I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26916
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Hello there. Well there is this boy that I have known for a long time because we played at the same fields. I found he was in 5 of my 7 periods so we talked a lot and we got along really well. Then we began talking more and we got really close. He told me he liked me but I didnt feel the same way but we carried on. Then I liked him and he still liked me but the thing is on the inside we are a perfect match but on the outside I just didnt find him attractive. So I wanted to wait for him to mature or idk but we stayed friends. And still ready close. Well we know this girl and he started talking to me about liking her but she never liked him. Anywho they became valentines and it didnt bother me because I was over him right? Like I dont even like him. But they posted this pitcture of them at a local carnival and as soon as I sawit all these feelings and memories came rushing to me. And for the first time I really liked him. And it wasnt that I liked him because hes taken its that I realized I missed my chance with someone who is perfect for me. And some girl swooped in and took the chance. And ive been thinking about what couldve been and how great we couldve been.. like i think im meant for him but Anyways its been on my mind 24/7 and I guess im wondering if I should tell him how I feel? Or what should I do in general? I dont want to corrupt their relationship but I need to do something so I can rest easy. Its killing me. But yes any advice on what to do would be really appreciated. Thank you so much! (link)
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It's hard for me to even see this question as real, but I'm going to answer it as if it is. I have a real problem seeing you as a girl. You have based a best friend relationship on how much he turns you on. I thought only us "Boys" did that. So I'm going to tell you what you don't want to hear, LEAVE THIS BOY ALONE. You need to find out what you really want and you won't be able to until you stop being a tease. Your playing this guy, but you don't want to limit your options, so you want to keep him in a corner like a dog, so when you need him you can call him out of his corner. Girls are suppose to be more mature then guys, but I'm not seeing it in you. If your meant to be together, it will happen, but not because you make it happen out of jealousy. You will lose a best friend at the least and possibly a sole mate. Be well Dear one.
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Hi! So I've been dating this guy for almost a year. And there is a big age difference between us, 8 years. But it works for us. I'm 23 and he's 31. But lately I am starting to get nervous. His older brother has a wife and his parents are completly in love with her. They adore her. But I don't feel like they feel that way about me. They treat us differently. His family is very conservative and proper and I am a huge kid at heart. I get offended over it. When i ask him about it he just says they love me of course but I know he sees it too and is just ignoring it. I'm really offended. Should I walk away even though I love him or what should I do?
Thanks in advanced (: (link)
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My dear girl, after the age of 18, age no longer matters, but let me tell you what does. You would thing I would say love, wouldn't you? It's not love, it's like. Now you have to like yourself and you have to like your partner, that is a must for you to have a forever relationship, but you don't have to like, or be liked by anyone else. Extended family doesn't matter anymore, the man you are going to make your family with does. It's a plus when you can build other relationships full of like, but sometimes you have to settle for just love. Your in-laws will and probably love you now, but in some of them, you probably sense that they don't like you much and that's okay, not everyone is going to like you in your life. I have been married for almost 35 years and I'm still not liked by most of my in-laws, but I know they love me for mainly one reason. I have given my wife a fairly happy life, at least of that which is under my control. Most families are happy with that, because loving someone means you wish them to be happy. Like who you are and like who your partner is. Allow him to be who he is and expect no less from him. Don't change yourself for anyone, love does not demand such things and if anyone does not like you for who you are, they are not worth your time. Be well dear one.
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I want to find some books to read on my bus trip. I loved a million little pieces so i want another book like that. Autobiographys, true stories, so on. Sorry if thats not enough info. (link)
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This is Gilbert Mar's wife.... Since I do the reading in the family he thought I could better answer your question.
Jodi Picoult has many interesting stories that can really hold your attention. Ninteen Minutes was a real page turner for me.
Anything by Janet Evanovich is very intertaining but not very thought provoking. I'm addicted to her books.
James Patterson is one of the best authors on the planet, in my opinion. Any one of the "Cross" books released recently are excellent mystries.
I'm presently reading a biography of Mother Theresa that is quite deep but interesting. If thats your kind of thing.
White Oleander is a weird book but if you like teen drama its full of it and then some. (kinda raunchy)
Hope this helps some.
