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My "best" friend
Ok, so I'm a 19/f, and I' currently a sophomore in college. I met this one girl in college freshman year, and we have been best friends ever since. But I've noticed that this past year, she has maken it sort of her hobby to put me down. She'll constantly say negative comments about my body, my hair, my clothes and how I look. She even manages to take blows at my personality. We'll be in casual conversation on a completely unrelated topic, and she manages she find some way to insult me.
I do consider her one of my really close friends. I tell her everything and we do a lot together and always have a lot of fun. I just don't know why she insists on always putting me down. It really hurts, and I'm always so insecure on how I look, which involved having a minor eating disorder for about a year. I always feel horrible about myself, and I try to always change things so she'll stop saying stuff. I know changing for someone else is the wrong thing to do, but I will literally do anything to make the comments stop.
I've tried talking to her about it which resulted in even more comments, and I've also just tried completely ignoring them. I don't want too just stop being her friend because we are really close, and I don't have many other friends at my school. Plus were in college, and I feel like I'm dealing with the mean girl from high school all over again. Anyway, any advice would be appreciated.
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I know you don't want to see it but she is NOT a friend. A friend doesn't insult you like that or doesn't make you feel bad. You should never let anyone make you feel bad like that...EVER! Its time to stick up for yourself and tell her to knock it off and tell her it hurts your feelings. That you would appreciate it if she would stop and if not you don't want anything to do with her. In this situation you need to put your foot down if you want things to change and if you don't want her to continue that behavior you need to stand up for yourself.
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I completely understand! I used to have a "Best" Friend, and she always would say mean things, try to put me down, say i wasn't as good as her other friend, then i realized she did it to her other friend too. But she hadn't started doing that until about a year after we became friends. I told her EVERYTHING, we did EVERYTHING together, and we hung out ALL the time, we would have TONS of fun.
But then i realized she wasn't worth my time. It was getting ridiculous, i stopped being her friend, and my self esteem rose quickly. I didn't have anybody making me feel insecure or bad about myself. And I know you said you didn't want to stop being her friend and you don't have many others. But you're in COLLEGE, theres plenty of other people to choose from! Don't let people get knock you down like that! You don't have to quit being her friend completely... but i would stop hanging out with her so much!!
Good Luck!
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She isn't a friend. A friend doesn't do that. You have to find new friends because you don't deserve to be treated like this and it is hurting you. You got an eating disorder from this chick putting you down all the time. It's tearing you apart and you don't need that it's very, very unhealthy. This is very immature of her to do this and she is obviously not happy with herself. She is self-conscious and the only way to make herself feel better if to put you down. And knowing that you still want to be her friend is giving her more power to hurt you. Don't change for her or anyone else. Just because she says these things doesn't mean the whole campus does and there are so many people out there that would be happy to be your friend and i mean a true friend. It's never too late to find a group of people that will understand you and give you some good compliments. this just makes me so mad because there are so many others ways that she can deal with how she feels about herself. she is the one that needs to change not you!
This is what I would say!! You can say the same thing or.. something like it ..
"Okay so what's the deal here? Lately all that you have been doing is putting me down and why? Is there something about me that bothers you? I thought were friends? A friend doesn't put another friend down. just because you are insecure about who you are doesn't mean i have to be. if you don't like my hair..fine, if you don't like my clothes fine.. but that's not going to stop me from wearing the styles i like.. you don't wear these clothes you dont have this hair so why do you even worry about what i look like or what i am. worry about who you are and do me a favor next time you want to insult me.. take a look at yourself..fix your problems figure who you are and then come to tell me whats wrong with me. Until then leave me alone and let me be who I am! don't put me down because i'm not like YOU! You're not miss perfect you have some downfalls just like every other girl on this campus.!" and well if you want to add a little more you cann!! just something i say. I speak my mind and do the same to her.. I hope i helped! people like that need a good talking to ! and its up to you to do it before she goes and half ruins another life! ohh that makes me so mad! good luck sweetie :)
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How good of a friend can she be if she's always making you feel bad about yourself? Sounds to me like this is more of a friendship of convenience for you. A real friendship involves an exchange, a give and take. It sounds like she's taking more from you than she's giving (at least in the self-esteem department). Instead of worrying about how to fix her (you've obviously tried, it didn't help) concentrate more on making other friends. Join a group or a club of your interest. That's always a great way to meet people because you already have common interests with the people around you. As you make new friends you'll depend less and less on your current friendship. Maybe then her comments won't hurt you so bad. You can still be her friend and hang out, but you'll have other interests and friends to balance out her negativity.
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