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February 18, 2007Answers:
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i want a small tattoo, about an inch or a little more below my pinky toe. is it really that bad? i do understand what permanent means. i'll have it forever, until the day i die, it's never leaving, etc. it's going to be really small. i also know i'm young and you probably think my mind isn't develpoed enough or something but it is. i fully understand it's gonna be there forever.
it's also just going to be really simple. i was thinking about a star or a peace sign, or a bow. like mostly the star becasue when i'm 18 i want to get stars up the side of my stomach. but i'm just not sure yet. what do you think about those ideas? any you want to suggest?
oh and please don't say no tattoo artist will tattoo you even with consent. my stepdad is best friends with a guy who does tattoos [he's doing my other 14 year old friend tattoo soon] and ofcourse i'll have consent [if my parents will allow me] one time i did have permission and i asked my mom seriously? like 10 times and she said yeah then she changed her mind, and i asked her agin yesterday and she said we'll talk. i'm good at persuading and i really want this. i loveee tattoos.
overall just give me all your oppinions, ideas, any experiences, designs, etc.
thank you so muchhhh =] and yeah sorry for being a little long. =]
Yes... A tattoo artist will tattoo you if you are a minor (under the age of 18). But you must have parental consent in the form of a waiver baring your parents' signature. I think that some places might actually require a parent to accompany you so that they can provide photo identification when they sign the consent form. I'm not sure about that though... You might want to try calling local tattoo artists and asking what all you will need when your parents give you permission.
A few things... The spot you have chosen for your tattoo is going to be VERY sensitive (because the layer of skin on your foot is rather thin and there are a lot of bones.) You might want to pick a less sensitive area for your first tattoo. Good areas would be: back, upper arms, maybe even the ankle. Another thing to consider about the placement of your tattoo is visibility. While you may be okay with the idea of forever, you might not be okay with everyone being able to see your tattoo. For example, think about when you get older and you're in a professional setting. While a lot of professionals have tattoo's, unfortunately tattoo's aren't thought highly of in most "professional enviroments." If you're okay with never being able to wear open-toed shoes in the workplace then you're choice is a good one. (Which... The foot is not really a bad place for a tattoo if you're ever trying to cover it.) If you're uncomfortable with that idea try considering other places on the body.
If you haven't decided on a specific tattoo yet, you might want to try visiting several tattoo parlours and looking at their "flash." (The designs they have posted on the walls and in books.) You might see something you like. I'd try to pick out several designs and then decide which one you like best. Also remember that the tattoo artist can play color and shadows, don't be afraid to customize or even draw your own tattoo!
Any more questions, let me know.
Ok how do I word this...Ok so last night I got into another fight with Eric. ...The third one this week. See lately, he's been telling me he hates himself and i deserve better than him. But then the next day he'll be like "Go Die XD" and its ridiculous. But he's really good friends with this guy, Mark. And Mark is an amazing guy. He's always there for me and my friends keep telling me he likes me and I might like him back...But if I stop being friends with eric..me and Mark will probably drift. And last night Eric blocked me from aim and I've been up all night watching prince of bel-air and eating straight from a tub of ice cream :/ I can't deal with this. I don't want to lose Mark and I really don't want to lose Eric either but its probably better if i do. WHAT DO I DO.
From what you've said it sounds like the friendship you have with Eric is really unhealthy. I don't think it's beneficial to your emotional health to remain friends. But then, you're smart so you know that all ready.
If you're afraid of drifting away from Mark, why don't you talk to him? Don't drag him into the problems that you and Eric are having, but maybe you should let him know that you think the friendship you have with Eric is unhealthy and that maybe it's time to break away. Maybe you should also tell them that you value HIS friendship and you would really hate for whatever is happening between you and Eric to come between the two of you.
Mark will either stay in touch or drift away like you said. I'm hoping that he'll stick around... But if not, you're doing what's best for you. Please remember that. ;)
Can someone explain The Secret and the Laws of Attraction to me? I understand the general idea that if you think postivily you will get everything you desire. However, I know there has to be more to it.
Also do you agree with The Secret? From what I know, I do, but I would like others opinons.
1. The Secret... The basic idea behind the secret is that YOU are able to control YOUR REALITY by controlling your thoughts.
2. The Law of Attraction... Simply... Like attracts like. If you have a negative attitude you will attract more negativity. If you have a positive attitude you will attract more postivity.
