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Why is that whenever I meet someone on the first date seeing them for the first time everything changes for the worse? For instance, I met this guy and we chatted for a long time and he was always responsive and even more he was more talkative than I was, we also texted back and forth like crazy and then when we went on our first date everything changed... some for the better and some for the worse... now he isn't as responsive as he was before and he never texts me. I don't know what to do. (link)
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There are many answers to this question. One is that far too many people ignore the very good advice to "just be yourself". They put on a happy face when they first meet someone, and of course that persona can't be maintained forever. In this case, he didn't really change - you just didn't know his real personality right away.
Also, text messaging is NO way to really get to know someone. People are very different in the anonymous, faceless world of IM than they are in real life. You can't make a judgment call on someone's personality based on texting. If that's how you're meeting everyone you date, it's not surprising that they aren't what you expect.
It's also possible that he simply didn't enjoy that first date as much as he hoped, and has decided not to pursue the relationship. That's not to say that you did anything wrong - maybe he just didn't feel any chemistry. It would be nice if he was enough of a grown-up to come out and tell you that he didn't feel you really "clicked", but apparently he'd rather just leave you hanging.
Finally, he might just have a really bad headache or something. Maybe nothing is really wrong. Try talking to him - in person, not with text.
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okay umm last night was homecoming and after homecoming the high school always puts on a dance that lasts till like, 1 in the morning. well, since it was so late i stayed at a friends house so my parents wouldn't have to come pick me up that late/early (whatever way you wanna look at it) because we live out of town. well my friends cousin just happens to be my bf and we (me and my bf) snuck out of my friends house and had sex. well it was my first time and all, and i heard it was supposed to hurt, but it didnt except a little at first. and ive heard about women having 'multiple orgasms'....is it normal to have like, 8? cuz umm thats what happened so what exactly does that mean? (link)
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It means that you had a hell of a good time.
Count yourself lucky that you really enjoyed your First - not everyone does. So in a sense, I'd have to say: No, you're not normal. You'd be crazy to want to trade it for "normal", though!
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what does it mean when you fall in love to fast and the only person you think about is t6hat person? (link)
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"Love at first sight" exists, but it's fleeting. Feelings that grow too quickly can also dissolve just as quickly. Enjoy the rush, but proceed with caution!
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1. would you perfer a girl/male to make the 1st move & just like grab your head & kiss you OR you make the 1st move
2. how do you show your feelings towards a female/male [ like show them you like them ]
3. how do you become not shy [ like be open & show your feelings towards someone ]
4. what if you like someone, but you dont know them that well to hold a conversation, what do you talk about ?
5. how do you show your feelings towards someone that you arent sure likes you back ?
6. how do you know the person had enough with flirting. like when to stop ? (link)
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(M/35)
1: It's best when it's a mutual thing, but given the option, I would usually rather make the first move. That's probably a male thing. However, it is also extremely flattering when SHE makes the first move, so it's hard to say.
2: Listening is key. Pay attention when they talk and focus on them. Make an effort to learn something about them, and think about their interests and preferences when suggesting things to do and such. The best gift you can give someone is genuine, sincere interest.
3: Showing your feelings for someone is an act of trust, and it can be very difficult to do. There are always risks, but there are also rewards. Mostly, it takes self-confidence. Consider joining an activity such as debate, cheerleading, basketball, performing, or anything at all that puts in in front of a crowd. Once you're able to do that, it becomes a lot easier to face an individual person.
4: That's a tough one. All you can do is see if you can find anything, even the smallest detail, that you might have in common, and start with that. If you can't find anything you have in common, then you're probably attracted to that person for the wrong reasons.
5: All you can do is try to get to know that person a bit, and then take the chance. There are always risks!
6: If you're getting a positive response of any kind, flirt away. If you're getting a negative response or none at all, then you're being a pest and it's time to stop.
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Okay, so after my past relationship. I'm really not expecting anything good or long lasting right now.
