I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173037
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Can you wear a tampon if you haven't started your period yet?I hope it is ok!!
plzzzz help me i'm worried i need to know so i can start practicing.... thanks (link)
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It really isn't safe to wear a tampon if you are not on your period. Read the instructions on a packet of tampons - see the bit about TSS? That's 'toxic shock syndrome,' and you're more at risk to develop it if you're wearing tampons in a dry vagina.
Also, not having your period will actually make tampons a lot harder to use. They will be more difficult to insert, since the blood would help them glide in. Once the tampon is fully inserted, it will also be much more uncomfortable to take out - the dryness of the fibres will 'catch' on the inside of your vagina and make it harder to remove.
Generally, if you're worried about tampons, do some research online. While they can be tricky, there is no need to practice before you actually get your period. You will eventually get the hang of them, and it's kinder to your body to attempt tampons when you actually need them.
Best of luck.
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OK for anyone that can help me.
Every time me & my husben have sex & I have an orgasam its like a water fall. I have had sex with outher guys & I never had this problem and its not like it just happens onces it will happen 2 or 3 times. One night I had to make him stop becouse I could not handle it any more I felt realy bad about it. thanks pooh bear (link)
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You could be experiencing female ejaculation - an increase in wetness at the point of orgasm. It's a natural body function, though not incredibly common.
There is nothing wrong with experiencing this; many women WANT to and can't!
If wetness on sheets is the problem, you can always spread out a flat sheet on the bed (or wherever!) that you can toss into the washer as soon as you finish.
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I'm currently in a great relationship. My boyfriend understands me and we both come from the same religious backgrounds.
I personally am o-kay with heavy petting but when it comes it sex I would never even think of doing it.
He would never pressure me into doing anything that I wouldn't want to but I personally feel guilty for taking my liberties with him but when it comes to what he wants I won't budge.
It feels like a one way relationship and I have to admit I'm a very opinionated assertive kind of person.
Help?
(link)
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Well, if you are both okay with heavy petting, then you aren't taking liberities. Both of you want to do it and both of you are consenting to participate. You have nothing to feel bad about there.
As for sex, if you don't feel it's right for you, then you are under no obligation to have sex. If you clearly explain things to your boyfriend, the two of you might be able to come to a more clear and agreed understanding of what is physically right for your relationship - and what isn't.
If you both agree to a set of 'rules' or common ideas about sexual activity, then no one needs feel like they are controlling the relationship.
Best of luck.
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Okay hi,
I`m a 16 yr old female..
Alright this has all been taken care of but i don`t know what to do bout somethings..
here i`ll start with what has happened.. I got raped three times by the same guy over the summer..Yes i`ve tooken care of him and he`s doin 21 yrs thank god plus he admitted to it..
But i`m havin diffculties with sleeping,Yea i thought that shit only happened in movies where you feel he`s by you and what not but No its happenin to me.. I talk to my boyfriend about it and he tries to talk to me at night as long as possible but that doesn`t change how i feel after i get off the phone with him.. This might sound stupid but the only time i sleep good is with my boyfriend on weekends its like i use him to put me to sleep i mean Yes i`ve tried sleeping pills,reading and i`ve counted sheep and everything else there is to count.. i don`t know what to do i`m so tired in school and my grades are goin down horribly.. i seen a doctor to talk to about it but i don`t think that helped.. i mean this guy already took my trust and everything else away.. i mean he don`t need my sleep too.. so if you can give me advice in anything or how to deal with it better ill rate high and give advice.. (link)
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Possibly the best thing to do would be to see a counsellor/therapist. There are therapists that specialize in abuse, and they are trained to be able to truly listen to you - as well as teach you techniques to help calm yourself down.
Therapists will work much more with your feelings than a doctor will, and it's your feelings about the rape that are stopping you from sleeping - your body hasn't magically stopped sleeping, it's all related to the attacks.
Speaking to a professional therapist can help you work through any feelings you have about the rape, your lack of sleep, etc. It's not an easy 'cure', but it's probably the best way to deal with your situation.
I wish you all the best.
