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sorta like holly's question


Question Posted Monday December 11 2006, 11:05 pm

i find it harder and harder to seperate my guy friends and girlfriends...i cant really balance the two anymore. i have mainly guy friends and get along with them better but i do have girl friends through sports and everything but i dont know what to do, when i'm with the guys i'm basically one of the guys, when i'm with the girls i'm one fo the girls, but now since everyone is intermingling, i dont really know how to act anymore. my friends are also asking me to hook them up...and its pissing me off soo much, myb i'm partially jealous too i dont know, but i hate the drama crap.when someone i like hang out with my group of guy friends i'm always screwing up my chances...i'm either too much of a guy trying to mask my crush on them from my friends, or sacking them in football...i started avoiding playing sports with my friends now, i hate htat but i cant keep on tackling my crushes can i? if i'm not doing that i'm trying to 'act' normal with everyone, making it very obvious to the world that i like him...and then my friends ..being the guys they are act like idiots, or 'ditch us' and walk away for like 2 feet giggling about the obvious. to avoid that i usually overdo the guy thing by punching one of them or i start flirting with anyone who's around. thats also a problem because i dont want him to get the wrong idea. and its awkward, flirting with my friends, its not too bad since its subtle but still... i'm confusing everyone including myself.

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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


Xenolan answered Tuesday December 12 2006, 8:14 pm:
I'm afraid I'm having a hard time figuring out what your question actually is (in fact, I wasn't sure about your gender until I read it twice). So, I can definitely agree with you about one thing: you're confusing everyone :)

Unfortunately, guys who view you as "one of the guys" are never going to be attracted to you as a girl. There is a way that guys act around their friends, and there is a way they act around girls, and somehow or other you've landed in the "friends" camp. It will be very, very difficult for any of them to make the transition in their heads and start thinking of you as dateable. In addition, it looks like whoever did it would be teased mercilessly by the rest of them.

Also, they may be intimidated. There is a male instinct to defend and protect the women they love. To do this, they must see themselves as strong and manly, and if you're able to do things like play football with them and win, that's going to be hard for some guys to accept. It's misogynistic and stupid, but it's also reality.

The most important thing you need to do, though, is to figure out what YOU want. If you like having guys as friends, then have them! If you want to date one of them, then you're not going to be able to initiate it when the rest of them are around. If you want to date one of your guy friends, you'll need to get together with him AWAY from everyone else, and tell him about your feelings. Be direct and straightforward; not only is it the best approach in general, but I imagine it's what your friends would expect from you. Oh, and it wouldn't hurt to "feminize" yourself for the occasion, by wearing makeup, doing your hair, and choosing an outfit which best shows off whatever assets you've got. Take no prisoners!

As for setting up your girl friends... tell them you'd kind of like to find a boyfriend yourself first. Maybe they'll set YOU up with someone.

Oh, and stop punching the guys, even as a joke - it humiliates them, and it's certainly no way to make them see you as someone they'd like to date.

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