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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
my boyfriend is a total jerk. he dosnt say hi to me anymore. he hangs up on me swears at me is violent to me says he dosnt care about me nemore as much as he did says he hates seen me gets ppl to tel me hes not were he is so i dont come see him. says he hates seen me and that he dreads it says that im on the bottum of his list of prioirtys. he dumped me and said he was treating me bad so i wud break it of with him but then he wanted me back. hes grabbed my throat and said hel hit me. he tells people he dosnt want to be with me and im annoying and wishes i would dissapear. altho we hav a serious relashionshop and hav dated for about a year hes gettin himself into serious trouble and been arrested and charged and drinking every night. i love him so much and my biggest fear is that he wil cheat on me. i dont think he loves me neither do any of my friends. i just have alot of fun with him on weekends even tho he ignored me and yells at me for anything and everything i dont have the power to break it off PLEASE HELP ME IM DESPEREATE iv talked to him about it so many times and he gets mad and tells me to fuck off!
The Answer
Your biggest fear is that he will cheat on you?
My biggest fear is that he will kill you!
He has stuck you, repeatedly! He has spoken to you violently, wished violence on you and basically told you over and over again that he not only doesn't like you, he loathes you so deeply that he wants to cause you pain!
I'm glad you aren't so dense as to believe that that is the way a man who loves you would actually behave but I'm baffled as to why you want to say anything else to him!
He doesn't want, or deserve, your sympathy or help. Once a person puts you at risk, and he has put you at risk, you no longer have any reason to try and talk sense into him. He won’t hear it from you. You are less then nothing to him. He probably won’t hear it from anyone else either.
Get away from this guy before he lands you in the hospital or worse. Don’t take his calls, don’t open the door for him, and don’t answer his e-mails. Change you phone number, change you locks, contact a women's counseling centre to help you work through the pain of loosing him but know that you MUST loose him. This is not going to get any better, and when it gets worse you better hope you aren’t around.
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The Question
I dont know if this is normal or not..
but like it seems like one of the sides is longer and sticks out further than one side..
i dont know if thast normal.
it almost looks like its coming out from the middle.. but its not. its jsut weird.
The Answer
Totally normal natural variation. Don't give it another thought.
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The Question
Do you think it's a big deal for an 18 year old girl to go out with a 26 year old guy? Is that too much of an age difference?
The Answer
Yes, I think it's too much of an age difference.
The law says it's okay, but common sense should tell you this: that guy is eight years older then you, that means he has lived eight more years on this planet then you have, has more experience to draw from and vastly different needs and expectations then you do.
Could you imagine yourself dating a 10 year old? Probably not. What on earth would you talk about? What would you do together? Although physically you probably feel more similar to a 26 year old then a 10 year old, the fact remains that people change a gigantic amount between their teens and their mid twenties, it might not be as visible as puberty, but it is happening. All your values, interest and expectations evolve and shift. Trust me on that, I’m watching it happen to myself and others right now.
Proceed with caution. It's not that you can't make it work, just that such an arrangement will probably end up being more confusing and more trouble then it is worth. You just aren't at the same place in life, and you can't be.
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The Question
I'm gonna try to make this a s short as possible. My man and I have been together two years and we have a 7 month old son together. Our relationship has been very rocky pretty much the whole time but we can't seem to get enough of each other. We have destroyed each others property, said tons of hurtful things to one another, and I even had him put in jail twice. Our families and friends have watched and had opinions to give the whole time and I'm scared of what they might say when I tell them we're back together (again). What should I do?
The Answer
Not get back together with him?
I know that isn't the advice you are looking for at all, but it's the best advice I have.
If you are ashamed to explain a decision to your friends and family, that is often a good clue that your decision sucks!
Certainly don't expect them to be happy, and at this point, you don't really have any right to demand their respect either. You aren't behaving respectfully to your man, your child, and certainly seem to be lacking some self respect as well.