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ok look its been about 5 weeks now.. how do you no if you are preganent wat are sighns.. i mean its been 5 weeks i figured i would like my belly getting to show or something (link)
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Pregnant women's bellies don't usually really begin to swell until they are several months into the pregnancy.
Some symptoms include: missing your period, aches in back/lower stomach, tender breasts, sensitivity to certain foods, nausea, etc.
If you go to a medical site online, or even to a pregnancy site, you'll be able to get much more detailed advice. Of course, the clearest way to tell at this point is to buy a home pregnancy test.
The sooner you find out whether or not you are definitely pregnant, the sooner and safer any decisions you make will be.
Best of luck.
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I was wondering if anyone can help me make a plan of when to change "supplies" during my school schedule. I'm only in middle school, so no one uses purses yet. There's also this one girl who ALWAYS searches my pencil case to find gum and whatnot so I can't use my pencil case! I go to my locker before lunch time, and in past situations I have picked up a purse in which I put a pad in. But, I hate using purses because its SO obvious that when you carry a purse to the bathroom, you have your period!! I don't know any other ways! I don't want to buy anything at school because the dispncers have the worst brands. My tampon can not last ALL day and I'm a little scared to use jumbo because im sure they're hard to insert and other stuff. If anyone wants to contradict this idea please do so! I need some ideas! (link)
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Keep a tampon in a pocket. Some tampons are so tiny they'll barely make a budge. When you go to your locker, you can slip another tampon in if you've already changed once that day.
Changing around lunch time - just the once - should probably be okay unless you have a really heavy flow or usually change your tampon more often.
If you are wearing an outfit with no pockets, simply popping by you locker before lunch and holding the tampon in your fist (or in a lunch bag, if you bring lunch) and stopping by the bathroom is quick and discreet enough.
And if THAT doesn't work, then put it in your pencil case. If another girl sees the tampon, there are worse things - chances are she has the same worries as you.
Best of luck.
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I want to be a live-in nanny and these get an average salary of £300 a week. They don't pay rent, food, or electricty etc bills and generally get a car provided. I have a vague idea that my costs over the year would be: toiletries, optician costs, dental costs (but no medical costs as we have the NHS in England), a few clothes, insurance. Do you think I have covered everything? It's just that I worked out that if I did get the average of £300 a week and had only those costs, I could end up saving about £12-13,000 a year (and I have been generous in estimating how big my costs would be). Does anyone know where the catch is? It seems far too easy. (link)
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The 'catch' is that you'll probably need to have qualifications before you start work - nursery nurse qualifications, playwork qualifications, or CACHE childcare qualifications are some examples of what might make it easier to find a job. Of course, not having these won't make it impossible, but you will want to make sure you take first aid and CPR for children and babies.
The other 'catch' is living in your place of employment. It means never being able to totally get away from your work, as you'll probably be sharing a kitchen and living space with the family. It can be difficult to unwind when you are basically always working, as you won't be able to be as fully yourself as you might be if you lived on your own.
Of course, if you've got the qualifications and are happy to live with a family (and love children!), you may have hit upon your ideal career. Congrats...not many people do.
Best of luck.
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hey. i'll try to be as brief as possible. my friend is in love with this guy and all she can ever talk about with me is him. it's really annoying. i've tried talking about it with her before, but she just sarcastically apologizes, IMs me the next day being like, "hello. what is up with u?" and i go, "uh nm jc u" and she's like, "Nothing. Nothing at all." and it makes me so mad! and i know that she talks about it with her otherr girlsss but like, jeez. ugh i hate her SO much. i just wanna punch her in the face and be like, "U know what bitch? maybe if u spent five fucking minutes studying, u wouldn't be failing every class. so wake up, honey, life's not all about boys." but i KNOW i can't! pleez help alison marie ♥ (link)
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Well, you COULD say that, but then you wouldn't have much of a friendship left.
The first thing you have to do is think about how much the friendship is worth to you. Just she just annoy you by talking about this guy, or is she consistently annoying you? If the friendship is more pain then gain, it might be time to (nicely) move on.
