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confidence
I am a female, age 18, and I have a lot of confidence isues with my body. I know i am an attractive girl, and, i'm usually very confident and i know people admire how bubbly and outgoing i can be. I'm very expressive, etc. And, if one of MY friends i feeling insecure, i can always pull them through it...and, i really believe they have nothing to be insecure about... But...here's the thing... i can't seem to follow my own advice. i am totally fine and confident, but, when the clothes come off,or someone even TALKS about doing sexual things with me, i start getting really insecure...
i'm very sexually expressive, and i like to explor...mostly other people...but, if someone wants to explor me, i won't let them because i am so insecure about my body. i'm just afraid they will want to do something, and when they do, they'll think i'm gross...
and, i try so hard to be confident, i really do, telling myself i hav nothing to worry about..and, yet, i still do...it's probably cause society is conditioned these days to have a certain body type, and be a certain way, and that's how you feel every man wants you to be, and you just feel like you'll never please him..
I'm seeing this guy right now, and we are both explorative, and enjoy pleaseing other people more than we enjoy getting pleased... for the both of us, it's pleasing to please... and, with that, it's difficult, cause when i want to do something to him he ALSO wants to do it to me... and that has never been the case with me and anyone before, usually people are just happy to recieve....but, when someone wants to return the favor to me, i can't understand why...because i feel like i am so gross...when i know i'm not...and, he constantly tells me that, and he talks me through everything, and yet, i just can't get past it...
and, i'm very aware at how big of a turn on it is for guys to see a girl who's confident in their body. and, i want to be more confident with it, i just can't seem to get past it....
thanks for listening, and if there is ANYTHING you can tell me, that would be GREATLY appreciated...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If someone thought you were physically unattractive, chances are they wouldn't be dating you. Yes, we all want someone who loves us for our mind and soul - but people being people, they also usually need to like the way someone looks.
If someone were to dump you for being 'gross,' that might hurt. Bu one person's gross is another man's gorgeous - that's just how it works. And if someone truly did find your body unappealing, they would not be actively trying to pleasure you. It sounds as if your boyfriend really does find you attractive.
However, nothing is more unattractive than someone who is always telling their partner how ugly they are. Every single woman on the planet has aspects of her body she does not like. Unfortunately, a great many women can list many more negatives than positives. You are not alone in this, or a freak. It's very, very common.
How to get over it? That's really for you to think carefully about. Keeping someone at a distance is doing just that - while you choose to put your worries and insecurities over your relationship, you're never going to have the full depth and joy a relationship can offer.
I'm not suggesting you jump right into life as a professional stripper, here! Merely suggesting that you might be surprised how nice it might be to RECEIVE pleasure now and then. Why not start small with something you feel comfortable with - kissing of your neck, touching you through your clothing, etc? Then you can gently risk more and more, all the while building your confidence.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make us all 100% happy with ourselves, but the bottom line is that we're all imperfect. Why beat ourselves up for being human, when we could be celebrating all life has to offer with other people?
I wish you the best.
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