I have survived wars, break-ups, high school and university.
I am here for you.
Website: Dear You
Gender: Female
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Occupation: Grad student
Age: 21
Member Since: January 5, 2011
Answers: 65
Last Update: July 3, 2011
Visitors: 6699
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Well I'm going to America in March and obviously need a Visa. I'm going to apply for a Tourist visa, but I don't know how much it costs. Does anyone know? I'm from Australia by the way so I don't know if the prices on the Australian government website are for visas COMING to australia or for GOING to another country :s And how long before leaving do I have to apply(how long does it take to recieve it?) My plane is booked for March 9..
I've never travelled overseas before so that explains my clueless mind XD (link)
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Hey,
This may help: http://travel.state.gov/visa/temp/types/types_1263.html#temp
The rules are different for each type of visa, I suggest you call the Consulate and ask your questions there. I applied to one last summer, for a student visa. All I know is that I booked an appointment online, paid the fee online, printed all the paperwork and took them with me to the Consulate in my country and it all started from there. Be ready for questions, even things like "What were you doing in Syria when you were 2?" I'm surprised there isn't much info on websites, but try giving the Consulate a call, ask what you need to do before you apply, etc. It's the safest way for you to find out to make sure you're not missing anything. And once you get the visa - start meditating. Going to the States will be a bumpy ride and I highly recommend having Washington as your main entry point and not JFK New York. Best of luck and have a safe trip! Let me know if you need anything else.
K
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i've had my period for 4 years now, (i'm 18), and i've had about 4 extremely bad periods. i don't even know how to explain it. its like someone put my uterus in a blender and put it on the highest notch. i can't walk, i can't talk, i can't eat, i'm throwing up, i can't sleep, the pain is intolerable, and all i can manage to do is writhe on my bathroom floor and scream as if i'm in labor. but like i said, that's only happened 4 times since i started, at least that i can remember. well, my last period was on december 11th and it was one of the bad ones. a friend was over and my mom had to take her home at 7 in the morning. i didn't want her to hear me screaming.
and now i'm supposed to be starting my period this weekend and i'm fucking terrified. i don't know if i can handle another period like that. and soon i'm going to be graduating highschool and getting a job and such and how am i supposed to keep a job if i have to miss a day because my periods are that horrible? is there anything i can do? (link)
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Hey,
I've been like you since I was 11 and now I'm 21, but I get the pain and vomiting and screaming every other period. Now, I've always been told to go and get an ultrasound done, 'cause that usually answers a lot of questions. I still haven't seen one, but that's another story, haha. Get an appointment and get yourself checked. Have you tried taking painkillers for it? Not necessary prescribed stuff, off the counter pills like Midol work for me. I am in love with Midol right now, it does make a difference but see a doctor before taking anything and read everything about that pill before taking it. Best of luck, keep warm. I hope your next period isn't one of those excruciating ones.
K
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20-f
I recently just started talking to this guy ...well about 2 months ago. He is very nice, respectful and genuine but one thing that I can't get over is every time I see him he has bad breath :( I hate getting close to him or even cuddling with him because of his breath it makes me want to gag, sometimes I hold my breath so I don't have to smell it...it's so sad. He wanted to make out with me and I was freaking out because he had bad breath. We started making out and I was chewing gum and he was like "can I have your gum?" so while we were making out he ended up getting my gum that was in my mouth and oh my gosh did it smell so much better then! I don't know what to do though! I can't tell him he has bad breath, and I feel like if I offer him gum everytime he will get the hint but what if he doesn't want the gum? I don't know what to do! And I know he chews smokeless tobacco. He hasn't done it around me but I'm pretty sure he does before he sees me. I don't know if this could make his breath smell bad.
Any ideas of what I could do? Thanks! (link)
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Hey,
I've always wondered about what I'd do if I were in that situation and I have an answer! I haven't had to do it myself though. Tell him you want to go to the dentist -- but you're too afraid to go on your own, and if he'd go with you and get checked up as well. The bad breath may be a result from not flossing well, not brushing well, and can be some sort of dental problem. The dentist will check him, will *hopefully* prescribe a mouthwash or this and that and voila! It makes me think though, maybe there is something wrong with his gums/teeth. Hmm. Best of luck!
