I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172836
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after my boyfriend stuck it in my butt. nasty creamy white liquid came pouring out my anus.
IM SCARED AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! HELPPPP!
SOS! (link)
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This is mostly likely his cum/semen/ejaculate. It is normal for semen to 'leak' out of bodily cavities like the anus or vagina.
However, you are more at risk of contracting an STD during anal sex without a condom. Why? Because the chances of tearing are higher - it's quite easy for very small tears to happen inside your butt, as it is not as accomodating as the vagina.
Having your boyfriend wear a condom protects you both AND will stop this leaking in future! Also if you have regular sex after he's been in your butt, make sure he has washed himself with soap and water.
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can u ask to have an ultra sound to see if your pregnant rather than a blood test? i know you can barely see nothing but a little speck but i trust seeing it better than i do hearing some result. does anyone know? (link)
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Blood tests are highly accurate. They are measuring the amount of pregnancy hormone in your body - this is not present unless you are pregnant.
Internal ultrasounds (where a probe is placed inside your vagina) are possible from about 7 weeks, which is the age a heartbeat can be visualised. Before that, it is possible to see the sacs a baby would live in, but not possible to see a heartbeat. This can end up being more worrying than reassuring.
If you are wondering whether you are pregnant, an at home pregnancy test might be a good place to start. You'll have to see a doctor asap to confirm the pregnancy, and you can always ask him/her about ultrasounds.
All the best.
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hi my fiance and i are trying to have another baby my son was born right after my period but i dont know about the second is the second one gonna be the same kind of conseption (link)
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Conception happens when a woman ovulates and there is sperm there ready to meet and greet the egg. Every woman has a different cycle.
If you have sex regularly throughout the month (think every other day), then chances are you'll have sex during your fertile window. If you try for a few months and it doesn't work out, there is loads of info available for women who want to time sex a bit better.
Try googling 'charting fertility' and see if that sound like something you would be interested in. I know quite a bit about fertility signs, so do let me know if you want to know more.
All the best!
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I am 15. and i have sex the dude wears a condom . if the condom breaks after the dude nuts can i get pregnate ? (link)
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Yes.
If the condom is broken, that means it is no longer containing the semen inside. It can then spill out into your vagina, putting you at risk of pregnancy and STDs.
I'm not sure where you live, but some places allow teenagers to access the morning after pill for free. It is effective if taken up to 72 hours after the condom breaking, but most effective within 24 hours.
Congrats on using condoms - if they are regularly breaking, it might be worth considering if they fit correctly. Also, any sort of oil-based product can cause condoms to burst. (Blow up a condom, knot it like a balloon, and then rub baby oil on it. KaPOW.)
Hope everything is okay for you.
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(17/F)
I've been having sex a few times now with my Bf, don't worry we allwas use protection. and today I tryed moaning a bit and well i was actually able to come for the first time, anyway my Bf says that its the girl that makes sex great, is that true? (link)
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Sex usually happens between two people. This means that both have an equal share in the responsibility for how it turns out. If one person feels distracted, it impacts on both of them. Likewise, the chemistry between different pairs of people will also have an affect.
And while you both have responsibilities to work at a good relationship and sex life, you also both have the right to enjoy yourselves.
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Hey, Alison! I was just wondering... Would you still get pregnant if the guy fingered you with dried pre-cum on his hand? And what about only the exterior part of the vagina gets pre-cum? Please reply. I would appreciate it. (link)
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In theory, pregnancy is possible whenever sperm enters the vagina. Of course, the actual odds of getting pregnant are effected by lots of things.
If you are 1 million percent sure the pre-cum was dry (and if enough time had passed for it to dry, why didn't he wash his hands?), that lowers the odds hugely.
Inside or outside of the vagina, well, that's an interesting one. If you're in the fertile part of your cycle, many girls and women have a lot of discharge designed to conduct sperm up the vagina and through the cervix. So, again in theory, sperm *could* cruise right up this superhighway into uterous land.