3. Really... There isn't a lot to the secret. You've got the idea. "If you think positively you will receive everything you desire."
4. Do I agree? Yes. Why? A better question would be, "Why not?" What's wrong with having a positive attitude and expecting good things to happen to you? And I've noticed that the people that do have good attitudes and expect to get what they want more often get it, than the people who have negative attitudes and believe that their dreams will never come true.
For example, let's take two of my friends... We'll call them E and M. E has a very positive attitude and expects to eventually get what he wants out of life. That doesn't mean that E doesn't complain sometimes, or that he doesn't get sad, or that unfortunate things don't happen to him occassionally. But E doesn't dwell on the negative. He tries to figure out what he can learn from every mistake and every unfortunate event and how he can improve himself. And even if he's sad... He knows that he won't be sad forever.
Now M on the other hand has a very negative attitude. She complains about just about everything... She is one of those people that you don't like talking to because she never has anything nice to say about anything. Most of the time she is depressed about something and she often wonders if she will always feel this way.
Now let's look at what E and M's lives are like. M lives with her family... Which she really hates because she doesn't get along well with her family members. But she doesn't have another option because she doesn't have a steady income. She doesn't have a steady income because she usually quits her job at the spur of the moment because she is convinced that either management or her fellow associates are 'conspiring" against her. This suspicious attitude is also reflected in her personal relationships. She often suspects that her boyfriend is lying to her which ultimately leads to the death of the relationship.
E on the other hand is capable of supporting himself. He's been working for the same company for about 7 years. He started at an entry level position and through hard work and a willingness to learn was promoted again and again. He is in a healthy happy relationship... He and his significant other even moved in with each other two months ago. While E has some problems with friends and family, he believes that he is loved.
5. How do I apply the secret to my life? Though my life isn't perfect... Instead of dwelling on the areas of my life where I am dissatisfied, I try to maintain a sense of gratitude for what I do have. For example, I'm young and healthy. I have a loving family and friends. I am in a healthy relationship with a wonderful man. I have everything that I need...
When I do think about what I would like to change... Instead of getting upset and thinking that I am doomed... I try to view the situation from a rational perspective. I then ask myself how I would like that particular situation to change. Then I ask myself, "What can I do to bring about the change that I want?" Then I try to make those changes. Those changes are not always easy... But instead of getting down about it, I try to be optimistic. And while things might now always work out how I thought they were going to... I'm usually pleasantly surprised.
my boyfriend is kinda starting to act different towards me, but then sometimes he acts the same.
and the same is being sweet, caring, wanting me ect.
but then somtimes he acts like he doesnt wanna talk or something, idk. i cant explain it.
but can some one tell me why he would be acting like that?
He's acting distant, right? This is actually normal and usually it doesn't have anything to do with you or your relationship.
I've noticed that whenever my boyfriend is tired or worried (usually about finances) he has a tendency to clam-up and space-out. It's because he's busy thinking about the problem and trying to think of a solution. He will think about it until he feels better about it... And then he'll tell me what he was thinking. When he does this I try not to take it personal because I know it isn't. I let him think and when he's himself again I ask him if he's all right. If he doesn't want to talk about it I try not to push.
I can tell you from past experience that this isn't just my boyfriend... Many men operate this way. The next time your boyfriend is acting 'normal' you might want to tell him that you've noticed an occassional change in his behavior and that it makes you feel insecure and confused about your relationship. You might also want to state that while you understand that he may need time to himself... you would appreciate reassurance about the status of your relationship. As long as you can tell him how you feel and what you would like to happen without implying that he's done anything wrong (because he hasn't) I don't see any reason why he should get defensive. I mean... it works for me.
You might also want to pick up the book, "Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus," by Dr. John Gray. He explains men sooo much better than I do. :)
does anyone know what ramen is?
not the noodles...
idk but NOT the noodles
kthanksbye
Ramen (ラーメン or 拉麺, rāmen?, IPA: [ɺaːmeɴ], listen (help·info)) is a Japanese dish of noodles served in broth that originated in China. It tends to be served in a meat-based broth, and uses toppings such as sliced pork (チャーシュー , chāshū?), seaweed, kamaboko, green onions, and even corn. Almost every locality or prefecture in Japan has its own variation of ramen, from the tonkotsu ramen of Kyūshū to the miso ramen of Hokkaidō.