Be well
Mrs Mar
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What jobs could i get after getting a degree in criminal justice? (link)
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Criminal justice covers a few things and I'm sure I won't cover them all. Police, game wardens, boarder patrol, parole officers, juvenile officers, I think jail guards, and I'm sure there are more I'm not thinking of.
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How long would a family wait to have a funeral? What if the family JUST wants family at the funeral and NO close friends? What if the family wants the funeral in a different state, how would they do that? What are the 5 stages when you lose someone? Sorry ive never been to a funeral. (link)
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Normally funerals are done with in 5 days of death, but there is no certain time frame. It is hard to restrict guests for a funeral, but it could be done. There is no problem with transporting bodies, there are rules though. It is called the 5 stages of grief, 1.Denial 2. Anger 3.Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance.
Hope I covered it.
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my boyfriend and i broke up for many good reasons and mainly because of me. i want to fix everything. he is in a different state because of college. he wants to wait till the summer but i cant do that because its too painful. i dont mind waiting and all but it hurts. because at first we were datin, wakin up to sweet txts, saying i love you and so on. now he wants us to wait 5 months to have that again. (link)
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There is one thing I would ask myself here, "Am I going forward, or backward?" It seems to me this is going backwards. You want to take it back to where it was, instead of growing and going forward.
I am thinking that you need the 5 months and obviously he needs it too, I would say he is unsure if forward is the way he wants to take your relationship. You should use this time to learn from what has happened, instead of morning your loss. Morning will do nothing for you, learning and changing will.
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I will try to explain this as good as I can as quick and short as I can.
I began dating a guy (20). I had made a mistake and messed up after 4 months of being together. My boyfriend forgave me and said he will forget with time. Its been 2 months since we have "broken up." He tells almost all of his friends we are dating and his family knows about my mistake and that he's forgaven me and they accept it and me. He doesn't live in the same state as me because of school but when he has came down we hang out, kiss, say i love you and sweet things, exchange gifts for christmas, met more of his family on christmas and yes we have been intimate. My question is why hasn't he asked me out again, in a sense. How do I talk to him about it or what should I say? Is he not willing to commit because he thinks I'll hurt him again? Is he afraid that his friends well judge him because he's giving me another chance and took me back so soon? whats up? (link)
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There are several things it could be, I don't know the kind of person he is, so I can't say how much "public" opinion matters to him. I do think that women have a problem when it comes to forgiveness. Many guys will tell a woman that they forgive them, in effect to shut them up. They don't want to start them crying and get into the emotional stuff, it's easier to just lie and tell them they are forgiven.
It is likely he has not forgiven you and is waiting to see if something happens again. I assure you he has been told many time that you will do it again, or something worse. He's waiting for it to happen again and trust once broken, can never really be regained.
He may come to grips with this someday, but I really doubt it. I'm really sorry to have to be telling you this, because your probably going to shoot the messenger, but you are best off taking what you have learned and move on, it is likely to end anyway. My suggestion to you is to end it now and see if he comes back after you, sooner or later. If he comes back to you, then he has truly made up his mind that he has forgiven you. If that is not to your liking, then stick it out and wait to see if he comes around, but understand, you will have a much less stable relationship if you do.
Good luck my dear, feel free to write again, should you have need too.
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My mom is in her early 80‘s, I am in my early 50‘s. I have no idea how to handle her any more.
Ok this is going to sound weird but here goes. Here is the background: I go to the 99 cent store and I have purchased beautiful sweaters, blouses, pants, blazers. All top quality - Liz Claiborne , Ralph Lauren, New York & Co, to name a few, plus unknowns but in top quality. I don't buy the crap. The cashiers and customers all tell me I get the great quality stuff. My friends and relatives ask me if I purchased them at Lord & Taylor's or other expensive stores. I have tons of clothes from the 99 cent store. Also one of the blouses I purchased back in June was a pink paisley and when I showed it to my mom she held it up and said in a nasty matter-of-fact way "Oh this is not new" However, when we went to visit my Aunt (one of her remaining sisters) in Vermont I wore the blouse going up on the bus and when my aunt saw it she said to me "I love your blouse, I wish you could have gotten me the blouse you are wearing" And this was after my mom gave her vest from Kohl’s and I gave her necklace as a present.