All in all, there are no guarantees where sex is concerned. I would imagine it was unlike you were pregnant, but have you considered what other things he may have gifted you with? Bodily fluids don't just carry a risk of pregnancy, but also a risk of infection.
Play safe! Good hygiene not only cuts down on the yuck factor and the worries, but also realistically decreases any risks to your health.
All the best.
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I've masturbated a lot and i can get off in like 5 minutes but when my GF tries to eat me out or finger me I can't ever do it without help(dildo, vibrator, etc). It kills me because she thinks its her but I think its me. I really dont know...
Did I masturbate too much and damage my clit? Or is it my fault? Or is it her fault? WTF (link)
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You're in the habit of getting off in your unique way, as quickly as possible. It can take time for you to mentally and physically readjust! There are delights to sex with yourself or with someone else, and differences as well.
You shouldn't expect your girlfriend to get you off as quickly as you do it yourself. Time, patience, and exploration are key here - as are good communication. Show or tell her what you like. Be willing and open to try new things, and realise that orgasms can take awhile to happen with a partner.
Regular orgasms are really good for your reproductive health system; you've not damaged your clit. Different things work for different people - if you sometimes need a little help when you're with your girlfriend, so be it. Make it a fun thing you can share with her.
Other things that could be affecting you are psychological ones - if things in your relationship aren't quite right, it can be really hard to have a good level of intimacy. If you need to have a chat with your girlfriend about anything, do so! Likewise, the worry and stress about not orgasming with her will make it even harder - again something to be gentle and patient with yourself about.
I wish you both the best.
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im with my bf and he dosent wash reguarly and im worried i can catch something from him can i? (link)
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Sexually transmitted infections are transferred by blood, semen, or vaginal secretions. This means that an unwashed boyfriend is not necessarily one with something you could catch.
However, if his personal hygiene isn't that important to him, it could be a signal that he hasn't been treating his body well. Do you use protection? If he had sexual partners before you, did he use protection with them?
The other unpleasant side effect is being with a not-so-clean partner. If this bothers you, it might be worth mentioning to him - but at a time when you are NOT messing around, as it's more likely to upset him if you're in the middle of things and you say, 'Honey, you reek.'
All the best.
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I am a female, age 18, and I have a lot of confidence isues with my body. I know i am an attractive girl, and, i'm usually very confident and i know people admire how bubbly and outgoing i can be. I'm very expressive, etc. And, if one of MY friends i feeling insecure, i can always pull them through it...and, i really believe they have nothing to be insecure about... But...here's the thing... i can't seem to follow my own advice. i am totally fine and confident, but, when the clothes come off,or someone even TALKS about doing sexual things with me, i start getting really insecure...
i'm very sexually expressive, and i like to explor...mostly other people...but, if someone wants to explor me, i won't let them because i am so insecure about my body. i'm just afraid they will want to do something, and when they do, they'll think i'm gross...
and, i try so hard to be confident, i really do, telling myself i hav nothing to worry about..and, yet, i still do...it's probably cause society is conditioned these days to have a certain body type, and be a certain way, and that's how you feel every man wants you to be, and you just feel like you'll never please him..
I'm seeing this guy right now, and we are both explorative, and enjoy pleaseing other people more than we enjoy getting pleased... for the both of us, it's pleasing to please... and, with that, it's difficult, cause when i want to do something to him he ALSO wants to do it to me... and that has never been the case with me and anyone before, usually people are just happy to recieve....but, when someone wants to return the favor to me, i can't understand why...because i feel like i am so gross...when i know i'm not...and, he constantly tells me that, and he talks me through everything, and yet, i just can't get past it...
and, i'm very aware at how big of a turn on it is for guys to see a girl who's confident in their body. and, i want to be more confident with it, i just can't seem to get past it....
thanks for listening, and if there is ANYTHING you can tell me, that would be GREATLY appreciated...