-From Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia. For more information visit http://www.wikipedia.org
one of my best friends, Amanda, has this pretty serious boyfriend. they love eachother, but the thing is.. he's not that good of a boyfriend. he can be sweet, but also can get mad at her alot. we used to be friends (me & him), but we grew apart for dumb reasons. that's not even it though.. they're talking about MARRYING eachother and going to the same collage. we're in 10th grade! ughhh.. i mean, could this just be talk? she's starting to hang out with him alot, and loose some of her friends.. and plus, he puts her in bad moods when he treats her badly (which is like, 50% of the time). i can't talk to her about it beacuse i'm the one that kind of got them together and everything. i just want them to break up soon, and i feel bad for thinking that!! =[ what should i do?
1. They may be TALKING about attending the same college and getting married... But chances are that they won't. Try not to worry too much about it. If that does happen there isn't much you could do about it anyway.
2. I'm sorry that this relationship is affecting your friend in a negative way. And I understand that you want to help. But your friend is going to do whatever she wants to do; even if you try to give her sound advice and talk her out of it. You may just have to take a step back and watch her bang her head up against the wall. I know it sucks, but sometimes... That's all you can do. Besides stick around to help her pick up the pieces when she and this guy are over.
What you can do is make one last attempt to talk to her about the situation and let her know you feel. So what if you're the person that got them together? She's your friend, and you have every right to tell her if you're worried about her. Tell her that you've noticed that she's changed (hanging around with his friends, losing her friends, in a bad mood, etc.) and let her know that you are concerned. Try to be direct and honest, but make sure that you don't make her feel like you are trying to "attack" her, her boyfriend, or her relationship. I can't tell you what she'll say. She may get angry, but if she's really your friend she'll get over it.
3. They are pulling you into the middle of their arguements and that is unfair... What's more, you have every right to say so. Again be direct and honest but don't let them think you're attacking them. Tell them that you understand that every relationship has obstacles... And that they may need to discuss their emotions with their friends sometimes. However, if they are having problems with each other they should talk about those problems amongst themselves. Let them know that being drawn into their arguements makes you feel uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if they considered your feelings before they started to discuss their relationship issues with you.
Remember that your feelings are valid and your requests are reasonable. If they can't respect your wishes and consider your feelings than they were never your friends to begin with. Real friends can be honest with each other... And while real friends may still argue and get angry with each other... They forgive each other because they care.
well.. i aint really done one of these before.. but here i go..
i have been with my boyfriend for about 3 months now.. but i have only known him for at least 4 months.. before i started talking to him.. i never knew him or spoke to im before. but neway.
for some reason. when im with him. i aint myself around him. im not shy like in the bedroom or anything. but normally im a happy person and full of energy. but when im with him. i just sit there looking sad a and borin.. he says he thinks im normal. but im different wen im with my friends. i dont no how to be myself aorund him. i keep gettin scared that he is gonna end it. i dont no y but i do. and i dont no weva thats y i cant b myself around him. coz im scared of loosin him. i need advice on how to b myself. and be more fun to be with??
If you are pretending to be someone you're not; you're lying to him. And lying is not only unfair to him; it's even more unfair to you. There may be nothing worse than living a lie... And he should know the person that he is dating. So... Do yourself (and him) a favor and just be yourself.
I know you're frightened that you might lose him. But think about what would happen if you did... You would be hurt, yes? Disappointed? And while I know how that feels and wouldn't want you to feel that way... I promise that you'll get over it and move on. The bottom line is that someone isn't worth having if they don't want the real you... And they don't deserve you if they make you feel bad about yourself.
So... Relax. Be yourself. If he cares about you he'll stick around. If not... You are going to be just fine. ;)
is it normal to feel depressed sometimes, without any reason...you just feel depressed, and sometimes, you cry but you don't know why, you just feel like crying sometimes, and you get very depressed...
Yes. If you're female, it could be that you are about to start menstrating and your hormones are out of balance. If you're a teenager, your body is changing quite a bit right now and your body is producing more hormones than the average adult. Basicly if you're hormones are out of balance then yes, that could be why you're feeling depressed. However, if this continues and becomes persistant you should talk to your parents and decide if you need to visit your family physician.
I recently got back together with my boyfriend after a two week break. Out of curiosity, I flipped through his phone. He had mentioned considering hooking up with some one to see if his feelings for me were strong enough to allow him to or not. This, of course, entailed only a kiss according to him. Nothing further than that. As much as the information hurt, I understood that it could be indicator of whether or not his feelings for me were genuine.