If you want to stay friends, then I think you've taken a good first step by asking her to not talk so much about The Guy with you. She seems to be respecting that by not mentioning him to you, but that also seems to be bugging you. Perhaps you two could compromise and talk about him every now and then? Maybe she feels she can't open up to you about what's important to her.
And what's important to her isn't necessarily important to you. That's why you've got to think about what you want to happen. If you guys have completely different priorites and personalities, it might be best for both of you to cut back on the time you spend together.
Best of luck.
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can you have sex while your pregnent?(serious question, no smart answers please.) all fives. (link)
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Yes, most people can have sex throughout a pregnancy. It's always best to ask your doctor if your particular pregnancy means there are limitations late in pregnancy, etc.
If you are uncomfortable and having difficulty with a sex, a doctor will also be able to recommend literature (or positions!) that will help you out.
Best of luck.
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Well a while ago I got into trouble with the cops and I am supposed to be doin community service,but the boys there are really immature and ask me questions of harassment so I haven't been going and everyday I'm so scared that my probation officer will be here to pick me up.I've already been sent off once and it was unbearable.I'm just so confused.What should I do.
Please help!!
Signed,Confused and scared. (link)
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You have a reasonable worry if you are feeling harassed. Is there anyway you can talk to your probation officer about the situation?
They should not be putting you into a position where you feel uncomfortable and worried - and to the point that you are risking getting into further trouble with the law to avoid these boys!
If your probation officer is unhelpful, you have the right to ask to speak to his/her supervisor.
It's important to go about things in this way - by keeping people informed and going through the 'right' channels - because otherwise you are putting yourself at serious risk of being sent off again.
Open your mouth, share your concerns, explain that you are willing to do service with a different group or independently. You have the right to be safe emotionally and physically, and they should help you out. If they don't, ask about their complaints process!
Best of luck.
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I'm so screwed. I haven't missed my period yet, I'm due for it Friday, but my friend is bringing me a pregnancy test tomorrow. I had sex without a condom, and my boyfriend pulled out but I'm still paranoid about it, and yes I know I have a good reason to be.
Anyways...I'm going to take a pregnancy test Saturday. I think I will be with my boyfriend when I do it. What I want to know is how do I tell my parents and what should I do? I'm so scared right now I'm crying...my parents have always known me as their good little girl that never did anything wrong. I feel like dying.
=( (link)
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The first thing you need to do is realize that stress may cause your period to be late, and having anxiety about pregnancy is bound to take its toll on your body.
Next, read the fine print in the pregnancy test. They are testing for the pregnancy hormone, and some tests will not be accurate until your period is much later than only one day. Even tests that are supposed to be accurate soon after a missed period become MORE accurate the more time that passes.
If your period does not come after about two weeks, then you may need to make an appointment with your doctor. He/She will be able to do a blood test which is much more accurate.
As for how to tell your parents, why not focus on you right now? Your period might show up like clockwork, or it may be a few days late due to stress. You are not definately pregnant. Until you know you are, you're only causing yourself more anguish by thinking about it.
Best of luck.
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alright.. not to gross anyone out, but i have a question. so i'm 15 & sexually active & have been for about half a year. well, me and my boyfriend stopped using condoms but when we dont, i guess you could say i "spit it out", but im not talking about with my mouth. i'm wondering, does anyone know why i do that? (link)
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The vagina will normally expel extra fluid - and gravity will also help. It's nothing to be concerned about.
As for not using condoms, are you on another form of birth control? While it's always safest to use condoms AND another form, it's better to just be on the pill than using nothing.
A free clinic should be able to meet you, work with you to figure out what method is right for you, and prescribe birth control to you.
Condoms are also nifty if your partner might be having sex with more than just you, or if he has had sex before and has not been tested for a sexually transmitted disease. (And ditto for him - if you're having sex with anyone else or have in the past, use a condom for his safety).
Best of luck.
