Gender: Female
Location: United Kingdom
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: February 22, 2004
Answers: 152
Last Update: November 20, 2004
Visitors: 7790
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i have a bf who is cheating on me and wat shold i do (link)
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Get rid of him! NEVER take crap from a boyfriend, EVER.
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I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. We have been together for over two and a half years. This spring I graduate from college, and this summer I'm going to move several hours away and get started on landing my dream job. There's no telling what my work schedule will be like, so I probably won't get to see him very often. But that's not even the real problem.
My boyfriend has never been in college, even though he has always wanted to go, due to poor grades in high school and lack of financial resources. He works the graveyard shift at a local grocery store. He used to complain that he hated his job, now he says it's not that bad, and that eventually he'll do something better. He talks about all his plans for the future, but he doesn't do much to put the plans in action. He did buy a few SAT guides and has studied them a bit, but has yet to take the SAT even once, as he says "It costs money" and "I don't know where it is." (Two problems that are easily solved if you ask me -- if he didn't buy video games so often, he'd easily have enough money to take them, and finding out where to take the SAT is as easy as looking it up.) He doesn't have his license or a car, and I don't have a car quite yet either, so it's difficult for him to get around to places, and he refuses to ask people for rides or just take the bus or a taxi, for some reason. He's talked numerous times about saving money in order to get into school or get a car (to make life easier) or whatever, but something always comes up. Once he spent several hundred dollars on a computer, saying he "needed" it to look up schools, but all he's done with it is play games and surf the Internet and download songs. Another time he spent 150 bucks on a PS2, when he had been saving that money up for school. Other times, he's told me that he is waiting to see where I wind up career-wise, then he'll move there and go to school wherever I am! He originally planned to move in with me this summer, but something in my gut told me that was not a good idea just yet, so I told him I'd like to wait on that.
I have held several discussions with him about this before. Every time, I let him know that if he didn't really want to go to school, or was having trouble trying to figure out where to get started with it all, I would help him out as best I could. I mean, I'm very lucky to come from a family that could afford to send me to school, and to have had a lot of guidance early on about colleges and things of that sort. He's doing this all on his own, and I've always been very eager to try and help him out as much as I could. But he's put off all offers of my help, and sometimes, it's like he's just waiting on me to tell him what he needs to do. I have my own job and schoolwork and life to worry about at the moment, and he's got to meet me halfway. I can tell him where to go to register for the SAT or who to talk to at my own college about career and college guidance, but he always insists that I go with him. One time I told him about a minorities program that would help him out a lot financially (he's Puerto Rican), but he put off going to see the advisor and well, he just never did it. Another time I was telling him about how a friend of mine pays for school by being a resident advisor, and he instantly turned down that idea flat without even looking into it, saying "Nah, that's just not for me."
He often says things like, "You've got to have faith in me, because if you don't trust me, how can we have a relationship?" Well, I do trust him, but how can I have faith in him when he doesn't do anything?
We've been friends for 8 years and I love him with my whole heart, and I want him to be there in the future when I'm ready to get married and buy a house and settle down. He knows this, and he's always said he wants the same things, and I believe he does. But the last thing I want is to marry someone who can't even pay his share of the bills! Let me make it clear that I pay for plenty of things myself in this relationship. I'm not the kind of girl who wants a guy based on how much money he has. If I see something nice that I want, I buy it for myself, most of the time. So I'm not asking for the world here. I can make my own dreams come true! But I would like to see him live out all his dreams, and I'd like to see him live the nice comfortable life he says he wants to live. These are all things he's brought up on his own, not words I put in his mouth. It's not as if I'm trying to force him to want the same things I want.
These days, he spends most of his time (when he's not sleeping or working) playing video or computer games or watching basketball games, or hanging out with me. When I encourage him to do stuff or make suggestions or offer some help, he tells me he's working on it and seems eager to change the subject. So, I take that to mean that I've nagged too much in the past and he's grown tired of hearing it, and so in the past few months I haven't really brought it up at all. The last thing I want is to be a huge nag and drive him crazy.