On his phone he had engaged in a text conversation with a girl-friend, a day after we had agreed to stop talking for a while. In it, he was asking to hook up with her just "for pleasure," and "no strings attached," and telling her he had "obviously always been attracted to her." The messages included nothing about "wanting to kiss her to see what it felt like" in regards to me. He claimed to have asserted he did not want sex, and that she had initiated the suggestion of hooking up in the first place. He begged me to believe he had never wanted to say the things he did, and that he had been drunk and high that night when he said them, claiming to have not remembered them in the morning. He also claimed to have no feelings for her whatever while sober; even so much as dislike her. He also said he would have never gone through with it while sober, because it would have felt wrong for him. What I want to know is: should I believe the alcohol could make him behave that way? We recently got back together, and had two perfect and romantic days in a row. When we first kissed again, he told me he loved me with tears in his eyes. I know his feelings are strong and genuine. Should I forgive him for that conversation? Or is it something I should pay attention to?
Um... Yeah. That's a big red flag, dearest.
You know what bother's me more than the prospect that he might be lying to you? What bothers me is his excuse: he was high and drunk. Do you really want to be with someone that allows themself to get that wasted? And do you really want to be with someone that uses their inebriated state to excuse inappropriate and hurtful behavior?
I would suggest that you pay attention. Honestly, I'm hoping you dump this guy. To me it doesn't sound like he deserves you.
My aunt (she's actually my mom's best friend but we are really close) lives down the jersey shore. She said to my mom and I when we were visiting that if I wanted too, since next summer I would be 14 and I could work, I could stay at her house and get a job at the boardwalk. My mom always says she likes to exaggerate and talk because she always says stuff but never actaully does it. BUt this time my mom asked her several times and she sounded sure. I thought this was really generous because she has a 9 year old girl, and a family to take care of, and she is letting me stay at her house for the summer. My question is, do you think she really means it? ANd what are some things I could do while there or before I go to convince her that it was a good idea to let me stay there?
Whether or not your aunt means what she says, I think your mother is the best judge. Maybe you should talk to your mom and agree on a time to call her and ask about it again... (Maybe 6 months from now?) Then perhaps your mother and your aunt can set a specific date for you to arrive at your aunts house.
A good idea might be to offer to do chores around the house while you're there. Or offer to babysit one night every week so that she and her husband can go out on dates... Or maybe so she can have a girls' night out. I'm sure she'd really appreciate the extra help around the house and the opportunity to take a break. If you're willing to do this, tell your mom so she can pass it on to your aunt. Or call her yourself and let her know!
hey. well, i'm really into romantic-comedy movies. so can anyone tell me some really good ones? some examples are Sleepover, 13 Going on 30, Because I Said So, and just movies like that. i don't want super old movies, but they don't have to be brand new. they can be movies in theaters that are out right now too. thakns!
Bridget Jone's Diary, Serendipity (I didn't actually see that one but my mom said it was good), Hitch, The Wedding Crashers, Runaway Bride, Ever After, When Harry Met Sally, A Cinderella Story, The Perfect Man, Just My Luck, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen...
BTW, all these movies are available to rent. :)
My bff parties sometimes. She is a very good student, so are the people she parties with. Sometimes she has these "parties" at her house with just maybe no more than 15 people, all good friends. She is eighteen.
I am sixteen, and although I've never been to any of her parties, I want to try it. I've never been drunk in my life. If I do go to a party, it will be a very safe environment. I am planning on getting a little drunk, but I am not going to drive (I will sleep over at her house), I will not try drugs (and no drugs will be present, none of her friends do them).
Should I do it? I am a very uptight person, so I think it will be nice for me to just let loose and have fun. I am not planning it to become a habit (partying), but I definitely want to try it.
What do you think? I will be one hundred percent safe there.
How do people act when they're drunk? How many beers does it take to get drunk? I am not planning to get drunk drunk, but just a little bit drunk.
"How many beers does it take to get drunk?" That depends. There are several factors that determine your level of alchol tolerance. One factor is body weight. I have always been little and I have always had a very low alchol tolerance.
"How do people act when they're drunk?" In short: stupid. Think about it... It inhibits your judgement, causes you to slur, stumble, and even vomit or lose conciousness. Contrary to popular belief, no one is attractive when they drink.