So I liked this girl. (I'm a girl too)
She's nice, we have things in common and she's easy to talk to about things. Whenever I'm AROUND her.. I know i like her and I want to kiss her.
But whenever she's not here (we don't go to the same school yet) I feel unattached. Is that bad? I wouldn't cheat, I just have little crushes.
I'm starting to like this guy. (Don't say, you think I'm not bi anymore) He gives me butterflies and he's also nice too.
I'm not sure what to do though.
I have feelings for my girlfriend but then I don't.
We haven't been going out for long. Maybe like a week and I don't think I want to break up with her. I don't want to hurt her. I want her to HURT me. :[ Doesn't that sound weird?
I doubt anything could happen with this guy.. I'm not sure what to do with my girlfriend though. (link)
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Put simply, love sucks. It completely messes with our heads and hearts, and makes us think we're losing our minds when we're actually just being normal.
It is certainly possible to feel closer to someone when you're actually there with them, and then not so much when you're apart. It is also entirely possible to have crushes on people when you love someone else, or to find someone attractive when you're with a different person. All of these things are totally normal and it's all part of why love sucks. (But it's worth it!)
I have a thought about what's going on with you, and it's based on personal experience. I was dating someone once for over a year, and I started to get bored with the relationship. I wanted it to end, but the problem was that I really, really liked and respected her and didn't want to hurt her. So I can totally see where you're coming from when you say you don't want to hurt her - you want HER to hurt YOU. I'm not saying that this is how it is with you, but in my case I felt guilty about having lost my stronger feelings for her and I wanted her to break up with me so that I would be suitably punished for it.
I also started feeling an attraction to another girl at the time, and I think that I felt even worse about that. So I tried to deny it, and went through the motions with my existing girlfriend. Without going into detail, let's just say that it ended very badly, everyone got hurt because of me, and the girlfriend who was also my best friend was lost to me forever.
In retrospect, I can see that the solution would have been to simply be honest with myself and everyone around me. I owed it to my girlfriend to tell her that I felt the relationship was stagnating, and ask if she felt we had a future. I should have admitted the reality of my feelings for girl #2, not ignored them until they became impossible to ignore. I could have spared a lot of bad feelings if only I hadn't been so concerned with sparing a lot of bad feelings.
However, the main difference between you and me is that you've been seeing your girlfriend for a week, not a year. I'd say give it a little more time, think hard about your feelings and be brutally honest with yourself about them. It's about two weeks until the New Year - give it until then before making any big decisions.
In addition, I think you should tell your girlfriend that your feelings are uncertain. If you're just coming off a bad relationship, I'm sure she'll understand. Maybe she can help you figure out your own heart better than you can alone. In any event, if you do end up breaking up, at least that way it doesn't come from totally out of the blue.
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13/f
i have a geography bee tomorrow and i desperately need help.. i need t0 memorize capitals of each state in the US. can anyone send me a website where i can find it please? please help as soon as possible. thanks (link)
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I just went to Google, typed in a search for "50 states capitals" and came up with a long list of websites that all have exactly what you're looking for. It took me about ten seconds.
I wish you well on your quiz tomorrow, but honestly, you need to work a little on your problem-solving skills. Did you really think that the fastest way to find out this information was to ask for it here? Try using a search engine next time; that's what they're for.
