Member Since: June 22, 2013
Answers: 166
Last Update: November 6, 2015
Visitors: 8633
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hi hope you can help me i'm a 15 year old male i'm a devout christian i love god with all my heart and i wanna be a better christian and devote my life to god i want to help people to get closer to god i wantto start to spread god's word i'm a bit nervous not sure where to start but i want to start talkinhg to people about god maybe start with people that i know not sure how do i go about it? (link)
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You are 15. Most people are twice your age, if not more. The Good News of Jesus Christ may be news to you, but there's no-one within thousands of miles of you that isn't either already a Christian or sick to death of hearing "You have sinned, so God has to send you to hell, but he's cool with someone else subbing in so he sent his son Jesus to go to hell for 3 days instead. Aren't you grateful?"
Sorry man. Maybe back in the day the whole world needed to be told about this new religion, but its been 2000 years and the world has heard it all by now.
My advice - lift weights, watch your diet, and do not marry a girl who had had sex with a non-christian.
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This question is really for people who have managed to work out relatively happy marriages. Preferably men who are experienced in marriage would be helpful too, but women might also be able to help.
I am worried about my best friend's marriage. I really don't want this to turn into a big problem, leading to him getting a divorce. He would be absolutely crushed.
My best friend is 30 years old and he moved out of state to live with his girlfriend, who he married two months ago. The two of them have lived together for over a year.
The problem is more complicated once you consider the different cultures between the two partners. His wife was born in China and immigrated to Canada when she was four years old, and later moved to the United States at age 24.
He, my best friend, is a geek who is not into sports but he is still all American. His parents basically raised him by following the American dream, they met in high school, established careers, got married and brought their own home where they raised two children, a boy and a girl.
This morning he texted me explaining that she frustrates him sometimes by giving him the silent treatment and asking if he still loves her. He is the socially awkward type who lost his virginity at age 23, after finally getting a real girlfriend, and this is his first real long-term relationship. The two of them have been together for three years. So, I assume that it's a communication problem, and sometimes the negligence of showing how much he truly loves her.
Another issue is that they never get time apart. Seriously, they are together sixteen hours a day, living together in a small one studio apartment, working together at her brother-in-law's company, etcetera.
Also, he has never had any real independence. He lived with his parents until he finally moved out of state to be with his now wife. So, his parents basically did everything for him for most of his life. His dad still pays his cellphone bill.
I suggested that they do whatever it takes to get some time apart. Regardless of whether or not that is renting a room in the beautiful state that borders them, getting a smaller friendly dog to take on walks in the park, or making their own friends who they hang out with by themselves at times. He thinks that the idea of renting a separate room is ridiculous.
At 23 I am still considerably younger than him, and I sometimes feel awkward giving advice because I really don't know what to say. Please help me help him, he has always been there for me when I needed him and it's turn to do something for him.
My mother and grandmother are stressing that I need to basically stay out of this. I dated him for five months years ago, I lost my virginity to him, so there is a history there. HOWEVER, I have a boyfriend of three years, who is absolutely awesome, and has no reservations about this friendship.
Please don't tell me to cut him out of my life, or that I'm making problems in the marriage, because I need him in my life. He is so supportive and amazing, and the past is definitely behind us. (link)
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The problem here is that there's only one answer people can give you, and you have decided that you don't want to hear it.
"because I need him in my life. He is so supportive and amazing"
What really needs to happen here is that he needs to get on advicenators and ask for some help dealing with you. Because you are not on his side - you are on yours.
Sorry.
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I'm 24/f. I recently moved out of my house and I am working on my combined masters and doctoral program. I am really trying to gain independence from them because they are controlling, in an extremely unhealthy way. Let me just give you an idea of how unhealthy they are. When my mom gets her nails done with me, and she doesn't like the color that i've picked, she will tell the nail technician to change my color and will make a big stink about it. I have class and work 3 times a week. The other days, I need to study. I have a lot of work.