I understand that you're discovering who you are, you're curious, and you want to experiment. And I commend you for trying to be safe. But I advise you NOT to attend this party. It's a bad idea. I could give you a list of reasons why... But you've all ready heard them. So... Instead I would like to point out that you've logged onto the internet and asked perfect strangers for their approval... Which means that you're either uncomfortable with the idea or know that it's wrong... or both. If not, why did you ask? If so... if you're gut tells you not to do it... DON'T!
OK, so [one] of my two best friends, Jake and Sophie went out for about a month. Sophie was telling me like, "I think I'm gonna break up with him. I just don't like him anymore." I was like, "All right, do what you want." Since they went out, I haven't really talked to Jake, so when Sophie broke up with him, I was hoping Jake and I could actually talk some more. They're cool now and still friends, but ever since Jake went to this party, there's been all these other girls. I mean, there always HAS been, but they haven't been as close to him as we were. But now on the phone he's like, "Oh, I gotta call you back. Other line."
"Ohh, who?" [Yea, I'm nosy.]
"One of my friends, Ayla. She's really cool. I think I'm gonna go on vaca with her."
"Oh. . and you met her when?"
"About a week."
Which is weird, cos Jake and I are SUPER close firends and we've never even gone somewhere except the movies. He also has this other girl he might ask out, and I'm sorta flipping. Asking out somebody new so soon? He just got dumped and I was HOPING to actually talk to him without his gf on the line.
I think we're departing, and there are more awkward silences on the phone than there ever was.
SOrry if this was so long. . . =/
I hate to sound like a downer, but...
The fact of the matter is that many friends aren't forever. Notice how I said "many" and not "all." There will be friends that you make and years from now you will still be friends. But during your teenage years your going to make a lot of friends that will disappear over the years. The reason why? This is a time of change for you and your friends. You are discovering who you are, establishing your identity, figuring out what you like and dislike... Frequently friends srift apart because of personality changes or different priorities.
I understand how this can upset you and make you feel sad. Your emotions are valid, and I'm sorry that you feel this way at this time. But take comfort from the fact that these things happen and it's not your fault. Your friend is making new friends, which should be encouraged... And doesn't mean that he likes you any less. I know it's hard not to feel jealous, but I will warn you that if you don't keep a leash on that particular emotion it can end up hurting both you and your friend.
I know I'm making it sound like the end of your friendship. Though this doesn't have to make it the end... The next time you talk to him, how about telling him that you miss spending time with and feel that the two of you don't talk like you used to. Make sure to be direct, tell him how you feel, but don't accuse him of being a bad friend or neglegent. Try to set aside time for him by making plans in advance so the both of you can hang out together.
And remember... As you get older, life get's busier. Just because your schedule is full and maybe you don't get to see your friends as often doesn't mean your friendship is weak. One of my closest friends lives out of state. We've been friends for over a decade but we only get to see each other once a year. And because of our schedules we only get the chance to talk to each other maybe once a week. But we're still close, because we know each other better than anyone else. I know I can tell her anything and she will understand (or at least try.)
Last but not least... I know that while the thought that maybe the two of you may be drifting apart may be depressing... Don't spend your time waiting around on him. Follow his example and spend time with your other friends, or making new friends!
I'm moving across the country (from New Jersey to California...Orange County) for college. I'm going to get my own apartment because if I'm that far from home, I don't want just a little dorm to be my only place to have to go to. I want to be an A&R (artist and representative). An A&R works for a record label and is sent to concerts and stuff to listen to bands and if they're good, offer them a spot on the record label. I would probably intern for a record label while I'm in college. I'm into rock, punk, etc. and I love concerts and Ip lay guitar, etc..
Here's the thing...
I'm really into people who lare like that, too. Who like the same music and are that style and like going to concerts, tatoos, piercings, etc..
I'm scared that when I move across the country, I'm not going to find people like that to be friends with....when I move to Orange County, I'm not moving back here...that's my new home forever...and it's important for me to find new friends...but I'm scared I won't find people like that and yes...it is important for me to find people like that cause that's who I like and that's who I get along with.
HELP!
Don't worry about making friends. You will. I promise.
Remember one thing... Just because you have a certain type of personality, likes and dislikes... Doesn't mean that you can't form valuable friendships with people that may not necessarily like to do the same things or look the same as you. Being friends with different kinds of people is actually important and can help make you into a well-rounded person.