Also at another time: I was getting ready for an interview. I put on a teal button down blazer. My mom started to criticize my blazer saying it was too big in the shoulders, but I could not see where it was big. Then I wore it for one of our religious holiday when my sister, brother-in-law, my two nephews and Anita and her husband came over to celebrate (have dinner) with my mom and me and Anita commented on how much she loved the blazer. However, before any one arrived my mom said “You look really nice”
Today I was at the computer on the Internet going thru my email. I didn't pay attention as to how this came about but somehow my mom and I were talking about a brand new winter coat I purchased at Lord & Taylor's. Actually she purchased it as a birthday present. As my mom left my room I called out to her and said “Where is it written that name brands are better than non-name brands, she then came back into my room and said “Listen you are a snob” I asked her how and she said “Well you only wanted the coat from Lord & Taylor’s, how come you did not like the one from Kohl’s” I started to tell her but she cut me off telling me why.
And then she left to go into the kitchen. About five minutes later I was still annoyed so I went in to the kitchen and said “But the clothes I buy at the 99 cent store are of good quality” She said “We are not talking about used clothes we are talking about new vs. new” This got me angry and I told her that the clothes I buy from the 99 cent store do not look used” My mom said “But the clothes you buy there are not new, lets say you purchased a Ralph Lauren at the 99 cent store it is not new but it was new at one time and it would be more expensive at a department store” I said to her the red sweater I am wearing does not look used she retorted back “Yes it does, it is a little pilled” I told her it is lint that just has to be brushed off but of course she disagreed. And yes it was lint. I bushed the lint off in my room.
Then we had some fight, we both said really nasty things to one another. One of the nasty things she said to me “Well the other day you wore a sweater that is for a little girl, it was made for a little girl”
I told her that I get compliments on my wardrobe. I don’t know what to do. She is constantly putting down things I like, but then in the next breath “Oh I think you dress nicely”
Then today when we went to the movies (and at dinner) I said to her right after we purchased our tickets “you really did not mean what you said about the red sweater and the other sweater, you just said it because you were mad” Then in one of those tones that implies I didn’t mean it but I said to annoy you tone “Yes I meant it” Also this is what she added at the restaurant “As long as you ask me that is my answer”
I don’t want to fight with her but she makes me say things to her So what do you make of what she said? Do you think she just said those things about my sweaters to annoy me.
Also should I write her a detailed letter explaining how I feel, and in the letter include the dialogue we have had and then rewrite the dialogue the way it should have been to get my point across to her
(link)
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You have several problems here, the number one being that you two have built a confrontational relationship. For whatever reason, you both feel you have to confront each other, instead of conversing with each other. If you were not related, you would not even talk to each other if you could avoid it. Odds are, you have been doing this since you were a teenager and neither one of you are adult enough to stop doing it. At 80+, she should really know better, but I know that there are many who are older that don't, but I can't fault her too much, you are no different at 50+.
The other reasons aside, why do you continue with such drivel? You are not your mother, she has her tastes, you have yours. I am nothing like my parents and I don't value what they did. Some people buy brand new cars and others buy them two years later. The first buyer eats up all the depreciation, the second gets it for what it worth. We need the people who only buy new, otherwise we can't scoop up the bargains that they get rid of after using them a few times.
I have learned that you should never give some people the details of the things you buy, because some people can't help being critical. Remember, complaining about someone is just another way of saying, "Hey, look at me, I'm better then they are." I'm not sure why I should have to be telling you this, surely you have seen this in your mother in 50 years of dealing with her.
I do have to wonder when the answer is so simple on this one, why you keep coming back for more. Why when she changes her opinion on your clothes from minute to minute, do you continue to bait her? Does her approval still matter that much to you? She must have a serious hold over you that you try to live your life with her as the puppet master.
I'm going to tell you how you can fix this, STOP TALKING ABOUT CLOTHES WITH YOUR MOTHER. Don't bring it up, if she does, just say this old thing and walk away. Anything else that puts you at odds with her, stop talking about it. You don't want these things to be what you remember about your mother, so talk about things you can talk about, not compete in.
Be well dear lady and just consign yourself that you and your mother are just not going to agree on some things. You are not going to change an 80 year olds mind.
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i bought my bf a christmas card and i would like to knw if you have any ideas what i can write in it other then i love you, im glad to be with you, etc. we have been together for only 6 months. he is 20, i am 19. so quotes, sayings or anything would help! (link)
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I'm really sorry I missed this one dear, to say I've been busy is not excusable, I should have been here sooner for you.