I've been in lots of relationships and this is easily the best one. He is extremely kind, generous, fun, very talented and creative, and best of all, he loves ME exactly the way I am! He has never tried to change a single thing about me (well, except the fact that I am a big slob, haha). So I feel bad that I'm being a hypocrite of sorts by trying to change him. But it's not so much that, as that he says he's going to do things with his life, and then he doesn't do them. Even my family and friends have noticed that he's not really going anywhere. I hate when my family asks me questions about the progress he's making with school (because they're excited for him wanting to get into school, not because they're trying to be snotty or nosy), because I have nothing new to share with them. If he would just be upfront and honest and say "I don't want to go to school" that would be fine. But he says he does want to go, he's always said that, before we ever got romantic.
I feel I also have to mention that this is not the only thing he has been slow about. He hasn't seen his family, who live in Texas, in close to three years. My mother looked up some discount plane tickets for him several times that he could have easily afforded, but he wouldn't go, even though he is always talking about how much he misses them, and emailing them and calling them! My mother was very confused about that. I was, too! Other times he'll say he's going to go see his fam in a few months, but a few months later, it's obvious it's not going to happen!
I don't want to let him go, but I wonder. Am I justified in worrying that I'm going to be hanging on forever waiting for him to DO something? Am I doing something wrong in the way I try to talk to him, since I wind up hitting a brick wall every single time? Am I being a huge bitchy snob who needs to stop trying to make her boyfriend be just like her? Everything's perfect in our relationship, to a tee, except this. Maybe I should let him find someone who is better than me. (link)
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First of all, congratulations on graduating from college in the spring :) I graduate in May, can't wait ;)
Your boyfriend sounds lazy to me. For example, you said he told you he hated his job, and now he says it's not so bad. This may be because he can't be bothered to go and find something better; he's gotten into the routine of working in that specific place, and can't get out of it. It sounds as though he may want to try, but he's not entirely sure how to, or is a little scared.
I don't know what it's like where you are, but here driving lessons are very expensive. I have neither a driving liscence or a car; but he has to learn that to get to where he wants to be he needs to get a bike, walk, get a bus or a taxi. If he refuses, it's HIS problem to get his ass into work or whatever. If he's late it's not your fault or your responsiblity to mother him.
It was a sensible idea to make him wait on the moving in with you front. It sounds as though he'd be a hindrance, rather than a help.
If he's seemingly waiting on you to tell him what to do, perhaps he's afraid. Perhaps he doesn't know what to do next, because going to college is a big step, and staying in his job is convenient and comfortable. It sounds like you have your life right on track, with a job and being in college, and you're right; you do have your own life to worry about. If he's refusing your help, there's not a lot you can do to try and help him.
This comment: "You've got to have faith in me, because if you don't trust me, how can we have a relationship?" : Sounds as though your boyfriend is having security issues. Perhaps he thinks you're going onto bigger and better things and you're just going to forget him, leave him behind, not want anything else to do with him. It sounds to me as though you guys need to sit down together, get to the bottom of these problems, why he's feeling insecure, why he's afraid to go to college. If he doesn't talk to you about it, how can he expect you to help him with it?
You are completely justified in wanting him to pay for half the bills when you get a house, and being apprehensive for him to come and live with you if he doesn't have the ability to do that. You sound like a strong, independant person, and your boyfriend has to realise that if he wants the comfortable life, he's going to have to work one hell of a lot harder for it. He can't depend on you to do everything for him.
I think, rather than nagging him, you need to sit him down and have a serious talk about anything and everything; your relationship, your jobs, school, his parents. There seems to be some deep-rooted psychological problems with this, and he needs to tell you whats going on. It sounds like, yes, he misses familiarity and needs to see his family, and some things i've already mentioned may be on his mind.
YES, you are justified in worrying about waiting forever for him to do something. You need to be honest and open with this guy, you are NOT being a bitchy snob. You are worrying about someone you love, which is perfectly natural. Please, do not blame this on yourself. By your description, you're headstrong, you're going places, you know what you want out of life, and no-one can blame you for trying to get there.