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I'm a 16 year old girl who's been dating this guy I'm fully in love with for around 7 - 8 months. We're both still virgins but we've talked about losing our virginity to each other. Neither one of us has EVER did anything sexually with another person, so I'm pretty sure neither of us have any STDS or AIDS. So far, we've experienced everything but sex with each other. We've considered all the risks & have thought long and hard about this, but mind you, we are prepared and we do have a brain unlike half the teenage population. We both know that we are fully ready to do this in our minds & hearts. But, I have a question. Even though, we aren't married & we're gonna lose our virginity to each other.. and though we've been together for a while & are planning on beging together for a long time after this (possibly even marriage later on, but you never know what may happen).. do you think this is okay? Like sometimes it worrys me because I know in my heart that it's a sin to have sex before marriage, but we've talked about it & with our friends as well, and we all figured out that if you ask God for his forgiveness, he will accept it. I just want opinions on this.. do you think it's okay to have sex at 16 if you're mature & ready enough? I mean, what's the point in waiting until you're married? I know one reason is because it can be a sin and then another is because there's a possibility of having a baby, but if you're sexually "safe" with condoms & birth control, then you're chances are very slim to none for having a child. So any opinions or thoughts is welcome on this.. don't be afraid to express how you feel, it won't bother me. Thank you all very much! :) (link)
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If you don't feel 100% ready to have sex, then you are not yet ready.
While you have obviously thought long and hard about your relationship, how you will protect yourself, and how you emotionally feel - there is still the problem of 'sin.'
No matter what your friends or myself say, you will still feel how you feel about premarital sex. Asking other people to convince you it is okay might lead you to regret what you've done.
It's best to think some more independently, and possibly with your boyfriend, about the 'sin' aspect of things. If any hint of that guilt remains, you might regret having sex. Other people can't erase how you feel, though I would suggest thinking about things like -
Why do you think it is a sin?
What constitutes a sin?
Does it make sense that this is a sin?
How will you feel if you 'sin'?
What have you got to lose? To gain?
Only you can answer these questions, and it sounds as if you'll eventually find an answer you're comfortable with, as you obviously devote time and thought to the issue.
I wish you the best.
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ok the love of my life (but he doesn't like me more than a friend) told me last nite that his dad was beating the sh*t out of him by a text message. so i then talked to a mutual friend and she said he said the same thing to her but that he pushed him down a flight of stairs and it really hurt him!! we dont kno weather or not to believe him. like he tells everyone this but none of his guy friends believe him really, just the 3 of his closest "girl friends" (me, and 2 mutual friends). they have different stories (ex: "we were on the phone and he started screaming and crying because he was in the shower hiding from his dad when he heard him coming and had to hang up"). we dont know whether to believe him or not..
once, one of his guy friends told us that he saw his dad smack him REALLY hard once..i dont know where.
please help..what should i do? its serious..also, no one knows what happened to his mom (link)
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This is a pretty serious thing to just make up for the fun of it. Evem if he normally is an attention seeker, anytime anyone mentions abuse it's something to take very seriously.
He's telling lots of people. People have witnessed it. People have overheard it on the phone. Why not believe it, and take action?
He may be telling all of you because he wants help and cannot help himself. Have a talk with him and offer to support him if he told a teacher or other person he trusted. If he's unwilling to tell someone, but still appears with bruises or tells these stories, then you'll have to think about whether you'll want to tell someone even without his permission.
Abuse might be physical, but it can really mess someone up emotionally. Believeing him can be the first step in helping him - whether you give him courage, or you tell someone you trust about it.
He's asking for help. Will you give it?
Best of luck.
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ive been in love with my boyfriend and hes in love with me for about a year now. but now were starting to fall apart, over the summer we used to hang out everyday now we hang out like once a month. and hes the kinda guy that flirts with alot of girls, but i trust him. yesterday i told him i was mad at him (because i was infront of him talking to him nd he was ingoureing me and ran to another girl) and he was like i dont care. that hurt alot... then today i was asking him why he said this and he was laughing about an inside joke. then he came online, and this was ower convo.
HIM: do you think its time time for a change?
ME: what do you mean...? 'change' of what
HIMME: no tell me
HIM: nvm
ME:k
ME: well your really acting like ur gonna break up with me... just get it over with if you r gonna.
HIM: jump to conclusions muchh?
ME: umm... well your acting like your gonna
HIM>: how does somone act like there gunna break up with somone
ME: they act like they dont like them....
hIM: well
>HIM>: do you wanna break up?