K
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So, my birthday is coming up soon and I know my mom's going to start asking me what I want for a present. I was thinking maybe a new computer, because I already have a laptop and it kind of gets glitchy a lot because it's a couple of years old. I was looking at my dad's computer, which is one of those newer ones that are really small, because in a year when I go off to college, I'd like something that wouldn't take up a lot of space. I don't really know a lot about computers though :/ Any good brand names I should look at? I just want it to be reliable, fast, and for it to be able to play some games like Sims without glitching up. So, if any of you know a lot about computers, any advice you can give me? I know the people at the store are supposed to help you but I'm always paranoid that they're just showing you the expensive stuff so they can make more money :b anyways, thanks for any advice! :) (link)
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Hey,
Anything Apple! http://www.apple.com/
K
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Ive been wanting to commit suicide for the last 3 years, i think ive not done it yet because of fear. Im 23 i live with my parents, my 2 brothers and sister. My family are nice to me, ive been trying to tell my mum about my situation, all she says is dont do it u will go to hell. I dont get love from my family the way my sister and btothers do. im a very shy guy, i struggle to make friends, ima student at uni, i just hate going there. ive told my family i dont want to study and i will get a job somewhere, but they are forcing me to study! Ima muslim my parents want me to have an arrange marriage with my 1st cousin, which i find disgusting because ive always treated her like my sister, ive got a feeling i might have to marry her because i will get emotionally blackmailed. for the past 6 months ive been constantly getting headaches, i get chest pains, i know that im not wanted, i need to take big deep breathes all the time and i jus want to kill myself. i can leave my family, but i dnt want to do that because they raised me.
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME? (link)
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Hey,
Your family is telling you about the hell thing because it is the only weapon they have. I'm not sure how religious you are, but I'm guessing they're trying to *scare* you. You say you're in uni - maybe consider transferring to another uni in another country and work at the same time? If you want, get in touch with me. I've lived around the world, I may be able to give you a few tips that will be more specific. *hug*
K
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I'm a freshmen and I lost my virginity in the spring of 2010 to my boyfriend. Things got rough when he broke up with me and I found out he had been cheating. I went to this summer high school party and things got a little crazy even though I wasn't drinking. I ended up having sex with a bunch of the guys there. It was really, really bad. I got pregnant, panicked and told like all of my friends, and then ended up having a miscarriage (not abortion like some rumors going around say). So like everybody knew what went on since a lot of people were at the party and then I opened my big mouth about me getting pregnant.
This year everybody calls me a slut, but I swear I'm not really. I was just hurt, I guess. It hurts because right before winter vacation a senior asked me to prom and I accepted and was happy at first but then he was all saying how he doesn't want to knock me up and I figured out that's the whole reason (sex) why he wanted to go with me so I had to tell him no to going.
I confronted one girl who was ALWAYS picking on me and calling me slut and whore. We had this fight but I feel terrible because at one point she asked me how many guys I've had sex with and my number is kinda big for my age and I didn't know more than half the guys that did it with me. It only makes things worse for me because I keep thinking of what I did and how it was pretty bad.
I don't want to be slutty. I haven't had sex with ANYBODY since summer. How do I get people to forget about the summer thing and just move on with things? I don't want to be THE slut of the school because of 1 thing I did. (link)
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Hey,
They know about your weak point and they're enjoying pushing your buttons. They want you to react, it's their intention. Just think about it - will this matter 5 years from now? Kill them with kindness, high school is only temporary anyway. Them calling you a slut does not make you a slut. No one knows the whole story but you, why bother with them? Chin up, you're awesome.
K
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Do they teach people how to spell anymore? My time on this site shows me that they stopped. Alternatively, are gorilla-finger sized people using this site? I'm quite curious. (link)
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Hey,
I know one thing - they're definitely not "failling" schools with a double "L".