You love this guy, right? Is he going to be able to move away with you when you go to your job? I mean, if you don't see each other very often, how secure will you feel in a new environment without him? What about when you're out there meeting new people, and you find someone equally as nice as your boyfriend? I'm not trying to offend and I'm not trying to patronise, but it sounds like you've tried your hardest to do everything for this guy. Perhaps you should take a break from each other, who knows? That decision has to be yours, no-one can tell you how to deal with this.
Try and talk to him. Tell him the way you're feeling, ask him about his insecurities, tell him how you feel about the future. Good luck, I sincerly hope it works out for you xx
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I like this boy who we where boyfriends and then we broke up then we got back to gether then he ceated on me so we broke up but know I like him but I dont know what to do cuse I dont know if he likes me but the bad part is that my bbfs dont like him and they alwas tell me to brake up with him what should I do?someone help me!!! (link)
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Sounds like you should listen to your friends to me. If he cheated on you once, he'll probably do it again if you got back together. You don't need to take crap from ANYONE. Move on, find someone who will love you and not mess you around.
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I had a blow-out with a guy that I have been seeing for the past 4 months. I told him to loose my number. However, afew days after the fight I learned about his past relationships and the bad things women have put him through and I feel like s*** for starting the fight. He turned down my advanaces so that he could watch the all-star game. I know I was wrong but how do I get him back and not sound like the biggest a$$ around? Help. (link)
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Hey,
If you really want this guy back, I suggest you let him cool off for a few days. Give both of you time to relax, and then ask him to sit down and talk about the fight with you. Be honest and open, and go from there. Good luck.
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Ok I can not stand this girl at my school she is a total b****!She thinks that she is popular but she isn't she is sooo mean tooo everyone.I was friends with her but then I started to date her ex- and she got so mad!!!!And she already got a boyfriend after she dumped her ex-!I just can't stand her!HELP!HELP!HELP!HELP!HELP!HELP!HELP!
signed,
HELP (link)
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Well, dating your friend's ex is usually a big no-no, but you can't help the way you feel about someone. Try ignoring her. If she gets up in your face, don't rise to it. Just stay calm and walk away. If you can't stand her, don't asscociate yourself with her. Good luck
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Hi I am someones friend and Im using there computer and I really need to ask a question but theya re sleeping so I just decided to ask anyways....
Well I hate myself and I tried hanging myself like 3 times.. am I crazy?? (link)
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Hey,
When I was fifteen I used to be a cutter. I won't go into the reasons why now, but I hated myself, my life, and everything in it. I didn't tell anyone, and because of that, no-one helped me. When I eventually cracked and told my mum, everything got better. In fact, I had a bigger appreciation for life than I had in the first place, seeing everything in a new way.
No, you aren't crazy, but you need to talk to someone about the way you're feeling. Recognising the problem is the only way to start sorting it out. Everytime you feel like crap, like you wanna hang yourself, do something else. Put your energy into something creative, like art or writing (for me, writing poetry, diary entries and fanfic was and still is very theraputic). Don't be scared to tell someone how you feel, and don't be ashamed of it either.
Good luck, I hope you feel better about yourself soon :) *hug*
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I want a career in fashion but i dont know how to go about it. please help if you know anything xxx thanx xxx (link)
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I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "career in fashion". Are you talking about modeling or actually designing and/or making clothes? My friend is studying at university to be a designer. Have a look around at university courses. As for modeling, I'm not so experienced in that area. I think you may need to create a portfolio and take it to modeling agencies. I hope whatever happens, you're successful :) Good luck!
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My friend thinks that she is addicted to smoking, but she has only been smoking for about a week. Could she really be addicted or is she being stupid!!? (link)
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Your friend could become addicted to smoking; Nicotine is the addictive substance in cigarettes. It's easier to quit in the beginning. The longer you smoke for, the harder it is to quit; but you probably won't be able to MAKE her quit. She'll have to do that of her own accord.