Different people bring different things to the table.
Here's an idea... Why don't you participate in localized chatrooms for that area? For example, my friend J is from Georgia and lived here until recently. He decided that he was going to move to Seattle and he was worried about not knowing anyone there. So he started searching the internet for chatrooms with people from Seattle... He wasn't a big fan of chatrooms, but it did give him the opportunity to talk to all kinds of people and hear what they thought of the city. He even made a few friends before moving there. Why not at least give it a try?
ok, so i went to the doctor and she asked me if i had my period yet, and i said yes. so she told my mom that they were going to do bloodwork but i have to get it done somewhere else, so my mom said we would do it sometime next week. so my question is, for the bloodwork do they just like take some of your blood and thats it?oh and how much do they take?
thanks in advanced.i will rate.
Taking a blood test is no big deal. You'll go to a lab and they'll draw maybe 1-3 vials of blood (probably from your arm.) The vials aren't large, and the needle won't hurt. Just look away and think of something else. And then... That's it. After they take the blood they need you're free to go home.
No one understands me and I don't mean to talk about only myself. I don't want to come off as arrogant. I hate how everyone thinks I'm selfish [my mother mostly] but can't tell me why they think that. I want to ask them "what do i do that makes me seem selfish to you?" but I don't know how to say that. No one seems to see [except for a few people that have noticed my apparent "big heart", my grandmother and aunt] that I try so hard to make sure everybody's pleased, but I don't take time to do anything for myself, and I go along with what other people want or are doing because I want them to be happy. At home, my mother is planning on divorcing my father. I don't know the whole story, but she filed a domestic violence thing in May against him, but the judge just basically dismissed that and said my parents have to be nice to eachother and to come back to court at the end of July to follow up. Last I heard, my mom was going to file a divorce against my dad, which hasn't happened yet, but neither has the court at the end of the month. Things at home are horrible. My parents fight constantly and at times I think my mother has gone crazy. I love my mom and my dad, but they use me to get dirt on the other all the time. They also both talk to me and my [two younger] siblings one-on-one to tell me why the other parent is wrong/bad/etc. I can't talk to either of them about anything. My mother and I argue constantly because we are both always feeling sorry for ourselves and can't see the other's point of view with anything. My mother also favors my [younger 13-yr-old] sister, and even though my sister takes advantage of my mother and treats her much worse than I ever would. I know that it is a bad time at home right now and that my mom is stressed out and gets angry easily, but why does that give her special privelages to be a jerk to everyone, and if anyone were to be a jerk to her, it would be totally unacceptable? My mother doesn't care about how I feel about much of anything unless it's convinient for her, and even if she did care she wouldn't understand, or want to. My mother thinks that I have no problems and that my life is wonderful. She always tells me that I'm only feeling sorry for myself and that no one cares about what I'm saying, and basically that no one cares about me. Why is it perfectly okay for her to take me for granted? Why do I continue to do nice things for her when she hurts my feelings constantly and doesn't care? Why does she get to yell at me and fight with me all da and expect me not to say anything back? In the mean time, I am constantly feeling worthless and hopeless. It is the same feeling at home and at school. [even though it's summer] In my social life, I don't have any REAL friends. They all use me at one point or another. Most of them don't care about what I have to say, and hardly any of my "friends" want to, or will, listen to my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. People I'm not even close to take advantage of me. I don't have a lot of friends, either. I'm too scared, terrified, to talk to new people. I'm afraid of them and what they will think of me when I open my mouth. I think I come off as a snob or a jerk to them because in truth, I am too intimidated to talk to them, and as a result I don't say much of anything. I also have a habit of dwelling these personal problems on people that (obviously) don't give a care. I can't talk to anyone because I'm afraid of being seen vulnerable. I need some help, and I don't have anyone to talk to but myself through a diary. It doesn't help, and when I look back on what I've written, I just feel sorry for myself again and start crying.
It's not your fault.
We both understand that your mother and father are hurt right now. But even so... I would like to remind you that their behavior is childish and immature... And it's not your fault. You are trying the best you can... And your mother's accusations of selfishness are unfair.
I don't need to tell you to be patient, tolerant, forgiving... The bigger person. You all ready know, because you all ready are. THAT is the reason that you don't yell at her and say cruel things... THAT is the reason you don't speak when your parents try to use you to hurt each other.