If you really want to be with him, then tell them with a stiff upper lip and accept their valid criticism with maturity and decorum. They have lots of reasons to be upset and negative. Arguing with them will do nothing but upset everyone, so accept their feelings and respect them, even if you don't agree. You will have to prove them wrong.
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The Question
16/f
i've known my best guy friend since we were 12 and recently he asked me to give him a blowjob. we aren't dating but i really really like him and we are both single. when i think about doing it i want to but i'm scared. i've never done it before and i dont know if i should spit or swallow (even though i think guys prefer swallowing) and i'm scared i'll gag or throw up. we also never get privacy at our houses... but we've never needed it like this before. he said we can do it in his car but i still dont know. what should i do?
The Answer
If what you actually want from this guy is a relationship, and it sounds to me like that is what you really want, giving him a blow job is not a good idea.
If all you wanted was a bit of fun, a guy to practice on and experiment with, go for it! Have fun.
But if you want to be with him, DON'T DO IT! Fooling around with a guy is a really bad way to try and turn that guy into a boyfriend. It's starts things on the wrong foot entirely. Please Please Please Trust me on that! I am twenty-two and have done that, and keep seeing my girl friends do it. It doesn't work.
You don't want to find out in three months, after you have fallen hard for him, that he thinks you are good enough to give him head, but not good enough to date.
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The Question
There is this gay little child i happen to know who is the biggest jerky fag EVER!!! He keeps saying that i'm a flirt which i am SO not!!!! The only people i flirt with are people i like and people i think are cute. So in my defense i am writing a letter to express how i feel about this.
The Answer
My advice: Do not use the word 'fag' or 'gay' in your letter unless you are describing a small wooden stick or someone who is very happy. It makes you sound like a vicious little brat and not like a person with any truly valid complaint.
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The Question
Well, I started the pill just over a week ago now.
Microgynon 30 - Which is the normal pill first given to most as its the most trusted and suitable.
Ive taken the pill correctly everyday at 5:30 but I seem to be spotting blood even tho this pill is ''spose to make your periods lighter & decrease the length which you have a period''
Also, the last couple of days, Ive cooked a pizza for dinner , I start eating it and I instantly feel sick, but I carry on eating without even realising, as if my minds telling me eat and my stomachs telling me dont eat.
Ive woken up with bad stomach aches, and have had them since I started the pill. I dont get headaches or anything like that. I dont particuarly want to phone the doctors incase im over worrying. Im a very paranoid person and make a cut seem like death.
Could someone please give me an idea as to whether this is problem enough to ring the doctors? I dont want any ''I think'' ''Maybe'', if your not sure then dont answer my question!
Many thanks :)
The Answer
Spotting isn't unusual at all, especially on a low-progesterone pill like Microgynon 30, so frankly, I wouldn't give that a second thought.
If you are feeling nausea all day, call the doctor. If it is only happening in the hour or so after you take the pill that is well within normal. It will likely get better in the next week or two but you could also push back your time of taking it to 7 or 8, some time AFTER you eat dinner. That made all the difference for me.
I would give the stomachs another day or two, if they don't subside, then call the doctor, but it's not unusual to feel some discomfort or cramping while you are a spotting.
To sum up: Relax. The spotting is normal. Even a bit of nausea is normal and will likely get better in a week or two. Stomach-aches make sense and as long as they go away when the spotting goes away, it's all good.
If things get worse, call the doctor. If you just aren't any better by the end of week three, call the doctor. Maybe Microgynon 30, or oral pills is general, are just a bad match for you.
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The Question
OK im a 16/f and ive only had sex twice.. i know for sure that neither of the people ive had sex with has an STD. But ive been having stomach cramps lately, and it burns when i go to the bathroom. Could that be an std?
The Answer
It's possible you have an STD, but it's a bit more likely that you are either a bit sore from the friction (if the sex was recent) or that you have a Urinary Tract Infection.
UTI's are spontaneous, but more common in sexually active women. They do NOT go away on their own, but can cause serious problems if left untreated not to mention becomes hideously uncomfortable. A doctor can diagnose a UTI from a urine sample and will just give you a few days of antibiotics to take. No big deal, but you should see a doctor immediately if the pain doesn't go away in the next day.