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i have been sleeping with 5 guys for the last 3 months and they dont know about each other. Recently my best friend and i got into a fight and she told 3 of them about each other. Now i am 1 month pregnant and i dont know who the father is. The guys that know about each other now dont want anything to do with me and i am really hurt. I dont know why they wouldent want a beautifull sexy girl like me in their lives. Please help me in deciding what to do. (link)
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Sleeping with five guys at the same time wasn't a particularly good idea. I really hope you were using protection, because all sorts of diseases can be transmitted sexually these days. To find out who the father is, you'll have to go to the hospital and have tests done when the baby is old enough to have them.
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how do i stop people from calling me gay...i dont do anything gay....im not gay....for goodness sake i like a girl...(im a boy duh...) wut should i do....i dont want to be called that anymore.... (link)
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Just ignore them. I'm guessing you're still in school, and trust me, kids will call anything or anyone gay if they don't understand it or target it as different. If you ignore them it's likely that they'll get bored and stop. Just hold your head up high and be safe in the knowledge that you're more mature than they are.
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plz plz plz some one help me i am 13 n dont no what to do all my friendz are comein up to me callin me things such as "lezbo ur gay ur ugly" u no all that n beond i try to not say ne thing cuz i no that whatever i say or do will be held a aginst me n im just not that stupid. i tell them that they need to grow up n just to get a life n let me live mine.they treatned to beat me up many times so i told my mom who called them up n said " if u ever threated my daughter a agin i will call the cops" my mom went to the skool consler n the princible n told them to do somethin about this or she will take me out of skool 4 the rest of the yr. they both called me n my friends down to the offess n talk to us 4 n hour n nothing has change. they all still hate me n i dont no what to do ...they just wont grow up n leave me alon. !!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!!!! (link)
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1) If your friends are calling you names, they are NOT your friends. Get some new friends - join some school clubs, strike up a conversation in class, find some common ground with some new people.
2) These people sound very immature. Kids can be cruel, it's an inspoken rule of life, but don't let them get you down. Hold your head up high, ignore them. They're the ones who need to get a life, not you.
3) If ANYTHING physical happens, if they beat you up, you MUST tell someone. A teacher, your mum. Bullying is not acceptable in any shape or form, and this really has to stop. I know it's hard at this age, but trust me, it'll pass. I was bullied constantly in school for anything that the group of "popular" girls could pick on me for - being "fat", being "ugly", being "gay", and now i'm the one with the qualifications and they're working at mcdonalds with no future. Try not to let them get to you -- get some new friends, someone you can trust and confide in.
I hope your school atomsphere gets better soon, and it doesn't come to taking you out of that school. Good luck
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hi, i am a female and i don't want 2 tell my age at the time i have 3 friends who r all in a fight and i am quite confused myself but they are sad and mad at the same time! chloe, jamie, and sarah are all angry and pouty and stuff they won't talk 2 any1 and they won't tell me wut is wrong sarah is really nice ,but she is very sad because of her dog dieing but idk if that is the prob. chloe is just mad at srah and jamie because they're really just ahhhhh.......... Jamie says there is some rumor that she killed sarah's dog which is so not true plz write bye! A.S.A.P. (link)
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It sounds like you need to take a step back and let these girls fight amongst themselves. Don't get too involved or they will be mad at you at the same time. Just let them cool off and then go back and see if they worked it out.