I understand why you feel sorry for yourself. You feel like you are about to lose your mind and that no one sympathizes with you. But you are wrong. You are never alone. And because you are never alone, I'm going to ask you to do something for yourself... Be strong. Not strong for your parents or friends, be strong for you.
You feel like a victim because you feel like you can't control anything that is happening to you. But you can control yourself. You can control your feelings, your thoughts, your words, and your actions. People can't hurt you, can't take advantage of you if you don't let them. I know you're afraid of rocking the boat and maybe hurting someones' feelings... But you have to think about YOU, you're top priority is to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
I know that it's all hard to take and hard to do. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I encourage you to do so... Talk to your aunt, your grandmother... Make an appointment with either your family physician or your school guidance counselor and tell them what you told me. They can provide you the support you need at this difficult time.
My thoughts are with you.
Background: I'm East Indian but born in America, but my parents were immigrants to this country. I've always been loyal to my family, but its almost like they are determined to sabotage any happiness in my life.
The girl I was going to marry- they hated b/c she wasn't Indian or up to their standards, and made my life and hers such a living hell that she had to leave. I love her still, but I know that my parents will never accept her.
I'm debating if I should just bid my parents and my family goodbye and try to find myself? My parents were arranged and they expect the same for me. I don't want that, but I'm torn b/c I'm loyal to my family but I want to be in love when I get married.
This pain of conflict is tearing me apart inside, that I've started drinking too much at times and maybe taking some other pharmaceuticals to relieve the pain (ie vicodin, percocets).
I still love her and I don't think that I'll ever get over the girl I was going to marry.
(sorry if this doesn't make sense, but i'm a bit drunk while writing this).
There is not an easy answer.
I understand that most of the problem is a severe culture clash. While you obviously love and respect your parents; you were born and raised in America. Whether you are heavily involved in your heritage or not; the beliefs and the opinions of this nation are a part of you.
But no one said you ever had to choose one over the other. Where is the middle ground? I don't know...
What I do know... I spent the first twenty years of my life trying to be what my family (mostly my mother) expected me to be. Trying to live my life the way they thought I should... Walking down a path to a future I had not chosen.
My family is Christian. They expected me to be a good, godly young woman... Marry a nice man that I had met at church. And spend the rest of my life barefoot and pregnant.
And then one day... I nearly lost my mind. I almost attempted to commit suicide.
Afterwards I realized that my problem was that I didn't know who I was. I had spent most of life parrotting the beliefs and opinions of others, adopting their likes and dislikes, being what they wanted me to be, and trying to accomplish the goals that they had set for me. I woke up asking myself, "Who am I?"
The journey to finding myself has not been easy and it isn't over. But ever day I am one step closer to seeing the bigger picture. I've realized that I disagree with many of the beliefs that the Christian church holds. I've also realized that I don't want to get married or have children any time soon... And I think I'd like to have a career.
My family doesn't like a lot of the ideas that I have. Tough. I am who am and I've decided that I'm not changing for anyone but me. They'll just have to accept it. It's been easier for them to accept the changes they've seen in me than it will be for your parents to accept the changes that you are bound to make...
So... My advice is... Life is too short to live for anyone else but you. Live your life... You will make some hard decisions and the consequences that those decisions may incur can and will be rough. But the question to ask is, would you'd rather your life be a little more difficult if you could live and love as you want? Will obeying your parents mean misery? Who are you? What do you want?
Drop the alchol and the pills. Now is not the time to drown your sorrow. Now is the time for you to live life to the fullest... To discover who you are and everything the future holds for you, one way or the other.
Whatever path you take, I hope it is the path of your chosing... I wish you happiness... I wish you strength and courage.
there are no signs that my dad is cheating on my mom i just have this wierd feeling.I mean he has been working alot lately till like 6:00 everynightt.and when he comes home he doesnt really care about us, he just wants to sleep.And he plays poker or tennis like 3 times a week.i have tried talking to mom but she doesnt want to hear it.and i cant like drive bc im only 13.hellp
I apologize in advance if I sound harsh.
I understand that you're suspicious... And the thought that your father may cheating on your mother is painful and upsetting. However...
1. Just because your father is working late and spending time enjoying his hobbies does not mean there is another woman. If he's acting distant and tired there could be many reasons why he's acting that way. Maybe there is a lot to do at work and he is stressed out... When he comes home from a hard day of work it's reasonable to assume that he's tired and may want to go to bed. And hobbies are actually very important, especially to men when they've got a lot on their mind. Hobbies and activities with their friends give them an opportunity to forget about their problems for a while, unwind, etc.
