bad. You can still be her friend and hang out, but you'll have other interests and friends to balance out her negativity.
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I'm an 18 year old successful student at a top college...and I've found myself with the crazy urge to have a baby. This started in October. My boyfriend of 8 months and I ran out of condoms and had unprotected sex. It was the first time we had ever done it without one and I was terrified. A week later we broke up due to stress from living in different states. A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant and I was scared to death, then a couple days later I had a miscarriage. Two months later we got back together and he now lives half an hour from my school. He knows I miscarried but we don't talk about it.
Since we've gotten back together we've had sex without a condom..a lot. Every so often it makes me nervous that I'll get pregnant again, even though he always pulls out, he pulled out the first time and I got pregnant on precum. But sometimes I'm completely unconcerned that I'll get pregnant and have a "if it happens, it happens" type of attitude about it.
I know he doesn't want kids now. His best friend is a new dad and he always talks about how stupid he was to get his girl knocked up but we're pretty much putting ourselves in the same situation.
I've always wanted children and I wanted my first by the time I was 24 so I've always wanted to be a younger mom but I never thought this young. Part of what makes me feel this way is seeing my boyfriend when he's around children. We're good friends with a 26 year old couple with two toddler girls and whenever my guy is around the kids he's so amazing with them.
I know his family would be supportive and knowing that isn't helping me get myself out of that. I know its hard to have kids, I've babysit triplet boys from the time they were born until they were 6.
I have the urge to have a baby, and I need to get out of it. (link)
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You're experiencing a sense of loss from your miscarriage. That's normal and natural. You went from planning your life with child to having that plan pulled out from under you in a very short time. Its caused you some trauma. Of course you desire that sense of love and security you think you'll have with a new baby. But that desire is clouding your sense of reality. Your boyfriend has told you he doesn't want a baby. Listen to him. Having one anyway won't change his mind, or make him love you more. In fact, he may feel betrayed, knowing he's told you how he feels. He may feel trapped and that will push him away. You should try to talk to someone, a professional or a trusted friend or adult, a pastor or a teacher. You need to work through the feelings you've had to deal with from your miscarriage, and you haven't been able to do that with your boyfriend. Its still very real for you. Give yourself a fighting chance before you do something you will undoubtedly regret later. If you still have the "baby bug", see if you can find some volunteer work somewhere, where you can work with kids or babies. Many hospitals have programs where they need volunteers to come in and hold and cuddle premie babies or ill babies whose parents live far away and can't be there everyday. I hope you will find another outlet for this desire and start being smart about protection again. The day will come when you will be ready for a family. You'll be in a solid, committed relationship and you'll have the ability (financially and emotionally) to give your baby the love and provisions and the stable family it deserves. To bring a baby into the world right now would be selfish. It would be something you're doing for yourself, without regard to the type of future and family you would be subjecting your child to.
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