K
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And before I start, I don't want any negative judgements for my decision.
19/female from Australia. Been dating my online boyfriend for 9 months, he's American. He's coming here in Feb 2011 for 5 weeks. Since the distance has had its toll on us already we both decided we don't want to be apart again. He says when he gets here we'll get married and I'll go back with him to the U.S, but me being someone who likes to go by most rules, I don't want to screw around with the system. I don't want to marry him and find out It was illegal for us to do so and then ruin my chance at being with him. I want to do this right way.
I've looked on the USCIS site at different visas, and I'm not sure which one I qualify for, the fiance one would be nice, but I don't know/think I could apply for that since this will be the first time meeting physically and only known each other for 9 months. We haven't decided yet where we want to live, but he said he can definitely take care of me in the U.S and to be honest, it would be great to get away from Australia for a while, and my family. I love this man. I know that, I don't need anyone telling me I'm too young, I'm old enough to decide who I want to be with and where I want to go in life and Dad knows I've always wanted to travel, but once he finds out my plan he will try to stop me since he's the type of guy who likes to have power, but I'm not letting him shield me from the world.
So what I need to know is how to exactly do this. Not so much easy way because there's no such thing but the EASIEST way is what I'm looking for. Also, does him being in the Marines for 5 years then the U.S Army for the past 3 years count for anything at all? Will it make a difference? And is there ANY possibility that we won't have to be apart again for more than like 1 month? at most 2...
I would greatly appreciate if someone could help me out without making harsh judgement... (link)
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Hey,
How about you meet him first, then apply to college in the U.S. in the area he lives, that way you can get a student visa and have permission to stay in the country till your studies are over. By that time, you would have gotten used to his physical presence, etc. etc. and the marriage thing is quite complicated - there will be a "test". Watch "Green Card", the movie. It may help answer some things. Best of luck, 19/f!
K
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I am taking a trip soon that will be about 12 hours on the road. There will be LOTS of driving breaks. I'm really excited but I want to have some music lined up that will really keep me in the mood for long distance driving. So, does anyone have some driving music suggestions that reminds them of being on the road, open and free? ANY style goes as long as it's road tunes! ;) Thanks (link)
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Hey,
Road trips are fun! I made love to Google, and I have the following, just for you! There are tons of awesome ones on this list (maybe a few repetitions - sorry!) but I hope you find songs you like.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Best-Road-Trip-Songs-Playlist
http://thejetpacker.com/the-ultimate-road-trip-playlist-50-best-road-trip-songs/
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2844132/the_top_ten_road_trip_songs_that_you.html?cat=16
http://www.rateitall.com/t-1381-best-roadtrip-songs-driving-music.aspx
http://www.planning-fun-road-trips.com/best-road-trip-songs.html
http://www.chicagotribune.com/travel/ct-top-road-trip-songs-pg,0,3033275.photogallery
http://www.wired.com/autopia/2010/12/the-10-best-road-trip-songs-selected-by-you/
http://www.theboot.com/2010/07/20/road-trip-songs/
http://blog.telenav.com/blog/2010/03/your-best-road-trip-songs-of-all-time/
Have a safe trip and a wonderful time!
K
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im 18/f hes 19/m
ok so i sort of have this thing for a guy, he's the lead singer of a local band, in which two of their shows i have attended. both times however the lead singer was taken and i was to shy to approach him. We've been talking over the net and what not for almost a year now, even though we haven't met each other properly. He is so much like me it scares me. I used to talk to him heaps even when he had a girlfriend (not overstepping my boundaries of course) and one night, he told me everything that no one else even knew about him. Thats the moment i started really falling for him. anyway i tried to forget these feelings due to him already having a girlfriend. Conveniently enough for me, him and his girlfriend broke up two days after our big chat. I was there for him, even just as a friend, during his messy break up. I knew that if i was there for him, it would potentially work in my favour, maybe even give him an idea.
So that was a couple of months ago, since then he has become best friends with this other girl. i was getting extremely jealous until he assured me that she means a lot to him as a best friend. So i quickly forgot about it.
