I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173029
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
I think that I might be bi.. But I dont want to be! what do I do?
I am female by the way
thanks.. (link)
|
You could be straight, gay, or bi if you are questioning your sexuality. At the end of the day, only you know who you are attracted to.
If you are bisexual, then you simply are. It's not something you can choose not to be, just as people can't change the colour of their skin of their blood type.
While it may be scary to realize you are bisexual, just focus on being who you are. As time goes by you may start to accept yourself more, and then choose to share your sexuality with close friends who will hopefully love and support you.
We're all different, and we're all okay.
Best of luck.
|
|
thankyou so much for your advice well in your answer it said to ask th clinic to see how long i could have sex for well they told us 7 days and we actually did wait the 7 days before we had sex and also about the hiv and blood thing it was not alot of blood and we got tested for hiv the same day we both got treated so its not a possible way that i can get hiv by a bloody kiss? also i wanted to know hes younger than me im actually over age already and they told me that it was sagitory rape they told me that they can turn me into the cops is that possible they can do that? i mean i didnt pressure him to have sex w/ me (link)
|
You're welcome for the advice.
If you both tested negative for HIV and there's no way he could have been exposed to the virus, then his blood would be healthy and would not pass the virus on to you.
If the clinic has said they 'could' turn you into the police, that leaves me wondering if they WILL - or if they just are informing you that they could.
Legally, sex with someone underage is breaking the law. If a public organization discovers that information, then they might have an obligation to pass it along. On the other hand, if your ages are quite close together (perhaps he's only a few months underage?) it's not highly likely that this organization will seek to turn you in.
They could just be making you aware that you are engaging in an illegal activity. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but if the age difference IS huge you might want to think about possible problems that might come from that.
The two of you sound very responsible for your health and well being, which seems very mature to me. I applaud you for caring about your health.
|
|
well i really do not know how to start my ? but im having sex and my bf and i went to go get tested well we both came out positive for clamedia(spelled wrong)well he was so supportive of going with me and getting treated for it and its been a while and we have continued to have sex with out protection is there a possible way to get infected again?if we got treated o i guess it can be a 2 in 1 ? also can u get hiv aids if you kiss a guy that has a cut on the lip and so do u and he bleeds???? please help (link)
|
If you both tested positive for an STD, then you both should have been treated. The clinic should have told you about how long you would need to wear a condom for.
For example, if you had unprotected sex before the medication had a chance to work (on either one of you), the infection might have been passed back to the other person. It might be a good idea just to get tested one more time to ensure the medication worked and everything is a-okay.
I would also wonder where the infection came from. If either of you has had sex with someone before, there is a chance that person is also infected. They should be told so that they can get treated.
If you were both virgins, the only way the infection could have been introduced is if one of you had sex with a third person.
If you are tested again, both come out negative, and are not sleeping with anyone else, you should be fine.
Theoretically anytime there is an opening on your body, another person's body, and blood passes between the two, HIV (if present) could get passed. This also depends on the quantity of blood, how long it has been outside the body, etc. If you are concered, it is best to get an HIV test. They are quick and painless.
Best of luck.
|
|
my mom and dad are together. my mom is an alcoholic and my dad works full time. my sisters dysfuntional and my other sister is in college so i can never talk to her. i bond with my dad all the time over sports which i hate to play anyway i just do because if i dont ill be so fat & out of shape. i cant talk to my mom about anything because shes so ridiculously stupid and makes the most unreasonable excuses why she cant come to my games and stuff. now my sister had a baby and my parents are always paying attention to her and they dont give me the time of day. my grades in school have been dropping drastically and i cant afford a psychiatrist. any suggestions? (link)
|
It sounds as if you recognize talking to someone outside of the family might help, and you're most probably right. Your school should have a counsellor that will provide you with free counselling. Your local area might also offer free counselling to young people - you can check this by calling your local health department, searching online, etc.
If your school doesn't have a counsellor, your school district probably does. Ask a guidance counsellor or teacher you trust for more information.
It sounds as if you're in a situation that is very difficult.
