|
getting the baby bug
I'm an 18 year old successful student at a top college...and I've found myself with the crazy urge to have a baby. This started in October. My boyfriend of 8 months and I ran out of condoms and had unprotected sex. It was the first time we had ever done it without one and I was terrified. A week later we broke up due to stress from living in different states. A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant and I was scared to death, then a couple days later I had a miscarriage. Two months later we got back together and he now lives half an hour from my school. He knows I miscarried but we don't talk about it.
Since we've gotten back together we've had sex without a condom..a lot. Every so often it makes me nervous that I'll get pregnant again, even though he always pulls out, he pulled out the first time and I got pregnant on precum. But sometimes I'm completely unconcerned that I'll get pregnant and have a "if it happens, it happens" type of attitude about it.
I know he doesn't want kids now. His best friend is a new dad and he always talks about how stupid he was to get his girl knocked up but we're pretty much putting ourselves in the same situation.
I've always wanted children and I wanted my first by the time I was 24 so I've always wanted to be a younger mom but I never thought this young. Part of what makes me feel this way is seeing my boyfriend when he's around children. We're good friends with a 26 year old couple with two toddler girls and whenever my guy is around the kids he's so amazing with them.
I know his family would be supportive and knowing that isn't helping me get myself out of that. I know its hard to have kids, I've babysit triplet boys from the time they were born until they were 6.
I have the urge to have a baby, and I need to get out of it.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
First of all, just because youre a "successful student" right now, doesnt mean you would be if you had a baby right now. At 18, youre probably a freshman, which means the hardest is yet to come. You need to have fun and experience college life right now. It wouldnt be fair to a baby to have to share his/her mother with classes and homework, nor would it be fair to either of you if you quit school to work a minimum wage job to pay the bills. If you get your degree, you'll be worth a lot more to employers, which means you'll be worth a lot more as a mother.
Babysitting kids is a lot different than having your own. In some ways it's better to have your own, and in some ways it's worse. Either way, your life will be much easier if you have a good job and financial security first. Your baby will be much happier BECAUSE YOU will be much happier without the stresses over money. I had my first baby at 22 years old... he was one month old when I walked at my graduation, and my life is much more happy and stable than anyone I know who had kids at 21 or earlier. They are all struggling to get through school while their kids suffer because their parents cant spend enough quality time with them. Everyone loses when you have kids too young, and with this economy, you really cant afford to not get your degree.
On a final note, dont plan to count on any man or his family. They always seems supportive in the beginning. You always think "no, THESE people really are great/helpful/whatever." Dont count on it. The only person you can ever truly rely on is yourself. So put yourself in a position where you can take care of yourself before you think you can take care of a baby too.
]
My opinion is your finish college or make sure you have your priorities together. I am 18 years old as well. I got pregnant young It was an accident but deffintly do not regret it. I have a son who is 3 years old. I am married and about to have my second child not to mention my husband has a 6 year old. I would love more than anything to go to college but it seems totally impossible with children. I am not big on day cars and your family would have to live close to your college or youd have to take night classes work up your relationship make it were you know more than anything you want to be with this guy for the rest of your life. when you feel you have a very strong relationship and you have it figured out for after the baby is born then talk to your boyfriend about it. maybe even talk about marriage first.
]
You're experiencing a sense of loss from your miscarriage. That's normal and natural. You went from planning your life with child to having that plan pulled out from under you in a very short time. Its caused you some trauma. Of course you desire that sense of love and security you think you'll have with a new baby. But that desire is clouding your sense of reality. Your boyfriend has told you he doesn't want a baby. Listen to him. Having one anyway won't change his mind, or make him love you more. In fact, he may feel betrayed, knowing he's told you how he feels. He may feel trapped and that will push him away. You should try to talk to someone, a professional or a trusted friend or adult, a pastor or a teacher. You need to work through the feelings you've had to deal with from your miscarriage, and you haven't been able to do that with your boyfriend. Its still very real for you. Give yourself a fighting chance before you do something you will undoubtedly regret later. If you still have the "baby bug", see if you can find some volunteer work somewhere, where you can work with kids or babies. Many hospitals have programs where they need volunteers to come in and hold and cuddle premie babies or ill babies whose parents live far away and can't be there everyday. I hope you will find another outlet for this desire and start being smart about protection again. The day will come when you will be ready for a family. You'll be in a solid, committed relationship and you'll have the ability (financially and emotionally) to give your baby the love and provisions and the stable family it deserves. To bring a baby into the world right now would be selfish. It would be something you're doing for yourself, without regard to the type of future and family you would be subjecting your child to.
]
There's nothing wrong with how you feel. A lot of girls get that way around your age. The only thing you want to be concerned about is how ready you and your boyfriend is. It's important to have some money in and some decent jobs, as well as a decent environment to be born and raised in.
I don't want to encourage or discourage you, but do what would make you feel happier, and make sure your boyfriend would approve.
But if you really want to wait, I would keep babysitting and spending time with kids. Finish college and get a nice job, and start considering the baby thing.
But make sure you're not wanting a child for the wrong reasons. To just have the "urge" would be a bad reason. But if you want one to raise a family and exchange unconditional love amongst you two, then that's a nice reason.
Whatever your decision is, I hope you make the right one for yourself and your boyfriend =].
]
He's good with kids that's great but they are not his any grand parent will tell you the grand kids are great too because they give them back to the parents. I am a mum of 3 boys it's all about them from the day they were born. I had my first at 30 second at 31 3rd at 40 it's dam hard work it's exspensive and it's a lifetime commitment. please... finish school babies can wait. get a block of land first get some finacial security behind you first because what you decide to do and how you go about getting security is a reflection of you & him and a example for your kids to follow. Take responsibility for not getting pregnant if your boyfriend feels trapped into this role as dad by your lack of responsibility that's not fair on him. Step up and live your life for a few more yrs your view on mother hood will change in your early twenties. Become a mother with a dad for your kid(s) for all the right reasons not on a whim. Trust me it's not all it's cracked up to be the good parts are few & far between even when your ready for this the rest is hard work a deep responsibility and a financial burden if your not prepared properly. get organized & stabalized first.
]
More Questions: |