2. Whether or not your father is cheating... This is really between him and your mother. It's their responsibility to handle this situation, not your's. Whatever you might think may be happening, let it go.
3. There is probably a very good reason why your mother doesn't want to discuss this with you. It's because when adults violate the parent/child relationship by talking about marital problems with them... It creates stress for the child and also puts them in the middle of the fight. If she suspects anything is happening or not, she doesn't want to talk to you about it because she loves you and is trying to protect you. And this may also be the reason that your father is not discussing issues that he may be worried about.
Bottom line: Let your parents work out their own problems. If you are upset because your father is acting distant, why not talk to him? Maybe ask him, "Are you okay, Dad?" Tell him that you're worried about him and that his distant behavior upsets you. Don't ACCUSE, don't blame, don't tell him your suspicions... Just let him know that you've noticed a difference in his behavior and that it worries you. Your main concern should be maintaining the relationships between you and your father, and you and your mother... Not maintaining their relationship for them.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your mother and father, I would suggest scheduling an appointment with your school guidance counselor, or if you go to church how about your youth leader? You could even go to a teacher, or maybe another relative that you trust.
my mom has finally decided to really work at losing weight. i'd go on a diet with her but im already under weight so im helping her by basically being her coach. she's 5'6" 210lbs and 51years old. so far she's eating smaller portions(she normally skips lunch), she cut out chips and cookies and junk food from her diet and she's been doing 50 crunches on one of those ab-lounges a day.it's only been three days so far but she seems really commited how much will this help her? what else can she do? we're going on vacation in a month and i made her buy a pair of pants that are 2 sizes small for her now. hopefully she'll drop 2 sizes in a month. do you think it's possible?
1. Don't let her skip meals. If she's hungry and she doesn't eat, her metabolism (controls the amount of calories your body burns) will actually slow down. My physical trainer suggested that I eat three meals a day and encouraged me to eat snacks between meals if I was starving.
2. Don't let her eat before going to bed. If she eats and then goes to bed less than 2-3 later... The calories that she just ingested have a better chance of becoming body fat instead of getting burned.
3. Portions... Bigger portions during breakfast and lunch are actually okay. She needs a certain amount of calories to function... And if she eats a lot of calories during the beginning of her day she still has a good chance of burning off those calories before bed. The last meal that she eats is the one that you need to watch portion-wise.
4. Drink lots of water! (But not too much.) I'm sure you've heard that you should drink 8 glasses of water every day. Actually... It's 8 cups, 64 oz. to be precise. Drinking more water can help her shed weight.
5. The ab-lounger is good. But that's an exercise that tones the abs. Building muscle is an important part of weight loss... But she needs to do some aerobics too. How about walking? A great time to do this would be after dinner.
6. Visit a doctor. (Or physical trainer.) Because she's overweight she needs to start out with smaller amounts of exercise and exercises that will be easier for her to do. As time progresses the length of time dedicated to exercising and the difficulty of the exercises would increase. However, when she's starting out she needs to make sure that she doesn't hurt herself. A doctor of physical trainer would be able to suggest to exercises that will prevent this from happening.
In my opinion the expectation of dropping 2 sizes in a month is not a realistic goal. Especially in the beginning.
She needs to set realistic goals... This is actually really important because it will effect her level of motivation. If she sets goals that are too high she will be disappointed when she doesn't accomplish those goals. Morale will drop and it's more likely that she'll either binge or quit dieting all together. Physical trainers actually suggest that you do NOT set short term goals that involve a specific number of pounds. Instead she should pay attention to how she _feels_. Does she have more energy? Does she feel healthier? Are her clothes feeling looser than they did before?
And a way that you can help her and motivate her is... While you may not need to diet, you don't need to eat junk food either! At least try not to eat it infront of her. Keep it stashed away in your room so she won't be tempted. You can also motivate her by making her feel like you're her partner in this endeavor! Drink more water with her, accompany her for walks!
I think your right!
And I do really miss him, but as you said I think I miss the feeling of belonging more.
Thanks alot for answering my question, think I will just try and move on, I'm sure I will find the right one when I least expect it! :)
Thanks again :)
Don't worry... You will. ;)