I know so little about you, but what I do know is about your youth. You are both young and young love is such a sensitive thing, the wrong words can be so much trouble. At six months, are you past the roses are red stage? I know I would like to think I was, but I'm not really sure that would be true. I know I was always wanting to be with her, or talking to her, but at the least, I was thinking about her. Is this the same for girls, as it was for me?
I'm told so often by others here, "You don't know me", blah, blah, blah. Like some how they are special and no one else could possibly know where they are coming from. Ya, the young people have it so rough, so different today, well that's a load of crap. Everyone thinks they are alone out there, but they're not. There are millions of people out there experiencing what they are and millions of them will make the same choice they do, for the same reasons, because when you come down to it, we're all doing what we do for one thing, LOVE.
What is done is done.
What is going to be done is written in our decisions.
What will be done, let it be done for love.
Love you sweetheart,
Gilbert Mar
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i want someone to love me. i want someone i can love back. someone i can take care of. someone to run around the city with and to talk with into the early hours of the morning.i want someone who will buy me shiny things and fix my computer. someone who can talk common sense into me when i freak out, and remembers small aniversaries. i want someone who loves me because of my imperfections, not in spite of them. someone who is secure of who he is and isnt afraid to stand up for what he belives. i have so much to give and no one sees me for what i could be to someone.
dear advicenators, is this a totally ridiculous wish? (link)
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I'm going to say that this is a ridiculous wish, only because you should not consider it as a wish. This is what you should expect, even demand, it is what we all should demand. You know that you want this, you also know he is out there, you feel it, don't you? Never give yourself to anything less dear girl, wait for him, he'll come.
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my boyfriend is flying into town for christmas. we have been together for 6 months. he will be in town till january 5th or such. i have already done surprises for him, dressed up, scrapbook, gifts of things he likes, went to dinner/breakfast/lunch and all that fun stuff. my budget is low but i want him to have a great time while he is here. so ANY ideas could be great. i've seen and read your previous advice to ppl and its great so if you can help at all, id really aprreciate it! thank you soo much! (link)
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First, thank you for your kind words, it's good to know my words are not lost to everyone.
When we were young, (My wife and I), we were always low on money, so you've come to the right person. This time of year, ice skating was always fun. You can do it outdoors, if you're in the right climate, or at an indoor arena. I always liked the out door rinks, half the fun is warming up together in the warming house.
Renting snowshoes can be a lot of fun, if you can find a place that's not too expensive, sledding is fun too. A lot of people don't know that you can rent ice fishing houses too, if your into fishing. That can be good fun, it gives you a lot of time to talk and just "be".
Building snow sculptures can be fun too, during a particularly cold winter one year; I built a snow person lounging in a snow lawn chair. I have attempted an ice castle by cutting the bottoms off of milk jugs and freezing water in them. A little snow and water and you can make walls of the ice bricks. I tried this several years, but both years we had sudden warm spells and I couldn't get the blocks to freeze. It takes a long time to get enough bricks frozen, so start making them early. I'd suggest naked snow angels, but you've only been together for six months, LOL.
I'm not sure what level your relationship is at, but some of the state parks around here have small cabins that you can rent and stay at for some winter camping. They have heaters, beds and I don't think they cost that much. Rent some snow shoes, or cross country skies, if you are really physical people, that could be a wonderful week-end.
If you are in a warmer climate, I'm not really sure I can help you much, I've lived in the frozen north all my life. If you would care to drop me an email with some more detail about your surroundings and the two of you, I may be able to help some more. I know romance is always a plus when trying to make memories, but you would be amazed at what you consider romantic as time goes on. What has always meant the most to me is, the secrets. When my only trusts me with something she has never trusted anyone with, it means the world to me. Take your boy friend somewhere and let him in, even if it's just in his mind. Take from your childhood and tell him of a secret crush, or something embarrassing that happened to you. Take care of the degree though, don't tell him something too deep, but remember, vulnerability, reveals character in the other party, as well as, exposes our capacity to love another.
I hope I helped, be well, please write me if you care to.