At home, there is no privacy. I do not even have my own room, which was one of the reasons I decided to go to this university. I needed a place to study. I did not want to go to where I did my undergrad, because they would have expected me to live at home. Yet, they still find ways to control me nearly an hour away.
My mom cries because she says that she doesn't want me to be driving on the expressway. They even went as far as to suggest that I don't have a car with me while I'm over there so that I don't get tempted to drive back. However, I need my car to get to work because although i work for the university, I don't work right on campus. I work about 10 minutes away. On the days that I'm not over there, my mom wants to drive to the university, pick me up, and take me home. She wants me to be home 4 days a week and in my place only 3 days. I think that would be fine if it wasn't so rigid. If I wanted to come back home. But, she wants me home whether I want to be there or not, whether I have a big project or something going on. When I'm home, I don't even have the opportunity go out with friends. They don't want me driving at night, they like for me to be home by 11. Even though I don't have a "curfew," they will blow up my phone. The only way that they are okay with me going out and being out late is if I'm on a date and the guy is driving. Yet, my boyfriend is not allowed in my house because they hate him.
I just feel like they are controlling me so much. I always thought that when I moved out, it would be different. I thought that once I got married, it would be different. But, if they are so controlling, I don't know how to get them to stop. I just want to have a normal life. I don't want to come home at 2 in the morning. I want to come home at 11 or 12, but I'd like to drive. I'm a grown woman. I would like to be able to spend one weekend in my apartment (if I feel like it) and not be dragged out by my hair. I would like to be trusted to drive 40 minutes without my mom crying. I understand worrying, but she hides in bed and cries of hours if I tell her I'm going to make the drive instead of being driven. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel like life isn't worth living anymore if it's all about them controlling me. I have no peace.
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"I would like to be trusted to drive 40 minutes without my mom crying."
You cannot control what your mother does. You can only decide what *you* will do.
To help you do that, it might be helpful to name this behaviour what it is: it's abuse. You are an emotionally abused person, who comes from an emotionally abused childhood, and you are exactly like a whole segment of people exactly like you. Your problems are not unique, not even close.
"but she hides in bed and cries of hours if I tell her I'm going to make the drive instead of being driven"
Jesus H Christ - this is not *normal*! Don't you get it? Normal people don't behave like this.
Forget ever getting her to change. She never will. Ever. If you have a little fantasy where you say just exactly the right words to her and she sees what a bad person she has been being and stops - abandon it. Ain't never going to happen.
"I thought that once I got married, it would be different."
You are married? Let me guess: your husband and you have fights because you are all "no I have to go see my mother" and he is all "but don't you see that she is just controlling you? etc etc.
How about you let your husband win one of these fights, for once? How about you and he - I dunno - go on a picnic or something? How about you put him mom the phone when your mother starts with the thing?
Why not let him help you, instead of fighting him?
I'm just guessing that that's the way it is - but I could be right.
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I need to lose weight as I am overweight, I am 200 pounds. The main problem is I cannot exercise. If I go on a treadmill or other gym equipment I get bored after five minutes and get off. What are some other tips to maybe lose weight (link)
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So, you get bored.
Set concrete goals. Don't just "get on the treadmill". Get on it for X minutes, do Y distance, and have a plan to increase those two numbers over a period of six months. When your inner easily-distracted child whines "are we *there* yet?", answer - "No, we have another 12 minutes. Now shut up and settle down."
Another suggestion is to pair up with a buddy.
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I'm a 18 year old girl and I'm not a big party person I'll drink maybe 2-4 times a month if that and haven't ever been a hard core drinker like some of my friends I've only been drinking since I was 17 and recently I have noticed that I will immediately get a headache from any kind of alcohol, beer, champagne, vodka. Doesn't matter what, after abut half a drink I get a horrible headache above my eyes. This is a total bummer since I can't enjoy having a few drinks with my friends anymore. The headache is sometimes but not always accompanied by a heavy feeling and feeling like my head is extremely hot even if I don't have a fever. I don't ever get hangovers either the next morning. I make sure to drink lots of water before and during drinking, can anyone explain or give me advice on how to fix this? New years is tomorrow and my friends 19th b day is only a few days after so any advice is appreciated! (link)
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You lucky, lucky, lucky …
If I was allergic to beer, I'd own a house by now. And I wouldn't have this gut.