I tried my best to deny these feelings... but everything almost felt like a sign with him... i mean his gf and him conveniently breaking up when we get really close. I always told myself i wanted to find the boy version of myself. I believe he is it. Another random thing that i cant get over, is that when i was little i was absolutely obsessed with dinosaurs, mum and dad recorded a video of me when i was three running around the backyard pretending to be a raptor, with a plant down my pants as a tail. I told the guy this very embarrassing story, only for him to be in shock. turns out his parents have a video of him when he was three running around the backyard pretending to be a raptor with a plant down his pants. what are the odds?
Just little stuff like that, so much stuff in common that its to hard to question 'what if'... Anyways, i messaged him the other night this is what we said.
me- hey whens your next gig lovely? so i can finally meet you properly :)' him- "FINNAAALLYYYY =]"
me: 'i wish i had of stayed to meet you at your last two shows haha. i dont know why i didnt! im such a doosh :)" him: " =] ♥" me: 'oh btw, expect big tackle hugs :)" Him: haha okies =] from you...=]"
the last couple of nights i spent getting confused over the 'from you...=]' part haha. everyone that i asked that wasn't getting confused over it was telling me that it means he likes me, if he only wants tackle hugs from me etc etc. Anyways, i logged on to Face book to notice he updated his status saying 'thank you for everything, i'm feeling so much better. you know who you are ♥"
this post made me really nervous, because i know its not about me...it could be about his bestie but even then i still feel like he's more interested in her... i just don't know whether to give up or whether i continue to hope that perhaps he feels the same as me. any advice appreciated! (link)
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Hey,
I say go for it. You *feel* like he's interested in her, yet he hasn't *told* you that and how can you be so sure that his status isn't about you? =) Go with the flow, be yourself, give him those hugs you promised. Have fun and best of luck =).
Note: Love the raptor story
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what is the most painless way to die without anyone knowing it was suicide?
i have been having a headache for more than a year now, i can't fully express my emotions, i feel no joy in my life it's just boring and useless, lots of people give me attention that annoys me, i have been having no dreams and everytime i sleep its just darkness for the entire time, i have already tried starving myself but it didn't work, i feel like i'm one step away from death but i want to take the next step, i can't control my face expressions every day people see my face they think i'm happy, but i'm not just want to die, i don't like my name no name seems to fit me, i have been holding in anger for years but have no clue where its coming from, i have given good advice to people of why not to kill their self even though i don't have a reason for myself, i barely ever know what i'm thinking about, all i know is my mind has been thinking about what way i should die, i may smile at people but its because thats my way of saying goodbye right now, i have done many things in my past that may seem fun but to me its just a tease, i feel like life is just a routine, i hope today or soon i could just fall asleep and never wake up, i don't even think i want a funeral for me cause i don't want anyone to feel sad after i die, sometimes i do things then later forget i ever did them, everytime someone tells me something i may be listening but its like my mind is pushing the words out the other ear without my control, thanks for reading this and please tell me the most painless way to kill myself (link)
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Hey,
Are you listening to yourself? You need a strong WAKE UP CALL and someone to talk to. Someone real. I strongly suggest you get offline and find someone to talk to. Just vent and ask them to listen. No one here will tell you what's the most painless way to kill yourself (unless they need help themselves.) I'm here if you want to talk, message me and we can arrange some online chat thing if you're up for it.
K
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A few days ago I had a dream that my mom died.
And now i'm really scared, because I have a feeling something really bad is going to happen. But it's just a dream, right? I honestly don't know why i'm so scared, but I am.
What do dreams of death mean? (link)
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Hey,
Google found this!
Mother
To see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection. Some people may have problems freeing themselves from their mothers and are thus seeking their own individuality and development.
To dream that you are having a conversation with your mother, denotes a matter that has preoccupied your mind and you are not sure how to deal with it in your waking life. It indicates unresolved problems that need to be worked out with your mother.