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i find it harder and harder to seperate my guy friends and girlfriends...i cant really balance the two anymore. i have mainly guy friends and get along with them better but i do have girl friends through sports and everything but i dont know what to do, when i'm with the guys i'm basically one of the guys, when i'm with the girls i'm one fo the girls, but now since everyone is intermingling, i dont really know how to act anymore. my friends are also asking me to hook them up...and its pissing me off soo much, myb i'm partially jealous too i dont know, but i hate the drama crap.when someone i like hang out with my group of guy friends i'm always screwing up my chances...i'm either too much of a guy trying to mask my crush on them from my friends, or sacking them in football...i started avoiding playing sports with my friends now, i hate htat but i cant keep on tackling my crushes can i? if i'm not doing that i'm trying to 'act' normal with everyone, making it very obvious to the world that i like him...and then my friends ..being the guys they are act like idiots, or 'ditch us' and walk away for like 2 feet giggling about the obvious. to avoid that i usually overdo the guy thing by punching one of them or i start flirting with anyone who's around. thats also a problem because i dont want him to get the wrong idea. and its awkward, flirting with my friends, its not too bad since its subtle but still... i'm confusing everyone including myself. (link)
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I'm afraid I'm having a hard time figuring out what your question actually is (in fact, I wasn't sure about your gender until I read it twice). So, I can definitely agree with you about one thing: you're confusing everyone :)
Unfortunately, guys who view you as "one of the guys" are never going to be attracted to you as a girl. There is a way that guys act around their friends, and there is a way they act around girls, and somehow or other you've landed in the "friends" camp. It will be very, very difficult for any of them to make the transition in their heads and start thinking of you as dateable. In addition, it looks like whoever did it would be teased mercilessly by the rest of them.
Also, they may be intimidated. There is a male instinct to defend and protect the women they love. To do this, they must see themselves as strong and manly, and if you're able to do things like play football with them and win, that's going to be hard for some guys to accept. It's misogynistic and stupid, but it's also reality.
The most important thing you need to do, though, is to figure out what YOU want. If you like having guys as friends, then have them! If you want to date one of them, then you're not going to be able to initiate it when the rest of them are around. If you want to date one of your guy friends, you'll need to get together with him AWAY from everyone else, and tell him about your feelings. Be direct and straightforward; not only is it the best approach in general, but I imagine it's what your friends would expect from you. Oh, and it wouldn't hurt to "feminize" yourself for the occasion, by wearing makeup, doing your hair, and choosing an outfit which best shows off whatever assets you've got. Take no prisoners!
As for setting up your girl friends... tell them you'd kind of like to find a boyfriend yourself first. Maybe they'll set YOU up with someone.
Oh, and stop punching the guys, even as a joke - it humiliates them, and it's certainly no way to make them see you as someone they'd like to date.
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what do you do if your boyfriend cheated on you with your younger sister? (link)
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Are you familiar with the acronym "DTMFA"?
Here's a hint: Dump The Mother F----- Already!
Definitely, step one is to tell this guy in no uncertain terms that you are over, history, done, finished. He is not to call you anymore or even try to apologize. Forgive him if you feel it's the right thing to do, but if you do then he doesn't deserve to know about it. He's a piece of slime; treat him as such.
As for your sister... that's harder to deal with, because there's a stronger tie there. She has a lot of explaining to do, that's for sure. She owes you every kind of apology and she'll have to earn your trust back. Don't let her off the hook too easily on this one, because she really blew it.
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okay, well i kinda have a problem you see. no guys want to date me. i mean its not cause im ugly or a bitch or anything cause ive been told im good looking and sweet. No guys want to date me because they all see me as a friend. once my friend (a guy) asked the guy i liek if he would ever date me and all he said was " im not gay!". Im not a tomboy or anything, i like sports and everything and i play and watch them, but i dress like a girl and i try and make friends with girls, but i think their a little jealous cause i hang out with all their boyfriends and crushes. i dont want to change who i am and start to be prissy, because thats not who i am! but my question is: is there any way i can get boys to notice me more without changing drastically?
thanks in advance
Holly (link)
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I agree with the previous responder - wait a while. You don't mention how old you are, but the emotional age of the guys you describe sounds like fifteen or sixteen, so I'm guessing you're in high school.
Bottom line: there's a world of difference between what BOYS find attractive, and what MEN find attractive.
Eventually, some intelligent, intuitive guy will realize that you're the catch of the century: a sweet, good-looking girl who he can relate to on many levels.