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Hi. I've got the story down but I can't seem to write a natural relationship with them.
The female is usually quite happy and friendly but easily annoyed and saddened when you bring up her love life. The male is quite sarcastic, teasing and very much the bad boy on the outside. But on the inside he is actually quite sweet. He also likes to call her kitten/kitty cat etc.
Please bear in mind that the female has had her heart broken to someone she really did love quite recently and believes she isn't ready for a relationship quite yet.
So anyway, that is a little bit into the back story. But I am trying (and failing) to get these guys to fall in love but it all sounds too rushed, clichéd or unnatural. Can anyone give me pointers or situations to put them in so it's a bit more believable? (link)
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What has she got that he wants?
What has he got that she wants?
Usually, the answer to q1 is just that she is pretty hot.
And the answer to q2 is … as long as a grocery list. There are two things that a male lead generally has:
1 - cool clothes. Most romance stories always describe what clothes the hero and heroine are wearing before anything romantic happens. But you have described this guy as a "bad boy", so you probably already have a "look" in mind.
2 - a circle of women, who the heroine can get access to by hitching her wagon to the hero.
This can happen in a couple of ways. A hero can be the leader or boss of a group of men. By getting involved with him, the heroine becomes boss of the wives of those men.
But for the loner/bad-boy type, this won't work. So he needs female relatives that are useful for the heroine to know. For instance: if she is a fashion model, his sister should run an agency.
Having gotten motive out of the way, we need a means for the heroine to insert herself in his life. The usual - almost ubiquitous - way that this gets done is that he should have a woman in his past. An ex who treated him mean (and made him develop this bad-boy exterior) is an obvious one. Another route is a mother or a sister who died of cancer - widowers are a trope. For your story, his "guardians" are an obvious hook. In his past, is there an orphan girl who he failed to save? "We was only eight, I could do nothing, but I swore on my mother's grave, who I never knew, that …" kinda thing.
The subject matter of women's writing is women. This bad boy needs a woman in his past, and women in his present. Romance writing is about the heroine and those people. The hero is just a suit of clothes and maybe a motorbike. Haven't you noticed that Mr Darcy is a cypher?
(ps: visit tvtropes.org )
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Hey all.
This is my first post.
My girlfriend has the tendency to get really upset when things do not go her way. We're both 18. They relationship is pretty much perfect and we're both very happy with each other.
For example, yesterday she wanted to play Just Dance and I told her I was not in the mood. She persisted and took it so seriously, and played Just Dance for 15 minutes afterwards without saying a single word to me. She realizes that she does this and she wants to change herself and we do not know how to.
Please help.
Thanks. (link)
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Women don't respect men who don't have other options. Be sociable and flirt with other girls. Don't let her guilt you or threaten you into not doing it. If she sees other girls interested in you, she will treat you better.
And if she doesn't, well, move on.
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21/f, 28/m
Let me first say that I am the type of person who likes it when people fall through with what they say. I try to live up to my values, morals, and I try my best to be dependable, and I try my best to fall through with what I say. I don't ever cancel on someone unless I'm terribly sick. I would even show up late instead of not show up at all. So, this might be one of the reasons why this problem bothers me.
I've been dating this guy for almost a year. This sounds terrible for me to say, but when it comes to him falling through with what he says, I can turn him into a gambling game. There are times when he says that he'll show up to something, he'll call, etc. But then plans change and he cancels.