If you don't like sports, you don't need to play them. There are other ways to be healthy, and you might actually end up making close friends with people with similar interests - check out local gyms, hiking clubs, or anything that you WOULD like to do.
See if you can get back in touch with your college sister via email or a weekly phone call. Let her know you would really appreciate that time; she's probably had a lot to adjust to with moving away from home and building a new life for herself, but she will make room for you if you ask her.
Finally, can you talk to your dad about how you feel? Maybe make a 'date' night for the two of you to do something alone together once a month?
Best of luck.
|
|
Is it okay to be school-oriented...and be scared to have a boyfriend because you don't know whats going to happen in the end. Its like you are in a mix between "I don't know if its going to work out" and "I'm scared it might..." ..? Does anyone get what I'm saying? (link)
|
Being school-oriented is more than okay, it's the ideal. If you're school age, then one of your jobs is trying to succeed at school. This will have a knock on effect for the rest of your life - further education, work ethics, well rounded self, etc.
As for the second part of the question, it's okay to be scared to have a boyfriend. Most people probably are. There is a lot of uncertainty with dating, and ultimately you are putting your heart on the line.
If you meet a guy you're genuinely interested in, the longing to date him might overpower the fear. Being afraid of relationships not working OR working perfectly is healthy in some ways, as it means you'll be more realistic about relationships.
But if this means you feel unable to connect with other people in the longterm, it's becoming hurtful. Avoiding a relationship to protect yourself is a skill that won't do you any favours individually OR as part of a couple.
Best of luck.
|
|
What type of questions do they ask you in a job interview? I'm applying for a job at a bunch of fast food places. (link)
|
What experience of working do you have? Is any of it relevant to this company?
Are you a team player?
How do you handle stress?
Why do you want to work for this company?
What are your strengths? Your weaknesses?
How are you at dealing with the public? Do you have experience with this?
If you had a problem with a co-worker, what would you do?
Have you ever cooked/used a cash register/etc before?
What hours are you available to work? How committed to this job are you?
Etc etc etc. Best of luck!
|
|
I wasn't really sure what to put this under, but anyway I've seen the movie "The Shining" about 5 times already and I still don't understand it. How does the former cook know to call the kid doc? How is the butler relivent to the dad? Is that his split personality? And why does he go into the bar and it's set in the 1930's? Thank you for helping me clear this up (link)
|
Okay, one question at a time.
1. The cook knows to call Danny 'Doc' because the cook also has the shining - another name for ESP.
2. The butler is the 'ghost' of the last caretaker who killed his family.
3. The bar scene is 'chosen' by the hotel - this is just the time period that the hotel chooses to use for the party scenes, etc. It's left uncertain in the movie why that is, though the book goes into details and you learn it was like a golden period in the hotel's history.
I've seen the movie about 500 times, so you can thank my nerdy need to watch the same film over and over again for answering this question. If you choose to read the book (by Stephen King) it may answer some of your questions, though it's very different from the movie.
|
Well my best friend and I went on a week long vacation together and I think were really annoyed with each other. I found out everything HAS to be her way; nothing can ever be her fault; and she thinks everyones in love with her.
Now I can't stand talking to her cause I realize all these little things about her that drive me insane. However, I feel so empty with out her! What do I do? (link)
|
It's common to feel annoyed with someone you are travelling with. After all, in 'real life' you only spend a certain amount of time togther - because you choose to. When you are travelling, you are forced to stay in close quarters with someone for an extended period of time.
This could highlights her faults, but by no means is it a reason to automatically end the friendship. You need to think about how you feel about her when you AREN'T travelling. Do these same things bug you to the same degree? If not, you might want to chalk this up to experience and move on with your friendship. After all, chances are that you annoyed her quite badly while you were on vacation, too!
Best of luck.
|
|
I'm 14 and I started my period like 3 years ago. I thought that when you started your boobs grew faster and stuff. But mine havn't grown that much. Like I still have cleavage with a push-up bra but I thought I'd be bigger by now. My moms' are really big so she told me, mine would be too. So is there a reason why this is happening? Is it normal? Thanks for your help in advance! (link)
|
Getting your period doesn't automatically make your breasts grow faster - normally, getting boobs, pubic hair, etc is a sign that your period is about to come.