In the meantime, if you want to enhance your femininity without changing yourself, that's easy enough to do. If your hair is short, grow it longer; if you don't wear makeup, start putting on a little. Small, superficial changes in your appearance won't change who you actually are.
The ultimate cliche advice in such situations is "just be yourself". That doesn't mean you can't be a little flexible, though; after all, "yourself" is whatever you define it to be. So what you can do is think about tha kind of guys you want to attract, and nurture those qualities in yourself that they would find attractive. If you want a guy who likes intelligent women, educate yourself. If you want a guy who appreciates creative types, pick out some form of artistic expression and make yourself good at it. If you want him to admire you for your body, work out and stay in shape (you're probably already there, if you're involved with sports). In other words, they should like you for who you are, but you can make "who you are" be whatever you want.
Bottom line: patience. You'll find that when these boys grow up a little, you'll be someone who turns their heads.
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Ok...there's this girl, my best-friend. well about a month ago she told me she liked me ALOT and well I told her I just want to be friends and she was fine with it. Well I'm really starting to like her now, just not as much as she likes me...how do I go about telling her that I like her? do I flirt, if so how? do i msn her? do i just tell her, cause she's really shy and I know how hard it must have been for her to tell me...I'm just so lost right now...what do I do?
...by the way I'm 16... (link)
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Don't play games with her heart. Right now, you have an honest relationship as friends - she told you how she feels, you said you were unable to return those feelings, and she was cool with it (or at least, she says so). If you decide to change that dynamic, you need to be up front with her about what your feelings are. If you just start flirting and such, she'll be confused;
First, decide whether you're ready to start a deeper relationship with her. Bear in mind that she'll be investing more from the start, because her feelings are stronger than yours. Be considerate of this, and try not to give her reasons to feel insecure. And if you do find that the chemistry just isn't there, then don't pretend that it is; it will only make the eventual breakup more painful. It might be a good idea to tell her right from the start, "I want to give it three months, and we'll see how it's working out." By then you'll both have a clear idea on whether you work as a couple.
Bottom line: be honest and straightforward. As your friend, she deserves that. And don't discount the possibility that sparks might fly; sometimes the best romantic relationships start as friends.
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hey guys. I'm Jackie, I'm 15. I have liked this guy for a while. And we flirt and stuff. He acts like he likes me, but he told my friend beth that he only likes me as a friend. I try to get over him, but everytime i get close to it, I see him, or talk to him and I fall right back into liking him. should I get over him? And if so how? please help. thankss
*Jackie* (link)
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Are you sure that Beth knows what she's talking about? I'm not saying she would lie to you, but it's possible that she doesn't have the right information.
Get it straight from the source! Talk to the guy and give him some indication of your feelings. Fortunately, we now live in a world where the females don't have to just sit around and wait to be asked out; they can do the asking.
Perhaps the best thing to say would be, "My friend Beth told me that you like me only as a friend. I'd kind of like to look into becoming more than that, just so you know. I'd like for you to give me a chance... what do you say we go out sometime, on a date, and see what happens?"
Very few guys would turn down an offer like the above, and even if it turns out that the chemistry isn't there after all, at least you'll know and THEN you'll be able to move on. Otherwise, you'll always be thinking, "What if?"
Good luck!
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If I go to the theatre and scream "Boring!", can I get arrested in a democratic repulic like India? (link)
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No, but why would you want to be such a dick? If the show is boring you, just walk out.
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well i realy love this boy at school and i dont know if he loves me aswell so should i move in or be coye
from
Squid (link)
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What you should do depends entirely on whether you want this to remain an anonymous crush that doesn't go anywhere, or if you want to entertain the possibility of actually dating him.
Boys are clueless. It's a real long shot that he'll even recognize that you're being coy with him, and if he does he probably won't act on it because he'll think it's all in his head. The ONLY way to make headway is to be more direct and straightforward. Sure, there's a ghost of a chance that he might actually make a move on you first, but waiting for that to happen is how people stay lonely.