HIM: or take a brkeakk
ME: if i wanted to break up.. i would of broken up with you already....
HIM: o
ME: whatever
HIM: k?
ME: if your gonna break up with me then just do it now cuz im leaving soon...
HIM: fine
ME: fine what..?
HIM: uhh i dont no
then i signed off. but i dont no if i should break up with him, i love him to death and i really dont wanna break up with him. but it seems like were falling apart.=( should i? or no?
--confused.
** i rate high (link)
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I don't think the choice is entirely yours - after all, if he wants to break up with you, there's not a whole lot you can do to change the situation.
It does seem like a lot has changed - seeing each other a lot less regularly, him flirting with other girls in front of you, and also the tension and hints he's giving you in that conversation.
It might be time to take a step back and see if you're really happy anymore. Not thinking back to how great it was when you first got together - but what it's like NOW. Do you feel close to him? Do you have fun together? Do you feel emotionally safe?
If any of these answers are no, you might not be truly happy. While ending a relationship can be difficult and painful, it can often be worse to stay in one that does not make you happy.
Best of luck.
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Ok, for a couple weeks, I have been noticing that my underwear after I wear it has some sort of a white paste on it. I don't know what it is and I don't want to ask my mom. It kinda looks like goo/gel. I wear thongs but I don't think that started it. I've noticed it before than. Note: I haven't started my period yet.
I'll rate 5's. Thanks! (link)
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That white stuff is discharge - sort of the way the vagina washes itself out. A small amount of white or clear, non-smelly discharge is normal. It will probably happen for the rest of your life.
As you get older and think about children, you might even monitor your dischange as it can help you figure out when you are most fertile and able to conceive a baby.
When discharge starts happening, it's usually a sign that your period won't be far behind. Buy some ultra-thin pads and keep a few in your bag, just in case.
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my boyfriend wants me to things (not sex) that i dont really wanna do but i want him to be happy. what should i do? (link)
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Most people want their partner to be happy, but they should understand that their partner should want the same thing for them.
Most importantly, you should want to do things that feel right and comfortable for you - regardless of how much you might want to please someone else.
Making choices that involve pleasing others at the cost of sacrificing your own needs will usually lead to regret. Do things that feel right, in your head and heart, and you'll be a stronger and happier person as a result.
Best of luck.
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okay well lately the area around my vagina has been really itchy. like since firday (today is wensday). its like really sore and pinker than usual. i told my mom but she didnt think anything of it. she thought it was a reaction to the soap so i tried the kind i used before and it still is like this. before my discharge was just white but now its like yellow and smells gross. should i go see a doctor and if so what do they do? and what should i do/not do before going?
*i rate 5's* (link)
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Yep, a doctor is the right thing to do. While some discharge is normal, anytime it changes to an unusual colour - and has an unusual or unpleasant smell - something isn't quite right with your vagina.
A doctor will be able to figure out what the problem is, and also let you know the best way to fix it.
You don't have to do anything special to prepare for the doctor - you just take care of your vagina as you normally would, and then see your doctor!
If you've never seen a gyno before, you might ask your mother if she can make an appointment with HER gyno as they specialize in vagina-type issues.
Best of luck.
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how long does sex usually last...? (link)
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It depends on each person in the relationship, and also how they combine togther.
Some people may spend a long time getting ready for sex, which adds to the the time count - and some just dive right in. Likewise, some people will feel satisfied much sooner than others.
As long as both people feel happy and comfortable with the amount of time they spend, then there is no right answer.
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Wat do I do if my boyfriend wants to have sex and I do too but i am too shy
signed i need help (link)
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Feeling shy might mean that you aren't completely ready to have sex. Ideally, you'll be able to talk over all your concerns with your boyfriend, plan together for birth control things, and also talk about things you might like to try.
If any of these areas present a problem, then the relationship might not be ready to turn into a sexual one.
Why not try talking about something that is not very threatening to you? That way, you can see how it feels to open up to your boyfriend and how he responds - and whether or not you'd like to tell him even more. Once you feel really emotionally comfortable with someone, it's much easier to feel physically comfortable.
Best of luck.
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