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how to tell them
i've recently come to terms with the fact that i'm bi. a few of my friends know, but some of my closest ones don't. i think i'm ready to tell them, but i have no idea how to bring it up or how much to tell them. also, the reason they don't know yet is because these are the friends whose reactions i'm having the hardest time predicting (they're girls, by the way). i know that they love me and that if they're as mature as they seem and they realize we're living in the 21st century they should be able to handle it, but i really don't want them to be uncomfortable around me. i really want to be open with them and comfortable with myself and not hide anything, but i'd almost rather not tell them than risk our relationship changing. this is probably the typical cliche question, but i'm mostly asking how to go about telling them and where to stop rambling (ie: ...and it doesn't mean i check out every girl i see and no i don't like you and yes sleepovers are safe and...). eesh this is getting kind of long...just one more thing: two of the friends have a class with me at school, and in that class is the girl i happen to have a crush on. so part of my question is also whether i should just tell them i'm bi, or tell them i have a crush on a girl (i know you can figure out #1 from #2, but i don't know if it's better to give them a general idea or what).
thank you so much for the 5 hours of your time that you just gave reading this, and thanks in advance for your answer!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Coming out can certainly be tricky, and it can often be life-long. It some
ways it could be easier to tell a stranger you were bi then three people
you've been friends with for awhile.
The fact that you are thinking about telling them is a sign that perhaps you
really do need to do this in order to feel good about yourself and the
friendship. Telling them is bound to change the friendship, and not
necessarily in a bad way. After all, these people only know a part of you
right now - telling them you're bi would expose them to a little more of who
you are.
A good way of letting people know is by saying it like that, 'I care about
you and our friendship so much, I wanted to be honest with you.' Or, 'We've
been friends for a long time and I know I can trust you to be a safe person
to talk to.' These little snippets of honesty (and flattery!) can win
someone over before they've even heard what you have to say.
Things could be awkward for awhile. They could wonder about everything
you've brought up - have you ever liked them? Is it okay to hug you? Will
sleepovers be weird?
If you start by simply telling them you're bi, a discussion will probably
develop. They'll ask questions, you'll give answers, and all this stuff will
start to sort itself out.
One thing to think about - if you just tell your friends you like this one
girl, they might assume you're a lesbian. You could always say that you like
this girl, you're bi, you'd like to be able to talk with them about this
stuff.
I hope this helps in some way, and certainly hope it was worth the 5 hours
of your time that you just spent reading this!
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Just tell them that you are bi but that if they are true friends it shouldnt affect ur friendship.....and they can feel comfortable around you and that you wont make moves on them ora nything and just talk to them bout it.
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hey,
i agree with what you say. it's the 21st century, and if they really are your close friends then superficial stuff shouldnt matter. If you want some help, try bringing up bisexuality with them first in a subtle way and get their opinion on it if you dont already know. or sometimes just talking about it helps, try going to your school's guidance counselor or local therapist. i promise talking helps, or just talk to your friends who already know. And just because some of your friends know, doesnt mean you have to come out to all of them, dont do it unless you feel ready. There's no pressure.
Really hope i helped!
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well a great man (i forget who) once said "Just be yourself, those who matter wont mind, and those who mind dont matter". assuming you dont live in some backwards state then your friends shouldnt mind, they might be initially shocked but it should settle. now if you want some assurance and to soften the blow, the best time to tell them would be while you have a boyfriend, but since you like a girl in your class then yes it is better to tell them that and then one of them will probably say "what are you bi/gay or something" and you can say yes. telling them you like a girl will be kind of a safety, because it is a conclusion some people jump to when they find out a friend is gay. generarly it is just a temporary thing. but like i said in the begening, if they dont accept you for who you are then they werent very good friends to begin with.
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