Your body will continue to develop for about the next four years, so chances are your breasts won't be the same at 18 as they are at 14.
However, your mother having large breasts isn't a guarantee of your own boob size - every body is different and it's impossible to predict what size you'll be when you finish growing. Only time will tell.
|
|
can she be pregnat 8 days after her period ended? what is the percentage she is? (link)
|
I'm assuming you're asking if this is a fertile time for a girl if you have sex. Simply put, it could be.
Menstrual cycles are usually about 28 days long, and the most fertile time can be about 14 days in (though this varies for women, and sperm can also live in the body for up to 7 days). Day 1 is the first day of a girl's period.
If her period was about 6 days long, and it's now 8 days past then, then she is on Day 14 - quite possibly the most fertile time of the month for her.
If your question is whether or not someone can be pregnant even though they've had their period, there is a slight chance. But if her period came at the normal time and was the normal length and heaviness, she's probably not pregnant.
|
This is very embarassing to ask, but im sure you`ve heard worse so bare with me here.
Awile ago I had sex for the first time.. and it was towards the END of my period....so there was no disgusting stuff or anything like that..
but anyways
he didnt wear a condom so i was afraid i would get pregnant.. but 4 days later i started taking the pill..(birth control not the day after pill)
which i THINK kills the sperm when you take it..
so there`s no chance i could be pregnant right?
I mean I was on my period, it was my first time, AND i started taking birth control 4 days later.
(link)
|
Pregnancy is always a possibility when a penis has been in a vagina.
It makes no difference whether or not it was your first time. If it was at the end of your period (days 5-7 in your cycle), it's important to note that the latest research shows that sperm can live for up to 7 days in your body - and this takes you into our most fertile period.
Birth control does not kill babies. Emergency contraception, taken as quickly as possible after unprotected sex, will prevent a fertilized egg from implanting, thicken the cervical mucus and make it harder for sperm to get through in the first place, etc. Normal birth control is not in such a large dose.
In fact, birth control pills can seriously harm a fetus. If there is a chance you could be pregnant, you need to stop taking the pill.
Wait until you get your period before you begin again. Most doctors would have you start the pill either on the first day of your period, or on the first Sunday after the start of your period. It is most effective to begin the pill at this time, and then it's best to use a second form of contraception (like a condom) for the first month of use while your body adjusts.
If you've started the pill at a random time in your cycle, this will impact its effectiveness and could take your body longer to adjust.
Basically, stop the pill now. Do not have anymore unprotected sex. When you get your period, begin the pill again - AFTER carefully reading the instructions. Start a fresh pack.
Make sure you are using a condom as well for at least the first month, and longer if there is a chance of your boyfriend giving you an STD.
And you should also book an appointment with a gyno, as this is a way to make sure everything's okay with you - normally done when a girl is 16 - 18 or when she begins having sex. Your doctor will also be able to advise you on the correct use of the pill.
Best of luck.
|
Hi, I saw you answered a very similar question from the one I'm about to ask, but I guess I'll just go ahead and ask this anyways...
I'm 17 and bi,and I'm not ashamed of it or confused about it. My best friend knows, and she is more than accepting of it. I want to tell the other people I know and love, I just don't know how or when to bring it up, because I just know some people I know aren't going to be okay with it. I know this happens to everyone, and that it is something that has to happen for me to be who I am, and you've already answered the topic of friendship, so I'll go with my parents. Both my parents know gays and lesbians, and they seem pretty accepting of it. However, me being their daughter, they might have a problem with THAT. Plus,I'm sure they'd have difficulty understanding that someone could like both guys and girls. If I had a gf, I would just go right out and say it, but since I don't have any gf or bf, I don't know if I should wait or not. Because I have no idea what the future has in store for me and if I end up with a guy, is it worth it to bring it up right now? Won't it just make a whole big deal for nothing? I also hate the whole pre-fabricated jugements like: oh, you can't make up your mind, or it's just a phase because of your raging hormones. On another note, my little brother is 13, and I'm almost positive he'll accept me and be very cool about it, I just don't want to put so much burden on him as to: oh, don't tell mom and dad just yet. Anyways, I know this is very long and confusing, I just wanted some insight as to what my next move should be, because it's bad enough I'm not being entirely truthful to the people I trust most.
