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Confused about My boyfriend!
So my boyfriend and I havent had sex for over 2 months. Its not that I dont want to have sex with him, its just that I dont want to just have sex anywhere. He is constantly reminding me that we havent had sex. Today we got into a huge arguement because we werent gonna be able to see eachother and he ended up telling me that he cant take it aymore and that if im not going to have sex with him, then he's going to get it from someone else. A few hours later he text me and told me that he was sorry, yet he doesnt want to talk about what was said. He called me after asking me if I like Guess purses and I said yes, but i don't want him to think that he can just buy me something and its going to change what was said. I really don't know what to do anymore and I need help on what this relationship will be like if things stay the way they are. Please comment. Thank You very much!
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I have to disagree somewhat with the long post below me. His off the cuff assholeish comment was definitely out of line, and you should let him know that it was unacceptable for him to threaten things like that within the relationship, and if it happens again he can expect to not have sex with you ever again.
That said. You need to understand how guys work. Men fulfill alot of their emotional needs with physical intimacy. This is not a cop-out to say that guys are just horny. We are constantly horny, but horny is not always the dominant or even a truly significant part of our drive for sex in the moment.
A sudden decrease or cessation of sexual contact can leave a partner (of either sex) feeling cut off from a normal and needed source of affection. Sexual needs are very real in both sexes, and the combined frustration, emotional disconnection, and apparent helplessness he felt in the situation generated the reaction you saw.
It was immature, but it was not born of immaturity. It was a very real adult relationship problem wrapped up in a guy who hasn't learned how to express himself in a respectful adult manner.
Sit him down. Shut him up. Tell him that he screwed up, and you have forgiven him for it (because you know you already have) but that its unacceptable for him to do that in the future.
Then talk about sex. Talk about having it and not having it. Express to him in concrete terms that you still want him, because I can guarantee you that after two months he's feeling insecure.
You're also going to have to explain how women work, because guys don't get it right off. None of you make logical sense 100 percent of the time, and you need to give him a few pointers so he doesn't get the wires crossed. Tell him what you want out of sex and what you don't, and try to give him opportunities. The hardest thing for a guy is reading girls and figuring out when its ok to make advances and when we need to back off and just be available for affection.
If you can clue him in better to when you're receptive, what's appropriate, etc it will help you both get what you want more often. If he's trying to have sex in the moment and thats not cool, then arrange a moment when it IS cool. You've both failed to communicate with each other effectively.
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I just read x0for3v3rfr33x0's response to your question and rather than write my own I'll just say - I second that! It was good advice.
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Not having sex just anywhere is a very respectable decision and behavior. Be proud of yourself for that! Among many things, respect is a key component to a healthy and successful relationship. If your boyfriend truly cared for you, he would have respect for you. Constantly reminding you that you haven't had sex? Not only is that disrespectful, but it is also rude and immature. You said the argument was "because we werent gonna be able to see eachother and he ended up telling me that he cant take it anymore". This sounds to me that when you guys were supposed to spend time together, he was yet again going to pressure you to have sex with him. I'm sure among your many reasons for not wanting to have sex just anywhere includes that sex to you is not just sex. Sex is more special. For you, it is probably making love everytime. It seems both of you view sex differently. Also, how can he expect you to build the want to have sex/make love to him when he treats you in this way? Threatening you to "get it from someone else" is one of the lowest things a guy can say to a woman. It is wrong, abusive and controlling! To top it all off, he wants to to accept his apology without a discussion? You are right- he cannot buy you and you shouldn't buy him! Honey, you deserve way better than this sorry excuse for a man! You deserve someone who accepts you for who you are and respects you for it. You need someone who feels the same way about you that you care about them. Your partner should never make you feel the way he does. Besides no respect, your boyfriend has now brought a trust issue into your relationship with his threat to sleep with other women. If you let things continue to stay the way they are, they will only get worse! It is time to let him go and save your heart for someone who deserves it! Good luck. I hope I helped. If you ever need anything else, I'm always here!
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