If you like him, go get him!
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why is cunt such a bad word to call your pussy? (link)
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Here' everything you'll ever want to know about the word:
http://www.answers.com/topic/cunt
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Female - 16
Hi, in my art class at school we are using clay and it really dries out our hands. If I put it on my face where I am oily would it dry it out and make the blemishes go away? What else might happen?
Thankss (link)
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Generally speaking, you should avoid any idea that can be summed up with the statement "Let's put this on my face and see what happens."
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what are some websites where i can download music onto a ipod for free and not get any viruses on my computer? thanks. (link)
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You get what you pay for. Any source of free music is probably going to be run without the blessing (and in most cases, with the cursing) of the record label that produces it. The exception is when one is downloading music that is actually produced by the band itself and provided on their own website for free, but you won't find anything in the top 40 in such places!
Lest we forget, downloading music for free is theft. Whenever you engage in shady dealings, there are potential consequences. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
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i need your help please read this.
ok so my friend was doing drugs and my mom and dad found out. so now they wont let me hang with her anymore. she doesnt do them anymore b/c her parents found out and she is now in rehab. so any advice to convince my parents to let me hang out with her is much appreciated. thanks in advance!!! (link)
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You might consider trying to arrange for the parents to meet - yours and hers. Naturally, your parents are concerned about you and don't want you hanging out with someone who is involved with drugs. If they can see that she also has responsible parents who are doing everything they can for their child, then maybe they will relax a bit.
However, you're going to have to live with the fact that your parents will not entirely trust her. Don't expect to be able to go stay out late with her or anything like that. Basically, you're going to have to be completely on the level and make efforts to avoid even the appearance of doing anything wrong.
You will need to tell your friend, in the presence of both sets of parents, that you will not cover for her if she should backslide (tell your friend in advance that this is your position). And you have to really mean it! Essentially, you will promise to rat on your friend if you catch her getting high, and she has to know that you really will do it and that this is fair warning. If she's sobered up now, she must realize that her life could be at risk and that you will be looking out for her, not trying to get her in trouble. Finally, tell them that you don't think it's right to abandon your friend just because she's made bad decisions, especially since she is now trying to correct them.
This will be a big responsibility for you, by the way. You may need to serve as a positive example. It goes without saying that you need to avoid any "experimenting" yourself if you are to help your friend out; that goes for even the minor-league stuff, like pot or alcohol. It's possible that YOU might be able to handle dabbling in such things a little, but a person in rehab cannot and must not be tempted.
I hope you can succeed, because I think your friend will need people like you. Good luck.
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hi! You give seriously kickbutt advice; it's a refreshing change form the usual 13-year-old advicers :)
I've always wondered.. why do you have a picture of a penguin on your column? I'm not ciriticizing; I think it's awesome! Just curious, as usual! (link)
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I'm pleased to hear you enjoy my advice! I really like the concept of this site and sometimes I wish people would take a little more care with their answers; I just do the best I can do.
As for the penguin, I took that picture myself while I was in Antarctica a few years back.
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Hes 16. I'm 14. I really like him. He thinks of me more as a little sister. What can I say for him to get me to like me.. as in girlfriend material. (link)
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Not much you can say. The only thing you can do is wait a while, because he may simply view you as too young (and to be honest, if I were your dad, I'd agree with that). As time goes on, that two-year gap will become less of an issue.
It's also possible that he will simply never see you as girlfriend material, because the feelings just aren't there. You can't make someone love you; you can only be who you are and hope they love you for it. Best of luck to you, but don't get your hopes up too high for this guy.
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When I was 5 to 10 years old, my eyes were a dark brown. Since I was 10, slowly but surely, they've become a very green hazel, and are still increasing in green and decreasing in brown, enough so that it's mostly green. I just wanted to know if anyone has any experience with this or is it just me. (link)
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Mine went from blue to green as I progressed through my teen years. It happens all the time.
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