|
I Get Insecure In Relationships
I'm a 19 year old girl and I have this problem with feeling insecure in relationships, which I know has danger of affecting my relationship with my current boyfriend whose 24. We've been dating for a month and I feel like we click, I feel rather comfortable with him, and he's just a great guy, would be a wonderful friend if we end up not working out together in a relationship. I'm just really glad that he's in my life.
I have this problem with relationships though, I'm not very confident in them. I'm just afraid of getting hurt, and I always think the worse that the person that I'm with is going to hurt me. It's not really a self confidence issue, I think I'm very attractive and I know that others find me attractive. I love meeting new people but I' just afraid of getting hurt.
I've had two guys that I considered boyfriends at the time. One of them I never really got to see, I think he just used me because he wanted a hot girl that would send him naked pictures of her body when he was in AIT, and someone else to write letters to saying sweet things that never ended up being true, he emotionally abused me and constantly dicked me around. Then in my other relationship, I knew the guy for almost 10 years and he was like a big brother to me, I always thought that he was a great guy. I shared my first time with him, and we dated for 5 months I thought that we were in love and happy, so it surprised me when he dumped me in an IM and then he proceeded to dick me around and use me for his own self interests. Basically my whole romantic history has included me being dicked around by guys, who were supposedly really into me.
I suppose that in the past, my relationships have been “shortened” because I tend to take things really fast. I've had two sexual partners before in my life, and both of them I had sex with after two weeks of dating them, which really isn't a long time. I've noticed that I'm also perceived as being kind of clingy, which I guess is true and I think that I do that because I determine how much a guy is into me by how affectionate he is to me, which really isn't true.
I'm insecure in the relationship that I'm currently in and it sucks, because I know that it bothers my current boyfriend sometimes. I mean he has done nothing along the lines to tell me that he's not interested in me except for perhaps asking me to stop doing something and letting me know that it bothered him, in a way that really wasn't that rude. I really like what I have with him, and we had a conversation where he told me that he wants to take things slow, which has to do with the fact that we've both been hurt by past relationships.
I'm currently wondering what he means by taking things slow. He's a really great guy and he makes me smile, I enjoy kissing him. And I'm glad that he likes what we have together as well. Taking things slow sounds like a good idea, how do I take things slow and get over my insecurities? Because I notice that when you stress things they just end up getting worse, and right now I'm in a good spot with him but I want to stay in this good spot and I think in order to do that I need to get over my insecurities (realize that if there's a problem in the relationship, he'll tell me) and I don't want to rush anything with him.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hey,
Taking things slowly means he wants to make this last. Imagine that perfect ice-cream, that perfect cheesecake, that perfect dessert - can you see yourself indulging in it in slow-motion even though you're devouring it in real life? It's just like that. Do not let your past dictate your present and future. Sure, we all learn lessons, mistakes are made and we become cautious but don't let that take over. I see you more as cautious than insecure, and there needs to be a balance between comfort and caution. Being too cautious may send the wrong signal, something like "You're doing it wrong" or "I want to push you away". Being too comfortable may make you appear careless and too available, which you are not. Trust your instincts. Do you want this specific dessert to last more than two spoonfuls? If you do, take a breath, take another breath, hold his hand, and live. Best of luck =).
K
]
Taking things slow means-
Waiting about 1 month or 2 to kiss.
Waiting for sex until about a year or after marriage.
Not seeing each other so often maybe once or twice a week.
Not going on exclusive dates until you guys get more serious.
What he wants is a serious relationship. If you guys move too fast he could get un-interested in you so fast. So try those tips and see if you two can make your relationship move as slow as possible. It's the best way to not get hurt or make your insecurities worse. He's doing you a favor too.
About feeling insecure....well all girls feel like that once in a while. But you just need a confidence booster every once in a while. Just look in the mirror and say what you like about yourself and what you find attractive about your personality, and what you think shouldn't change about yourself. At least try to say 5 things you like about yourself each day. And if you get compliments from people write them down so you can remember them and feel better.
And about the guy just try to give each other some space don't rush it though you seem like a really nice girl. Hang out with your girlfriends and hang out with your boyfriend so you can have an equal balance. good luck with your relationship with him :)
]
More Questions: |