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advice on how to give advice
well, teenagers are bound to have issues. whether its with suicide, drugs, alcohol, or family. and my friends have a lot of problems. as well as me.
my friends give me great advice on my issues, but the probelm with me? i SUCK at giving good advice. earlier, one of my friends was about to kill himself because he was about to be shipped off to boot camp. i tried to tell him it was gonna be fine, but of course i dont know that!!
i am really bad at making people feel better, i just make them feel worse. and then i feel worse. how am i supposed to make them feel better? i want to be a good friend, but everything i try is just useless, cliches on how to focus on the positives. we're teenagers. no one focuses on the positives until they reach midlife.
what do i do??
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Remember, everyone's got their different talent. Your friends may have their advice, while you have something else. If you feel like you can't give advice or help figure a situation out, that's not the only possibility to help out! You could also just try to cheer someone up. While it dosen't get rid of the problems, it helps to cheer someone up and realize there's someone who can make them feel better.
In the example of your friend about to kill himself: Even the best advice may not have worked with him. There's really only so much you can say sometimes in those situations. However, cheering him up would have been something great to do. Just letting him talk everything out, and trying to make him smile would have been great.
If you want to make people feel better, let them get absolutely EVERYTHING out, first. Then, offer your opinion, and let them know you're there for them through anything. They'll appreciate what you're saying, and it's better than a cheesy cliche. Tell them things are going to be okay however, because even when they seem like they couldn't possibly, if they wait things out they will be.
Little things like hugs, smiles, looking a person in the eye, a small touch could make all the difference, too. This shows closeness and will brigten the person's mood a bit, sometimes.
If you think you've stumbled upon a problem that's too great for you though, let someone else in. It's not a bad thing, and you'll have done your part by even trying. Doing the right thing and getting someone who CAN advise your freind(s) could be one of the best possible things you can do. I know it sucks not being the one to come in and fix all the problems, but it really helps and shows in the longrun that what you did was right.
You're not a bad friend because you're not a psychologist, haha. Just have your own way of brightening someone's day, and that could be all they need. Just know when to realize that's not enough, and to let someone else step in.
You're a great friend just for being concerned you're not doing enough in the first place. Just kow know the fact that you even care makes all the difference!
XOXO
KAT.
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just be honest about the situation. try to learn more about it. ask people who DO know a lot about it. and let them know you're always there and ways they can alk to you if they nedd you. that's the bottom line. you don't have to lie or be little miss optimism to help someone. you just have to be a friend.
as for your friend that was about to kill himself, you have to know when something is just out of your hands. I couldn't counsel someone about that and i love giving advice. you need to know when to tell someone to protect them, or to tell them to just get help.
but other than that, just go with your heart. like i said, you don't need to be a genius, you just need to be a friend.
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well, obviously when i'm giving advice i can sit infront of my computer as long as i want to think about my answer. well i know this is not the best advice on this but i guess for me people tell me i give good advice.But, you just have to be there for because he needs you right now.
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There is quite a big difference between giving advice and making someone feel better, although sometimes the two complement each other.
Advice means telling someone what you think they should do, or perhaps just offering your interpretation/opinion on their situation.
One thing that can make people feel better is to feel that they have been truly listened to. This means NOT giving advice (although it's quite tricky to do!). You can let someone know you're listening in a variety of ways, including some well-placed 'Mmms.' Empathy also comes in the form of just sort of echoing back their emotions.
Sometimes people are in situations that there is little they can do about it, and they just need to offload. Even in situation where people CAN influence the outcome, most individuals will get there on their own, and may just need support in doing so.
This happens even with little kids. When I am counselling a child, just by being there, listening, and rephrasing some of their words, they usually come up with the solution to their own problem. This makes them feel better, while it eases me of the strain of trying to figure out a way to fix their situation.
You're obviously sensitive and caring enough to be writing this question, and I suspect you have a lot of warmth and consideration to offer your friends - whether you can solve their problems or not.
Good luck! I wish you the best.
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I don't know what you're saying about not focusing on the positive until midlife. I'm 16, and I try to focus on all the positive things rather than the negative.
Maybe you could use that as a starting point. When somebody comes to you for help, focus on the good things rather than the bad. When your friend was suicidal, you could've told him that there are people in his life who love and care about him and if he were to have ended his life, would have been so hurt and upset.
I can't really tell you HOW to give advice, because it's not something you can just teach somebody. I guess first, you need to really WANT to help people. Then, just go for it. Again, I really can't tell you HOW to do it, but I can say it gets easier and better once you have experience with it =]
-Laura. (16-f)
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