To hear your mother call you in our dream, suggests that you have been negligent in your duties and responsibilities. You are pursuing down the wrong path.
Death
To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what you like about them. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, the dream indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life anymore. In particular, to dream about the death of your parents, indicates that you are undergoing a significant change in your waking life. Your relationship with your parents has evolved into a new realm.
To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life.
To dream that you are faking your own death, suggests that you are looking for a new start. You need some change in your life.
Sleep well!
K
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I went to this past on New Years and was having a good time. This cute guy was talking to me and we were flirting. At one point we were making out and he kept pushing me for more. I kept telling him no and that I just wanted to have a good time, no sex involved. I don't know where things went wrong. All of a sudden I found myself agreeing to give him a blow job. Everything was moving so fast and by the end of it, I felt horrible. It's not what I really wanted to happen. I mean, he was nice and everything but that wasn't me, who I am as a person.
Now I feel really guilty and depressed over it. I don't even know the guy's last name. He was practically just a stranger who was being nice to me at a party. I can't believe I did that with him. How do I get over this and feel not so bad about myself? It was a mistake. (link)
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Hey,
You just acknowledged that you were wrong, you know your mistake and hopefully, you won't let it happen again. I believe the most difficult step is over. The girl at the party *was* you, and you left her right there. This is you now - ready to move on. Focus on the things that make you who you are. It's not easy for everyone to hear "give it time", and words are just words sometimes. But in time, you'll look back at that night and have a good laugh. It's a new year, new goals. Don't be so hard on yourself - sometimes the best way to learn is to make mistakes. Now go and do something you're so passionate about and brag about it! =) Feel better.
K
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okay, this is gonna be a long story, but please help me out.
i'm 16/f, and i have a boyfriend of 7 months. however, there's this boy. let's call him trevor. trevor is one of my close friends, and i used to like him, A LOT. for about two years, all i cared about was him. he does little things like rub my back and put his hand on my leg when we're together now, and it drives me insane. i cared so much about him for 2 whole years, but he never seemed to notice. now that i have a boyfriend, he gives me all the attention in the world. he texts me first, he tells me he loves me (in a friend kind of way), he gave me his sweatshirt to wear and keep. we have such a long history of this kind of stuff, it seems like it's all coming to the surface now. i never had any closure with him. i feel like in order to get over him completely, i have to kiss him. ya know, get it out of my system so i can focus completely on my boyfriend. has anyone ever been in this situation before? if so, how did it end up working out? ahh! (link)
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Hey,
I agree with what's been said so far - one kiss will not help you get over him, trust me. On the contrary, one kiss will lead to two, which will lead to three, which will -- you get my drift. You have to make a decision: Trevor or boyfriend, as you can't have both and you can't keep giving Trevor false hopes. Plus, how sure are you of Trevor still being the Trevor you're experiencing now when you leave your current boo to be with him? How would you feel if your current boyfriend left you for a friend of his? Step out of the frame and look at the situation from another view. There can be no such thing as "focusing" on a boyfriend - he's not a duty, not an exam, not a chore. However, you can focus on loyalty and love. Best of luck.
K
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heey so i just had my period .. i think it was brownish color, will it go to red soon? like blood? (link)
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Hey,
Expect many shades of red during your period. You're fine. =)
K
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I have really straight hair that is fine and thin. I take care of it but I wish I had curls. I totally love curly hair. I was thinking about getting a perm one day but my friend said that my hair would break off since it's so fine and that I'd be better off just leaving it the way it is. My hair pretty hard to curl since it's so straight and I also wonder if the perm wouldn't hold because of that?
Anyway, is it possible for a person with fine, thin hair to get a perm or will it damage it too much and break it all off or burn it?
Thanks. (link)
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Hey,
Once upon a time, I had beautiful, long, straight hair but was dissatisfied because my closest friends rocked afros. So one summer, I was in Bangkok, and decided to get a perm done. I got it done, thankfully only half the length. The lady who did it told me not to wash my hair for three days. Final result? AWESOME CURLY HAIR for about a week. Then -- frizzy hair, split ends apocalypse and hair breakage. It took me over THREE YEARS to get back to my normal hair (a LOT of haircuts and tears). It's definitely one beauty mistake I will always regret. The perm will hold the hair temporarily, but it will also kill the hair. Best of luck!