Thank you for your time!! (link)
|
Coming out as bisexual when you aren't dating anyone sends a fairly strong statement - it means that you aren't just into a certain gender because of whoever you happen to be dating. And I'll say what I said to the person before, to be thinking seriously about telling your parents means you must have part of you that really wants to.
You're right, though, in saying it might be more confusing for parents to understand bisexuality than it would be to understand if you were plain ol' gay. But when are the most interesting, complex, and worthwhile things ever simple?
Your parents might need time to adjust to you being bisexual for several reasons. First, because you're their little girl and presumeably still living at home, they might not want to think of you as ANYTHING-sexual. Next, things are different if it's your own child. I've heard parents say that they are afraid for their child, that it's a phrase, etc etc.
If it took you some time to come to the realization that you're bi, and then some more time to accept it, understand that your parents will probably need this time, too.
If they know happy gay/bisexual people, then it works in your favour as it means they might not have some of the same disillusions about what it means to be not straight in today's world. It also helps if you feel crystal clear about your sexuality and confident with it, as you appear to be!
Telling your parents will be challenging, and it's best to think of times in the past when they've responded well to things you've said. Did you say it in a letter? In person? At a family meeting?
Did you talk to your parents together, or one at a time?
It's brilliant to know that however your parents initially feel, your brother will support you. And you've also got a best friend who cares for you - and your own inner resources.
Don't rush into anything. Focus on your reasons for wanting to tell them, the way you feel most comfortable telling them, and then go for it.
I wish you the very best of luck.
|
|
While i have never been for abortion, i find my self in an aknward situation. My friend thinks that she is pregnant. but she doesnt know for sure. she doesnt live close enough to a hospital to go and she cant buy a home preganancy test. I think that she is just feeling gulity because she had sex with her boyfriend and the stress i giving her these symptoms. But we have no way of knowing for sure. She says that if she is she will find the quickest way to have an abortion. I dont know what to do. (link)
|
The only thing you can do is help your friend out emotionally. You can also help draw her attention to various facts - such as the importance of needing to find out if she's pregnant before she begins worrying about what to do if she is.
Why can't she buy a home pregnancy test? She should be able to get these at any pharmacy; she can then take them in a public bathroom or a friend's house if she feels uncomfortable doing it at her home. Home pregnancy tests are small and would be easy to carry away with her to dispose in a safe place. They are also very accurate and a good first step towards resolving the pregnancy issue.
Should she be pregnant, she will need to take medical advice. Depending on her individual situation, there may be several options available to terminate the pregnancy with. It is by far safer to have a medical professional give advice and administer the abortion than to try to force herself to miscarry. Doing it privately offers numerous health risks, and is no guarantee - she could end up too far along to actually get an abortion, and end up giving birth to a child who has been significantly harmed by her private attempts to abort.
It sounds as if whatever is happening, she doesn't feel happy or confident in herself regarding sex or pregnancy tests. Perhaps you offering support will help her overcome some of her reluctance to take care of herself.
If it doesn't, though, please remember that the only person who is responsible for your friend's actions is your friend.
Best of luck.
|
|
Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 3-4 months and having sex for around 2 months, yet just recently she has felt cravings for sugar, weird stomac aches, shorter period and less blood and has developed more of a thirst. She has already taken a pregnancy test which has come up negative but we still don't know if it was too early, are the pregnancy tests reliable and accurate all the time? even if it is early? I'm 16 and my girlfriend is 18, as you could guess, my girlfriend being pregnant at this time is not very suitable, please answer back. (link)
|
These symptoms could be from a lot of reasons - including that your girlfriend could be worrying a lot about the possibility of being pregnant. If she has missed a period, various pregnancy tests are accurate at different stages. This includes tests that are accurate as soon as a period is missed.