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The Question
...getfingered up the butt? I mean...ok, he might like to get fingered but NOT like men but still...isn t it kind of Gay?
The Answer
No. It's no a 'kind of gay'. If a guy doesn't like guys, at all, he can't really be any kind of gay!
Being interested in anal play does not make a guy (or a girl for that mater) any kind of homosexual. Many people, including women and numerous heterosexual men, find anal play really enjoyable. The opening of the anus contains a high concentration of nerve endings, so you feel a lot down there. Also, a male's prostate glad can be stimulated that way, and that can be extremely enjoyable for a guy.
If you jump to 'gay' as an explanation every time a guy shares a new sexual interest with you, you are going to have very vanilla sex your whole life. You are also going to have trouble meeting a 'true' heterosexual male.
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The Question
hello. i recently had sex with my boyfriend and he took a viagra. (just for the hell of it, its not daily) well he had sex with me once and quickly pulled out avoiding getting any sperm on me. About 30 minutes later we had sex again (without condom) but pulled out just like the first time. this continuesly happen about a good 3 times. giving about 15- 20 minutes in between each time we had sex. (no condom was used in anytime) Well i am extremely afraid that pre-cum got me pregnant. i spoke to my boyfriend and he told me that he is really sure that i am NOT pregnant because when a guy takes viagra its hard for the male's penis to go soft, and since that happends no sperm or hardly any sperm can come out because he was still hard and that only happends when a males penis goes soft. TRUE OR NOT? PREGNANT OR NOT? **(HE ALWAYS PULLED OUT BEFORE HE CUMED)
The Answer
Your boyfriend is waaaay wrong. Viagra has NO effect on the ammount of sperm released or the quality of the sperm released. His semen is exactlty the same as it would have been with out Viagra.
So yes, you could be pregnant. The pull out method is, at best, about 60% effective.
Only time will tell. Try to stay calm and not stressed too much as that anxienty could make your period late. Most pregnancy tests are only valid between three and seven days after your missed period. So wait at least three days after the day your period should have started before bothering to take a test. That is, if you are late. You might have dodged the bullet this time, in the future, use birth control! And don't listen to this boy about fertility issues anymore. He doesn't have a damn clue.
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The Question
When you give a guy a blowjob, does it matter if your eyes are open or closed?
The Answer
Do whatever feels more comfortable to you.
Some guys really like it if you can make eye contact with them, but that can be uncomfortable.
Ask your guy if he has a preference.
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The Question
15/f
omggg. ok me and my one friend pranked phone called, her friend, and shes kinda my friend too, and it was only twice. and all we said was hey its these two boys, who she used to like. and so she got like all mad and went and told this big bitch everyone hates. and i was like sheeesh. who cares. we've never done it to you before, it was just twice. like yeah ok, i can see if we did it like 20 times. but shheesh, twice?
what should i do? i mean obviously im not gonna call her anymore, but like they keep annoying us about how we prank phone called her. what should we say?
oh and by the way, the big bitch she got to yell at us, has like no life, and all she does is yell at people, because no one lieks her. so yea
The Answer
How about "Sorry. We thought it was funny, geuss it wasn't."
Clearly she didn't think it was funny.
Doesn't matter that you only did it twice. Think of it this way, if you told a judge "Yeah I stole those cars, but it was just two of them! Not like I sole 20 or something." Do you think the judge would give a damn? No, you still screwed up.
Pranks will ALWAYS make people mad, unless there is an agreed upon prank arrangement.
She didn't think it was funny, which means it wasn't. That means it was mean. Apologize, and then get over it. They should get over it too.
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The Question
About 2 weeks ago my xboyfriend said he wanted to be friends and I was fine with that. We broke up about 4 weeks ago but ever since we had been friends he been wanting to have sex
The Answer
Do YOU want to have sex?
It's a bad idea to have sex with an ex. You will probably end up hurt and angry with him. So I wouldn't advise it.