In addition:
I'll give you an interesting idea: some years back I decided to make a quilt, yeah, I know, I'm a man, but, I'm a creative man. I wanted to make use of some old clothes we had around, namely, pairs of pants. I took all the worn out pairs of pants from my whole family and cut the legs off, then cut the seem as well. I sewed them all together, then put a backing and border around them. I put some batting inside, sewed an old bed cover to the back and pockets was born.
I'm not suggesting that you go to this length, but if you have an old pair of pants around, cut the legs off or even use a pair of shorts. Frame them in some cloth and figure out a way to hang them, either as a wall hanging, or perhaps on the back of a door. As you spend this Christmas together, pick up little things, anything, such as a rock, anything that symbolizes the things you did together and put them in the pockets. For the back pocket, get a small note pad and write a small journal, include the things you two did. I have something I started last Christmas I call UPV boxes. That stands for Unique, Precious and Valuable. I asked that my family members put things in there that made them feel unique precious and valuable and share that with someone this coming Christmas. Do that for your guy, write about what makes you feel this way and those things that reminded you of how UPV you are. Tell him of the things that make him UPV and add small reminders of this that he can hold in his hand while you are apart, besides, this way, he can always get in your pants, lol.
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my best friend didnt invite her 1 week boyfriend to a 4th of july party. he was very upset and to this day bugs her about it because he hasnt met all of her friends yet.
my point is that he wasnt allowed over because the owner of the house only wanted people that we knew well enough their out of respect. he keep sbugging her and she didnt know he wasnt allowed but how do I tell him that so he stops fighting with her about it. (link)
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Directly. That is always best when dealing with guys, never hint, never beat around the bush and expect him to get it, odds are he won't.
As a side note, I am not a believer in getting between a boy friend and girl friend, it rarely fairs well for the person that does it. That said, I would still find it hard not to say to her how much of a "sissy boy", she has gotten involved with. Come on, they were a week old, get over it ya wuss. There is such a thing as being sensitive, but he might need to have his testosterone level checked.
I hope this did not offend you young friend, but someone needs to remind him that he is in training to be a man, not a woman.
Be well dear spirit, it is good you have concern for your friend, but be careful, friendships are lost for less, everyday.
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Ok i don't know what is wrong with me. But over the past 2 years i find myself cutting down on -or limiting- the types and amount of books and movies i read and watch. I am even starting to lock my self home because i can't stand the fact that i can't do what people are doing (people i don't know like renowned anthropologist or astronauts or so on...) I mean now i only read my text books or watch documentaries or "informative" shows that i could analyzed or extract meaning or a moral out of it without having to endure through the backdrop love story or adventure.... to elaborate...
my cousin begged me to go see twilight with her this past weekend. so being nice i went. I never read the book (for the reasons i stated) and have no prior attachments or knowledge of the story beforehand. after watching it i felt ok... it was an ok movie... a couple hours later... boom i knewwww i shouldn't have gone!!! i can't stop dreaming of it and i can't help feel bad (to the extent of serious depression sessions... as in can't get out of bed can't study can't shower let alone go out depressed!) i start wishing i had what was depicted like powers or such strong love...usually the imaginary or the idealized (nothing that relates to real life in anyway!) the problem it's not just twilight! it's anything i read or see!! even my safety net movies like documentaries and biology or philosophy or whatever books! granted i get a milder sort of emotional overthrow but it's still there... the other day i was watching something about famine and poverty and so on in africa and i got into this trance the whole day wishing i could be there or explore their world or be born an African to experience that... i don't think it is necessarily humanitarian empathy... i guess it stems from selfish roots.... like envy... (i am probably so green, that there are no green pigments for the rest of the world to reflect!!!!)
i know this sounds ridiculous and i sound like i am pmsing but i wouldn't be writing this if it weren't having such a terrible effect on my life!!
i've spoken to my mum and family doctor and they are convinced it is nothing (the doctor just laughed and said it's in my head and that he would "give [me] the birth control pills without all that") and laugh every time i try to explain... i feel really embarrassed but i don't know if it's just me or if there is something wrong with me!!! i feel i am missing out on so many things! including all the best sellers and box office hits :(
please help! (link)
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Edit,
Not all of our inner-search is about your God my dear. It is about finding truth, truth in the world, truth in yourself and even the truth in me. God is only where we start, where we end is not seen. Faith is as much a knowledge as a belief and faith in oneself is hard to find.