(link)
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If someone thought you were physically unattractive, chances are they wouldn't be dating you. Yes, we all want someone who loves us for our mind and soul - but people being people, they also usually need to like the way someone looks.
If someone were to dump you for being 'gross,' that might hurt. Bu one person's gross is another man's gorgeous - that's just how it works. And if someone truly did find your body unappealing, they would not be actively trying to pleasure you. It sounds as if your boyfriend really does find you attractive.
However, nothing is more unattractive than someone who is always telling their partner how ugly they are. Every single woman on the planet has aspects of her body she does not like. Unfortunately, a great many women can list many more negatives than positives. You are not alone in this, or a freak. It's very, very common.
How to get over it? That's really for you to think carefully about. Keeping someone at a distance is doing just that - while you choose to put your worries and insecurities over your relationship, you're never going to have the full depth and joy a relationship can offer.
I'm not suggesting you jump right into life as a professional stripper, here! Merely suggesting that you might be surprised how nice it might be to RECEIVE pleasure now and then. Why not start small with something you feel comfortable with - kissing of your neck, touching you through your clothing, etc? Then you can gently risk more and more, all the while building your confidence.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make us all 100% happy with ourselves, but the bottom line is that we're all imperfect. Why beat ourselves up for being human, when we could be celebrating all life has to offer with other people?
I wish you the best.
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So there's like a lot of tissue or something around the like actual hole to my vagina, as weird as that might sound. Is that normal?! I'm scared to put it tampons because it looks like the tissue is like blocking the hole? and its weird, I have to like use my fingers to spread appart all the tissue stuff to like see the hole. Is there something wrong with me?! (link)
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Vaginas are supposed to have lots of skin. Many people think only of the two main lips you can see (officially called the labia majora), but there is another set of lips inside those. These can be varying sizes or colours. And inside THOSE - near or around the vagina itself, there are often many soft folds of skin.
Fear not. You're normal. While every vagina is unique, you can virtually guarantee they are have a lot of folds of flesh!
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well i'm dating the guy who's 17 and i'm 16. when we were on our second date recently and I really like him, so I built up the courage and spontaneously kissed him in public. except he pulled bak and said we were blocking people's way ( which is true) but afterwards I didn't wana pressure him so we left it.
He confessed he was too shy to kiss in public. Is that common? I thought kissing someone you adored meant : time stops, everything around you disappears and it's only u and the other person left in that moment. It's magical:)
How can I encourage him and help build his confidence? He's the most laid back person I've ever met, and enjoys holding hands and holding my waist in public, yet he's shy about kissing? What a paradox ay? relaxed but shy...XD
Many thanks for your advice! (link)
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I tend to agree with your viewpoint, but I know plenty of people who aren't comfortable kissing in public. This could be for a variety of reasons - including simply not being comfortable doing so. This may or may not be something he is willing to change.
I suppose you might want to think about what kissing represents. If you just want to kiss him when you feel like kissing him, perhaps that needs to be toned down to a cheek or a quick peck on the lips? Starting small might mean that you're putting your guy more at ease - if he's never kissed in public, it's understandable he might not want to go whole hog.
And while I'm a fan of kissing where and when you want, it is quite nice that he was mindful of other people. Nothing is worse than blatant, ongoing, sloppy displays of affection that block everyone's way!
Kissing can also be viewed as quite an intimate thing, and if someone feels that way you can see why they might prefer to do it in private. After all, you could argue that makes it more special.
Whatever happens, I wish you (both) luck!
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Hey i'm 13 years of age and i am a girl. Im a virgine and i have an amazing boyfriend named Braden. And i want him tooo be my first and he know's so, i was hanginf out with him and he tried fingering me, he like barely touched me and it hurt so so much.. is that normal? But tonight we were going too havbe sex... So i need advice FAST!!!!! Thanks in advance. :D (link)
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At 13, chances are your body and hormones are not finished developing - in fact, you're likely to be at the beginning or middle stages of everything getting sorted out. This means that you are not physically capable of enjoying sex as much as an older girl would be.