If you don't want to have sex, tell him so. If he keeps asking, he isn't your friend, just a horny little boy, so stop talking to him.
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The Question
I don't have many extra curricular activities
All I have is: field hockey, piano, track, lacrosse, and a lottt of community service hours.
I also speak three languages fluently, but I don't think that's an extra curricular activ.
Does anybody know if this is enough to get me into a GOOD college, like UCLA. My GPA is also a 3.8.
Any other extra curricular activies I could do?
The Answer
You're doing just fine. You have plenty of good skills and interests and a solid GPA.
Don't burn yourself out.
If something else comes along that interests you, go for it, just beware of taking on too much and having everything you do suffer. Colleges are deeply afraid of burn out, and your should be too.
So, if something new that interests you drops into your lap, grab it, but don't force yourself to find another interest, you are doing just fine.
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The Question
http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=13
How come you're allowed to ask yourself a question? Why would you do thaaat?
I understand that you CAN ask yourself a question, but why doesn't it result in your banning?
The Answer
Asking questions to yourself isn't against the rules because some people like to do that to prove they give good advice and try to drive people to ask them questions directly OR to give advice on a particular topic so that other people can see that advice when the search past questions.
We would *really* love it if people would use the Search Questions link to find the answer to questions we've heard a million times like "How to masturbate." or "What's a girl's cherry?" If people used that link more, I think more people would ask themselves questions.
It could result in your banning if you do for an abusive reason, like trying to make fun of someone, trying to cause drama or just chatting mindlessly with yourself, but if you are just using it to add legitimate advice to the site, everyone is happy to see more of that!
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The Question
My best friend and I are inseperable, everyone knows it and thinks we're together. I love this guy more than anything, but he has a girlfriend. She goes to this private prep school in town, and knows about how close we are. They've been together over a year now, and it didn't stop us from hooking up for the last 8 months. About 4 months in he told her what happened, she got over it and forgave him, but it's been going on since a week after that too. I would stop it, but I feel like he's totally worth the wait. He makes me want to be an amazing person. He tells me when the time is right, we'll end up together, but i don't know what to do.
The Answer
Look, you are not waiting on him, you are helping him cheat. There is a gigantic difference.
The difference is that you aren't passively waiting to see what will happen. You are actively helping him do a bad thing, and so doing the same bad thing yourself!
He is getting the idea that cheating is okay. Trust me on this one, if the twenty-something guy I met admits he cheated on his girlfriend when he was fourteen, there is a damn good chance he cheated on his girlfriend at seventeen and nineteen too and just isn't telling me that.
He is playing you both. Just because he is treating her even worse then he is treating you doesn't mean he is good enough to wait around for. He is leading you both on and has her convinced, just the way he has you convinced that it is you he really wants.
He had a perfect oppertunity to end it with her, and be with you, when he confessed. He choose to keep seeing you both. He doesn't want to be with you hun, he wants both of you!
Stop hooking up with him. Tell him when 'the time is right' he can give you a call agian, until then, he can go to his girlfriend when he wants some action.
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The Question
You know how people say "if you want to know who your real friends are, when something bad happens, see who's there to comfort you"? Well I kind of want to see who my real friends are. The thing is, nothing really bad ever happens to me. Haha, I'm lucky. But what should I do? I kinda want something bad to happen to me, just something that makes me a little upset, just to see who will be there for me. Any suggestions or advice would be great. Thanks.
15/f by the way.
The Answer
There is a huge difference between wanting something and acting on that want.
You may want your bestfriend's boyfriend, and that is okay. Trying to break them up so you can get him is not okay.
I want a pet snow leopard. Getting a pet snow leopard would not be okay, for me or for the leopard.
Wanting to test your friends is okay. Actually testing them is not. Actually testing your friends is manipulative and selfish. If you make a habit of doing it, your friends will eventually catch on and will dump your ass.
Think of it like this: If you told a friend you loved them and they turned to you and said, in the bitchiest tone possible "Well I don't believe you! Prove it!" How would you feel? I would bet you’d be really hurt.