Like all of us, you are here for a reason. You have many who count on you, including oh so many you do not know. You may believe that life has let you down, only to find out it is you who are letting life down. You have and will have many people who you will touch, including a soul mate that awaits you to become the soul mate he needs you to be.
We so often fret over not having a boy friend, or girl friend, only to find out that while you were fretting, he/she was waiting. Waiting for us to become the one he/she could love. Don't be afraid of the challenge you put forth upon yourself. You are reacting to your situation, instead of acting upon it. Do you see yourself as a victim of life, or do you live your life?
Your sole mate is not in your TV, or in your living room, he is out here somewhere, in life. Don't take life so seriously that you forget to live it. Save time for yourself, but don't forget to give the rest of us some too. Get out of the city as soon as you can, spend a day in the world, the forest, the desert, hear the music of life. Have you ever just sat amongst the dandelions and watched the bees fly from flower to flower?
Don't be afraid to drop me an e-mail.
Original post;
There is so much pertinent information you leave out here that I should not even address this, but I'm going to. I don't know your age, or religious leanings, what is going on in your life etc.... My stab in the dark here would be, you are avoiding. There are things that you need to think about and you are not.
You are keeping your mind busy on other things to the point of obsession. Although, I go through something similar to this at different times of the year. Most of the time, I do not listen to older rock and roll any more, because I don't know when this will start happening again. I get songs stuck in my head for days on end. I will wake up, whether it is morning, or the middle of the night and the song will be playing in my head. I have gone for as much as three to four days with the same song running through my head.
The fact that you seem to be craving real input, suggests to me that you feel empty in someway and would ask you if it may be your faith. Are you questioning something you have been taught, or need something you have not been taught. I can't help but get the feeling of an emptiness in you from your writing.
"Life is a challenge, set down by God, to catch up to him." Knowledge, love, wisdom, curiosity, science and much more, are all apart of life and God. My knowledge is only touched on in my column, but it's a good place to start if you would like. I would enjoy a rigorous intellectual conversation from someone who so obviously has a brain, if you would care to write me.
Be well good spirit.
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Im nineteen female. Two partners. Im going to take a test to make sure im clean. I dnt knw what to expect. Can you help? (link)
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Off the top of my head, I can not think of anything that they would test for that is beyond the taking and testing of blood, or urine. They may want to do a pap test, but I'm not sure why they would, you should still be prepared for it.
I am assuming by clean you are talking no STD's etc..., if you've read my stuff at all, you know I often get into trouble assuming that people actually understand what the words they are using mean. I also wonder why you come to me for this question, mind you it does not bother me, but from my writings, I can not believe you would consider me a good person to ask about a situation involving an "alternative" life style.
The fact you mention that you have two partners, when this is completely irrelevant to the question, speaks to me. I'm not sure if you're baiting me, or if you are questioning your life style. I hate to tell you this, but I have no prejudice toward any lifestyle, if all concerned are fully informed and fully in agreement.
If you are questioning this lifestyle, I would be happy to discus this with you, If, however, this was not a Freudian slip and just unneeded info, I wish you well.
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18 female.
i'll admit, i think i'm a pretty girl. i do have confidence when it comes to guys because i've been told so many guys that i'm gorgeous and any guy would be lucky to have me but i'm still a virgin. i'm not ashamed of it, i love the reaction guys get when they hear this because they think it's impossible. the bad thing is, i am always horny. i have never actually went out with a guy before maybe it is because you could say im a "prude" the farthest i've gotten was making out and well the usual butt and boob touching. gotten a hickey but thats all. i always have the urge to do things with guys but i can't let myself do it for some reason. i'm scared, i'll admit that and i feel like i'm always just going to get used by guys. i feel like if i do something i'll get attached to them, and i'll really start liking them and they will just want to hook up, with no strings attached which will hurt me in the end. no guy has ever asked me out, well because i'm picky. i know tons of guys who have liked me and i flirt with them but i feel nothing beyond being friends with most of them and then they move on. i want this guy, who is unavailable and the bad thing is i can only see myself doing anything with him. he knows i like him, i have feelings for him but he won't break up with his girlfriend. also the guys i do like, they try to do things with me and i back off. like i get scared when guys want to kiss me, or make out with me or even go beyond that. i know i'm not ready for sex but how can i overcome doing something physical with a guy? (link)
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It is so good to read your letter, two of the most important things in life is to know what you want and what you don't want. Continue being picky and find the one for you. Always be skeptical about guys until they prove you wrong. You know that applies to women too, always suspect motive in everyone. Make the right guy win you over, all women should consider themselves a prise to be won over, because you all are. You are diamonds that will always sparkle when treated right. Sorry if that sounds sexist, or demeaning, it's just the truth.
