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My Boyfriend's Parents.
Hi! So I've been dating this guy for almost a year. And there is a big age difference between us, 8 years. But it works for us. I'm 23 and he's 31. But lately I am starting to get nervous. His older brother has a wife and his parents are completly in love with her. They adore her. But I don't feel like they feel that way about me. They treat us differently. His family is very conservative and proper and I am a huge kid at heart. I get offended over it. When i ask him about it he just says they love me of course but I know he sees it too and is just ignoring it. I'm really offended. Should I walk away even though I love him or what should I do?
Thanks in advanced (:
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Razhie's answer is a good one and I support her answer fully. The difference in your ages is just a number it has no real meaning unless you want it to.
My in laws had a five year difference in ages with my mother in-law being the older partner. Back then that was a big no-no. Today a women being older than the man she is looked at much differently and if there is a large difference in at 15 to 20 years she is considered a Cougar and smiled at.
There is only one thing that truly matters in this relationship and that is whether or not you to are truly in love with each other. What other people think; be it his parent, your parent or either of your friends. Has no meaning to your relationship and future together.
Just because his parents treat you differently then his sister in-law is no reason to walk away from a good relationship. It's like throwing the baby out with the bath water you don't do it.
If you two decide to marry his parents attitude will change for you will be his wife not his girlfriend or housemate. The difference is if he chooses to marry you it is because you make him happy and as a parent that is what we want for our children. We want them to be happy and have a good life. If you bring this to him then that is what counts and they will change; you will not have too.
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My dear girl, after the age of 18, age no longer matters, but let me tell you what does. You would thing I would say love, wouldn't you? It's not love, it's like. Now you have to like yourself and you have to like your partner, that is a must for you to have a forever relationship, but you don't have to like, or be liked by anyone else. Extended family doesn't matter anymore, the man you are going to make your family with does. It's a plus when you can build other relationships full of like, but sometimes you have to settle for just love. Your in-laws will and probably love you now, but in some of them, you probably sense that they don't like you much and that's okay, not everyone is going to like you in your life. I have been married for almost 35 years and I'm still not liked by most of my in-laws, but I know they love me for mainly one reason. I have given my wife a fairly happy life, at least of that which is under my control. Most families are happy with that, because loving someone means you wish them to be happy. Like who you are and like who your partner is. Allow him to be who he is and expect no less from him. Don't change yourself for anyone, love does not demand such things and if anyone does not like you for who you are, they are not worth your time. Be well dear one.
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You would seriously throw away a loving relationship because you think his parents don't like you as much as they like his brother's wife?
I'm sorry to say it, but that is a really, really immature perspective.
First off: She's the wife. That means she's been around years longer than you. His parents will naturally know her better, and likely be more at ease with her. You've only been around for less than a year. That might feel like a long time to you, but it really isn't that long at all.
Secondly: For many parents there is a clear difference between being a girlfriend and being a wife. A girlfriend is a guest, a wife is family. You are treated differently because, in their eyes, you fill very different roles and have different responsibilities. This can be a good thing. There are things you can say and do, and demand as a girlfriend/guest that you can't do as a wife/family.
Finally: Loving someone, even a family member, doesn't mean you like everyone the same amount, or that you all get alone. I have seven siblings. I love them all. I do not like them all the same amount. There are ones I enjoy having a drink with, and there are ones I enjoy only seeing a few times a year in large groups. Maybe his parents really do enjoy her company more than they do hers. That might be hurtful, but so long as they are polite and friendly to you, there is no reason to make an issue of it. That's just human nature, and it'll only make you more upset if you don't accept it.
Finally, I do have some empathy with your situation: I live with my boyfriend of three years and he is 9 years older than me. It did take a long time for his parents to warm up to me, and that probably did have something to do with the age difference. Your being younger might make it more difficult for his parents to relate to you. That doesn't mean they don't like you. It just means they don't 'get' you as easily as they do an older person.
Seriously: Get the hell over this. It shocks me you'd consider ending a good relationship because you are comparing yourself to his brother's wife. That is really unreasonable, and the only one you'll end up hurting is yourself.
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My answer may sound offensive but I apologize in advance as I am just trying to be honest.
You are 8 years apart in age. It is possible his parents do not take your relationship seriously. Ayear is not that long to be dating someone. It is also possible they do not see you as a grown adult. I know this sounds harsh but these are also possibilities. If you want them to become more accepting then i would be polite and respectful towards them and in time hope they come around.
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