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dads cheating on mom
there are no signs that my dad is cheating on my mom i just have this wierd feeling.I mean he has been working alot lately till like 6:00 everynightt.and when he comes home he doesnt really care about us, he just wants to sleep.And he plays poker or tennis like 3 times a week.i have tried talking to mom but she doesnt want to hear it.and i cant like drive bc im only 13.hellp
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I apologize in advance if I sound harsh.
I understand that you're suspicious... And the thought that your father may cheating on your mother is painful and upsetting. However...
1. Just because your father is working late and spending time enjoying his hobbies does not mean there is another woman. If he's acting distant and tired there could be many reasons why he's acting that way. Maybe there is a lot to do at work and he is stressed out... When he comes home from a hard day of work it's reasonable to assume that he's tired and may want to go to bed. And hobbies are actually very important, especially to men when they've got a lot on their mind. Hobbies and activities with their friends give them an opportunity to forget about their problems for a while, unwind, etc.
2. Whether or not your father is cheating... This is really between him and your mother. It's their responsibility to handle this situation, not your's. Whatever you might think may be happening, let it go.
3. There is probably a very good reason why your mother doesn't want to discuss this with you. It's because when adults violate the parent/child relationship by talking about marital problems with them... It creates stress for the child and also puts them in the middle of the fight. If she suspects anything is happening or not, she doesn't want to talk to you about it because she loves you and is trying to protect you. And this may also be the reason that your father is not discussing issues that he may be worried about.
Bottom line: Let your parents work out their own problems. If you are upset because your father is acting distant, why not talk to him? Maybe ask him, "Are you okay, Dad?" Tell him that you're worried about him and that his distant behavior upsets you. Don't ACCUSE, don't blame, don't tell him your suspicions... Just let him know that you've noticed a difference in his behavior and that it worries you. Your main concern should be maintaining the relationships between you and your father, and you and your mother... Not maintaining their relationship for them.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your mother and father, I would suggest scheduling an appointment with your school guidance counselor, or if you go to church how about your youth leader? You could even go to a teacher, or maybe another relative that you trust.
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Adultery is a pretty serious accusation and if all you have is a 'wierd feeling' I'm not surprised your mother doesn't want to hear it.
Your weird feeling and your father's behavior could easily be explained by him having a very difficult time at work right now, or a disagreement with your mother, or for all you know maybe it's your mother who is behaving inappropriately.
The point is: There are a lot of stressful, unpleasant things that could be going on in your adult parents lives that they won’t tell you about and could account for you feeling uneasy.
The better way to approach this, rather then making baseless accusations, is to ASK what is wrong. Tell your parents, together or separately, that the family feels tense and unhappy and that you want to know why.
Do yourself a favor though, and stop jumping to conclusion, especially deeply hurtful ones. That won't help the situation at all, even if adultry is what is happening.
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I say you either get someone that has legal age to drive and like follow him, and what a great friend that person will be =]
or you just have to confront to him and make him confess it out if he is or isn't cheating. Tell him it's better he says it now:
-while you're young
-instead of people around the house getting anxiety and can't sleep because they keep wondering if he really is cheating.
-and that it's better now then when you're older with more stress and it'll be harder on everyone.
If your mom really doesn't care or doesn't want to hear it, then leave her alone. Sometimes it takes a while to get used to the facts if or if not he is cheating. She needs a little time for herself to think it over.
And if it's not about your mom and it's just about how you're feelings, I suggest calling the kids Help Phone.
And sometimes, things may really seem like things that you're suspecting but it really isn't so prepare yourself that you might be wrong. It could be easier to your dignity and avoiding embarrassment if you did.
I know sometimes I'll suspect something that really seems like what I expect but it isn't.
Hope this helped, good luck!
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Maybe your parents need the money. And yeah, of course hes tired. He had a long day of work. If I worked that long, I wouldn't wanna have anything to do with my family either. I just would want to rest. You should be happy your dad only works till 6. I have some friends, who there dads are only home on holidays. I have some friends whos parents dont get home intill 10:30 at night. 6:00 isnt all that late. You're over reaccting. theres nothing wrong.
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