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Lost my best friend: Don't know if it's my fault
Hello. I'm 22 years and lost my best friend about 6 months ago. It's hitting me now because during these past 6 months I was active, going to school and hanging out with my friends. I have realized that I never dealt with his loss.
He and I got really close in the beginning and then we dated. Neither one wanted to lose the other so we remained friends. Throughout our relationship, he has always been for me way more often then I was there for him. We got into several arguements, but always managed to get past them. He and my friends didn't get along so it was hard sometimes because most of our arguements would be about them and I couldn't take it. But, I really valued what we had, despite the fact that I was insensitive and he didn't understand where I was coming from.
Well we got into our last arguement and he said that I didn't change, that I didn't know where my priorities lied. He would not answer my calls. Then he told me that he was going away and I was really upset because I felt betrayed, he told me two months before he left. My other friends say he was controlling, but I just can't see it. I was insensitive and I think it's my fault, but I did make the effort to stay in touch.
I miss him so much! I just keep crying! Should I just get over him or should I appologize and continue to email him?
Thank you in advance!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Friendships are a two way street - you both have to want to be in the friendship, as well as working at it if needed.
It sounds like you both played a part in your friendship's rough times, but really, your friend made the choice in the end to finish things. The simple fact is, maybe he just didn't like where your priorities did lie. That's okay. You are who you are, and as long as you are living a happy life and not actively hurting people, you have the right to have your own personality, priorities, and opinions.
Sometimes we can really care about people and lose them anyway. When you write about your friendship, you mention far more negative things than positive, so perhaps it's worth reevaluating how important this friendship is to you. What is more worrying is how badly you are beating yourself up over this - even six months later, this friendship is still making you feel really badly about yourself.
Only you can decide what it right for you - and perhaps it's worth making that distinction. Don't base this decision on what is right for your friend, or out of guilt feelings. Consider the implications of getting back in touch: Is it likely to create drama in your life? Do you imagine it will make you feel better or worse about yourself? What is your ideal outcome, and what is a realistic outcome? Can you cope without this friend if you need to?
I wish you the absolute best, because I know how confusing these situations can be.
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