For example, a couple of days for Thanksgiving, I wanted him to go to the ranch for dinner, meet some of my family members, etc. He said that he will and that he was planning to... An hour before leaving, he cancels. For Thanksgiving, he actually does come over to my house and he got to know my parents and my sister. For Christmas, he finally did go to the ranch and met my other family members. There are many/multiple times where he does tell me that he will come and see me or he wants to see me, he doesn't fall through with it... Sometimes letting me know when it gets too late.
It gets to the point where I try to have low expectations and not expect him to come at all... I thought it would be better that if he did show up, then it would be a nice surprise instead of getting disappointed every time he doesn't fall through with what he says. And it's not that he doesn't have a valid reason to not show up or anything, I understand why he can't go or why he can't do something. It's just hard to not be at least a little bit disappointed because I was looking forward to it, preparing to see him, etc.
How can I stop getting disappointed when things don't go as planned or if he doesn't fall through with what he says? (link)
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If you are always there for him and he may or may not be there for you, then you have made a decision about your relative value.
You know, there's half a million guys within five miles of you who are perfectly decent human beings who will turn up when they say they will, but oh no: you want *this* guy.
You need to work out why that is.
And you probably need to see someone else. This guy is not a long-term prospect, you know?
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Hi! So im 13 and I'm always scared of parent teacher school conferences. When I went in another school, everytime I was there the teachers said really good things about me but after I moved there have been some changes. My first conference went really well, but the second was horrible. My mom expects me to be the best in the class and she always asks the teacher. The teachers hate me, and sometimes I answer them back and then they get mad. So last time I went there they sad my atitude is really bad and I laugh at teachers, which is something I don't. And my parents take the stuff I care about from me if I do something wrong, they take like my phone and even cloths. So Can Anynone pleas help? (link)
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I used to correct teachers all the time in science class when I was at school. 'Cause they were often wrong about stuff.
One day, Mr Wheeler - well, he kinda reacted. I got the message. When you are busy trying to teach science to 25 kids, you don't want to be continuously blocked and corrected by one kid that knows it all.
Just learn to shut your mouth and keep your head down. Yeah, it sucks, but it's how the world works and you may as well learn it now rather than having to learn it later.
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I do ballet and contemporary dancing but every time I do a turn or any fast moves I find that my eyes are increasingly hurting, this throws me off and I can deal with pain in my legs my back my arms and my feet but my eyes are really sore and I feel as if even if I try in a shady room I just can't seem to get it away. my future is on the line if I can't fix this my doctor is useless and just says I need an eye test which I went to and didn't show anything my eyes are fine please try and help me save my career. (link)
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Shady room?
Light-sensitivity is a symptom of migranes.
I spent years living with cluster headaches, and my mother taking me to the eye doctor. The pain is not exactly in the eyes - it's up kind of in the brow ridge. Often accompanied by weird visual effects (for me, the vision in one eye goes dim).
Say - do you get this pain in one eye and not the other? That's another common symptom.
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I know none of you our docters, but I am so desperate. I'm 16 and I've been taking exlax almost everyday for over a year. Sometimes when I go off and I just have alot of coffee and then I'll go, but I have coffee every morning and it isn't working anymore, I can't go days feeling bloated and gross, and I try eating foods that will help like prunes and fruit but nothings working. Is there anything I can do? I'm freaking out please help! (link)
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You'll get the same answer from me that I give to anyone who posts a medical question on advicenators: see a doctor.
Bowel cancer is a thing, ok?
See a doctor.
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Hey there everyone.