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I have a really good friend. She is head over heels for the guy of her dreams. She even now dates him. She is overbering in a caring way. She really likes him but while she was gone i found something out. He thinks that she is crazy and is going to break up with her. I know if he does, she will be devistated. Should i tell her of the impending doom. If i do she might hate me but if i dont she will lose the guy of her dreams. What can i say? (link)
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In my experience, even if you did tell her she wouldn't listen to you until he broke up with her himself. My best friend went out with a total asshole for 4 years, and i told her time and time again that he was trouble and she wouldn't listen to me. Ever heard the phrase, "Love is blind"? If you're really good friends, then there's a chance she'll take into account what you're saying, but if he does break up with her, it's gonna be more humiliating for you to be able to say (although i dont think you would) "I told you so"
I suggest you don't say anything. Let these guys sort out this problem on their own, and if you friend gets hurt, be there for her when she needs you. Good luck
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HAVE ANY OF U PPL HAD THEIR PERIOD????????? WUT DOES IT FEEL LIKE??????? DOES IT HURT!!!!!!??????? TELL ME I NEED TO KNOW! (link)
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I had my first period when i was 8, and I'm 18 now. Periods can give you slight pain - i often get pain at the beginning of my period, in the stomach, back and knees. My joints also get stiff, but it's nothing that a few painkillers doesn't cure. After the initial start of my period, i don't really notice it. It used to feel uncomfortable for a few days when i was younger, but it's fine now. Everyone's different, but periods are definately nothing to worry about, every girl gets them and lives through them.
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I want to start telling people that I'm Bi but everytime I've told someone I can't seem to think of a better way to say it than just to say, really bluntly-'I'm Bi'.
Can anyone thing of a more subtle way of telling people? (link)
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That depends on who you're telling really. You need to be open and honest about your feelings, but saying "I'm bi" might be a bit more of a shock. Perhaps just saying "I like both sexes", or "I find both girls and boys sexually attractive", it may not be as much of an eye-opener. Good luck :)
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I have had my nipples pierced for about five months and I sometimes have pimple like puss come out. Is it infected? what can I do? It doesnt hurt or anyhting it kind of looks like there is a pimple next to my nipple.
thanks (link)
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It sounds to me as if your piercings may be a little bit infected. I suggest you take them out, clean the wound thoroughly, and leave them out to heal. It could get a lot worse, and if it does, it'll be VERY painful.
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Well first of all...everyone of my friends are having sex now and im only in the 8th grade...i'll b in high school in a couple months and everybody will be trying to get me to have sex??...should i just try it ..like everybody else..or just tell them that im waiting for a special guy?...but the point is ..is that if im goin out with a guy i might think he is the right guy and go for it but i know we wont last long..will sumone pleez talk to me? (link)
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If all your 8th grade friends are having sex then they are extremly stupid. At such a young age (I'm from England and am guessing that 8th grade is like, 12-13 years old) their bodies are not ready for sex. Do NOT have sex unless you're ready, and you're sure it's with a guy you like. Some people think sex is just for laughs, but they'll regret it when they show up with an STD. Tell them you're waiting for someone special, and NEVER feel pressurised to have sex if you're not ready for it.
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I have had my period since I was 7 I am now 12, I have it for about 2-3 weeks at a time and I hate it!! What helps it to slow down? (link)
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It may just be your body settling in - at 12, your hormones are just beginning to fly around all over the place. I remember having a similar experience, I had my first period when i was 8, and i used to have 2 week long ones. You can go to your GP and see if s/he can put you on the birth control pill to regulate your periods, or you can wait for them to settle down naturally.
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yes or no? (link)
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Maybe :)
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I'm questioning my sexual orientation a lot nowadays. I'm a girl, and I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but it's confusing for me because I'm attracted to males yet they make me EXTREMELY uncomfortable, maybe like how many straight men find it awkward to be around men in certain situations... and it's the opposite for girls; I don't find them attractive AS OFTEN but I don't think it's awkward to go out with girls. I'm really confused about this... (link)
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Hey,
Well, firstly, how old are you? It's perfectly normal for younger people to go through stages of questioning their sexuallity; it's a part of growing up and discovering who you are, so don't feel that you're alone.
Secondly, it does sound like you're very confused. Have you ever been in a relationship with a boy or a girl? What kinds of situations are you awkward around men? In my experience, men have often been less awkward to be around, and many of my best friends are males. Girls tend to be more bitchy toward each other (this is during the teen years), and therefore I find that they're less enjoyable to be around.
It sounds to me like you're finding your feet. Please do not be worried by any of this; whatever your sexual orientation is, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and anyone who tells you different is stupid and ignorant. If you're pretty sure you're bisexual, then perhaps you should embrace the idea and see what happens. Good luck :)
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