The risk of developing cervical cancer in the future also dramatically increases if you have sex at this age.
The amount of pain you felt when he tried to finger you is basically your body telling you all of the stuff above - when your body is mature, your are more physically capable of doing this stuff without it causing you pain or discomfort. Sex is supposed to feel good, remember!
It's awesome you've got a boyfriend you care this much about, and hopefully he returns the feeling. Sex should be something you have really thought carefully about, as well as being physically and emotionally ready. You deserve it to be really right, so if you are having any doubts this might mean you aren't quite ready.
If you feel you ARE ready emotionally, do please remember that sex is more enjoyable when your body is mature - and your first time should be as good as it can. If Braden really cares for you, then he won't want to do this if you say you want to wait for a bit.
I wish you the best.
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Hello. I'm 22 years and lost my best friend about 6 months ago. It's hitting me now because during these past 6 months I was active, going to school and hanging out with my friends. I have realized that I never dealt with his loss.
He and I got really close in the beginning and then we dated. Neither one wanted to lose the other so we remained friends. Throughout our relationship, he has always been for me way more often then I was there for him. We got into several arguements, but always managed to get past them. He and my friends didn't get along so it was hard sometimes because most of our arguements would be about them and I couldn't take it. But, I really valued what we had, despite the fact that I was insensitive and he didn't understand where I was coming from.
Well we got into our last arguement and he said that I didn't change, that I didn't know where my priorities lied. He would not answer my calls. Then he told me that he was going away and I was really upset because I felt betrayed, he told me two months before he left. My other friends say he was controlling, but I just can't see it. I was insensitive and I think it's my fault, but I did make the effort to stay in touch.
I miss him so much! I just keep crying! Should I just get over him or should I appologize and continue to email him?
Thank you in advance! (link)
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Friendships are a two way street - you both have to want to be in the friendship, as well as working at it if needed.
It sounds like you both played a part in your friendship's rough times, but really, your friend made the choice in the end to finish things. The simple fact is, maybe he just didn't like where your priorities did lie. That's okay. You are who you are, and as long as you are living a happy life and not actively hurting people, you have the right to have your own personality, priorities, and opinions.
Sometimes we can really care about people and lose them anyway. When you write about your friendship, you mention far more negative things than positive, so perhaps it's worth reevaluating how important this friendship is to you. What is more worrying is how badly you are beating yourself up over this - even six months later, this friendship is still making you feel really badly about yourself.
Only you can decide what it right for you - and perhaps it's worth making that distinction. Don't base this decision on what is right for your friend, or out of guilt feelings. Consider the implications of getting back in touch: Is it likely to create drama in your life? Do you imagine it will make you feel better or worse about yourself? What is your ideal outcome, and what is a realistic outcome? Can you cope without this friend if you need to?
I wish you the absolute best, because I know how confusing these situations can be.
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ok this might sound kinda odd, but im a little confused about my orientation.
like. im homophobic, and my friends are always kidding around and saying that im just "scared of what i really am" but i know they are just kidding around.
but the other day i started thinking and my boyfriend and i have sex and stuff but we always keep the covers over us, and i dont really wanna see his penis. ive never seen one and it just gives me a weird gut feeling if i see one. like, you know the feeling you get when you're nervous? well, a little like that, with a side of nausea.
i hate being like this because i really dont wanna be gay and lesbians scare me and i love my boyfriend to death but im just so confused!!
HELP!!! (link)
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No one can tell you what your orientation is, and I would be wary of anyone who made definitive statements that you were or were not gay.
Some lesbians would have that reaction to a penis, as would some straight women. Everyone's different - and so is their expression of sexuality.