F/17
About two weeks ago I dumped my boyfriend. Truth was, I was paying for everything and never got much in return. When we went out or had lunch, I had to pay for both of us because he would always look the other way. I was too uncomfortable to ask for money from him so I just shut up about it. But it started getting me in trouble with my mom, because I was spending twice what I usually spent a week so she was noticing. I kept giving her lame excuses, but it started to bother me. Every time he gave me some excuse that he hadn't gotten paid. We were together for almost four months, and he never once took me a on a proper date. So I was stupid to let it go on for so long. I decided to finally end it because of all of this, and then two days passed and he suddenly had a girlfriend and he uploaded a picture of them kissing. Firstly, I deleted and blocked him out of every where but my friends still had him and they saw it. They took a screenshot and showed me. I was so angry. I felt used, lied to, cheated on. Because surely someone can't "move on" that quickly right? I started thinking back to all those times he would have to go away and talk to his "guardians" in secrecy. I feel pretty stupid about it. But worse of all, I made a "Kik" account a few days ago and agreed to let the app find friends in my contacts. The girl he's with showed up. So he probably used her phone to call me sometimes saying it was his guardian's phone. I'm so upset about this. I don't like him at all anymore, but this has hurt me more than words can explain. I've never gotten cheated on, and everything seemed to have been right in front of my eyes. Every night I cry before going to sleep, because it just infuriates me so much. A friend suggested I write a letter with my feelings and leave it at his house to get it out but I'm not sure that's a good idea. Any advice on how to let go? My family and friends are starting to tell me I need to get over it already. I just don't know how. (link)
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Ok - I misunderstood. Or maybe I was answering in a round-about way.
Perhaps the way to let go is just to see him for what he is. He's just one of those guys. Attractive people. Yes, he lied to you. Yes, he cheated on you. You know what? He will possibly never get what's coming to him, he will possibly lead a charmed life and die old and happy. **Life is unfair**.
All you can do is thank the lord (or your stars) that you had a brush with one of these people now while you are young rather than when you are older with a home and a career to lose.
Don't ever forget how much you liked this guy, how it *felt* to like him so much, and just what kind of user he turned out to be. Because one of the great lies in our society is how those tingly love feelings are just the most important things in the whole world, and how you should just always "follow your heart". It's bad advice. Your heart is an idiot who will get you into serious trouble.
There's no point being mad at this particular guy when the world is so full of guys exactly like him.
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How should I choose a topic for my bachelor paper of history, if nothing is really interesting for me? (link)
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You are studying something you don't like and are uninterested in? That's - tough.
Find out your instructor's pet little historical theory, and write a paper agreeing with that.
Or write a serious paper defending some historical premise that no-one could take seriously.
Or do the opposite - find some crazy historical theory and attempt to write a reasoned rebuttal to it.
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can a 14yrs old impregnates a 14yrs old girl (link)
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Yes.
Don't do it, kids.
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how should i respond to his threat? he said he would distribute the pics in the net and my school's facebook page. please help (link)
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I disagree with IchigoMidorikawa about going to the police.
The police do not care about you - they will go for the arrest and prosecution because it's an achievement on their records at zero risk or work. The photos of you become evidence - you don't get to say what happens to them. As Maggie McNeil likes to say: "never call the cops for any reason whatsoever".
Just threaten this person with what will happen if they do put those photos on facebook. They will possibly wind up in prison as a sex offender, never be able to get a job, won't qualify for federal loans for college: a variety of stuff.
After all: the entire point of all those penalties is to discourage people from commiting this particular crime.
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So I had been a Wiccan for months, and my dad had the bad idea of it. That every Wiccan was a witch. That witches are evil. That the Horned God is associated with Satan because he has horns/antlers. I have never felt comfortable in Christianity, but felt comfortable in Wicca, like I was 100% safe and nothing would ever hurt me. I'll be turning 18 in a few months. Should I just light candles in my room, try to tell the Horned God that I'm sorry and that I'll move in with my friend when I turn 18 and become a Wiccan again? (link)
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Are you moving out when you turn 18? If not - well, your birthday isn't going to change anything.
BTW: never leave a candle unattended. If you burn your dad's house down, sure as anything he'll blame you new religion.
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will god forgive me and will I still go to heaven when I follow through with what I'm about to do. I figure if I'm going to loose everything I'm going to loose it on my terms. I am going to jail for driving under suspennsion and I,m on disability and I'll loose everything I'm already living my life in a wheelchair from a motorcycle accident. I already have my mind made up (link)
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A workmate tells me this story - so it's third-hand - about a dude who survived a suicide attempt.