If no period has been missed, then she should go see her doctor to put her mind at rest. They might repeat a pregnancy test, but they might also look at other things that are related to thirst, sugar, etc. These symptoms could mean your girlfriend has a medical condition, and it's best to rule that out.
If she is given the all-clear, then perhaps she might want to think about the relation between mind and body. If she is worrying often about pregnancy, her body might start reacting. Also, things she might never notice will seem to really stand out because of her worry.
This could mean she isn't feeling comfortable with sex in this relationship, and that could be related to pregnancy. If you aren't using two forms of birth control (such as a condom and birth control pill/patch/etc) that will help to put her mind at rest.
Best of luck.
|
i've recently come to terms with the fact that i'm bi. a few of my friends know, but some of my closest ones don't. i think i'm ready to tell them, but i have no idea how to bring it up or how much to tell them. also, the reason they don't know yet is because these are the friends whose reactions i'm having the hardest time predicting (they're girls, by the way). i know that they love me and that if they're as mature as they seem and they realize we're living in the 21st century they should be able to handle it, but i really don't want them to be uncomfortable around me. i really want to be open with them and comfortable with myself and not hide anything, but i'd almost rather not tell them than risk our relationship changing. this is probably the typical cliche question, but i'm mostly asking how to go about telling them and where to stop rambling (ie: ...and it doesn't mean i check out every girl i see and no i don't like you and yes sleepovers are safe and...). eesh this is getting kind of long...just one more thing: two of the friends have a class with me at school, and in that class is the girl i happen to have a crush on. so part of my question is also whether i should just tell them i'm bi, or tell them i have a crush on a girl (i know you can figure out #1 from #2, but i don't know if it's better to give them a general idea or what).
thank you so much for the 5 hours of your time that you just gave reading this, and thanks in advance for your answer! (link)
|
Coming out can certainly be tricky, and it can often be life-long. It some
ways it could be easier to tell a stranger you were bi then three people
you've been friends with for awhile.
The fact that you are thinking about telling them is a sign that perhaps you
really do need to do this in order to feel good about yourself and the
friendship. Telling them is bound to change the friendship, and not
necessarily in a bad way. After all, these people only know a part of you
right now - telling them you're bi would expose them to a little more of who
you are.
A good way of letting people know is by saying it like that, 'I care about
you and our friendship so much, I wanted to be honest with you.' Or, 'We've
been friends for a long time and I know I can trust you to be a safe person
to talk to.' These little snippets of honesty (and flattery!) can win
someone over before they've even heard what you have to say.
Things could be awkward for awhile. They could wonder about everything
you've brought up - have you ever liked them? Is it okay to hug you? Will
sleepovers be weird?
If you start by simply telling them you're bi, a discussion will probably
develop. They'll ask questions, you'll give answers, and all this stuff will
start to sort itself out.
One thing to think about - if you just tell your friends you like this one
girl, they might assume you're a lesbian. You could always say that you like
this girl, you're bi, you'd like to be able to talk with them about this
stuff.
I hope this helps in some way, and certainly hope it was worth the 5 hours
of your time that you just spent reading this!
|
|
ok well i like this guy and we have gone out 11 times... and like we talk on the fone alot and it seems like he likes me too but idk becuase wen hes with ppl he makes fun of me and stupid stuff, and wen we make plans he ditches me i dont know what to do :[ (link)
|
This guy could be feeing embarassed, and so he makes fun of you when he's in front of his friends. This might be semi-normal behaviour, but it doesn't mean you need to put up with it.
Next time you're on the phone with him, let him know that it bothers you when he acts that way. Ask him to stop behaving that way, and let him know that you will have to reconsider how you feel about him if he continues to make you feel uncomfortable.
Him making fun of you and cancelling plans seems disrespectful, and certainly not something that a caring, sensitive person would do. Take some time to really think about whether this friendship/relationship is something you really want to continue.