I would encourage you to think about why you feel so strongly homophobic - it is an old saying that the more homophobic someone is, the more closeted they are. In therapeutic theory, people often are the most against the things they are as well, which is where your friends might have gotten their ideas from.
None of this means you are or you aren't anything. I think what you're doing is best - wondering about the situation and yourself. I'd also try to keep an open mind, because sexuality can be a confusing thing to pinpoint. And whatever your orientation, perhaps this is a good opportunity for you to think about how your homophobia might be having an impact on those around you.
I can understand the idea of lesbians might scare you, but in reality they are people just like anyone else. I think most people fear what they don't know, and that's also where homophobia stems from. Be gentle with yourself; you will figure this out in time.
All the best.
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well, teenagers are bound to have issues. whether its with suicide, drugs, alcohol, or family. and my friends have a lot of problems. as well as me.
my friends give me great advice on my issues, but the probelm with me? i SUCK at giving good advice. earlier, one of my friends was about to kill himself because he was about to be shipped off to boot camp. i tried to tell him it was gonna be fine, but of course i dont know that!!
i am really bad at making people feel better, i just make them feel worse. and then i feel worse. how am i supposed to make them feel better? i want to be a good friend, but everything i try is just useless, cliches on how to focus on the positives. we're teenagers. no one focuses on the positives until they reach midlife.
what do i do?? (link)
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There is quite a big difference between giving advice and making someone feel better, although sometimes the two complement each other.
Advice means telling someone what you think they should do, or perhaps just offering your interpretation/opinion on their situation.
One thing that can make people feel better is to feel that they have been truly listened to. This means NOT giving advice (although it's quite tricky to do!). You can let someone know you're listening in a variety of ways, including some well-placed 'Mmms.' Empathy also comes in the form of just sort of echoing back their emotions.
Sometimes people are in situations that there is little they can do about it, and they just need to offload. Even in situation where people CAN influence the outcome, most individuals will get there on their own, and may just need support in doing so.
This happens even with little kids. When I am counselling a child, just by being there, listening, and rephrasing some of their words, they usually come up with the solution to their own problem. This makes them feel better, while it eases me of the strain of trying to figure out a way to fix their situation.
You're obviously sensitive and caring enough to be writing this question, and I suspect you have a lot of warmth and consideration to offer your friends - whether you can solve their problems or not.
Good luck! I wish you the best.
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For some reason, I can't cry at funerals because I just don't cry that often.
But I was wondering if this was bad or heartless? Because once my cousin got mad at me because I wasn't crying at her dad's funeral and it makes me feel awful that I can't cry during these times.
Are there any other ways to display emotion, if not in tear-form? (link)
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Someone getting mad at you at their father's funeral is likely to be more about their own feelings of loss, as opposed to really being about you.
In reality, everyone deals with pain, loss, or confusion differently. If you're not a crier, you're not a crier. Only you will know how you really feel - and sometimes you may feel sad someone has died, without truly feeling devestated. However you feel is okay....and however you express it is okay, too.
I don't think you are heartless. If you were, I doubt you would have been worried enough about this to bother posting a question!
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what happens if the condom breaks? (link)
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A condom is a barrier method that prevents semen from entering the body, whether in the vagina or rectum. Semen is a bodily fluid that carries with it the potential for making a baby or passing on a sexually transmitted infection.
When pregnancy is a possibility (meaning a guy and girl having vaginal sex), there are a couple of options. Depending on where you live, access to the morning after pill (officially called 'emergency contraception') might be a possibility. This is effective in helping to prevent pregnancy up to 72 hours after sex, though the sooner it is taken the better. This is not the only option, but it's the simplest.
As regards STIs/STDs, it's advisible for a screening of sexual health to happen. You'll need to be honest about when the condom broke, as most problems would not show up on a test instantly. They may recommend that you test in three month's time after the first test, etc. To avoid the stress and worries of this, it's a great idea for both partners to get a completely clean bill of health before having sex - even if they plan to use condoms.