K
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Hi all, 23/f. Just wondering if anyone has any insight.
I have PTSD from my ex boyfriend physically abusing me (I left him in October 2010), and a car crash I had in 2006...but I thought that was better. The physical abuse led to whiplash just like the accident, so maybe that's where some connection is. Anyway...
I keep dreaming about two things: (my) suicide, and (my) wedding(s).
So far, these dream experiences have stuck out to me:
*I've driven my car off the side of an exit ramp into a lake, thought about opening the window (I have an old car with hand-crank windows), but chose not to and then woke up.
*I saw myself as a little girl climb onto a railing on a balcony and walk straight off. Someone checked her and proclaimed her dead. I was watching little me do this, standing in my wedding dress in a very very bright cathedral. I never saw the groom, and the wedding never actually happened. I woke up walking away.
*I was rehearsing for my wedding with my old choir from high school - we were singing in it...at some point I was sobbing and mopping the carpet somewhere, and angry, but I don't know about what. I woke up after that.
*Last night, I dreamed I was talking to my ex-before-last about my wedding. I think he was the groom. Near the end of the dream, I was crying on the phone to him, and standing in my bedroom at my parents' house (I've lived out of their house for almost six years), and I think the wedding was canceled or postponed for some reason.
Like every single night I dream about something like this. I'm so tired of it, and they so disturb me, I can't begin to tell you. I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that the ex who abused me is someone with whom I was living, and discussing marriage, but these dreams didn't start until recently...ish.
ARGH!!
Any ideas? (link)
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Hey,
Here's what I found on Google, if you really believe this stuff:
Suicide
To dream that you commit suicide, represents your desperate desire to escape from your waking life. You may be harboring feelings of guilt that you cannot get over and thus turning the aggression on yourself. You need to start approaching problems from a different angle. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are saying good-bye to one aspect of yourself and hello to a whole new you. It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage in your life.
Marriage
To dream of a marriage, signifies commitment, harmony or transitions. You are undergoing an important developmental phase in your life. The dream may also represent the unification of formerly separate or opposite aspects of yourself. In particular, it is the union of masculine or feminine aspects of yourself. Consider the qualities and characteristics of the person that you are marrying. These are the qualities that you need to look at incorporating within yourself.
To dream of a proposal of marriage, suggests that some situation will take a turn for the worse.
To dream that you are getting married to your ex, suggests that you have accepted aspects of that relationship and learned from those past mistakes. Alternatively, it means that a current relationship shares some commonality with your previous relationship with your ex. However, since you are aware of the similarities, you know not make those same mistakes.
Not sure of how helpful this was. Best of luck!
K
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Hello everyone,
I have a question about a website I am setting up. In it, I display a model that I built in Word and then converted to a jpg.
You can see it here:
http://www.knowledge-management-tools.net/knowledge-management-model.html
Now, the model displays pretty much perfectly when viewed in Internet Explorer and horribly in Firefox (the writing is very unclear).
I am at a loss. I tried all manner of resolutions, different picture formats (in fact the current incarnation may not even be a jpg - however they all display the same), converting the image in different programs, etc. No matter what, I cannot get it to display legibly in Firefox yet it always displays well in IE.
My hatred towards Microsoft products is in danger of being shattered :)
Any help is very much appreciated. (link)
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Hey,
I use Firefox, the model looked good, slightly small and when I clicked to view the larger image, it was crystal clear. This isn't really an advice - but - here's something to keep in mind:--
Images when printed: CMYK color mode, 300dpi
Images when screened: RGB color mode, 72dpi
Not really an advice, but felt like letting you know that it works with me. (Maybe it's 'cause I'm on a Mac? Don't know.)