If you try 'testing' your friends, you'd be doing basically that and they will not appreciate it. PLUS, you'd be lying to them or misleading them. Ouch.
The simple truth of friendship is we can never really know another person and every time we call someone friend we give them chance to betray us.
Accept that you just can’t know for certain. When things get rough, some people will stand by you and some will not. You can never tell for sure. Just be the best friend that you can be and keep your eyes open for the signs of someone who just doesn’t care that much.
It would make YOU a false friend to do what you are thinking of. Trust is important. Don't betray your friend's trust by 'testing' them and you'll be in a much better position to be able to trust them when things get rough.
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The Question
Ok is it wrong to go out with a 17 year old guy if you are 14? even if you really know him because he is a friend of the family.
The Answer
Wrong? No.
A Good Idea? Probably not.
Three years is a long time when you are a teen.
Imagine dating an eleven year old. There may not be as much physical difference between a fourteen year old and a seventeen year old then a fourteen year old and an eleven year old, but there are just as many mental and emotional differences.
It’s asking for trouble in my opinion.
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The Question
My sister and I were messing around with a light bulb and crayons and we put the crayon on the light bulb and it burnt of course and I wanted to know if the light bulb might have caught on fire or if the fumes from the crayon would have made us high or something. Basically what happens when you use a light bulb to burn a crayon?
The Answer
Pretty much the same thing that happens when you light a cheep candles. A crayon is basically a stick of colored wax.
No you wont get high. No there are no fumes that will hurt you. Most crayons are totally non-toxic so small children can put them in thier mouths without a problem.
Remove the lightbulb, clean it off or replace it. There shouldn't be anything wrong with it, but the wax or wax residue may smell if you leave it there and weaken the glass. Better safe then sorry.
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The Question
I've been friends with this guy Brandon for two years. I honestly love him, I mean we haven't just been friends we've been going out and sometimes things stop us but this time nothing is getting in the way. My mom doesn't like him at all, she doesn't know that we ever dated. I love him and I know I'm too young (16) to be making the decision of who I want to be with for the rest of my life but I know I love him. Last night I told him that I can't be with him anymore because my parents don't want me to marry out of my religion (I'm a muslim and he's Christian.) He was crying and so was I. I want to be with him more then anything but my dad said if I marry him he's going to leave my mom and I love my mom and don't want her to be alone because I'm being a selfish snob. I don't know how I can make them understand that he means absoluely everything to me. Any suggestions on what I should do?
The Answer
Your parents are idiots.
When someone says "I'll leave your mother if you marry that guy" they are an idiot. Plain and simple. I really hope you misunderstood what was said, because that is the dumbest thing I have heard on this site in a damn long time, and we hear some really stupid shit.
So, I'm sorry, that is idiotic. The NICE thing is that if your parent or parents are prone to that kind of idiotic behavior, NOTHING you do, or don't do, will change them. You could marry a Muslim, or a mountain goat, and they would still be prone to being just that moronic. They might even do a stupid thing like throwing away thier sacred union because you choose a Christian to love. If they want to be idiots, that is not, and never will be, your fault.
My big question to you is: Why are you having this fight! Do you have immediate plans to get married in the next year or so? I certainly hope not. Have this fight with your father when you are 24 and have set the date, not when you are teen and are just dating them!
I don't care how much you love him. If you are teen, you are not ready for marriage. Frankly, you shouldn't even be thinking about, let along getting into a war with your parents over it. It's a loooooong way off.
So forget about marriage for the time being, and just date the guy. If you parents have a problem with that, well that is their problem, do your best not to let them turn it into your problem. If they do something highly moronic because of their problem, well, that would be their new problem too!
Don't let your parents hold you hostage. Parents get to hold their teens hostage only when their teens are contemplating harming themselves or others. Dating someone of a different race or religion doesn't count as 'harming yourself' If you want to be with this guy, this is the time to dig your heels in and not give an inch.
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