It was the usual sort of thing, bills, relationships, shitty circumstances, whatever. I don't know. He jumped off a bridge.
As he was falling down towards the water, he realised in a flash that everything in his life was endurable, everything in his life that had prompted the suicide was fixable.
Except for the thing he had just done.
Like I said - he survived. Sheer luck.
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I havnent been able to sleep very well for the past week, and when I do it's maybe 5 hours a night with me waking up every 45 minutes in that time span. What should I do to get some sleep? (link)
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Have you tried melatonin?
Actually - before going there, are you taking any medication at all? Antidepressants interfere with sleep. If you guzzle tea/coffee/energy drinks all day, then you really don't need to look any further for the source of your problem.
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My father took everything of value and left us.
My mother is mentally ill and now has no insurance(so she's off her pills).
My sister is a major suck up to our mother(Favorite child).
Were stuck in an Extended Stay hotel and,its sucking up all the income we have.We have tried all "free" places for medicine and help.But our income is too high,but its not enough for us to live on.
I barely make $150 a week from my job and, its considered part time.I'm at my job all day from 10AM to 4PM and,they don't consider it full time.So because of the time and all the work,I can't get a 2nd job.We have no car,so we take the public city bus everywhere(which is $1.50 there and back per person).
My problem is my mother.She's always been an mental abuser and only to me.She says that "I'll never be anything","I'll never go to college,and even if I did I'd fail it","Ill never be anything in life,or have a husband let alone a boyfriend"... That was just this week.
She said that to me because I told her to "hold on one moment" while I was filling up water bottles,and she wanted me to look for a phone number for her.It only took 2 minutes and I couldn't look away or I'd have water on the floor.
My sister is a major suck up to our mother.She sides with her even when moms wrong.She won't stick up for anyone and can't even keep a job that long.she keeps calling out at work and lying to them about why.I tell her to quit it and I get screamed at by mom (mom encourages her to call out).
Right now I got no friends,because I don't have time.I got no other family to go to,and right now mother plans on leaving with my sister.They plan to go to grandma's and I can't come.she made that clear.Were all old enough to be on our own,but we weren't ever encouraged or pushed to go on our own.Our mother was one of those ones that did everything for you,even when you didn't want her to (tried getting her to stop,but that only made her mad and she'd guilt me into letting her).
So where do I go?Do I leave my job and beg my deadbeat dad to go,live with him in another state?
Or do I take my chances on the street?If I do that I lose everything I own. (link)
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Getting away from your mom is worth any price.
How do you know your dad is a "deadbeat"? Because your mom tells you that he never pays his child support, right?
Mothers have been known to lie about this. It's called "parental alientation". Move in with your dad, and apply for a change in child support. You might find he's not such a broke deadbeat after all if he isn't paying every cent he owns to your mom.
If that isn't an option, sell all this stuff you are so scared of losing, and find somewhere closer to work - a pallet in someone's basement, anything. Save cash: work at finishing each week with $10 or $20 more than you had saved the previous week. Google "living on $50 a week".
Without having to deal with your crazy mom, you will be able to work better, sleep better. Your main goal is to get yourself into a better job, either where you are now or somewhere else.
Your dad really is probably your best bet. Like I said - move in, and go for a change in CS arrangements.
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ok, so thats me, the one with the girl hating my guts. I couldnt log into my account, so i had to reset amd i just used a quick account, but, the girl (L) will crumple up my notes when i send them to her, and shes been pissed now for about 4 months. And is anerexsia really that serious? She needs professional help? :0 (link)
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Yes, anorexia is that serious.
And that means it's a good reason to avoid this person: never fool with crazy, and anorexics are crazy. Mentally ill.
If she is pushing you away and wants nothing to do with you, this is a good thing. Get out while the getting is good.
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