K
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Hello well i come for advice my sister is graduating this year she wants to do something called computer mathematic engenering and she found the perfect collage its near her grand mas house its only 15 min away and my mother wants her to stay with her and to the collage that my mother wants for my sister dosnt haveer what my sister wants and my sister talked with my aunt and my aunt took her to the college she wanted to go to be able to take the tour and my aunt lives near my sisters grand mothers house and my sister dossnt know what to do ..she told me she feels like if she needs to stay with my mother but also she feels like she needs to follow her dreams .. What do you recomend my sister ?What do you belive she should do ? (link)
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Hey,
Oh wow, have I been in her shoes. I do not know what your family situation is like, but, I recommend that she goes after accomplishing her dream. Your mom may be going through the not wanting to let go phase. Trust me, she really does want what is best for your sister and soon she will see that she needs to let the little bird fly. Good luck to your sister. It's gonna be ok =).
K
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I'm a 19 year old girl and I have this problem with feeling insecure in relationships, which I know has danger of affecting my relationship with my current boyfriend whose 24. We've been dating for a month and I feel like we click, I feel rather comfortable with him, and he's just a great guy, would be a wonderful friend if we end up not working out together in a relationship. I'm just really glad that he's in my life.
I have this problem with relationships though, I'm not very confident in them. I'm just afraid of getting hurt, and I always think the worse that the person that I'm with is going to hurt me. It's not really a self confidence issue, I think I'm very attractive and I know that others find me attractive. I love meeting new people but I' just afraid of getting hurt.
I've had two guys that I considered boyfriends at the time. One of them I never really got to see, I think he just used me because he wanted a hot girl that would send him naked pictures of her body when he was in AIT, and someone else to write letters to saying sweet things that never ended up being true, he emotionally abused me and constantly dicked me around. Then in my other relationship, I knew the guy for almost 10 years and he was like a big brother to me, I always thought that he was a great guy. I shared my first time with him, and we dated for 5 months I thought that we were in love and happy, so it surprised me when he dumped me in an IM and then he proceeded to dick me around and use me for his own self interests. Basically my whole romantic history has included me being dicked around by guys, who were supposedly really into me.
I suppose that in the past, my relationships have been “shortened” because I tend to take things really fast. I've had two sexual partners before in my life, and both of them I had sex with after two weeks of dating them, which really isn't a long time. I've noticed that I'm also perceived as being kind of clingy, which I guess is true and I think that I do that because I determine how much a guy is into me by how affectionate he is to me, which really isn't true.
I'm insecure in the relationship that I'm currently in and it sucks, because I know that it bothers my current boyfriend sometimes. I mean he has done nothing along the lines to tell me that he's not interested in me except for perhaps asking me to stop doing something and letting me know that it bothered him, in a way that really wasn't that rude. I really like what I have with him, and we had a conversation where he told me that he wants to take things slow, which has to do with the fact that we've both been hurt by past relationships.
I'm currently wondering what he means by taking things slow. He's a really great guy and he makes me smile, I enjoy kissing him. And I'm glad that he likes what we have together as well. Taking things slow sounds like a good idea, how do I take things slow and get over my insecurities? Because I notice that when you stress things they just end up getting worse, and right now I'm in a good spot with him but I want to stay in this good spot and I think in order to do that I need to get over my insecurities (realize that if there's a problem in the relationship, he'll tell me) and I don't want to rush anything with him. (link)
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Hey,
Taking things slowly means he wants to make this last. Imagine that perfect ice-cream, that perfect cheesecake, that perfect dessert - can you see yourself indulging in it in slow-motion even though you're devouring it in real life? It's just like that. Do not let your past dictate your present and future. Sure, we all learn lessons, mistakes are made and we become cautious but don't let that take over. I see you more as cautious than insecure, and there needs to be a balance between comfort and caution. Being too cautious may send the wrong signal, something like "You're doing it wrong" or "I want to push you away". Being too comfortable may make you appear careless and too available, which you are not. Trust your instincts. Do you want this specific dessert to last more than two spoonfuls? If you do, take a breath, take another breath, hold his hand, and live. Best of luck =).
K
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