If you need more detailed info, please let me know. I wish you the best.
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for like a few months now i have been having discharge from down there. I have no idea why. Its like a slimy discharge. I am not sexually active either. Does anyone know what this could be??? Thanks in advance! (link)
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Female bodies have something called 'cervical mucus'. This is fancy talk for discharge. Basically, as your body goes through your cycle every month, the type of discharge you get will also be going through a cycle. This is natural and is supposed to happen.
If you have not yet got your period, this might be a sign that you will soon. If you already get your period, pay attention during the month and you'll probably start to notice a pattern. Many women find it useful to have a calender - you can circle when you get your periods, and write on when you get discharge or moody. This way, you know what to expect, as well as what is normal for your body.
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17/M. This past spring, my girlfriend found out she was pregnant, she told me she didn't want to have it (she never asked me what I thought)and I tried to be a good boyfriend, so I went with her when she went to the clinic to take those pills.
Now, I am falling to pieces. I have nightmares every night about what happened at the clinic and then afterward. I feel nauseous and like I am going to cry whenever I see a baby. The only time that I've been able to bring myself to have sex w/ her afterwards, I had a really bad panic attack right after we did it. I cry a lot whenever I'm alone, and I don't look at girls the same way I used to. I've totally lost interest in sex, and I hang around w/ just my guy friends a whole lot more now than I ever have, because I don't like being by myself around girls.
I don't understand why this is happening to me. This is the most mentally freaked out I've ever been, and it doesn't seem to be going away. My girlfriend has been perfectly fine w/ everything about going to the clinic, and she can't figure out how things went from awesome to fubar so quickly for us. She thinks it might be that I'm freaked out by having sex, since she's my first girl I've been with and I'm not her first guy that's she's been with. (link)
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You've experienced a loss - the loss of a pregnancy, as well as the loss of a potential child. This is a big deal, especially as you were not part of the decision making. While she was the one who was physically pregnant, both of you were present in what resulted.
It's okay to be sad, upset, angry, or confused. It's an appropriate reaction to something that sounds like it was traumatic for you. You may want to consider speaking to a counsellor, so that you can have some time and space - just for you - to figure out how you feel and start processing everything.
Just pushing this to one side and not dealing could possibly end up in the nightmares or panic getting worse. If you aren't up for speaking to a counsellor, perhaps there is a national helpline you could ring. You could also journal, try to talk to a friend, talk to an adult you trust to just listen and not judge, or talk to your girlfriend.
You shouldn't have to justify your behaviour, but it might seem confusing to her if she is not feeling the same way. If you want your relationship to recover, you'll need to speak with her about what has been going on for you. You may also want to consider speaking to her even if you plan to end things, as it might help you to let her know your side of things.
This isn't easy, and you'll have to go through it at your own time and pace. Don't blame yourself - you were trying to be supportive to your girlfriend, and she could have chosen this path whether you were there or not. Be kind towards yourself, because you are the only one who really knows what you are going through.
Feel free to get in touch again should you need to. I truly hope you find what you need to help you heal.
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16/f.. don't really wanna hear about how i'm too young to be having sex..
so i know that people say that you know when you orgasm but i've actually been told by guys that i cum when they go down on me. so is it possible that i just like don't feel orgasms? (link)
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The only person who can tell if you're had an orgasm is you. A guy might have a lot emotionally invested in you having one, and naturally he would want to convince you that you had!
An orgasm is a powerful feeling that's hard to miss. You may want to spend some time on your own exploring your body, as this is the way most people learn what pleases them - and what an orgasm feels like.
Once you know what you should be feeling, then you're in a better position to negotiate with partners. After all, you deserve to enjoy yourself (always staying safe, of course!) and should not have to just go along with what the guy says you have felt or are supposed to be feeling.
I wish you the best.
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