Best of luck.
|
everyone in my grade says that if you are around someone who has there period for a long time then you will get it too (after you already had it a few times)
i don't know if it is true, but it seems true becasue i think it happened to me..
does anyone know if it is really true though?
(link)
|
There is truth to this! Studies have actually been done on women living in close proximity to each other, such as in dorm rooms. It has been proven that the pheromones a menstruating woman gives off can influence the cycles of other women around her.
Generally, this will only happen after a long period of time, as your bodies will gently adjust to each other. It's highly unlikely casual contact with anyone will have any affect on your period at all.
|
|
Here is my problem. I am gay but I dont know how to ask guys out. I am always so afriad of what they might do.(e.i. gay bashing, beat me up,) So I just admire guys from a far and never talk to them and so then I end up unfufilled and emotionally drianed. Because I dont know how to talk to them. It is totally different if they come up to me or if a friend introduces them to me then I can usually be my charming self. But I just feel like something's wrong when I am in a gay bar for almost a week straight and I dont get hit on by anyone. So how do I talk to guys and how do I get over my fears? (link)
|
If you're in a gay bar and not getting hit on, why not try hitting on someone else? Take some responsibility for yor own happiness - choosing who you speak to at least guarantees you'll be chatting with men you find attractive.
And if bars aren't your scene, there are other options. Gay-only clubs in the arts, sports, religions, etc exist in most places. You can find out about them via the internet or buying a local gay magazine or newspaper. There's also the possibility of placing personal ads.
People have very good antenna. If you're sending out vibes of insecurity and anxiety, people will pick up on that and steer clear of you. The best way to combat this is to find an arena you feel genuinely comfortable in, as this will relax you and make you more approachable!
Best of luck.
|
|
My brothers have the habit of not replying my emails/SMS text messages when i make some requests from them ( for example when am broke and beed cash for travels or the pursuit of some job), even when i emphasis the urgency. i am a student ands not employed, while my brothers are working and they know i have no other means of livelihood. At times i get the urge to just ignore them, and at times i feel maybe i shoudn't but just keep asking them whats up, although i have my own pride to protect most of the time. I need some advice. Thanks to you all. (link)
|
Bluntly put, your brothers have no responsibility towards your financial situation. If they aren't replying when you ask them for things, it's obvious that they feel uncomfortable and are not sure how to respond.
If you want a relationship with your siblings, focus on emotional needs - going out to dinner, asking them how they're doing, sharing little triumphs of your own life. It isn't appropriate to expect them to finance your job hunting or other needs.
Chances are they, too, went through a period of financial insecurity. And while to you it may seem they have money to spare, more income means that they are probably weighed down with more responsibilities - mortgages, car payments, monthly bills.
While it's natural to wish they could give you money, it's not realistic at this point as they obviously don't want to help you financially. Better to find a part-time job that you can walk or take public transport to, etc.
While this period in your life is bound to be frustrating, it will teach you a lot about how you manage money stress - an issue you'll face until the day you die, barring winning the lottery! If you manage yourself well, you could also end up in a closer relationship with your siblings, where they feel appreciated for being themselves rather than for being possible money sources.
Best of luck.
|
|
Ive been anorexic only for a few weeks and Im supposed to get my period and Im not. What happens if you dont get your period? is it unhealthy? can it affect having babies in the future?? (link)
|
Anorexia can cause your period to stop, the tissue of your heart to dissolve, extreme body emaciation, thick hair to grow all over your body, extreme mental health issues, and death. Once someone is truly anorexic - not just for a few weeks, but in a diagnosed, ongoing, mental illness - it is extremely hard to recover from and has a low recovery percentage. It's not just a chronic, manageable illness though - if left untreated, an anorexic person WILL die.
Your period not coming is a definite sign that something is not right with your body. This is probably the fact that you are not eating enough food. Rather than worry if your period is a dangerous thing to skip, realize that it is a huge red flag and your body's way to tell you that things are not working.
You will not be able to have children in the future if you're not alive, after all.
At this point, you need to speak to a therapist as soon as possible to get help early.
Best wishes.
|
|