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I would really Appreciate any positive feedback!
Okay, So....Recently my Fiance of 5 years decided to go to full nude bar without letting me know. To start off it was brought to my attention he had to go to work saturday morning so he wouldn't be able to come into town, (He is living away due to his job relocating) so I am still in our home town, doing the long distance thing right now! He usually comes into town every weekend an recently this weekend he told me he had to work saturday morning an couldn't come into town, which i thought was wierd considering the job he did would be cancelled because of all the rain we had coming! He called me friday night an told me he was going to bed, I didn't trust that he was going to bed because why would he go to sleep at 8 at night, (We live together & That is not normal) I know him better than that so suddenly I expected something was going on. So about maybe 2 hours later I check his account just to see if he was lying or not an 3 different bars pop up on his account 1 being a nude strip club, and I immedietly flipped out because he lied to me and an disrespected me an broke our trust! I called him over and over, no answer...And so I drove to where he works (4hours away) and he apologized an explained he feels like he can't tell me things because I may get upset, an I told him now it makes it harder for me to trust him because he lied to me, an it's hard enough living away from him during the week! I have been lied to maybe 3yrs ago in the past from him about cheating an he hasn't lied since...now this is going on an I don't know what to think, maybe we should go to counseling, I don't know but will he do it again? Or does he know I am pretty blunt that this is the last time I let him betray me like that? I would appreciate any feedback left, Thanks for listening, I had alot on my mind an just need a set of ears!
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You explained it much better this time. Distance is recent and you lived together, that's important.
He wants to be able to do what he wants without being called on it. He's breaking up with you because you're willing to go further than he wants to figure things out, and because you were right.
More timelines would be better. You said he lied about girls he slept with, not he lied about cheating on you.
So he's cheated, he's lying about going to strip clubs, and now he's breaking up with you because you ferreted out his lies, which he definitely doesn't like.
If he really wants to break up, you're well rid of him. That reaction tells alot about his intentions and desires. There's a good chance that this break up is akin to a tantrum, you found him out and he wants to make sure that it doesn't happen again, and he also tries to cover his lying by turning the situation around and making you the badguy (a very manipulative thing to do)
I'd only hesitate a little in saying that it sounds like he's gotten used to getting away with lying to you, and isn't used to being called on his shit.
He feels like he can't tell you things because you get upset? Thats a cop out. Thats "its too difficult to do what I want and be honest about it, you'd probably break up with me or make me stop doing things".
Read between the lines, let him dangle on the hook he's laid out for himself. I'd put money on him coming back apologetic in a week when you don't chase after him and beg him to stay, but I don't know him, and guys can be stubborn, prideful bastards.
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If you've been together that long, and he's cheated on you and has recently lied to you, why do you even want to be with him? Who wants to be with a guy who has said he loves you for 5 years and then cheats on you? I'm sure that's not ALL he would be doing that night if he went to a nude bar. Are you really okay with the fact that he was going there to stare at naked girls all night? In my opinion, I wouldn't work it out. I'd end it and move on and find someone who can actually respect me and the promises he makes. No FIANCE should be going out to nude bars and lying to you about it.
As much as I want to say that you can work it out and things will be okay, guys are very repetitive; they're doomed to repeat their past. Meaning if he has the chance, I'm sure he'd cheat on you again even after you get married. Things will be good for a while, but then he'll do something AGAIN to betray your trust and you'll just forgive him time and time again. If he's cheated once and done things behind your back, how can you ever even remotely trust him? Sorry if this is very blunt but I don't think that people can ever truly change, just think more about what you're doing and figure out what is best for you. All I'm saying is, if you end it now, you'll spare yourself a lot more heartache in the future when you could be spending years of your life with someone who respects you and means what he says.
I wish you the best <3
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You've been together for quite a while, so walking away isn't necessarily the first thing you should do here. I think counselling is a great idea. It can help the two of you air out things with a neutral third party that you might not be able to talk about honestly and clearly with each other on a regular basis. You'll be absolutely shocked about the things that can come up with a good therapist... things you never even considered. Ask your fiance if he'll go with you, not to condemn him, but to help the two of you better understand each other. If he won't go, go by yourself. It will still help, trust me. While your there, you may want to talk about why you've been engaged for 5 years and still haven't married.
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