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15/f
i went out with this kid last year for about 2 months. i broke up with for no specific reason, i just didn't feel a connection. now were really close friends, and we hang out a lot and alone sometimes. we started hooking up when we hung out.. and we agreed were just friends with benefits. he fingered me last weekend, and i had no problem with that.. but i know he likes me and that i don't feel the same way, and he understands that. is it wrong of me to fool around with him as friends if he still has feelings for me? (link)
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Edit;
If you want more then a yes or a no, then maybe you should ask more then a yes or no question. But really, do you need more then yes or no? You're playing with this guys affections, if this were a guy doing this to a girl, there would be no question here at all, would there? If you felt you were doing the right thing, you would not be asking.
Giving ratings based on not giving explanations when you don't ask for them is wrong, how would you feel in school if your teacher graded you on a true or false question, by whether you explained your answer when she didn't ask you too.
Original response;
Yes
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i am with a guy that i am completely in love with and he is in love with me.we are going to have sex for the first time and i want to know what to exspect. does it and will it feel good the first time? will i be okay if i use the condom properly?
if it hurts what will make it hurt less.
(link)
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Condoms are not as effective as people count on them to be, they are suppose to be used along with something else from the female. You should both be on birth control of some type, or be willing to risk pregnancy. You are going into something that could dramatically change your lives. Would it hurt either of you to stop for a moment and learn about what you are going to do, instead of going in blind?
Your first time is what it is, you never know what it will be like, you want it to be something special, take the time to read everything you can get your hands on, both of you. If you are taking the time to plan your first time, plan it all, don't just say, here's the rubber, lets go.
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when getting fingered are there certain things that a guy should NOT do. are there any dangers that i should be aware of? (link)
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Two words, Finger Nails.
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15/f
Okay, me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a month and a half. He hasn't ever been over to my house before, i have been to his once. Well at first i was really nervous about him coming over and when i finally get the courage to ask him over, my mom tells me that when he comes over, i have to leave the door to my room open. This sucks. I'm not a whore at all and would not even think about doing "anything." My mom knows this too. She just wants to be sure. Anyways, i was planning on watching a movie in my room but i cant do that now because i have an two brothers, my step dad and my mom and if i leave the door open, you can see in my room from the kitchen (where everyone usually is) or the living room. I just can't have this. I don't liked to watched and it just adds to the pressure in the first place. What should i do? Thanks! (link)
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Edit;
Oh, I see all you were looking for was a way to manipulate your parents, you didn't want to understand why they were doing it. Why I waste my time with 15 year old spoiled little girls I don't know. Say, next time you write, start off with 15/F/S/L/D, 15/Spoiled/Little/Debutant, I won't bother giving you any advice.
Original Advice;
1. It is not you she doesn't trust, it's him. 2. It is not proper to have a boy friend in your bedroom with the door closed. This goes way back, even to the point that a lady did not close their front door even, when she had a gentlemen caller. Imagine having to leave your apartment door open to the public as long as he was there. This was to keep others from talking about you, because everyone knows what goes on behind closed doors. You having brothers should know this all too well and they are the main reason that you should keep the door open. If you don't think that they will pick on you for a closed door and even spread nasty little rumors at school if you close your door, you really don't know boys very well. Save the hassle, this is not a battle you should fight.
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what is blueballs???and what does it mean to have blueballs???.....and what is spooning??? (link)
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Blue Balls is an expression that guys use to express the fact that they haven't had sex for a great length of time. After a time there can be a general discomfort and tightness for a guy in the testicles from lack of orgasm, sometimes boarding on real pain.
Spooning is where a couple lay side by side in a way such as two spoons stack together. Both facing the same direction so one has their front against the others back. Spooning has become a more over all term for some though, having more of a sexual meaning then cuddling.
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